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BLESSEDBEING's Photo BLESSEDBEING SparkPoints: (231,513)
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1/7/13 12:30 A

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emoticon emoticon I'm so glad you found us and introduced yourself. You've already taken a bold step forward. I applaud your intention to focus on the goals you want for yourself--how you want to look and feel. My wish to everyone I meet here in the Sparkverse is success and joy on your journey--I will add "on your terms" in your case, as well as to pray that you will eventually gain some independence from this abusive situation.

Blessed Be, Amanda

"I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow;
But change outside can only come when deep inside I know:
I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can,
And I love myself just the way I am."

[by Jai Josefs in his amazing song I Love Myself the Way I Am]

Co-leader of the Babysteps Brigade (BBs), A Gathering of Goddesses (GGs), Survivors of Abuse (SAssies) teams.

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-WISPY-'s Photo -WISPY- Posts: 29,412
1/6/13 6:03 P

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Hi there and welcome to the Team. You are right we do understand having all been abused in one way or another. Just being with and talking to others is something I find very helpful. I no longer feel alone. I am wondering if perhaps there is a victim abuse group you could join in your area. This was a wonderful experience for me. If you are paralysed from the waist down, I am assuming you are in a wheel chair. I am also wondering if your siblings would be willing to talk to someone who might be able to help you get more freedom to live your life in the way that is best for you.

I so agree trying to please other people with our weight loss never works. These days I tend to do what suits me and what I feel comfortable with. What others think is really not very important - but I understand how mother's can affect and upset us. I too was in a wheel chair for quite some time, although I was able to get around the house with a walker and I lost all interest in even thinking about my weight. Hence how I gained 6 stone. There are 14 lbs in a stone and I was far and away the heaviest I had ever been. I am nowhere near the goal weight I originally set myself, which was most likely unrealistic in view of my age and lifestyle. I am very happy with the weight I am now and more importantly my self-esteem is good.

If you have not read any books or articles on gaining self esteem, I found them very helpful indeed.

So happy to meet you and looking forward to getting to know you. emoticon

"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
GABBY308's Photo GABBY308 Posts: 9,224
1/6/13 9:40 A

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You took the first step. It sounds like you have realized your underlying problem. Recognizing your hurdles is always and an important. step. A lot of us are very spiritual, in the sense that we believe that developing our spirit, our essence, is important to thrive. Read through some of the posts and you will find tips from others such as; journaling, meditation, visualizations, affirmations etc.. They are all things that help with stress, increase well being and therefore with diet success.

Ask for advice if you think you need some, or just simply encouragement and support. Take part in our daily chit chat so you get to know us and make friends. We are all here for you.

You don't have to answer but ...Do you have a mental health counselor? Is there someone overseeing your parents? Can you ask the court for an advocate?

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1/6/13 8:09 A

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Hi. This is my first time in this group, thought not my first time on SP. Now, I'm up to my highest weight ever. I've been examining the reasons why I can't seem to maintain my weight loss, and I've realized that a large part of it is the effects of verbal and psychological abuse by my parents. I don't just mean abuse as a kid. Even now, they are verbally and psychologically abusive. They are also psychologically abusive to my older siblings, but even they (my siblings) agree I get the brunt of it because I'm an easy target.

To explain my entire story would take way too long. The short version of it is: I have physical and learning disabilities. I'm paralyzed from the waist down, and have a very mild form of Autism. Although my physical disability has been evident since birth, my Autism wasn't diagnosed until I was a Sophomore in college. As a result, a lot of the social and learning problems I had growing up were misunderstood as intentional misbehaving, and a lot of the abuse revolved around those issues.

Now, as an adult, my parents have taken over my life. Because of my physical and learning disability, it was easy for my parents to get the court to give them guardianship. As a result of the guardianship, I'm not allowed to live with the man I have been in a relationship with since the age of 19 (I just turned 37). My parents have set limits on when he can be in my apartment, and when he can visit me if I'm hospitalized (which happens once or twice a year). Keith (my partner) and I trained a Service Dog together *for me,* to help me with my social anxiety issues and a few physical things like picking things up off the floor. My parents won't let me have my own Service Dog in my apartment!

The worst of it though, is my mother's obsession with my weight. No matter how much I exercise, no mo matter how good *I* think I look, my mother tells me I'm fat. I now realize that that is one reason I always give up on SparkPeople. If my mother is going to tell me I'm fat and need to lose weight no matter how much I'm already exercising and eating right, then what's the point of doing it? THAT is the "hump" I need to get over. I need to stop focusing on what my MOM thinks, and start focusing on how *I* feel, both physically and mentally. That's why I've joined this group. I'm hoping that with the support of others who understand what it's like to deal with that kind of abuse, I'll be able to "put it aside" and just focus on ME, instead of always worrying about what my mother is going to think about how I look.

Sorry this rambled a bit. I haven't talked to many people about this stuff, and it needed to come out.

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