SparkPeople Sarcastics Unlimited Team Messageboard Sarcasm is the body's natural defense against stupid AND because it's illegal to beat people up. SparkPeople Sarcastics Unlimited Team Messageboard QOD 12/25 Merry Christmas EVERYONE ! <BR> <BR> <BR> share a favorite memory about Christmas <BR> <BR> <BR> My oldest son was about 10 and of course was starting to not believe in Santa. we hide presents in the house and put them under the tree when they all went to sleep. we were pooped and said we'll get them before they wake up, well that didn't happen! so they woke up with no presents under the tree! We said Santa must have been busy last night, he'll still come! Off to church we went, my husba... Fri, 25 Dec 2020 10:11:36 EST Hi from Michigan! I'm Jaynee, a sarcastic no nonsense 61 year old with a weight problem. Time to change one of those. I have no intent in stopping the sarcasm or no-nonsense, no excuse approach to life. Fri, 8 Feb 2019 22:03:23 EST People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones... What's the difference between a bird and a fly? <BR> The bird can fly, but the fly can't bird. <BR> <BR> I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. <BR> She seemed surprised. <BR> <BR> Two clowns are eating a cannibal. <BR> One turns to the other and says, “I think we got this joke wrong.” <BR> <BR> What’s the difference between inlaws and outlaws? <BR> Outlaws are wanted. <BR> <BR> I bought an elephant for my friend’s room. He said, “Thanks.” <BR> I said, “Don’t mention it.” <B... Wed, 9 Aug 2017 05:24:11 EST Tell us about yourselves Here I am! <BR> <BR> If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? anyplace that is warm all year <BR> <BR> What is your favorite color? red <BR> <BR> What is your favorite home cooked meal? Lasagna <BR> <BR> What is your favorite grab and go meal? yogurt <BR> <BR> What is you favorite snack? anything chocolate <BR> <BR> If you could be any animal which one would you prefer to be and why? Lion, they are the top of the food chain <BR> <BR> Are you ticklish? not really <BR> ... Wed, 7 Dec 2016 21:10:08 EST I'm back Hello again everyone -- I'm back, again..... <BR> <BR> After regaining all of the weight and coming dangerously close to my all time high, I finally am on the downswing and having some success... <BR> <BR> The Reader's Digest version: two years ago I thought I'd try Intuitive Eating and only eat what seemed reasonable and what my body needed. Well, it seemed reasonable to eat lots of candy and junk and I regained all of the weight I had lost. I stayed at that weight until this past January,... Thu, 29 Sep 2016 08:53:53 EST sugesstion page for Spark With all the changes here on Spark, I became aware of a suggestion page.Please feel free to voice your concerns <BR> <BR> <link><BR>uggestion_box.asp </link> Mon, 30 May 2016 13:35:24 EST Sarcastic people are more successful Plus, we're smarter, wittier, and just more fun to be around... <BR> <BR><BR>sarcastic-people-are-more-successful.html <BR> <BR> KB Wed, 3 Feb 2016 06:49:14 EST A Cup of Emoticons After much Internet research, I have found the formula to determine how many Spark Emoticons (they're a little heftier than general emotes) will fit in a standard cup. FIVE HUNDRED! <BR> <BR> So the object of this challenge is for the team to eat 500 servings of freggies, and they will be represented by emoticons. We will count backwards from 500, so we know how much we still need to do. <BR> <BR> As an example (this really didn't happen!) if I ate a serving of salad, a slice of watermelon,... Wed, 7 Oct 2015 16:50:33 EST It's not gin... ...but I was wondering how long it would take this team to drink a bathtub full of water. <BR> <BR> I found capacities (on the Internet) of between 40 and 60 gallons. <BR> <BR> Heck! We're not into overachieving, so let's go with the lower number this time around. <BR> <BR> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <em>194</em> <BR> If you drink your recommended eight 8-ounce glasses of water per day, that's half a gal... Sat, 19 Sep 2015 20:10:34 EST interesting topic I just find this fascinating.......!!! <BR> <BR> ON THE LIGHTER SIDE a place of humor and smiles! team has over DOUBLE our members ....but we are only 3 million short of beating them for all time points! <BR> <BR> Humor Teams September SparkPoints 2015 SparkPoints All Time SparkPoints <BR> 1) ON THE LIGHTER SIDE a place of humor and smiles! 140,160 2,577,147 17,609,985 <BR> 2) Sarcastics Unlimited 43,386 1,105,669 14,323,153 <BR> 3) SLIGHTLY SKEWED & A Little Warped 36,723 8... Sun, 13 Sep 2015 17:57:11 EST New to this team, not to SP, and am fat again Hi, <BR> I joined SP about 2.5 years ago when I was losing weight and all annoyingly jazzed about it. (lost 55 lbs) I was new at my job and there was little stress. Little did I know they were holding back on the new girl. <BR> <BR> 1.5 ridiculous years of sheer stupidity and stress eating later, I found 20 of those lbs. I do exercise, but I can out eat any amount of exercise when stupidity at work takes control. Y'all seem like some like minded people and I look forward to a good laugh ... Wed, 1 Jul 2015 08:37:42 EST what do you come up with?? Here is the list. Answer each question with a word or phrase staring with the first letter of your first name. <BR> <BR> here goes <BR> <BR> Name :Chris <BR> Animal: cat <BR> Boys name :carl <BR> Girls name : colleen <BR> Occupation:coke dealer <BR> Color: crap <BR> Something you wear:cologne <BR> Drink : coffee <BR> Food:corn <BR> Something you find in the bathroom: condoms! <em>18</em> <BR> Place: china <BR> Reason to be late:car jacking <BR> Something you shout out: cut it out! <BR> Sun, 14 Jun 2015 14:26:32 EST Useful Latin Phrases for Thursdays Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris <BR> If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar. <BR> Antiquus temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventrosissimus expone bantur ad necum. <BR> In olden days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags. <BR> Vos non poterat fieri ultra vexo. <BR> You could not possibly be more irritating. <BR> Non me abscondam ut caper capere. <BR> I will hide my goat so that you cannot get it. <BR> Debueras submersus fuerit nascitur. <BR> You sh... Thu, 12 Mar 2015 11:03:20 EST A new Spark Feature! from Coach Jen posted today .... maybe we can all find some rolling eyeballs to up load! <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Hello! <BR> <BR> We added the ability to upload images into regular message board and team message board posts today. It works just like uploading an image to a blog post. When you go to make a post, you’ll see a new button that says “add an image.” Click that button, select an image, upload it and you g... Thu, 26 Feb 2015 20:35:02 EST My Dead FitBit Actually my Blog post today is all about this. But I thought it was hilarious that they could read on their computer in their call center, where ever on this big blue marble it's located, that my FitBit One was having a battery issue. <BR> <BR> Do you realize the implications? The NSA could know when you are walking or sitting on your behind too long. A message pops up on your computer screen, <BR> <BR> "Dear Tim, <BR> <BR> "Our analysts have determined that you either are not carrying ... Thu, 13 Nov 2014 13:22:48 EST Hanlon's Razor Hanlon's Razor was referenced in an interwebz comments section argument I was reading this morning, and I intend to utilize it frequently because it would be applicable in many situations: <BR> <BR> "Never attibute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." <BR> <BR> The origin of the quotation is a matter of debate. Variations of the statement have appeared in various places since the 1700's. <BR> <BR><BR>iki100k/docs/Hanlon_s_raz... Mon, 10 Nov 2014 13:12:54 EST 2014-2015 Page Decorating Contest Thread! Post here to enter this month's contest! Wed, 1 Oct 2014 21:37:59 EST new Spark Pages designs coming next week these are in response to the feedback they got with the last redo and people were NOT happy! <BR> <BR> This is nice and I think you will like it! <BR> <link><BR>8kIf6c& </link> Thu, 21 Aug 2014 20:50:36 EST getting to know you So I copied this from another Spark friend and thought this might be fun.... <BR> so copy and paste and put in your own answers... <BR> <BR> <BR> Gum... well I talk all day so to keep my mouth moist I chew trident spearmint gum <BR> <BR> best time of year ....summer I want to be in my garden <BR> <BR> nail polish....peachy reds or none <BR> <BR> best pie.... chocolate cream or apple <BR> <BR> first record..... probably a Beatles record was so long ago <BR> <BR> favorite perfume... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 10:46:25 EST Mothers Day Poem Okay, I don't know if any of you have special needs children--maybe you know someone who does--I am a special needs mom, and a friend of mine sends me this 'poem' every year as a 'reminder'. I just smile and hug her--she can't imagine my life as a special needs mother because like most people, she only sees the differences in my children--differences she feels would be impossible to cope with. She means well and I love her. Now, if you pass this along to the special-needs moms you know, be pr... Sun, 11 May 2014 12:00:35 EST Do NOT read me...I am in a bad mood There; that's my disclaimer...any of you still reading, by doing so, have signed on for a vent-fest and just general OH-THIS-WORLD-IS-NOT-FAIR session. I suggest you turn back now. <BR> <BR> When my husband left my children and I, we had no savings (he took what we had with him). He walked out and I was on my own with four disabled kids. The only income I have, is the SSI I receive for my youngest two boys who are on disability....this comes to about $1200 a month. <BR> <BR> I had no choic... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 23:09:27 EST Hello everyone Once upon a time back in 2010-2011 I was a team leader for this team -- I got lazy and decided to leave SP, and got fat again (you can read my sad tale of woe in my blog if you are interested). <BR> <BR> Well, I am back, and more determined than ever. <BR> <BR> So what's new in this group? Who wants to encapsulate the last 3 years in 10 words or less for me? Tue, 15 Apr 2014 23:08:40 EST You know have been at WW a long time ... ... when you are sitting in church and the reading if about John the Baptist in the desert. He is eating nothing but wild honey and locust. And you think: <BR> <BR> I know how many Points Plus Values are in Honey. But how would I count Locust. They're like a big bug, like shrimp. So I would count them as shrimp. But John was an observant Jew and shrimp aren't kosher so if they're like shrimp John wouldn't have them so they must be like something else ... <BR> <BR> and you totally missed the... Wed, 12 Mar 2014 00:38:03 EST could you help My daughter's been away this weekend. Could you come here and help me clean uo before she gets home/ Sun, 2 Mar 2014 07:53:39 EST Snow shoveling with the neighbors I was out shoveling the snow from my driveway, sidewalk, the big pile of wet grey stuff the county so kindly deposited at the end of my driveway where I had just cleared, all that before I pulled a muscle in my neck. <BR> <BR> Richard from across the street posed an interesting question. "What ever happened to all those kids who would go around the neighborhood with snow shovels and get ten buck to clear out your cars?" <BR> <BR> I told him, "We got old." <BR> <BR> And come to think of it,... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 00:01:41 EST Pun, Pass & Kick Contest (- Pass & Kick) I may have missed it since my days on the team have been so scattered (I am 40,000+ words into attempting to write a novel and get it published = Hard Work), but I feel the need to share some Puns. <BR> <BR> I hope you have some punny ones to share, too. <BR> <BR> I'll start the bidding at three: <BR> <BR> 1. They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O. <BR> 2. I tried to catch some fog. I mist. <BR> 3. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus. <BR>... Mon, 3 Feb 2014 01:06:10 EST Mama Used to Say... So, the closet that is my mind opened up over on the Paraprosdokian board a few minutes ago... <BR> <BR> which reminded me of this song I heard on the radio the other night: <BR> <link><BR>/mama-used-to-say-lyrics.html </link> <BR> <BR> Besides not being able to get the song out of my head, now that I thought of it again... <BR> <BR> I thought it might be fun to bring out all those words of wisdom spouted by moms (and dads) everywhere. <BR> <BR> I'l... Sun, 2 Feb 2014 14:52:39 EST your best accessory In Reading Garden Chris' sparkpage I realize there may be some things I like on women better than boobs. Chris has one of those. It definitely enhances her attractiveness. What is this That make any women so irresistible? She has a tool belt. WOW I bet she looks so sexy with that belt!! So what have you got that makes you more attractive? Mon, 27 Jan 2014 11:54:40 EST adventures Ever been on a great adventure? Would like to? Wed, 15 Jan 2014 21:58:06 EST Universal Truth Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. <BR> Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled <BR> <BR> Universal truth! Thu, 9 Jan 2014 22:13:15 EST We don't blog much You know, as Sarcastics, we don't blog very much. Was looking at the scrolling list of blogs this morning, waiting for the coffee to actually start working and it hit me--not many people on the team do blog. Not saying it's bad, just an observation. Maybe I'd better go back to my <em>106</em> ! Thu, 9 Jan 2014 07:32:47 EST Why does it keep being the week-end, Is it my imagination, or is this the 4th or 5th weekend this week? Sat, 4 Jan 2014 00:24:37 EST Relaunch I decided to relaunch my persona on Spark People. I was TimothyNohe. Now I am just Timothy53. <BR> <BR> Don't ask. It's just something I did. It keeps me off the streets ... ok not really since I am still running. Thu, 2 Jan 2014 23:18:37 EST what are you hoping to do this year? Well the new year is here. What are you planning to do with it? What will you not do with it. <BR> In 2014, In living with my new family I am hoping to find more joy. I hope to do this by touching base with the story telling community in my new home. I hoping to begin a career in writing. Maybe get some stories down. I'm hoping to sell my home and make the move to VA. Permanent. And of course I am hoping to lose weight. Make some more friends in my new neighborhood. I'd like t... Thu, 2 Jan 2014 12:26:09 EST Huddle or Chatter? What's the matter? Er, I mean, what's the difference? (See the thread's topic to get the joke, lame as it is.) <BR> <BR> I was enjoying today's Huddle Scroll: <BR> <BR> SLOPOKE_SAL says: I'm up too early! <BR> SMITTY4RL says: And I'm up too late! <BR> GK1963 says: is it time to get up? <BR> GARDENCHRIS says: morning all! <BR> <BR> and it made me think that we could have some fun with this 'tool' by having a daily "Make milk (or any beverage of their choice) shoot out your teammate's no... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 00:38:18 EST barbie's body sucks Barbie couldn't survive half a day having the body she has if she was Real: <BR> She should only have half a liver and partial intestines, while it's would be practically impossible for her to move her neck or lower body: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>8658/How-Barbies-body-size-look-real-l<BR>ife-Walking-fours-missing-half-liver-i<BR>nches-intestine.html </link> Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:07:24 EST What did you see on your walk today? I go for a walk every day at work and always see critters and such. So, I thought that maybe we could start telling each other what we see. <BR> <BR> Today I saw 3 <em>172</em> , 8 <em>338</em> , 2 <em>311</em> , lots of birds and a fire truck. <BR> <BR> How about you? Tue, 10 Dec 2013 16:40:14 EST naughty or nice Which and why? Fri, 6 Dec 2013 11:59:46 EST I dropped the bomb on .... Helllllaoh people! If one of our team challenges is to drop the bomb on someone once a day, then where is the thread that we can brag about dropping it on? I don't know if that question makes sense to you guys...but I think we should be able to talk about our sarcastic bomb dropping. Maybe we shouldn't always name know expose people for getting bombed on...but it sure would be fun to hear the stories! <BR> <BR> I just joined that 'goal' today, but a couple days ago I dropped a bom... Wed, 20 Nov 2013 11:35:59 EST another NEW feature on Spark! Hi Everybody <BR> <BR> Team leaders have been asking for some sort of guide for new members to show how to navigate SparkPeople and make the most of their experience. Well, it is finally here and accessible from the Start Page. <BR> <BR> It is also great for those of us who have been around for awhile, as a nice reminder. <BR> <BR> I've included the link to read about it, have fun! <BR> <BR> You even get a total of 500 points for completing all the steps... <BR> <BR> <link>www.sparkp... Thu, 14 Nov 2013 07:21:41 EST Points for team? Does anyone know what spinning the 'points for team' actually does? I clicked the red flag for SU and got 50 points--does this help the team any? And I see we are Number 2 for 'Humor'. <em>40</em> Sat, 2 Nov 2013 15:39:31 EST Smart A$$ Award Little old me? * bats eyelashes* I won the award this month? I'd like to thank the academy for all their ahem, hard work. Now, where to hang it? Maybe once I break the pinata I can give out *that* candy to the kids. Hm...... <BR> <BR> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> <em>334</em> Thu, 31 Oct 2013 13:41:35 EST Miley Cyrus I don't know if anyone else saw/read an interview that this person gave recently, but she said she was going to give up performing when she was about 40 because that is when you are no longer sexual. Matt Lauer told her he was 55 and she informed him he was no longer sexual! Did we all the memo here???? At 40 the booty shaking is over? All you moms out there popping kids out after 40 I'm not sure how you are doing it because apparently you are no longer sexual? Cougars, hang up your teet... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 23:52:32 EST thank you, just thank you Sarcasm is what life is all about. I have 5 kids and am married. If I couldn't have sarcasm just bury me now. My life is sarcasm. I laugh just when they ask to see my ID! Do you really think someone else is going to pretend to be me? They will steal my identity and then beg me to take it back once they see all that is involved. Do you want the husband or kids back first? Thu, 10 Oct 2013 17:50:50 EST Instant Vacation Enjoy these jokes till I am back from my Sons Wedding - then I cannot wait to get know you guys better - Thanks for the Warm Welcome - Karen <BR> <BR> <link><BR>-is-an-instant-vacation/ </link> Fri, 4 Oct 2013 17:11:00 EST Page Decorating Contest Thread! Post here to participate in this month's challenge! <BR> Tue, 1 Oct 2013 22:31:02 EST wouldn't it be fun? Do you have one more Halloween Prank in you? What could we do? Mon, 30 Sep 2013 22:34:09 EST I Hate stupid SparkPeople has released the Fit Food Challenge web page. and it doesn't work at all on my Mac. I hear tell it works fine on Windows. But how stupid is it that the roll out this new challenge and forget to test the page on Mac systems. <BR> <BR> I Hate Stupid. Mon, 30 Sep 2013 00:03:19 EST Win <link><BR>nk-at-its-own-game </link> Fri, 9 Aug 2013 16:25:23 EST Timid lil' me... I just joined because I think (?) I may love this group. BUT, I am not that funny, not that bright (things go over my head easily, and no, I am not short), and easily confused. So, I should give you some laughs just being me. LOL. <BR> BTW, I am a blonde grandma, so old, senile, whatever, all my bases are covered. Just remember that and please be gentle. <em>40</em> <em>334</em> Sun, 4 Aug 2013 12:08:58 EST Sarcasm Makes You Smarter, More Creative I was reading Listverse the other day. The list was "10 Odd Scientific Facts About Emotions" <BR> <link><BR>ntific-facts-about-emotions/ </link> <BR> <BR> #8 on the list confirmed what I always knew: Sarcasm Makes You Smarter, More Creative. <BR> <BR> "If your response to the title of this entry was “yeah, right” then congratulations. It turns out that the mental gymnastics required to successfully process sarcasm are of the very type that extremely s... Wed, 24 Jul 2013 09:23:00 EST another new feature on Spark there is another new feature on Spark..... PLEASE READ ALL THE WAY THROUGH as you will NOT be able to switch back if you don't like it! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>st=new_feature_calorie_ranges_based_on<BR>_fitness_tracking </link> Tue, 9 Jul 2013 19:38:19 EST How to embarrass your friends and make new enemies You all know you wanted this thread... tell us your best story about embarrassing someone - friend or foe, loved one or stranger... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 17:10:31 EST new changes to Spark People in case you all missed it or are confused about the changes here is an article and info I got from a leader thread I am on .... it is more streamlined as far as I'm concerned. <link><BR>st=simplified_sparkpoints_and_more_of_<BR>them </link> Thu, 27 Jun 2013 12:33:46 EST Alleged (Ahem) IT Support Sarcasm, saved me from prison, again, today: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal.asp?id=BOPPY_ </link> Fri, 21 Jun 2013 09:47:55 EST Apology from Bank of America The following letter was sent today by Bank of America to all of its debit card customers: <BR> <BR> Dear Valued Customer: <BR> <BR> As most of you probably know by now, last month we instituted a $5 monthly fee for all of our debit card users. To say that what followed this decision was a sh!tstorm would be a massive understatement. <BR> <BR> Considering that just three years earlier taxpayers had bailed us out with billions of their hard-earned dollars, it’s understandable that Bank of ... Thu, 13 Jun 2013 15:51:49 EST Tray up please My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who <BR> seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and <BR> drinks. <BR> <BR> As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle <BR> and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be <BR> landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just <BR> put your trays up, that would be super." <BR> <BR> On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dre... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 19:52:13 EST Headlines of the future HEADLINE NEWS....... 2029..?? <BR> <BR> Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. <BR> <BR> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. <BR> <BR> Spotted Owl plague threatens north-western United States crops and livestock. <BR> <BR> Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. <BR> <BR> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marria... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 19:36:54 EST Emergency flashers I had a flat tire on the interstate, so I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk. <BR> <BR> I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. <BR> <BR> They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! <BR> <BR> They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers. <BR> <BR> To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men which made... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 14:03:12 EST Robber beat by 'victim' <link><BR>t-up-by-fighter.html </link> Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:54:20 EST Free TODAY ONLY Spark People app for Android I had to share this from another team Team I am on it is FREE today from Amazon! <BR> <BR> I know that the fact that the app cost money now has come up before. Maybe you want to tell your team. <BR> <BR> AMAZON IS OFFERING THE "Diet and Food Tracker - By SparkPeople " AS THEIR FREE APP OF THE DAY TODAY. Normally $3.99. <BR> <BR> So, if you don't have it on your phone, it's free today through Amazon. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>SparkPeople/dp/B009T9RV2I/... Mon, 10 Jun 2013 19:01:22 EST Nutrition for Dummies Nutrition for Dummies (Craig’s version) <BR> <BR> 1. Don’t eat anything bigger than your head. Unless it’s a watermelon. Or you have a tiny head. <BR> <BR> 2. If your meal arrives through a car window via a teenager wearing a headset, don’t eat it. <BR> <BR> 3. If it comes in an exciting range of fluorescent colours, don’t eat it. <BR> <BR> 4. Don’t confuse the marketing on the front (of the pack) with the nutritional information in the teeny-tiny box on the back. <BR> <BR> 5. Nobod... Mon, 10 Jun 2013 18:52:32 EST British classified ads FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. <BR> 8 years old, <BR> Hateful little bastard. <BR> Bites! <BR> <BR> FREE PUPPIES <BR> 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. <BR> <BR> FREE PUPPIES. <BR> Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. <BR> Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. <BR> <BR> <BR> COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. <BR> Also 1 gay bull for sale. <BR> <BR> <BR> JOINING NUDIST COLONY! <BR> Must sell washer and dryer £100. <BR> <BR> <BR> WEDDING DRESS F... Mon, 10 Jun 2013 18:44:14 EST Damn I am Fast! While running today, the speed camera at the highschool flashed. There were no cars present. The County *swears* the cameras are accurate. So ... if the gummint says they are right, I guess I must have been running at 42 MPH. Sat, 8 Jun 2013 00:37:53 EST Tattooed A loving husband had ‘I Love You’ tattoed on his penis. <BR> <BR> When he got home, he showed it to his wife. <BR> <BR> She said, ‘There you go again, trying to put words in my mouth.’ <BR> <BR> <em>4</em> Sat, 18 May 2013 20:32:34 EST Pet Rooster Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" <BR> <BR> His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." <BR> <BR> "Gee Dad that's great," said little Bil... Tue, 14 May 2013 20:15:54 EST Approaching fitness tracker with care A question. I wonder, does walking outside against 30 mile an hour freakin' wind qualify as resistance training? I was certainly resistant to it. <em>40</em> <em>101</em> <em>311</em> Thu, 2 May 2013 16:21:24 EST "King" - The Court Jester Has Spoken <BR> We knew it all along. What Obama would rather be. Carney has acknowledged it. <BR> <BR> Read this article closely. The new budget would punish Seniors for getting older and over the next 10 years would save how many Billions? <BR> <BR> Somehow, I am under the impression that our deficit is 17+ trillion, and growing. Is there something I'm not taking into consideration here? <BR> <BR> <link><BR>obama-proposes-2014-budget-but-its-not<BR>-what-he-wo... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 18:51:49 EST Womens Rights - A Liberal Viewpoint I missed this when it first reared it's ugly head in the middle of last year, but the discussion is still running hot and heavy. The last two comments had been entered 4 seconds and 5 seconds prior to my finishing the article. <BR> <BR> So this is the Liberal contribution to Women's Rights? <BR> <BR> Sorry. Bloomberg doesn't actually live in this universe now, does he? <BR> <BR> Yes, I read an article from today's (April 4th) extremely right-wing (NOT) Huffington Post. Yes, I'm a subscribe... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 20:10:38 EST Challange to Solve Riddle I know that Sarcastics are much brighter than the 'normal' population, but I've recently come across a riddle that a couple of fellow Sarcastics couldn't solve. <BR> <BR> Therefore, I am presenting this riddle for you, any of the team members of Sarcastics Unlimited, to solve: <BR> <BR> I am in my house in a room that seems to defy numbers theory. It doesn't happen in any other room, but it could if special preparations are made. The room I am in defies known mathematics because here 100 is... Tue, 2 Apr 2013 14:53:36 EST April-May Page Decorating Contest thread Post here to participate in this month's challenge! Mon, 1 Apr 2013 21:08:36 EST March Decorate your Sparkpage Contest Thread March participants post here. Good luck! Fri, 1 Mar 2013 21:55:38 EST Oxymorons, Nitroidiots & The Reverse? Many of us have, no doubt, encountered words and concepts that are oxymoronic. <BR> <BR> Groucho's favorite was "military intelligence". <BR> <BR> When a concept is so grievously "oxymoronic", some of us have accused "it" of being "nitroidiotic." <BR> <BR> But what do you call a concept that is it's own best, and only example? <BR> <BR> I believe that such a concept is "disingenuous". It's a word whose sole existence is predicated on NOT calling the speaker a liar. Moreover, it consists e... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 01:07:58 EST stock market tip Sell your shares in McDonalds, I''ve been making my lunch this week!!! <BR> Maybe invest in coffee shops because I'm buying coffee with a lot less sugar and cream, but still paying the same price. <BR> Can anyone else add companies that we are going to help and hurt as we lose weight and get healthy? Wed, 6 Feb 2013 20:57:05 EST Losing w8 is easy! done it hundreds of times Day 3 and I am streaking with my exercise program AND I drank several glasses of water at the all you can eat buffet today so that's gotta be good. What is everyone's favourite cold weather activities? I try to roller-blade all year round the city keeps a trail snow free, it's kind of funny watching me start in winter - my legs are stiff and the bearings in the skates have to warm up before they roll properly. I'm ready to "get up get out get into something new" as the Stones would sing. Fri, 25 Jan 2013 20:51:56 EST Pet Hates Hi Have just joined as this looks like a sedate and boring team that won't give me any hassle! <BR> <BR> My pet hate at the moment is people who want to LOOSE weight!!!! Learn to spell, peeps! The correct word is LOSE. Loose is hopefully what your clothes will be if you keep going with Spark People. <BR> <BR> Sorry, perhaps it's the Brit in me, but I cannot abide mangling of the English language. <BR> <BR> What's your pet hate at the moment. <BR> <BR> Sat, 12 Jan 2013 12:05:31 EST emoticons cheat sheet didn't work!!! <em>46</em> here is the link to the emotions with pictures .... it is about 3/4 of the way down <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>sageboard_thread.asp?board=0x2745x4137098 </link> Thu, 3 Jan 2013 21:14:49 EST Decorate your Sparkpage Contest Thread January participants post here Wed, 2 Jan 2013 22:52:02 EST Decorate your Sparkpage Contest rules <em>303</em> Do not reply here! RULES ONLY! <em>304</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> As some of us celebrate different holidays, choose your theme! We are an international team! <BR> <BR> Very Simple! All you have to do is update your page for the holiday, season or special occasion. Make sure we know what you are celebrating or who you are honoring. Change any or all of the following: background, photos, fonts, tickers, profile image, status, introduction. <BR> <BR> 1. Update your page within... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 22:50:40 EST Sing along with the Sarcastics 3-13-13 Well we were not so great @ posting lyrics but we are great @ posting links to crazy songs so this thread has evolved along with our craziness. Got a song to share? Post it here. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Based on all the S&G titles we recently posted on another thread I think we have a bunch of music lovers on the team! <BR> Let's see how good we are with lyrics! <BR> This month the obvious genre is Christmas songs. <BR> <BR> Just post the next line to the song or if you see s... Sat, 1 Dec 2012 17:48:52 EST Sparkpage Christmas Decorating Contest! My first duty is to host the Christmas page decorating contest! <BR> <BR> <BR> Very Simple! All you have to do is update your page for the holiday. Change any or all of the following: background, photos, fonts, tickers, profile image, status, introduction. <BR> <BR> 1. Leave a reply on this thread that you would like to participate in the challenge. <BR> <BR> 2. Update your page by the 15th of December. <BR> <BR> 3. Voting will be done on the 16th by sending me (via SparkMail) your 3 fav... Fri, 30 Nov 2012 22:51:42 EST Hi! Hi everyone. <BR> Sarcastic remarks, pretty please! Thu, 29 Nov 2012 08:26:10 EST Death of one of our members Sorry to be the bearer of bad news .... on my Leader team they posted the death of one of our members.......I am so very sorry, it was a very sad situation. <BR> <BR> Her Brother is monitoring her post right now and has posted a blog about it, I am copying her in case anyone wants to post. I'm sure he'd appreciate some kind words. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5148849 </link> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 20:23:53 EST A old family argument: How many is a pair of twins? <BR> <BR> GO! Sun, 25 Nov 2012 23:07:48 EST so here I am! Never could resist a challenge. Here's my kid story for you and a small slice of my regular life. This continues to be one of my favorite Roni stories, except maybe the one where she set my bed on fire…but that’s another story. This morning I ran across a Facebook post that reminds me of this incident. Roni must have been about three or four and well experienced in the joys of “stickers” Imagine her pleasure at discovering napkins that stick to walls! When I arrived home from work, I op... Fri, 23 Nov 2012 14:20:39 EST kick Nass and taking aim Todays topic is aimed at attitude. If you’re going to post a reply involving stuffed teddy’s (well Lingerie is allowed…but I digress: no Teddy Bear crap) or Kleenex nose wipe stories..get the hell out. I want an over the top, attitude, in your face “this is what is going to get me over that wall” kinda story. <BR> Here’s the deal. At age 40, I was a martial arts black belt tournament fighting fit instructor, and some time over the past couple of years I lost my way. We sold the Tae Kwon D... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 10:08:50 EST What will we do in a real emergency? Is there any weather any where else in the country? How many times can the Weather Channel repeat the same hyperbole? A record setting storm? Really? <BR> <BR> And I feel so much better that all the men on the Weather Channel have their jackets off and their cuffs rolled up. I am *so* glad we have people like these on the job. And the pretty-boy "meteorologists" on the beaches in their LLBean jackets. <BR> <BR> I feel safer already. Sun, 28 Oct 2012 20:16:53 EST Dishing it out... Sometimes requires taking it. <BR> <BR> I am strong & brave and can laugh at myself. <BR> <BR> Because if I don't I know the rest of you will laugh at me so I might as well be the first and admit when I am a worthy topic. <BR> <BR> I did stupid today. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal.asp?id=FANGFACEKITTY&abepu=true </link> Sun, 28 Oct 2012 13:26:46 EST Snark Unlimited Or should that be unlimited snark? Regardless, "Please, Sir, I want some more." <BR> <BR> I'm new and wanted to say hello and happy Saturday to all! Sat, 27 Oct 2012 11:15:56 EST Sarcastic?! Nah, not me... Just so you know.... <BR> <BR> It wasn't me, I wasn't there and did not know the man was married! <BR> <BR> Now that my bases have been covered....HI from Winnipeg Sat, 27 Oct 2012 04:12:58 EST Sarcasm??? Ohhh nooo! *Runs screaming... into the night, into four lanes of traffic* <BR> <BR> Good grief! <BR> <BR> Some of these commenters at Bruce's blog <link><BR>_you_laugh_away_the_extra_pounds </link> are totally freaking out about our team. <BR> <BR> I thought he did a good job of portraying us in a positive light, but The S Word is sending some of them right over the edge. (Probably a good place for many of them. Shhh!) <BR> <BR> Anyway, it would help us take advantage of this gr... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 23:33:40 EST Hi Team! Okay, I'm introducing myself and waiting for the sarcasm. I read about the team on a blog posted today and decided I could use more humor in my life and sarcasm is the form that gets a laugh from me. Lynn <BR> <BR> P.S. Can we get sparkpoints for this? We need to lobby with SparkGuy. Fri, 26 Oct 2012 08:54:13 EST SparkPage Halloween Decorating Contest! Very Simple! All you have to do is update your page for the holiday. Change any or all of the following: background, photos, fonts, tickers, profile image, status, introduction...did I leave anything out??? <BR> <BR> 1. Leave a reply on this thread that you would like to participate in the challenge. <BR> <BR> 2. Update your page by the 29th of October. <BR> <BR> 3. Voting will be done on the 30th by sending me (via SparkMail) your 3 favorite page-owner's names. <BR> <BR> 4. All team me... Sat, 20 Oct 2012 21:46:39 EST My all time favorite motivation sign at a race: She was at the exit from Lake Montabello on 33rd St in Baltimore at the Running Festival. Her sign read: <BR> <BR> "Free sex and Beer at the finish line!" <BR> <BR> At first it made me smile. What a concept. <BR> <BR> But then I realized ... what if it was a big fat sweaty guy? <BR> <BR> Besides, I don't drink beer anyway. <BR> <BR> But then see the pix I posted in the team photo album for the hopeful flags at the runners' area after the race. Sun, 14 Oct 2012 21:40:37 EST This is me, introducin ng...YEAH! Hey all! <BR> <BR> I still consider myself new to SparkPeople, and I am new to you as well.. <BR> <BR> I live in North Carolina, land of the Bible Belt, Mule Days, and tobacco. It is a wonderful place to live...if you love tobacco and red necks. <BR> <BR> Okay, but seriously Raleigh is a wonderful city with wonderful people and horrible drivers. I love being here and I love my life. <BR> <BR> I'm the ripe old age of 24. I graduated from the fabulous College of Business at the even more f... Sun, 23 Sep 2012 11:20:40 EST List Things That REALLY Push Your Buttons! This is advanced beyond ordinary sarcasm ......... It takes ya to a new level of FUMING, & seething. Pls feel free to chime in .......... Here goes; <BR> <BR> 1-When your are in a public restoom seeking a moment of refuge and privacy and some 'idiot' ignores the fact the door is SHUT ....... but tries repeatedly to open by jiggling! <BR> (This is when I seethe and WANT to yell in shrill bat like voice: "MOVE AWAY OR I COME OUT SHOOTING!!" <BR> <BR> 2-Nothing worse than entering a unisex re... Sat, 22 Sep 2012 16:26:25 EST My PR Adjusted Marathon PR So, Paul Ryan claims to have run marathons (really he only ran one) for a PR of "something under three hours, high twos, two fifty something." A comment to which he add, "I was pretty fast when Iwas young, yeah." <BR> <BR> In fact the lying mudder-fracker only ever ran one and that was for 4:01:25. <BR> <BR> But have no fear! Someone has found the algorithm to calculate your race PRs, regardless of the distance, in Paul Ryan time. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR>... Thu, 6 Sep 2012 16:18:58 EST IGNORANT DRIVERS! How about making a law that you are required to carry a paintball gun while driving? When other drivers do something stupid, splash 'em! If a cop sees a car with 3 splats, it's an automatic $100 dumb*ss ticket! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>9</em> Fri, 24 Aug 2012 03:36:14 EST hay my second time around <BR> I had lost some weight then gain it back <BR> better luck this time -I'm hope'n Mon, 30 Jul 2012 11:37:47 EST Greetings! Have no idea why I joined this group. I’m not sarcastic, I’ve overly truthful. And brash. I’ve described as brash; I took that to be a great compliment. <BR> <BR> Seriously, I find humor to be the only thing that gets me through most days. I have spent more than my fair share of time getting horrified looks that I would actually say that, explaining that “no I’m not serious”, or better yet receiving the doe in headlights stare. I’m hoping to find some other who can appreciate my quirks... Fri, 20 Jul 2012 16:08:16 EST hello Hey people <BR> <BR> I tried to think of a unique and creative post for a person to post as an intro in a sarcasm team, but tbh, thinking became too difficult after about 2 seconds. <BR> <BR> Check me out, i'm pretty awesome. <BR> <BR> Wed, 20 Jun 2012 15:24:11 EST The Magic Button This the ultimate magic button.......... Do know why I did not find this sooner! <BR> Why oh why did I not find this before??? Glad to know things can be fixed so easily <BR> <BR> <BR> Click on to the button and there you are!!! <BR> <BR> What more could you ask for? <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> <BR> FULL DISCLOSURE..... I stole this from another team I am on!!! <em>198</em> Thu, 14 Jun 2012 05:22:01 EST Labels that I must wonder about To get a license to sell real estate, the company must comply with Equal Housing Opportunity (EHO) Laws. So if a real estate company is doing business, it has a license, and of necessity follows EHO Laws. So why does the law require the an EHO badge on all ads the company runs? <BR> <BR> We bought a refrigerator. It has a sticker on it the tells me it's CFC Free. OF COURSE IT IS! CFCs have been outlawed for about 20 years! <BR> <BR> There is an ashtray in the lavatory on the airplane. But y... Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:14:52 EST The pre-game warning I would like to see: If you have ever attended a professional sporting event, you know that before the game they warn fans not to enter the field of play. Here is what I wnat to see announced and on the Jumbo-tron: <BR> <BR> "Your purchase price of a ticket to this baseball game does not entitle you to access to the field at anytime. It is against the law to trespass on the field of play under City Ordinances and is punishable by fines, imprisonment, and community service. <BR> <BR> "It is also quite foolish. ... Fri, 8 Jun 2012 09:20:51 EST New MTV Series - Really? I was cruising around in some off-topic area of the Internet, trying to find anything worth sarcastisizing, when I found one of those entertainment blurbs about MTV launching a new "Horror" series on TV. <BR> <BR> After I finished laughing hysterically, I took a deep breath and considered that I could make the entire point of such a stupid series in one, 1 hour Prime Time Special. <BR> <BR> I would need the cooperation of a number of studios for clips of their "Great Horror" films, which I ... Wed, 6 Jun 2012 20:18:53 EST Please State How You REALLY FEEL About Stupidity~ Don't hold back any longer ....... LET IT OUT ........ I will simply say this about stupidity......... <BR> STUPID people just don't GET Sarcasm! .......... <em>100</em> ......... It is a fact ...... I know because I delivered an obvious sarcastic 'jab' today ............ cut to the quick and the person turned and 'thanked' me ............. <em>235</em> your pent up thoughts here ............. Mon, 4 Jun 2012 21:21:37 EST Did you miss me? It's been awhile since I checked in with my pals in the Sarcastics Unlimited team. I'd like to say that I've been doing all sorts of interesting and important things (creating a cure for cancer, climbing Mt Everest, organizing my sock drawer) but the sad truth is I have become the reigning Queen of Procrastination. I parked my rear on the couch, opened a trashy novel, and did not surface for a year or two. <BR> <BR> I am happy to say, I have re-examined my priorities and am ready to take... Thu, 31 May 2012 15:16:46 EST What Is the Dumbest Thing You Witnessed Today? The one that stands out like a wart on a nose is this: <BR> <BR> Person tells me they dreamed "My entire life passed before me like watching a movie." <BR> <BR> I say ............ "sounds like a premonition." <BR> Reply ............... "Did you just make that word up?" ................. <em>40</em> ......... <BR> <BR> Feel free to shAre ................. Tue, 22 May 2012 14:30:55 EST New On One Hand~Old On The Other~ Hello~ <BR> I couldn't exactly see where to sign on ........ But I think I may qualify for this 'off the wall' team if I dare say. <BR> #1--I live most of my life w/ tongue in cheek--refraining from saying what I am thinking. <BR> #2--I was knighted "Queen of Wicked Humor" in a previous job. (others agreed) <BR> #3--I was recently 'sited' and pulled aside by my supervisor at work ...... for laughing 'too much ........ and alledgedly making sarcastic remark." ........ (this could not be pr... Sun, 20 May 2012 14:46:54 EST Why did you have to die ??? "True Grief" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I'... Sat, 19 May 2012 07:46:30 EST Hi gang ! Hello : <BR> <BR> My name is Vickie and I am new to the team, Debby has kindly invited me to join. <BR> <BR> If you look at any of my blogs, including the one from yesterday complete with photo of waterbug, you will know how important humor and sarcasm is to me. <BR> <BR> Some t-shirts in my closet are : 'Catholic School Survivor ', ' Whips and chains belong in the bedroom : Boycott Ringling Brothers ', ' Sarcasm is just one more service I offer ', ' Nice girls fake it, fur hurts animals... Fri, 18 May 2012 11:14:52 EST Writing on undies A modest Irish young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "If you can read this you're too damn close!" embroidered on her panties and bra. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Yes madame," said the clerk, ”I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?" <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "Braille," she replied, innocently lowering her lashes. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Fri, 18 May 2012 11:11:24 EST RE: Don't be "that gym" at the gym video DOTSLADY just posted this on the Paleo site and I thought I'd repost. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Mon, 23 Apr 2012 17:17:44 EST HAVING FUN WITH GOODIE GIFTING I choose our first recipient just because I liked the Calvin cartoon icon she has! <BR> <BR> She looks like a fun kinda gal, so lets just invite her back to this crazy bunch of fellow Sarcastics! <BR> <BR> here is her page link! <link><BR>LIPSED </link> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:20:40 EST GOODIE GIFTING FUN INFO ! <em>227</em> INFO POST ONLY <em>227</em> DO NOT Reply <BR> <BR> Ok I think we can make this a fun thing to do. <BR> <BR> Each week I will designate a member to give GOODIES to. You can make them as fun or serious as you want. <BR> <BR> The whole point is to engage some of the less active members of the team and get them to see how much fun we all have here. <BR> <BR> If you come across a member that you think needs a GOODIE, please feel free to add to the tread. I would try ... Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:14:32 EST Treadmills can be downright EVIL! <link><BR>admill-fails.aspx </link> <BR> <BR> <BR> Just how STUPID are some of these people?!?!? Tue, 3 Apr 2012 15:16:35 EST How do you?? Ok so I am up by 5am <em>24</em> every morning, at work by six there till anywhere from noon to 3pm. Yeah yeah normal hours I know. Any way I get home, get the house picked up, get dinner going, take my shower, catch up with facebook, (yeah my guilty pleasure lol) by then it is 9 pm and time for sleep. <BR> <BR> How do you find the time to work out even a little without giving up your guilty pleasure? Tue, 3 Apr 2012 11:04:38 EST how do you amuse yourself?? Trying to get more involvement on the threads..... What would people like to see on the threads. Some of the old threads are very dated, but we can't delete <em>39</em> . any suggestions <BR> <BR> I read the jokes that people send me on the internet. I check out People of Walmart every couple of months. Most people just crack me up! I have to amuse myself or I'd go crazy and most people would say I don't have far to go! <BR> <BR> Sun, 1 Apr 2012 20:04:38 EST Need A Reason... Change my Page Contest...aka St. Patrick's Day SparkPage Decorating Contest <BR> Yeah, I know...missed opportunity last month--Valentine's Day. <em>51</em> Well, that wasn't "our kind" of holiday anyway. Love and hearts and flowers <em>234</em> <BR> <BR> But this one is more our style, since leprechauns are described as "enjoys partaking in mischief and practical jokes." So here goes: <BR> <BR> Update your page for the holiday. Change any or all of the following: background, photo... Fri, 9 Mar 2012 01:27:51 EST Team Photos Anybody else NOT know that we are able to post photos on the TEAM PAGE? <BR> <BR> Some smarty pants on another team pointed this out today. <BR> <BR> Looks like a whole new (to us) and dangerous way for us to get in trouble... <BR> <BR> Over on the right hand side bar at the bottom of the "Team Stream" it says "See All Team: Blogs | Links | Photos | Announcements <BR> <BR> Dang it! Just when I think I know EVERYTHING, I find out there's just that one more little thing that I have to stuff... Fri, 2 Mar 2012 02:38:26 EST Replace One of Two Words I was just reminded of a game we played on another team...I think it has real <em>246</em> potential here. <BR> <BR> You have to replace one word, but keep the other in a two-word phrase. You can change the order if you like. For instance, "Bingo Card" could become "Card Catalog." I know! I crack me up, too! <BR> <BR> Personally, I think skanky can be fun...just be careful to cloak naughty words "in code" so we don't get fined by the Spark Police. <BR> <BR> H-E-double hockey sticks or #e... Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:13:39 EST work cal. burned? So I work at a gas station. Simple right? You'd think....I'm constantly moving. Cleaning. Sweeping. Moping. Stocked. Heavy lifting. And in a 8 hr shift....I stand maybe 2 or 3 hrs collectively. So I know I have to burn some Linda calories....any suggestions? I tried logging 70 min. Of heavy house cleaning....and it was 340 Cal. I feel like I don't actually burn that. I'm buying a pedometer today so should I just log my steps? Fri, 17 Feb 2012 14:07:36 EST Sorry everyone Apparently someone did take offence at my last post (about Dr Laura) and reported me, so the post has been removed and I have been scolded. Guess that "anything goes" isn't literal. I did post in the title that some may be offended. Oh well, that's the way it is sometimes, but it does want to bring out the sarcastic in me. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:31:14 EST It's a New Year Page Decorating Contest Very Simple! All you have to do it update your page for the holidays. Change any or all of the following: background, photos, fonts, tickers, profile image, status, introduction...did I leave anything out??? <BR> <BR> 1. Leave a reply on this thread that you would like to participate in the challenge. <BR> <BR> 2. Update your page by the 22nd of January. <BR> <BR> 3. Voting will be done on the 23rd by sending me (via SparkMail) your 3 favorite page-owner's names. <BR> <BR> 4. All team m... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:34:16 EST update on face book feature they got the message ! <BR> <BR> A few days ago we launched a new feature where we added buttons to share member blogs to Facebook and Twitter, with the option to opt-out of having this on your blog posts. We received feedback from members that they were not comfortable with how we implemented this feature, so this morning we removed the feature and option from the site. <BR> <BR> We definitely appreciate all the feedback and support our members provide to SparkPeople. If you've been a memb... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 14:39:57 EST name change Hey everyone.... heads up I changed my user name on Spark from CHRISBONDI to GARDENCHRIS because of the FB thing. As that was my real name and just thought this would be better for me when all said and done. Sun, 15 Jan 2012 16:36:55 EST WARNING NEW SPARK FEATURE ! This info was passed on to me from another team I am on: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> "This information came to me from another member <BR> Through another blog I just learned of a new feature on SparkPeople that automatically added a "Share Bar" to our blog entries. I do not like this feature. <BR> <BR> If you'll notice your own blog now there is a "Share" bar at the top of the blog. That means if someone likes your blog entry they can "share" on their Facebook wall!! Who wants his/her blog about... Fri, 13 Jan 2012 21:52:13 EST hello out there hi people, <BR> <BR> i'm really happy to finally find a group of people that are as sarcastic as i am. unfortunately, sometimes i'm so sarcaastic that people cant tell when i'm being serious. like with compliments and stuff- does this happen 2 u 2? <BR> good luck with the sparky stuff Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:52:14 EST SparkPage Holiday Decorating Contest! Very Simple! All you have to do it update your page for the holidays. Change any or all of the following: background, photos, fonts, tickers, profile image, status, introduction...did I leave anything out??? <BR> <BR> 1. Leave a reply on this thread that you would like to participate in the challenge. <BR> <BR> 2. Update your page by the 22nd of December. <BR> <BR> 3. Voting will be done on the 23rd by sending me (via SparkMail) your 3 favorite page-owner's names. <BR> <BR> 4. All team ... Sat, 17 Dec 2011 21:57:09 EST New Gas Plunge - Now $2.95 I can't believe it and I haven't found a reason for it, but I like it. Mon, 28 Nov 2011 23:24:56 EST Leave an opening large enough ... ... and I will drive a bus through it. <BR> <BR> She(WMBO) flew out of Savannah on Saturday afternoon and SonDave and wife and SonPatrick stayed 'til Sunday. <BR> <BR> At dinner, DaughterDrDani asked, "Daddy, do you miss Mommy?" <BR> <BR> Well, not as much as I used too. My aim is getting better. <BR> Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:19:21 EST Dear SP Lord of the Emoticons Please, oh PLEASE for the love of all that is good and sarcastically pure, please create a Roll-Eyes emoticon!!! <BR> <BR> There is no "sarcastic" emoticon: <BR> <em>334</em> Happy <BR> <em>39</em> Sad <BR> <em>246</em> Laughing Out Loud <BR> <em>102</em> Sleeping <BR> <em>15</em> ????? whatinthehell is THIS!? Really, what's THIS one for? Surely it can be replaced with a rolleyes emoticon, right!? Mon, 28 Nov 2011 13:29:03 EST che'yeah, whatever, here it is... The SARCASTIC FONT!!! <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Now all we need here at SP is the :rolleyes: emoticon! Sun, 27 Nov 2011 09:38:33 EST The Price of Gasoline This afternoon I went to the library and noticed we were low on gas. I expected it being the day after Thanksgiving, that gas would have risen in order to gouge all those folks who had gone over the river or through the woods. <BR> <BR> Was I ever surprised! <BR> <BR> Gas in Kansas City, MO today is in the 2's! $2.989. <BR> <BR> I thought I would probably never again see gas in the $2's. <BR> <BR> How does that compare with the cost of gas in your area? Fri, 25 Nov 2011 23:56:12 EST Sarcastics Unlimited 3-Day Challenge Below is the template to post on this thread. ONLY POST THE TEMPLATE ONCE! Copy the template into your own post, then go back and EDIT it each day to put in your score. <BR> <BR> Each goal met receives 5 points, except for the Trivia Score and SparkPoints. <BR> Starred (*) items have action links on your SparkPoints page. <BR> <BR> Saturday, November 26th <BR> ___ S = Spin--Enter number that you spun on the wheel today)* <BR> ___ A = Answer Trivia Questions (what was your percentage?)* <BR... Fri, 25 Nov 2011 22:29:30 EST when a response is required ... I am sometimes a little too quick. <BR> <BR> My sister asked how I was losing weight, what was my secret? <BR> <BR> "Get up off your a.s.s and stop stuffing your face." <BR> <BR> "Well, that's a little harsh," she responded. <BR> <BR> "Ok, for you, eat less and move more." <BR> <BR> Meanwhile my brother was rolling on the floor laughing. Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:21:21 EST Hello! I am member 1000. As if that make a whole lot of difference. <BR> <BR> I just joined. This looks as though it could be a good place to come to lighten up or get a reality check. <BR> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:10:31 EST I've tried everything I lost 70 pounds 4 years ago, and kept it all off until a year ago....and with age creeping up, 20 of those lost pounds found me again...and I can't seem to get rid of them! I am here to get support, and to lose this stubborn 20 pounds for good! Mon, 7 Nov 2011 02:54:04 EST Didja Do It? Banking on the competitiveness of this team (based on the Paraprosdokian Wheel of Hangman thread) to get me over the hump. <BR> <BR> I returned from a 2-month RV trip in June, and have not been able to get myself back in the mode of journaling my food thru SP's Nutrition Tracker...even though I'd done it for 11 months straight before the trip. Consequently, I have been putting some pounds back on...WAH! <BR> <BR> So here's the challenge, and we'll just do it for a week and see if we're "enj... Thu, 20 Oct 2011 01:00:21 EST Sarcasm from Youtube I do not mean to offend anyone with this YouTube video - I mean it only as a contribution to our Satire-day. I am a Conservative, and this is conservative satire I still think it's funny. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Sun, 16 Oct 2011 20:36:20 EST Favorite Quotes "A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." <BR> <BR> --Douglas Adams Wed, 5 Oct 2011 17:16:42 EST Lampooning the Other Losers Yes, I'm talking about the other teams that have really rah-rah know, the really sappy stuff. <BR> <em>321</em> <BR> <BR> Anybody besides me just want to gack over all this? I know...wrong group, huh? Well, at least (as Popeye pointed out on another thread) having the dry heaves gives you a great core workout. <BR> <BR> So I got this email the other day with a new thread starting on one of 'those' teams: <BR> "I struggle with _____, so I _____." with an invitation to fil... Tue, 4 Oct 2011 02:27:29 EST Doing all & STAYING within your MEANS After READING REDSHOE2011 She & all others you need to SLOW DOWN & DON'T GET STRESSES. My METHOTH is to REMBER a SIMON & GARFUNKAL SONG 57th STREET ( I hOPE I HAVE the TITLE RIGHT) It STARTS OFF with:" SLOW DOWN YOUMOVE TO FAST YOU JUST GOT TO MAKE MORNING LAST JUST KICKING DOWN THE COBBLE STONE LOOKIN FUN & FEELING GROVEY DA DA DA FELLIN GROVEY . HELLO LAMP POST WHATSCH KNOWIN I COME TO WATCH YOUR FLOWER GROWNIN AIN'T YOU GOT NO RYMES FOR ME . HAVEIN FUN & FEELING GROVEY FEELIN GROVEY DA ... Fri, 30 Sep 2011 11:30:34 EST Sarcasm is my 2nd name- 4 ADHD'er under 1 roof? If I didn't make fun of stuff I would go down right potty.. Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:33:52 EST SARCASTICS UNLIMITED MEMBER OF THE DAY COMPETITION This contest is for Greedy Goodie Grabbers. Winners will get 'spammed' with SparkGoodies by the judges, previous winners, and team members at large. <BR> <BR> Rules of the game: <BR> <BR> 1. You must have a SparkPage, and it MUST NOT be set to "Private." <BR> <BR> 2. Post as a reply to this topic why you think you deserve to be today's Member of the Day. According to the order of your presence, please include "Contestant #1" (or 2 or 3) in your post. <BR> <BR> 3. Three contestants per co... Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:36:49 EST Sarcastics Unlimited Team Goals Ummm...the current Team Goals (at the bottom of the page) are stale, commonplace, lame, uninspired, and sleep-inducing. <BR> <BR> Post your ideas for something a bit more exciting...yet reasonably achievable by this socially unfit bunch. <BR> <BR> Deadline for submissions is September 15, 2011. Top three ideas will become our new goals, and winners will receive a 100-point Spark Goodie of their choice as a prize to be cherished forever. Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:05:05 EST Your favorite Sacarcastic quote!!!! "The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?" <BR> <BR> <BR> I just busted a gut!!! This is just to funny, and scary at the same time!! I do believe it would solve a lot of our World's problems!! LOL!! Tue, 23 Aug 2011 17:36:43 EST Sharp Tongue, Soft Bum Hey all, I'm Courtney and I think I've found the perfect SP team. I have a love for sarcasm, the humor of it, and spewing sharp retorts as quick as I can. I look forward to meeting you all and definitely welcome any followers to my new weight loss blog [skinnycherries - link below]. <BR> <BR> Thanks for such a fun team! Thu, 28 Jul 2011 14:52:50 EST How many know how to come up with at work? Your at work & someone want's you to do something that your hired for & use something in their statement & come back with a line as to something said to you? <BR> 1day my boss comes to me & says I need you to use BREAK- UP on this project. <BR> <BR> & you respond " I can't" & then he says why you need BLEACH to do this? <BR> & you say NO I NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE FIGHT IS. <BR> <BR> Get it BREAK -UP " INEED TO KNOW WHERE THE FIGHT IS" Mon, 25 Jul 2011 12:54:47 EST Sarcastics Unlimited Member of the Day <em>249</em> <BR> <BR> This member is originally from southern Illinois, owns a beagle who never talks back to her (thank goodness), is into education, is a rabid college football fan, loves the outdoors, and loves meeting new people. <BR> <BR> So she is the perfect candidate to be our first Member of the Day! <BR> <em>242</em> PUNKINOODLE76 <BR> <BR> Please stop by her SparkPage and give her a congratulatory Spark Goodie. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>N... Sat, 2 Jul 2011 16:28:33 EST Food Cravings? Picture This: I am begging This Team NOT to share your visualizations. <BR> <BR> <em>40</em> Please! <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ngs-with-imagination?eid=1098966003&me<BR>mberid=50281865&cbr=wmn_surf </link> Mon, 27 Jun 2011 19:09:53 EST fun word play! this landed in my box this morning and it is rather amusing... <BR> <BR> <BR> THIS DOES PROVE INTERESTING IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE TIME FOR THE <BR> RIDICULOUS. <BR> <BR> An Ode to the English Plural <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, <BR> <BR> But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. <BR> <BR> One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, <BR> <BR> Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. <BR> <BR> You may find a lone mouse or a nest full o... Sat, 25 Jun 2011 17:02:57 EST Hey we are # 2 !!! check it out! hey I was trolling around and came upon this ..... PLUS we have added new members! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>nts_leaderboards_community </link> Fri, 24 Jun 2011 10:59:23 EST New Spark Stuff For all you gambling addicts - who wouldn't love an extra wheel spin? <em>347</em> <BR> <BR> And you trophy w#ores - <em>279</em> read the blog here: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>urnal.asp?id=SPARKGUYANDTEAM </link> Thu, 16 Jun 2011 23:45:02 EST New SparkMail Feature - Fo' Reals This is the body of a thread sent to the team leaders- <BR> <BR> We wanted to let you know about a small feature that launched today. <BR> <BR> On every SparkMail message you will now see a "Block This User" link on the right side of the page. After blocking, you can click the "Block List" button on you main SparkMail page to see everyone you have blocked, and be able to un-block members. <BR> <BR> Once you have blocked another member, if they try to send you a message they will see a gen... Tue, 14 Jun 2011 15:12:44 EST June Challenge - 30 Days, 30 Posts I stole this idea from the co-leader of the team "30 somethings with 50-99 pounds to lose". My apologies, JerseyFlower...sort of. (THIS will teach her to share AND to be so 'chipper'.) <BR> <BR> First off, I'm late--so sue me! Second, JF's suggestions just REEK of sunshine--blech! <BR> <BR> So I'll post the 'challenge of the day' beginning today and let it run over into July. Any objections? I don't care. <BR> <BR> I'm expecting you all to put our special snarky twists into your ... Mon, 6 Jun 2011 19:17:09 EST OMG! I found this crazy web site! There are so many OMG'S I lost count! I saved the link to my favorites so I can check them out being it is summer and all that is on tv are reruns! <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> the other tabs are all linked to other rather outrageous things! some are questionableso forewarned. <BR> <BR> have some fun Sat, 4 Jun 2011 09:33:53 EST New co-Leader!! Use this thread to welcome Princhessa as Co-leader of us! <BR> <BR> <BR> Princhessa, thanks for stepping up to inspire us to me more "helpful" to those less..... um.... "aware"... of the worlds around them! <BR> Wed, 1 Jun 2011 07:59:22 EST what do friends say about your sense of humor? My girlfriends are all used to it by now. I say the things they all wish they could say! I'm the one who make the sarcastic comment and they will be spitting out there food and laughing so hard they pee their pants! Sun, 24 Apr 2011 19:08:37 EST Must Be a New College Graduate Is it just me, or does this sound like something a newly minted college graduate of today would say? <BR> <BR> "Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?" - Al Boliska Sat, 23 Apr 2011 17:05:52 EST My daughter sent me this fun with math joke today. Enjoy <BR> <BR> This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience <BR> <BR> Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud. <BR> <BR> <BR> This is a strictly mathematical goes like this: <BR> <BR> <BR> What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where som... Tue, 19 Apr 2011 20:54:01 EST Alzheimers and Sarcasm Today I read an article in the Health section on Spark that really, Really made my day. <BR> <BR> The article said that an inability to recognize lies and sarcasm were the initial signs of Alzheimers. <BR> <BR> If you don't stay active on this team ...... would you know if the rest of the team sent condolence messages? Sun, 17 Apr 2011 20:35:31 EST Hey ! Hi all, <BR> <BR> My name is Vickie and I have just joined the team, so thought I would swing by and say hi ! <BR> <BR> I have a great sarcastic t-shirt that says ' Sarcasm is just one more service I offer ' <BR> <BR> Glad to be here. <BR> <em>20</em> Tue, 29 Mar 2011 22:42:40 EST Just Have to Share I hadn't checked Sparkmail in a couple of days, so I was looking through to see what appeared to be the most interesting topics and came to some stuff from Spark. <BR> <BR> The first email was, "Everything Passes Eventually". <BR> <BR> The second was, "Boston Baked Beans (Chef Meg's Makeover)". <BR> <BR> I wonder, what were the odds? Thu, 17 Mar 2011 15:00:20 EST Exercise Bingo - Game #1 Read Rules and Exercise List under "Exercise Bingo - Exercises and Rules" on this forum. <BR> <BR> List your 'results' here. <BR> <BR> Game #1 starts Friday, March 18th. <BR> <BR> <em>321</em> <em>306</em> <em>321</em> Tue, 15 Mar 2011 23:54:28 EST Exercise Bingo - Exercises and Rules DO <em>227</em> NOT <em>227</em> POST <em>227</em> ON <em>227</em> THIS <em>227</em> THREAD <BR> <BR> Back Extension <BR> <link><BR>es.asp?exercise=147 </link> <BR> Banana <BR> <link><BR>es.asp?exercise=140 </link> <BR> Bridge-Ups <BR> <link><BR>es.asp?exercise=138 </link> <BR> Crunches <BR> <link><BR>es.asp?exercise=2 </l... Tue, 15 Mar 2011 23:50:45 EST women bashing encouraged OK men here's your place. <BR> <BR> While we work - she plays at the gym with the girls. <BR> <BR> While we repair the house, cars, etc - she has her toe nails painted. <BR> <BR> While we work hard to get a beer belly - she only nags us... <BR> <BR> Your thoughts? Sun, 13 Mar 2011 13:28:42 EST Advise to die by First rule in dying - seek professional advice. Dietitians will tell you about food groups and a balanced diet that will but on the pounds. Doctors cite their 10 hours of nutrition training as if they really knew anything about the body. Like lawyers who will only tell you what not to do, our medical community lacks knowledge. <BR> <BR> Rule two - if your a diabetic learn to question everything. Most of what you get as professional advice is wrong, even dangerous. Think of it as if you a... Sun, 13 Mar 2011 13:17:29 EST Ongoing Conversation So tell us what is on your mind, about any topic. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling off, and need to get the juices flowing in the brain. So let it rip! Sun, 13 Mar 2011 11:46:55 EST so how was your work week? Well I finally had enough of a person this week and let her have it, she was out of line and I'd had enough. I usually just ignore it hoping she'll get the message that what she thinks is of no consequences...... when all said and done, I told everyone that they should THANK ME! as it will now be very QUIET for awhile at least ! Fri, 11 Mar 2011 22:08:14 EST Protect Your CHILDREN & GRANDCHILDREN! I have never - ever sent a message or email to people asking them to send something on - this is different. <BR> <BR> I was just on-line and found this. I don't have children who are not adults, but I do have grandchildren. <BR> <BR> I've sent this link to both of them, I know my oldest has one of those "smart phones", and I wanted to share this with every parent and grandparent I can reach. <BR> <BR> Please copy this and send to your friends - it is as scary as Hell! <BR> <BR> From what ... Mon, 7 Mar 2011 19:46:26 EST Aliens in our midst ??? Demand Answers I had of course realised long ago that our fearless leader was aiming for a "Heavenly Body" but the other day whilst browsing the depths of an arcane encyclopedia looking for a suitable riposte to Popeye's ever sharp wit. I found an obtuse reference to our glorious leader. This could explain a lot i thought ....Maybe last weeks post referring to sayings used back here on earth could have been prophetic!!!! <BR> <BR> Krugosvet (my edition is the 1945 Stalin snowsuit edition ) clearly st... Thu, 10 Feb 2011 06:47:14 EST As Promised for Chris Sorry i don't have any Buckingham palace notepaper to put it on but this is the email i was talking about that did the rounds whilst Bush & Gore were in debate over the missing Chads. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE <BR> <BR> To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. <BR> <BR> H... Mon, 7 Feb 2011 08:40:47 EST NOT TO SCALE...A Cautionary Tale of Resident Evil I fall into this trap every time I have a couple of pretty good days of eating right and doing the water, hitting the gym….guess I’m just feeling a little too good, little cocky, or just want an old Atta girl! So to reward my efforts…. <BR> <BR> I FREAKIN WEIGH MYSELF. <BR> <BR> This, I know, can only lead to evil. <BR> <BR> There is no “correct” number this scale can hit. For example, today it went up 2 lbs. <BR> <BR> Of course I own a professional, keep-moving-the-little-weight-a-little... Fri, 4 Feb 2011 12:25:20 EST The Pigeon Coop I thought it might be fun to have a pigeon coop. <BR> <BR> Anyone got any cats they feel like putting in???? Thu, 3 Feb 2011 03:41:39 EST I bugger off for a few days and it all goes quiet? So for the last week I've been very quiet on spark. (It's very hard to type with a mouthful of Choccie bikkies) and look at it!!!! not a post in this so called group since the 25th!!! NO SARCASM? not even the odd snide comment. I would have hoped for better especially from Popeye at least. Anyway having successfully made sure that stretch marks won't be a problem to me at the moment I'm back and active again, Pity me over the weekend, other half away in Lanzarote, you lot half asleep, and peo... Mon, 31 Jan 2011 04:20:57 EST a flow chart to become a better at sarcasm ! <link><BR>esarcasm </link> <em>18</em> Sat, 22 Jan 2011 17:07:41 EST Alzheimer's Test Alzheimer's Test <BR> How fast can you guess these words? <BR> <BR> 1. F_ _K <BR> 2. PU_S_ <BR> 3. S_X <BR> 4. P_N_S <BR> 5. BOO_S <BR> 6. _ _NDOM <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Answers: <BR> <BR> 1. FORK <BR> 2. PULSE <BR> 3. SIX <BR> 4. PANTS <BR> 5. BOOKS <BR> 6. RANDOM <BR> <BR> You got all 6 wrong....didn't you? <BR> <BR> Well, you don't have Alzheimer's, but you are a pervert! Thu, 20 Jan 2011 00:25:08 EST Lets stir it up a bit!! Ok so last year i was here for a while whilst i played around with Atkins for a while, Now I'm back and following everything pretty much the Spark way. These message boards and my very bad bogging have stepped in very well to fill the void left by quitting smoking at the same time! (Smoking's easy just go on a thousand calorie a day diet at your too busy wondering what and when your gonna eat something to worry about ciggies.) <BR> <BR> Tended to find though, that this seems to be the only t... Mon, 17 Jan 2011 09:09:23 EST It's Better to Give than to Receive <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <em>347</em> <BR> <BR> Anybody besides me got a plethora of SparkPoints? (Thanks SparkPeople for giving me the opportunity to use that word in a sentence!) <BR> <BR> I believe we were given them in order for us to distribute them to other Sparkies as encouragement, and yet I have over 10,000 of those little buggers staring me in the face. <BR> <BR> So here's my challenge: Post ... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 19:23:01 EST It's KarenBeeDay! Happy BeeDay KarenBee!!! <BR> <BR> <em>247</em> <em>255</em> <em>144</em> Sat, 8 Jan 2011 17:02:58 EST Wake up ! where is everyone! So.... I know that the New Year parties are over and we are slowly getting back into the ruts of our everyday existence...but come on people wake up! Where IS the sarcasm?!?!?!? Am I the only one that can try to put 2 words together to make a sentence?!?!? <BR> <BR> Lets go... let them rip! <BR> Wed, 5 Jan 2011 22:01:56 EST 100% on SparkTrivia Quiz! It's not like this happens all the time! <BR> <BR> Let's start keeping track of the days we do get 100%...leave a message with an emoticon on this thread. <BR> <BR> Each day you get 100%, come back and edit your message adding another emoticon. <BR> <BR> The person(s) with the most emoticons at the end of the month will get a SparkGoodie! Yay! We love prizes...even imaginary ones! <BR> <BR> <BR> Sat, 1 Jan 2011 14:56:11 EST Any last thoughts about the year 2010 ? I am glad it is OVER! I have had way to many weird things happen this year..... it through me off my game. Thu, 30 Dec 2010 20:20:46 EST Donkey! Lol ok so I am sitting here at work and i'm bored so very very bored and figured that I would make one of these :) The point of this is to see what the first thing you think of when I say the word DONKEY! Whatever it may be reply with it and let us see where everyones minds go :P Tue, 28 Dec 2010 19:01:28 EST more new co-leaders YAY! FATROCKSTAR accepted my invitation to co-lead. So now we have 4 co-leaders. <BR> <BR> One other member responded to my plea for help to lead this group of degenerates <em>334</em> -- I wasn't sure how many co-leaders were allowed, but I was able to send her an invitation too -- I wonder if there is a limit on leaders and if she accepts the system will bounce me out? <BR> <BR> That would be a hoot -- if that happens, after Popeye officially steps down, you guys WILL add me back in, r... Sun, 26 Dec 2010 23:38:45 EST SASSYJAY is new team co-leader SASSYJAY is going to be our new team co-leader -- <BR> <BR> Another member who shall as of yet go unmentioned also responded to my request for co-leaders, and I sent her the invitation, but she hasn't yet accepted it, so I am not sure yet what is going on with that -- we may have a second co-leader or not, not sure yet -- <BR> <BR> Either way, everyone welcome SASSYJAY.... <BR> <BR> <BR> Sun, 26 Dec 2010 15:32:12 EST OK, so here's the thing.... As you all know, for the past few months this group has had 3 team leaders -- me, Popeye, and Duncted. Duncted was a leader long before I ever joined the group, and before Blackheart added me as co-leader last fall. <BR> <BR> Popeye has asked to step down as leader, and said he will do so as soon as I can replace him. Duncted has not been active in this group, or as far as I can see by looking at her Spark page, anywhere else on SP at all since late last summer. <BR> <BR> I consulted with... Wed, 22 Dec 2010 21:30:43 EST The Twelve Pains of Christmas I think this is hysterical... <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Wed, 22 Dec 2010 05:03:10 EST Ten things to say about gifts you don't like... 10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit. <BR> <BR> 9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me. <BR> <BR> 8. Perfect for wearing in the basement. <BR> <BR> 7. Well, well, well... <BR> <BR> 6. I really don't deserve this. <BR> <BR> 5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire! <BR> <BR> 4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire. <BR> <BR> 3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious! <BR> <BR> 2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter ... Sun, 12 Dec 2010 23:35:41 EST Thoughts to ponder.... Is there another word for synonym? <BR> <BR> <BR> If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? <BR> <BR> <BR> I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. <BR> <BR> <BR> If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? <BR> <BR> <BR> If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? <BR> <BR> <BR> I... Sun, 12 Dec 2010 17:41:29 EST Sarcastic love poems The Washington Post had a contest, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem...except that the last line had to be as unromantic.... as the first line was romantic. <BR> <BR> (These are really really funny!) <BR> <BR> 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife <BR> Marrying you screwed up my life. <BR> <BR> 2. I see your face when I am dreaming. <BR> That's why I always wake up screaming. <BR> <BR> 3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot <BR> This describes eve... Thu, 18 Nov 2010 23:21:39 EST Beginning Today Beginning today <BR> <BR> I will no longer worry about yesterday. <BR> It is in the past and the past will never change. <BR> Only I can change by choosing to do so. <BR> <BR> Beginning today <BR> <BR> I will no longer worry about tomorrow. <BR> Tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to <BR> make the most of it. But I cannot make the <BR> most of tomorrow without first <BR> making the most of today. <BR> <BR> Beginning today <BR> <BR> I will look in the mirror and I will see a <BR... Tue, 16 Nov 2010 22:33:41 EST Who Packed Your Parachute? Who Packed Your Parachute? <BR> Author Unknown <BR> <BR> Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience! <BR> <BR> One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up an... Sun, 14 Nov 2010 14:32:50 EST The Round Tuit The Round Tuit <BR> <BR> <BR> When you finally get your Round Tuit... <BR> Guard it with your life, as Tuits are hard to come by <BR> especially the round ones. <BR> This is an indispensable item. <BR> It will help you become a more efficient worker. <BR> For years we have heard people say, <BR> I'll do it as soon as I get a Round Tuit. <BR> Now that you have one, <BR> you can accomplish all those things <BR> you put aside until you got a Round Tuit! <BR> <BR> <BR> Please feel free give <... Sun, 14 Nov 2010 13:23:57 EST Old Warwick Not long ago, a friend sent me the story of "Old Warwick." It brought a smile to my face, and I think it shares a wonderful lesson for everyone to learn. <BR> <BR> A man was lost while driving through the country. As he tried to reach for the map, he accidentally drove off the road into a ditch. Thought he wasn't injured, his car was stuck deep in the mud. So the man walked to a nearby farm to ask for help. "Warwick can get you out of that ditch," said the farmer, pointing to an old mule sta... Sat, 13 Nov 2010 09:33:35 EST Little Things Too often we don't realize <BR> what we have until it is gone; <BR> Too often we wait too late to say <BR> "I'm sorry - I was wrong." <BR> Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones <BR> we hold dearest to our hearts; <BR> And we allow foolish things <BR> to tear our lives apart. <BR> <BR> Far too many times we let <BR> unimportant things into our minds; <BR> And then it's usually too late <BR> to see what made us blind. <BR> <BR> So be sure that you let people know <BR> how much they mean to you;... Tue, 9 Nov 2010 22:29:15 EST Motivation... you are what you think YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK <BR> <BR> Whatever thoughts you plant in your subconscious mind and nourish every day with conviction and emotion will one day become a reality. <BR> <BR> Constant repetition carries conviction. Repeat something often enough and it will start to become you. <BR> <BR> A change in what you tell yourself will result in a change in your behavior. What you impress upon your mind, you'll inevitably become. <BR> <BR> Self suggestion makes you master of yourself. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 9 Nov 2010 00:44:18 EST Motivation... Something a little bit different! "When you always do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward." -Don Miguel Ruiz <BR> ________________________________________ <BR> Ray: To give 100 percent means also that you get 100 percent in return! If you don't exercise or eat right you'll never get anything out of your effort... it's physically impossible! <BR> ________________________________________ <BR> <BR> "There are risks and costs to a program of acti... Sun, 7 Nov 2010 11:43:01 EST Sarcasm, Just Another Service We Offer... A team made with me in mind. Sat, 6 Nov 2010 00:09:02 EST Motivation and the Wise Use Of Time! THERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH TIME IF YOU USE IT WISELY <BR> <BR> <BR> Your dilemma goes deeper than having a shortage of time, <BR> it's basically a problem of priorities. <BR> <BR> Most people leave undone those things that should be done, while they do things that they shouldn't be doing. <BR> <BR> Set priorities for your goals. A major part of successful living lies in your ability to put first things first. <BR> <BR> Most major goals are not achieved because people put second things firs... Wed, 27 Oct 2010 01:25:08 EST The Eagle An American Indian tells about a brave who found an eagle's egg and put it into the nest of a Prairie Chicken. The eaglet hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them. <BR> <BR> All its life, the changeling eagle, thinking it was a prairie chicken, did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds and insects to eat. It clucked and cackled. And it flew in a brief thrashing of wings and flurry of feathers no more than a few feet off the ground. After all, that's... Sat, 23 Oct 2010 13:53:30 EST WAZUP!! Hello everybody. My name is Jose and im 22 years old. Just wanted to introduce myself. I love comedy and sarcasm and anything that makes me laugh, so if you have anything like that to say hit me up anytime. And remember: A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. <BR> Thu, 21 Oct 2010 08:18:08 EST Steve - new to My name is Steve Boling. I am a 43 year old ICU nurse who is tired of not "fitting" in. I want to be able to ride roller coasters and do other activities like the rest of the world. I'm not a person who feels sick. I'm just too large for the world around me. I hope to find information and motivation. Tue, 19 Oct 2010 10:18:44 EST Sarcastic responses to bad jokes You ever have someone tell you a really bad joke, and they think it was funny and expect you to laugh, and all you want to do is groan (and sometimes you do)? <BR> <BR> Sometimes, don't you wish you knew what to say in response after hearing this sad attempt at humor? <BR> <BR> Well, now you do... <BR> <BR> some possible responses (maybe you can come up with some more...) <BR> <BR> Should I laugh now? <BR> <BR> Alright, I thought you were cool until now. <BR> <BR> Um...where is the wind... Fri, 15 Oct 2010 12:30:59 EST I made a new welcome message.... I just realized that this team had no official welcome message that was automatically sent around when someone joined. <BR> <BR> So I made one. <BR> <BR> Whadda ya think? (feedback, I want feedback....) <BR> <BR> ----------------------------------------<BR>------- <BR> <BR> Welcome to Sarcastics Unlimited. <BR> <BR> Please feel free to introduce yourself -- but be forewarned, we may poke at you a bit (in fun) if you say anything too goofy. Or we may just poke at you anyway.... <BR> <BR... Fri, 15 Oct 2010 12:12:12 EST Sarcastic comebacks and insults for women Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. <BR> Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. <BR> <BR> Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? <BR> Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. <BR> <BR> Man: Is this seat empty? <BR> Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. <BR> <BR> Man: Your place or mine? <BR> Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. <BR> <BR> Man: So, what do you do for a living? <BR> Woman: I'm a female impersonator. <BR> <BR> Man... Thu, 14 Oct 2010 00:07:16 EST Sarcastic remarks (I edited out the real bad ones.....) <BR> <BR> And your cry baby whiny a##ed opinion would be.....? <BR> <BR> Do I look like a f###ing people person? <BR> <BR> This isn't an office, it's hell with fluorescent lighting. <BR> <BR> I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. <BR> <BR> I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. <BR> <BR> Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer. <BR> <BR> If I throw a stick will you leave?? <BR> <BR> YOU!.... Off my planet! <BR> <BR... Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:04:55 EST Motivation and Control A SUCCESSFUL PERSON MAKES DECISIONS <BR> <BR> To control the outcome of anything, you control the action at the point of decision making. <BR> <BR> If you let others make decisions for you, you give up control. When you control the decisions, you control the actions. <BR> <BR> It's your life. You decide what you are going to do with it. <BR> <BR> If you don't run your own life someone else will. You are in control of your life to the degree you make decisions. <BR> <BR> Take charge ... Tue, 12 Oct 2010 12:53:53 EST Match Points! It occurred to me the other day that if I earned as many Fitness Minutes Points as I do SparksPoints, I would surely not be stuck on this weightloss plateau. <BR> <BR> So here's the challenge: <BR> <BR> 1. Post your SparkPoints from yesterday (we are generally still in the process of 'earning' when we come here to post). <BR> <BR> 2. Try to match or exceed the number of Fitness Minutes for today. <BR> <BR> It's just that easy...(oh, yeah!) BTW, no fair skimping on your SparkPoints!!! <BR>... Mon, 11 Oct 2010 00:57:13 EST Motivation and Attaining Your Dreams PURSUE YOUR DREAMS AND YOU'LL ATTAIN THEM <BR> <BR> <BR> When you're sure you're on the right road to success you don't have to plan your journey too far ahead. <BR> <BR> Don't burden yourself with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar your progress. <BR> <BR> You don't need to know all your answers in advance. Just have a clear idea of the goal you want to reach. <BR> <BR> You can only take one step at a time. If you can muster up the courage to begin, you'll find the courag... Tue, 5 Oct 2010 01:04:21 EST The Builder An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. <BR> <BR> The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He r... Sat, 2 Oct 2010 13:15:11 EST Dementia Quiz DEMENTIA QUIZ or how to feel really stupid fast <BR> <BR> FIRST QUESTION: <BR> <BR> YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE <BR> THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? <BR> ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST, <BR> THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE <BR> SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE! <BR> <BR> TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. <BR> NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTI... Sat, 2 Oct 2010 09:19:08 EST oooh, a new member..... Hey Sluxabella, welcome -- <BR> <BR> I gotta ask, that's quite some user name -- care to share what it means? Fri, 1 Oct 2010 00:54:13 EST my, my, we are a lazy bunch, aren't we?.... ...we must be because no one has posted anything down here for quite a while.... <BR> <BR> I bet none of you even sees this post.... Fri, 1 Oct 2010 00:16:58 EST Ray Fights Back! I want to start by saying thankyou to all of my Spark Friends who have stood beside me and support me! Your kindness, Sharing, and caring... the outpouring of support, the prayers the information is making my job a whole lot easier! <BR> <BR> My health is getting better... my numbers are getting smaller, but I'm looking at the world in a different way! To date, over 500 cards, letters, Spark Mails, E mails and phone calls (Not to mention visits) have put me back on the road to recovery and ... Thu, 30 Sep 2010 01:17:13 EST Looking for Leaders!! As you may or may not have noticed, Joyrider is no longer a leader of this fine team. I’m sorry to see this as she was a great leader. Kinda. Snark, snark, <BR> <BR> But now I’m calling on the rest of you for help. I too need to step down as leader and would like to bring on at least 2 active members to take over. Three or four would be better for a team of this size. <BR> <BR> What this team needs is someone who is active on a regular basis; meaning if not daily then at least weekly. Plea... Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:03:24 EST Motivation and Achievement ALL GREAT ACHIEVEMENT TAKES TIME <BR> <BR> "Keep trying" is the rule that must be followed to be successful at anything. <BR> <BR> Your success will always be connected with your actions. Just keep moving towards your goal. <BR> <BR> You'll make mistakes but don't ever quit. You may even have to hang on after others have let go. <BR> <BR> Persistence means taking pains to overcome every obstacle, to do all that's necessary to reach your goal. In the end, the only people who fail are t... Sat, 25 Sep 2010 13:43:37 EST Removed Thread every group needs a trouble maker...I nominate Sally, or maybe Gail even! <BR> <em>18</em> <BR> this is my favourite sandbox (SU) <BR> <em>298</em> <BR> I decided to restart my favourite thread... <BR> <BR> Now...the sandbox has kicking sand in anyone's eyes...& SU members welcome...& no running to mommy & daddy if you don't like someone's tone of voice...suck it up or find another sandbox! Thu, 23 Sep 2010 12:07:00 EST Motivation and Habits YOUR HABITS WILL PUSH YOU TO SUCCESS <BR> <BR> <BR> First you make your habits, and then your habits make you. <BR> <BR> Break those habits that can break you. Adopt those practices that will become the new habits that will help you achieve the success you desire. <BR> <BR> Your habits are a form of exercise. The harder you work at something, the harder it is to quit. The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change. <BR> <BR> Your habits are either the best of servants or the wors... Wed, 22 Sep 2010 02:26:11 EST Motivation... It's not over till it's over IT'S NEVER OVER UNTIL IT'S OVER <BR> <BR> <BR> The power to hold on in spite of everything, to endure, this is the quality of a winner. Your greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time you fail. <BR> <BR> It's your constant and determined effort that will eventually break down all resistance and sweep away all the barriers before you. <BR> <BR> Persistence means taking pains to overcome every obstacle, to do all that's necessary to reach your goal. <BR> All great ... Mon, 20 Sep 2010 23:14:23 EST Growing Old I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. <BR> <BR> I have seen too many dear frien... Sun, 19 Sep 2010 17:21:08 EST Motivation and Life LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT <BR> <BR> <BR> No one can cheat you out of ultimate success but you. <BR> <BR> You must choose the thoughts and actions that will lead you on to success. You must set your own standards. <BR> <BR> Nothing meaningful happens by itself. It will all come your way, once you understand that you have to make it come your way, by your own efforts. <BR> <BR> Only you can hold yourself back, or stand in your own way. Only you can help yourself. <BR> <BR> Not in t... Sun, 12 Sep 2010 11:23:05 EST I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it? Hello all. My name is alexandrea, Im 25 yrs old and live in africa AKA Phoenix AZ. I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone and hope to get a little motivation and support. I have lost 11 lbs in almost 2 months with spark people but the weekends seem to get the best of me. This is my struggle. I really dont want to be round anymore, Im going more for and hourglass look..wait maybe thats pushing it. LOL....Well I look forward to getting to know all of you.....Hope that you have a great da... Thu, 9 Sep 2010 15:39:22 EST We may not always realize We may not always realize <BR> That every thing we do, <BR> Affects not only our lives <BR> But touches others, too! <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> For a little bit of thoughtfulness <BR> That shows someone you care, <BR> Creates a ray of sunshine <BR> For both of you to share. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Yes, every time you offer <BR> Someone a helping hand … <BR> Every time you show a friend <BR> You care and understand … <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Every time you have <BR> A kind and gentle word to give … <... Sat, 4 Sep 2010 20:17:07 EST A ___________ walks into a bar... I love these kinds of jokes. Post yours, too. Here are a couple to get you started... <BR> <BR> A horse walks into a bar. <BR> Bartender says, "Why such the long face?" <BR> <BR> A pirate walks into a bar. <BR> Bartender says, "Captain, do you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants." <BR> "Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh. Aye, it's drivin' me nuts!" Wed, 1 Sep 2010 16:07:33 EST Always Believe Always Believe <BR> <BR> You have the ability <BR> to attain whatever you seek; <BR> within you is every potential <BR> you can imagine. <BR> Always aim higher than <BR> you believe you can reach. <BR> So often, you'll discover <BR> that when your talents <BR> are set free <BR> by your imagination, <BR> you can achieve any goal. <BR> If people offer their <BR> help or wisdom <BR> as you go through life, <BR> accept it gratefully. <BR> You can learn much from those <BR> who have gone before y... Sat, 28 Aug 2010 22:48:00 EST Motivation Speaks To Me! Motivation controls your future, your destiny , the reason you do things. You set in motion the processes of becoming the person you most want to be. The past is in the past and we cannot change it but we can point ourselves in the proper direction and do everything that we can to guide our future. <BR> <BR> We also have to remember to do our best because if you only do half the job... It will take twice as long or longer to get to your goals! you'll need courage, dedication, commitment, Kno... Sat, 28 Aug 2010 22:10:50 EST Motivation and Opportunity YOU MAKE YOUR OWN OPPORTUNITIES <BR> <BR> <BR> Your destiny isn't a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice. <BR> It's not something you wait for, but rather something you pursue. <BR> <BR> Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. <BR> <BR> Opportunities sometimes come disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat. <BR> <BR> Start where you are. You're at this moment standing right in the middle of opportunity. <BR> <BR> A... Fri, 27 Aug 2010 22:28:00 EST Motivation... Getting Closer To Success EVERY FAILURE IS A STEP CLOSER TO SUCCESS <BR> <BR> <BR> People who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed. <BR> <BR> Experiencing failure is inevitable on your journey to be successful. Each defeat is merely an installment to victory. <BR> <BR> You'll find that the number of times you succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times you fail and keep trying. You won't be judged by the number of times you fail, but by the n... Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:41:12 EST Sarcastic = Smart Ass ? That's me! I've been known to be both and sometimes at the same time! I'm sure I'll have a roarin' time in this group... or will I.... don't let me down! LOL Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:49:58 EST Live in Maid Live-In Maid <BR> <BR> A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job. <BR> <BR> She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. <BR> <BR> "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. <BR> <BR> She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well on my day of... Mon, 23 Aug 2010 18:05:06 EST Motivation and Doing Your Best MAKE IT YOUR LIFE RULE TO DO YOUR BEST <BR> <BR> <BR> It will be your constant effort to be first class in everything you attempt that will help you conquer the heights of success. <BR> <BR> Always do more than you're supposed to do and you can have, be or do anything you want. <BR> <BR> Do a little more than average and from that point on your progress multiplies itself out of all proportion to the effort you put in. <BR> <BR> You can do a little more each day than you think you can.... Sun, 22 Aug 2010 23:49:29 EST Rays Lost Humor Files Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." <BR> <BR> "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. <BR> <BR> Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" <BR> <BR> "Absolutely not," he said. <BR> <BR> "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." <BR> <B... Sat, 21 Aug 2010 20:38:45 EST For All Of My Spark Friends! If there was ever a time to dare, <BR> to make a difference, <BR> to embark on something worth doing, <BR> IT IS NOW. <BR> Not for any grand cause, necessarily… <BR> but for something that tugs at your heart, <BR> something that’s your inspiration, <BR> something that’s your dream. <BR> You owe it to yourself to make your days here count. <BR> HAVE FUN. <BR> DIG DEEP. <BR> STRETCH. <BR> DREAM BIG. <BR> <BR> Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy. <BR> There will be good days.... Sat, 21 Aug 2010 19:02:11 EST Seniors Road Trip While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. <BR> <BR> After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. <BR> <BR> When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, <BR> <BR> and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. <BR> <BR> By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance <BR> <BR> before they could find a place to turn around, <BR> <... Sat, 21 Aug 2010 00:16:00 EST Motivation and the Comfort Zone I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail. <BR> The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail. <BR> I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before, <BR> But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor. <BR> <BR> I said it didn’t matter that I wasn’t doing much. <BR> I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such. <BR> I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone, <BR> But deep inside I longed for something spe... Fri, 20 Aug 2010 23:50:01 EST 3 little pigs Three Little Pigs <BR> <BR> One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. <BR> <BR> She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" <... Fri, 20 Aug 2010 03:12:27 EST Old Computer Terms <BR> <BR> BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit." <BR> <BR> BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skills. <BR> <BR> BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the big mean computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after they get your name on their mailing list. <BR> <BR> CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avo... Thu, 19 Aug 2010 22:06:16 EST An Easy Quiz WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> (Passing requires 4 correct answers) <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? <BR> <BR> <BR> 2) Which country makes Panama hats? <BR> <BR> <BR> 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? <BR> <BR> <BR> 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? <BR> <BR> <BR> 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? <BR> <BR> <BR> 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what anim... Wed, 18 Aug 2010 13:59:03 EST The Head The Head <BR> <BR> A man was waiting for the birth of his child, when the doctor came out and informed the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son was just a head! <BR> <BR> The dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could, with love and compassion. <BR> After 18 years, the son was old enough for his first drink. Dad took him to the bar, tearfully told the son he was proud of him and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. <BR> <BR> With all the bar... Wed, 18 Aug 2010 11:54:53 EST Girls Night Out! Thought you might like this little tale, made me smile. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out both were very faithful and loving wives. <BR> However, they were over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery... <BR> <BR> One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of pa... Wed, 18 Aug 2010 11:33:01 EST ONLY FOR FUN-Politically Incorrect Humor or Humour I started this thread because it's confusing now with everyone posting on threads that aren't there anymore. This thread should work to bring all of us "Sarcastic-ites" together for our triviality. <BR> <BR> We shouldn't be bothered by the "Thought Police" because our "OFF" Disclaimer is included in the title of this thread, "It is what it is!" <BR> <BR> Here are my contributions: "YAHOOTIE" <BR> <BR> Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?. <BR> Because Italians don't like *any* ... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 07:27:08 EST COUPLE OF QUICK JOKES The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” <BR> <BR> You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was u... Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:40:06 EST Certified Sarcastic This team was made for me. My last performance review said that I was too sarcastic? What's too sarcastic? Anyway now that that's not forgotten I am preparing to return to the same insane environment I left for the summer. Hopefully my focus on being healthy and POSITIVE :) will help me through another year of chaos and doom. Geez maybe I need a new job. Any Ideas? Yep I know I'm asking for it. Let er rip. Sat, 7 Aug 2010 13:57:57 EST Show me something funny. The internet is full of amazing wonders and magical moments. Show me something funny. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> I'll give added points if it might offend. <BR> <BR> * please note that points are not real, so don't feel too good about yourself.* Thu, 29 Jul 2010 01:00:05 EST FAVORITE TV SHOW QUOTES! I was inspired by the MOVIE QUOTES topic to start a fave tv show quotes topic. What are some of your favorite quotes from tv shows? <BR> I'll start with Dr. Who: <BR> <BR> Rose: Doctor, they've got guns. <BR> The Doctor: And I haven't. Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine! <BR> <BR> The Doctor: Oh, I'll think of something. <BR> Mickey: You're just making this up as you go along! <BR> The Doctor: Yep. But I do it brilli... Sat, 17 Jul 2010 18:36:24 EST Do you ever wonder what your purse says about you? I'm pretty sure mine is telling everyone I'm into gateway drugs. There's a big ol' marijuana snap on it because it's made of hemp. Every time I take the H-Bomb to preschool I get some strange looks. Other parents look at the snap and then look at me, then back at the snap. <BR> <BR> Maybe I should tell them I make meth in the bathtub. <BR> <BR> I'd switch the darn thing out, but it has this handy pocket on the strap for my phone. I can't find that in other purses. Wed, 7 Jul 2010 11:05:26 EST Hi everyone It's good to be here. There's nothing like a good humour-fix to brighten your day. <BR> <em>213</em> Sun, 4 Jul 2010 17:57:05 EST I'm so sarcastic I deserve my own thread ...and apparently cocky, too. <BR> <BR> Hi, my name is Inigo Montoya, but my friends calls me Emily. I'm genetically inclined to be sarcastic, but I do try to be a good sport about it. Sat, 3 Jul 2010 10:25:51 EST Challenge for July - Around the World in 56 Days! Around the World in 56 Days! Yes it’s time to sign up for the July challenge and have fun while you get your 5% weight loss. We will travel the word and make new friends along the way. <BR> <BR> I lost about 20 pounds in two challenges. Another one starts in July. You are welcome to join. I wish you all the best in your journey to better health. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ndividual.asp?gid=43524 </link> <BR> Sun, 27 Jun 2010 00:38:56 EST Give me 20 good reasons... 1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. <BR> <BR> 2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. <BR> <BR> 3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. <BR> <BR> 4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. <BR> <BR> 5. Sex is not the answer. S... Tue, 15 Jun 2010 02:37:38 EST Help!! Folks, I can’t keep up. The job, chores, exercising, recreation and what little sparking I can do is eating up my day. I have to give up some teams because I haven’t posted on them in awhile. I am NOT leaving this team but am asking someone to come forward and take my place as one of the leaders. <BR> <BR> The job entails posting to threads regularly, reading blogs if you have time, greeting newbies and maybe occasionally doing a fitness related challenge, and this is not mandatory. If you... Thu, 3 Jun 2010 21:51:51 EST Daily Sarcasm in Action Today, after listening to a rambling explanation with no viable information in it, I told a coworker I would start limiting his words. <BR> <BR> It worked. He cut right to the point in three words flat. Mon, 17 May 2010 20:26:39 EST The manbasher thread. Love you honey! Let's see...don't slap me people! This is a thread for women who just need to vent! 'Arrgggggggg!' Said the wife/girlfriend/woman-who-gets-frustrated-<BR>by-a-man. EE team has a vent thread! So, this is just a little more specific in the venting, that's all. Why do I feel like I have to defend myself for starting this? OH yeah, I have a husband. That's why. Tue, 11 May 2010 13:11:02 EST "MOVIE QUOTES" lets post our favorite movie quotes! <BR> <BR> ok I saw this movie the first time and said ugh this is stupid but the more times I watched it the more I loved it...please don't hate on me LOL its Napoleon Dynamite! <BR> <BR> Napoleon Dynamite: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip. <BR> Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. <BR> Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have t... Wed, 5 May 2010 13:05:07 EST worst stupid person thought you all would find this beyond words funny! <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Sun, 18 Apr 2010 09:31:56 EST So apparently I was using the equipment wrong.. So yesterday I decided to rearrange my living room. I tried to move my elliptical... by pulling it. So not only am I not in pain! ( ouch my back!) My DH got a great laugh about how I wasn't using the elliptical properly! Mon, 12 Apr 2010 16:47:19 EST Help!! I need help. Since starting my new job, my computer time for Spark is limited. It’s hard for me to keep up with all the threads, new members, blogs, posts, etc, etc. By the time I get home from work, I have a TON of emails to go thru leaving me little time to track food or fitness let alone socialize a bit here on Spark. <BR> <BR> I love this team and feel it’s important for a good leader to be active on a regular basis, whether it is daily or weekly. I’m barely able to be here daily but I ... Thu, 8 Apr 2010 21:14:56 EST 9 things I hate about everyone *don't know if this was posted anywhere but I had to share it* <BR> <BR> 9 Things I Hate About Everyone <BR> <BR> 1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? <BR> <BR> 2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. <BR> <BR> 3. When people say "Oh you j... Tue, 6 Apr 2010 12:56:28 EST College Darwin Awards Ok, so these people didn't die, but they did fail the class because of their stupidity (these are both TRUE stories that happened in one of my American Government teacher's classes): <BR> <BR> Before the midterm, a male student wrote some answers on the palm of his hand. While taking the test, he had a question and raised his hand, palm forward, to the teacher... <BR> <BR> During another test, a young and very attractive student was wearing a skirt. As time went on, her skirt got shorter... Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:02:37 EST lost 5 lbs on the tunxis was hiking down the tunxis trail yesterday when hubby and i were making a bend, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, came this huge, with big teeth, german shephard mix coming at me doing 150 miles an hour, not to mention his 3 sidekicks pretty close behind. before the owner finally got her pack under control, i had already lost 5 pounds. thanks lady, you will be in my thoughts on scale day Sun, 31 Jan 2010 11:55:57 EST I'm SO bored.... I have been meaning to go through my computer for deadwood files and crap that I can't believe I thought I should save and I came across this poem. I think I wrote it but can't remember for the life of me so I thought I'd post it here since it is a bit dark.... <BR> <BR> I’m so board I could just kill myself for fun <BR> But I'd be back searching for my gun <BR> I can't stand all the laughing and playing <BR> I wish it would all rot away and start decaying <BR> My soul is an empty abyss <... Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:17:19 EST Things that irritate... Just figured I'd pop off about things/people that piss me off! <BR> <BR> People who TYPE IN ALL CAPS! OMG WTF, if you can't read normal typing w/o caps, buy a frekin pair of glasses! <BR> <BR> People who park in the RED zone. OMG WTF, it is not just a minute parking. It's NO parking, you moron! I don't care if there isn't a parking spot right in front of where you are going. Find a parking spot and take your lazy ass to where you need to go. <BR> <BR> People who drive slow in the fa... Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:58:51 EST Clueless I wish someone would be able to tell me when it becomes my turn to be clueless!?!?!? <BR> <BR> Why do people think that I am responsible for the choices that they make or don't make, the fact that NO ONE takes any responsibility for themselves, because the "other" people will fix, whatever problem the clueless creature has at any given moment. I have enough to keep me occupied with myself, let alone the clueless ones! <BR> <BR> AAGGGHHHH it was one of those days! Are we in a full moon? I ke... Mon, 11 Jan 2010 22:01:46 EST Need to get back on the ol' wagon? Try these! Oh. My. <BR> <BR> You, too, will be horrified and yet fascinated by these Weight Watchers recipe cards from 1974. Featuring recipes for such bizarre retch-inducing dishes as "Mackarelly" and "Frankfurter Spectacular." No, really. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ml </link> Sun, 3 Jan 2010 18:06:49 EST Where's the sarcasm?? I joined this group because of the name. Now that I'm reading through a lot of the threads, I'm finding more serious threads than silly ones. Is there any real sarcasm here? Mon, 28 Dec 2009 10:05:04 EST Start sentence with last word of prior sentence Furniture warehouser Mark Weitzenhammer got a new wooden leg today. Wed, 23 Dec 2009 03:40:31 EST If stupidity was a fatal disease.... There'd be no traffic jams....EVER! Sat, 5 Dec 2009 07:10:46 EST *wave* I'm new here! <BR> <BR> I'm very lucky that my wacky sense of humor and sarcasm fits right in where I work! <BR> <BR> I'm glad to meet new people who also 'get it' I find myself saying 'nevermind' alot when I have to try to explain my humor to some people! <BR> <BR> I think the strongest muscles in my body are the ones by my eyes, as I have to roll them very often at people! hahaha <em>230</em> Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:21:48 EST Too Cute ! I saw this in one of my other Teams and had to pass it on ! <BR> <BR> May your stuffing be tasty, <BR> May your turkey be plump, <BR> May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. <BR> May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, <BR> May your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! <BR> <BR> Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:27:40 EST Help Big Scots Lass kill her cat November 24, 2009 <BR> <BR> After reading her blog this morning, I thought it only fair that we help her "kill" her cat. So this topic is for creative ways to help her with this problem. Remember, these are just suggestions and for therapy only. <BR> <BR> I would suggest she buy a tweety-bird, they seem pretty adept at taking care of bad ole putti-cats. Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:38:11 EST Funniest Real Name I know some people with some wacky names. I'm saving my best one for later. But for now... <BR> <BR> I know a guy named Rusty Spear. <BR> <BR> You? Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:25:48 EST HEY It's BLACKHEART's BDAY TODAY! Stop by her page and give our fealesss leader a bunch of CRAP! Fri, 4 Sep 2009 16:00:46 EST A Perk of Being Fat?? <link><BR>e_st/us_odd_fat_hides_gun </link> Sat, 8 Aug 2009 11:41:38 EST me? sarcastic? Hey sarcastic SparkPeople! <BR> <BR> I'm looking for a new team to get involved in, and this seems to be a perfect fit! I'm so sarcastic most of the time that people just don't get it... <BR> I hope to get in with the conversations here! <BR> <BR> -Valerie <BR> <BR> *edited due to the fact I can't spell sarcastic correctly 3 times or use spell check, LOL! Tue, 4 Aug 2009 23:35:16 EST Hello! Hey, <BR> I'm a 21 year old looking to revamp my lifestyle using sparkpeople. I've heard great things about this place, and wanted to say to everyone, <BR> <BR> "Way to go!!!" <BR> <BR> Cheers, <BR> me Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:39:17 EST I think I love this post.... OK...go look at this craigslist post... <BR> <BR><BR>463.html <BR> <BR> Need I say more?? <em>200</em> <em>239</em> Fri, 3 Jul 2009 23:31:00 EST SELF Proclaimed "KING OF POP" dead @ 50.... The very controversial and somewhat ostracized Michael jackson is DEAD. Born black and died white. Some people just never recover from an abusive childhood.... <BR> <BR> The people most affected by his death.... His plastic surgeons Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:01:23 EST Need motivation & ideas...Help? Ok so it's week 3 of my "Biggest Loser Challenge" from another team and I've kinda lost a bit of motivation. I'm doing some cardio throughout the week, but it's things that I have to do normally: Laundry in the basement, mowing the lawn, gardening, walking the dogs, teaching class, running the dogs in class...but I've kinds slacked off doing actual planned exercise sessions. <BR> <BR> I know that it all counts, but I've slacked off on my weight training & walking on my treadmill (which happ... Mon, 22 Jun 2009 13:00:27 EST Letterman responds to Sarah Palin's outrage David Letterman insulted Sarah Palin and her family. Is he sorry? Abosolutely! <link><BR>tterman-responds-to-pal_n_214128.html </link> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:43:19 EST Calling all losers! Ok guys, it seemed that things may have fizzled out. What's up with that??? <BR> <BR> I still need the final weigh in numbers from the following members (I SP-mailed you too!). <BR> <BR> If I don't hear from you by Friday, June 5th, I'm counting you as bowing out of the challenge. <BR> <BR> Aerodynamic <BR> Andraxia <BR> Aurora64448 <BR> Burnlikestars <BR> Chrisbondi <BR> Drelea23 <BR> Eleanorrigby13 <BR> Gottarun26 <BR> Jaymurz <BR> Koyal53 <BR> Ladyjane126 <BR> Lesaannhandshoe <BR> Loeg... Wed, 3 Jun 2009 09:08:43 EST Help maul the Quote of the Day! Today's target: <BR> <BR> "What a man accomplishes in a day depends on the way in which he approaches his tasks." <BR> <BR> --Arland Gilbert Tue, 26 May 2009 14:14:12 EST LAST PUSH Ok...I'm a day late, a dollar short & need another hour of sleep! Here's this last week's challenge & the final push: <BR> <BR> ANY and ALL Cardio/Strength training done this week. <BR> Count the minutes and DOUBLE THEM! <BR> <BR> Post your results under the thread: "Last Push" <BR> <BR> Next Monday I'll give a 100 pt spark goodie to the one who has the most points. <BR> <BR> Get CRACKING people!!! Tue, 26 May 2009 13:43:20 EST Oh My! ~ New Here Wow, I had no idea there were so many sarcastic people around! I love it! <BR> <BR> I think I'm gonna like this team! <BR> <BR> <em>18</em> Fri, 22 May 2009 22:18:40 EST So I'm new ...what are you gonna do about it? yeah, yeah..wecome to the team...blah, blah, blah! <BR> <BR> Did I make a good impression? <BR> <BR> <em>20</em> Fri, 22 May 2009 21:42:21 EST Update... To start off with Thank you to all who have given me some support lately, it has been much appriciated...I honestly do not know how I am today, my moods have been all over the place, I am in what you would call a mixed mood episode...I still am having the urges to cut, and am really looking forward to seeing my therapist this week...Last night I didnt sleep much and when I was asleep I had a nightmare...I just dont know what to do anymore...I cant handle having nightmares, and I hope tonight ... Wed, 6 May 2009 23:19:33 EST Frustrated I did make it through last night...but am still having the urges to cut...especially after the day I have had, I had an appointment and went to pick up meds before hand and had to wait a long time for those, then at the appointment I had to go pick up some other meds and those people at target are so damn slow...they told me that my meds would be ready in a half hour but it took an hour to get them... I did tell the doctor today that I was tired of having to change doctors so much, he isnt ev... Mon, 4 May 2009 19:46:45 EST See you in September..... As the sun shines more and the weather warms I'm spending less and less time on the computer. <BR> <BR> Just so you know it's nothing personal, this is a fun team with great folks, but increased activity and the great outdoors beckon. <BR> <BR> Ezzie Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:46:23 EST Sorry I am sorry that I havnt posted in awhile...I have had alot to deal with and my mind has been going a million miles an hour lately...I have had problems getting money to pay bills and have been panicing about that actually...but am starting to trust God and putting it into perspective, I think it might work out for this month now...I have also been franticly looking for a job, I put some resumes in but havnt heard back from them yet, I even applied to work with the kids on the disney cruise, t... Sat, 18 Apr 2009 15:56:18 EST Something Interesting About the Science of Sarcasm Check this out for more explanation than you wanted. <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:44:19 EST