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7/30/09 11:26 P

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Not new to Sparkpeople or to PCOS but new to this forum. I have to say PCOS is probably the worst of the diseases out there in my opinion since there is no real test to take to prove it so everything is subject to opinion. Its really sickening to have all these horrible things wrong with you and have blood tests say you are perfectly healthy when obviously you are not. I have an extremely good attitude about everything in life EXCEPT THIS. I dont think I will ever change my views. This is a disease that mostly attacks your self esteem and faith. At least for me that is all it has done. Ive convinced myself long ago that I cannot stand children. Now I dont know if its because I really cant or because I always thought I couldnt have them so I told myself to not like them. In any case my viewpoint is destroyed over it. Im sick of dieting and exercising for nothing. They say it is healthy... Im already healthy according to these doctors of mine. Its so disgusting. I hate looking like this. I hate being the biggest of all my friends. I hate doing things that are futile. Im so jaded with everything. I shouldnt have to go through all these extra steps and precautions to lose weight. Its not fair. I always put other people first in my life. ALWAYS. And look where its gotten me. Nowhere. Now that Ive started putting myself first I still get nowhere because of this damn disease or syndrome or whatever the hell they are calling it now. If you think this is just venting youre wrong. And you dont have to like what I have to say. Im speaking the truth for me. It may be different from yours. I feel cheated out of life in a big way. And ya it could be worse but you could say that about anything and Im not going to change my point of view. I am a completely angry person because of this and it makes me sick cause I try to be a good person and a good friend and this is just turning me into a hateful hermit crab.

"Even when I'm sad, I know every day I have is still beautiful."

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