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PATTYMCGRAW's Photo PATTYMCGRAW Posts: 148,696
7/5/19 10:07 A

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I said a prayer for you when I read your story. Things will improve, but I wish it was instant for you

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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FORESTPAL's Photo FORESTPAL Posts: 1,319
7/4/19 7:02 P

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Going thru my divorce was my worst thing, including being stalked. So glad that's all over, and my ex & I even got on good terms while our son was growing. Sending strength to you Andee. Isn't Momma a great friend?

Patsy; Livingston TX, Central time zone: Rookie; Spark start weight 235; Paleo start 197


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MOMMA48's Photo MOMMA48 Posts: 752,573
7/4/19 6:31 P

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Oh dear, Andee! emoticon to you for being a strong woman through all those years and continue to be! You are a true role model for your children--as through it all--they've seen your strength and love for them with every issue that came your way.

Was there anything in the Court's Final Judgment/Decree dealing with his retirement/pension plan? As typically, that would be one financial asset that is included in divorce matters. And, if he didn't list it as an asset in his financial statement that the Court based its determination on, there may be a way to take him back to Court and state that he failed to disclose his real assets--retirement/pension. As the retirement/pension funds were to split at the time of the final Divorce. I am a paralegal of 31+ years-although I was in Business Law and left the field a few years back. Something I would contact your pro bono attorney about to see if they can go back into Court and get a "Qualified Domestic Relations Order" or "QDRO" for short.

Same with his stalking, any way you could get a Restraining Order placed upon him? If his actions are threatening to you, or you receive threatening emails and messages on your phone or computer, take them to the police department and they can determine your next step to take. In some cases, they themselves will refer the matter to the District Attorney.

And, yes, you can get healthy, hun! Way to go on the awesome weight loss to the 280 mark! Totally fantastic!!! Something to be super proud of--and you did it!!! It's your time to focus on YOU!!! Get in a few extra relaxing walks-breathe in the positive energy and exhale the negative! And with every step---tell yourself no one is going to get me down or get in my way--this is my "Me Time" and I'm worth it!! As you most definitely are, hun!

Stay strong and no matter what--know that emoticon

Super emoticon to you!!

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MAMADEE016's Photo MAMADEE016 Posts: 1,233
7/4/19 5:20 P

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Is it possible to really get healthy if you are constantly stressed?
This is my eternal question - and no one yet has answered it very well.

So, I'm Andee, almost 62 years old, on SSI since 2000, raised 6 kids mostly alone, divorced in 1999 (process began Mar 98, granted Jul 99, and custody phase continued thru Nov 2001).
Special needs abound: I have multiple chronic, systemic conditions (all triggered with a physical assault by my now ex-husband of nearly 20 years back in March 1998); all of my kids have several chronic things going on too. They are grown now - trying to manage on their own but I'm still closely involved in medical & life management with 3 of them. Due to all the tough health issues none of them want to have any kids of their own. They currently range in age from 27 to 36. Only 1 still lives at home - she's also the only one who is also on disability. She's able to get SSDI because of her working earlier. I'm not. I spent all my married years staying home with the kids. The little I did work, was too long ago for SS to count it at all. Now my ex is disabled and between his SSDI and his retirement pension he's got nearly 3x the income that I have. Truly is unfair! There ought to be a way in this country that abused wives who've never remarried can get some benefits from the abusive ex's retirement and/or disability money. We can't seem to get him totally out of our lives - tho every professional we know highly recommends it. He's a total narcissist & even disabled as he is manages to find ways to stalk us. It's the curse of today's hi-tech world. And he made his living in the IT industry. I try to find ways to increase income - but every step must be reported to someone and once it is they adjust things and I essentially end up not really making any extra money. Health issues take me round'n'round with multiple doctors who keep pushing pills that make me worse or try to convince me to have some surgery or another. These aren't life threatening issues - the surgeries they push tend have mixed results in success or failures. My personal history is the least likely event is what happens to me - but when it really counts - the good things just don't happen. Even with the divorce - the abusive stuff never got heard by the judge - things would happen and my pro-bono attorney (provided for by the domestic abuse agency) was constantly hit with stuff that she said 'never happens in these cases' but they did in mine. Ex made it so I could not move out of the county we lived in. I could not even take the kids out of state without getting his permission in writing - even for medical reasons! The courts made it so he had to be involved with the kids' medical care - even though he never was before that. I had to repeatedly get court's permissions to get them the surgeries, therapies, even medicines that they needed because ex felt they weren't needed. He actually had more control over our lives after divorce than he was ever involved in them before divorce. The kids and I have lived through some really scary things - we all have PTSD from it - and since he keeps finding ways into our lives - there seems to be no real way to escape it completely. I am constantly - at least since 2000, likely since 1980 or so - constantly in a state of Fight/Flight/Freeze!
I'm currently in the 280s - down from max high in 2000 of 342 (hard to believe I was 170 when I got married) - lost about 40 in the last 2 years since moving 2 hours away from where ex is and from the county I've lived in since 1994. But the last several months weight loss is stalled. Docs are saying I need to reduce stress to get it moving again. None of their suggestions in that direction seem to help. I'm stuck - but seriously wanting & needing to find a way to get things moving forward again.

Anyone here have some ideas?
I've tried so much - but something has to be missing.
So with a deep breath and a prayer that someone here will light the path I need... I am...
Always Stressed Andee

Andee
Eating RIGHT 4 ME!
T-Tapp! Walking!
Always be grateful for something each day!
Embracing life's changes!


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