Group photo
Author:
SAL1512's Photo SAL1512 SparkPoints: (416,455)
Fitness Minutes: (197,810)
Posts: 1,667
1/3/12 10:02 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Gail,
So sorry for your loss.
Our son, insisted on hanging a string of lights on his desk in his room. It was kind of silly, but we had extra lights. Five years later, they are still hanging there. I cannot imagine taking them down. They must have been one of the last things he saw as the angels carried him up to heaven.
Sally

 Pounds lost: 12.6 
0
5
10
15
20
DEETHEDIETITIAN's Photo DEETHEDIETITIAN Posts: 356
12/29/11 9:37 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Gail,

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine losing my husband - especially now that I dont' have my mom. She was my only biological family and I don't have children so all that I have now is my husband. I can't imagine.

I will keep you in my prayers. ((((hugs to you))))

Dee

It is not enough to simply show up. You need to step up for results.... keep on stepping! Dee


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
10.775
21.55
32.325
43.1
GAILSQUEST's Photo GAILSQUEST SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (56,891)
Posts: 1,041
12/29/11 9:33 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Your body ,your mind,and your spirit have been through soo much.It will take time to heal.
My husband died suddenly Dec.8th.I have been numb till just this week.I`m starting to grieve now.
I know when my mom passed away,it took at least 2 years till I could put up Christmas decorations .The only reason I even celebrated Christmas is because my kids were little.
Taking the tree down this year will be hard.My husband was the one who got it this year.We had talked about a live tree this year and Kmart had small ones for 20 dollars.I told him we could just buy one since it was too wet and rainy to go cut one in the timber.Well,he did`nt get a small one,he got a bigger one.So pretty.
Things that we take for granted now are monumental.I cried when I threw his dried out turkey salad out that he made from thanksgiving.
We just have to take small steps right now.It will get better eventually

Love is`nt something you wait for or something that comes to you from elsewhere,but rather that it`s a behavior,a way of being in the world.


 August Minutes: 0
0
90
180
270
360
DEETHEDIETITIAN's Photo DEETHEDIETITIAN Posts: 356
12/29/11 8:58 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hi everyone ~ My name is Dee

I've had a few losses over the past couple of years....

In the beginning of 2010 my mom was diagnosed with leukemia (ALL) and her doctor gave her 1 - 3 years to live. Wow. Well... by way of a miracle she went into what they called "remission" (even though they said there wasn't really a remission -- it was a break of sorts) and as she left the hospital ... I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Tax day in April 2010 I was diagnosed with breast cancer (prior to that the worst medical thing I had experienced was stitches for a cut on my finger). Well -- long story short I chose to have a double mastectomy with 4 doses of chemo over the summer. I did have immediate reconstruction and I am grateful that it was an option. However, I really miss my breasts. The "new" ones look good enough in clothes but they don't feel the same and certainly don't look the same without clothes. I am really self-conscious about it. Lest I focus on the negative... I have to say that I am grateful for the fact that we caught the breast cancer early (stage I) and it had not spread to the lymph nodes. Thank God.

They put me on Tamoxifen to help keep the breast cancer from returning. I really didn't want to go on the medication because it makes most people gain weight and it increases the risk of uterine cancer (that can't be good!). Nonetheless, I agree to take it and promptly begin to gain weight. To date I have gained about 40 pounds. When I first went on it I was determined not to gain weight and so I worked out 5 - 6 days a week and ate just 12 - 1500 calories a day (I really am a dietitian so I know what I am doing in that regard)... and it took me 4 months to lose just 3 pounds. At that point.. keeping my weight down was a full time job. Well... I already have a full time job! AND I am in graduate school ... so ... I gave up. And pretty much have been eating (and gaining) whatever I want. (That is about to stop)

My worst loss was when my mom passed away this past Memorial Day from Leukemia. Words cannot describe how much I miss her - especially this time of year. I don't have a close family or origin and she was pretty much the only one I spoke with - so I feel like I have lost my family. (Though, I am happily married and my husband is incredibly supportive and loving - oh so loving) ~ And I have to say how grateful I am that I had my mom for the past year and a half (since she was diagnosed in 2010) ~ It gave us the opportunity to clear the air and say things that had to be said (both of us) ~ Plus ~ She was able to be there (via phone since we lived so far apart) ~ to help me through my breast cancer (she was a breast cancer survivor too) and I had one last Christmas last year where she gave me a special music box with a couple pieces of her jewlery.) ~ I realize some people don't get the opportunity to make things right and say goodbye. God granted us that ~ and I will always be grateful for that -- still -- it hurts not having my mom here anymore.

And then -- my last (hopefully) loss ~ Back to the fact that I was taking Tamoxifen.... I was worried about it increasing my risk for uterine cancer. So I insisted my oncologist send me to a cancer specialist who was also a gynecologist for my annual pap smearl. She did an ultrasound and found that my uterine wall was twice as thick as it should be. A biopsy was done and thank God it was negative. She was still worried about the fact that there were 'atypical' cells and that the wall was so thick after only a year on Tamoxifen. So - she suggested a total hysterectomy. I readily agreed since I am 45 and not intending to use my uterus for anything! Plus it means I can come off of the tamoxifen!! They wanted to have me take another kind of medicine and I decided not to because there is something to be said for the quality of life - not just the length. The new medicine would cause a lot of joint pain and aches .. and I am wayyyy tooo active to have that kind of side effect. While the hysterectomy is something I wanted for my own piece of mind -- I still feel like everytime I turn around I am losing a piece of me! It has been tough - I feel like I went from being healthy to be super unhealthy in a blink of an eye. I need to turn this around and this is the year I am going to do it.

Lastly - on Christmas Eve I got word that my cousin died of a heart attack - and he was only 57 years old! I was not super close to him - in fact - I hadn't seen or spoken with him in the past 8 years. What upset me about his passing (besides the fact that he was a good man and I really liked him) was that it is more evidence that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Im rambling -- I don't generally talk about all this stuff with those around me because I'm afraid that it gets "old" and nobody like a negative nelly all of the time. Plus my hubby (even though he is a mental health therapist!) feels like I have moved through grief (its only been 7 months) into depression - I guess because I cry so easily these days.

Anyway -- There you have it! Thank you for being here and for letting me "dump" my stuff.

My prayers go out to all of you who are struggling with your loss/es. I try to remind myself that for there to be rainbows we have to have rain. (((hugs)))) Dee



It is not enough to simply show up. You need to step up for results.... keep on stepping! Dee


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
0
10.775
21.55
32.325
43.1
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other Moving Forward Through Grief & Loss Introduce Yourself to Team Forum Posts

Topics:
Last Post:



Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=-1x2004x45694747

Review our Community Guidelines