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PACEKA1's Photo PACEKA1 Posts: 10,252
12/12/18 10:37 P

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My DH is trying

Kathy
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"The body is a sacred garment. It's your first and last garment; it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, and it should be treated with honor."

.....Martha Graham


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2019ISTHEYEAR's Photo 2019ISTHEYEAR Posts: 1,783
12/10/18 8:41 A

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I struggle with this issue also. My husband is overweight and needs to lose at least 100lbs. But he hasn't been motivated to lose in a couple yrs now. He cooks on the weekend. Usually not something healthy. And if he runs to the grocery store on the weekend he comes home with junk food for us. It's tough when I am struggling to get myself back on track and he keeps doing this. We both do so much better when we're both on the same page. I know I need to start focusing on me, and what I am eating. I also need to remember that just because he brings something home, it doesn't mean I have to eat it. I'm hoping if I can start eating better and making better choices, it will get him going too.

Melissa, from New Hampshire
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BARBWMS's Photo BARBWMS Posts: 2,523
12/1/18 12:15 P

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Just keep doing what you need to do. My husband was always very slender when I was not, but with age he's gained weight and now has much more empathy and understanding.. and now I weigh less than he does, he's taking guidance on healthy eating. We're both healthy now and doing fine.

Be a voice, not an echo!
Barb


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SKIMBRO's Photo SKIMBRO SparkPoints: (176,830)
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11/16/18 9:58 A

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KATTHOMAS2 Posts: 2,298
11/14/18 10:56 A

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My husband is being very supportive. He no longer brings home goodies that are hard to resist. That being said, if he decides to have dessert or a snack in the evening, I have to be strong enough to not let it bother me.



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SUGARBABY601's Photo SUGARBABY601 Posts: 663
9/24/18 1:41 A

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If DH isn’t sabotaging me I do it to my self. I must become stronger at resisting.

.......For when I am weak then I am strong ( in Christ)


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AMYABELL's Photo AMYABELL Posts: 1,337
9/16/18 1:29 P

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I know what you mean!



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TUKARAMA's Photo TUKARAMA SparkPoints: (40,887)
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8/9/18 5:05 A

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We do not like the same foods so have always had separate meals, so it is easy for me to cook, or tell her what to cook.

My problem is that I was fat when we met and she complains about my weight loss. She misses her "Pooh Bear tummy" ha ha. She is 5 foot nothing and 45 kilos, she has no weight to lose... and does not care if I am fat. But I am doing it for me, not for her. emoticon

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GRAVITYFIGHTING Posts: 10,523
5/10/18 1:09 P

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They may not be helpful but don't let them sabotage what you need to do to be healthy - easier if they are supportive but not a requirement!

HTAMALE's Photo HTAMALE Posts: 144
5/10/18 9:05 A

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I can't let my husband know when I'm trying to be healthy. If he knows I'm trying to limit my calories he watches everything I put into my mouth and acts like a nervous wreck or he goes the other extreme and brings home cotton candy (my favorite) or a case of hot tamales, seriously!

I don't think he does this on purpose. It's just better for me if I keep it to myself. He eats whatever I make for dinner so that doesn't matter. He's fine with just a big salad.

He's slim, doesn't really care about food and is extremely active. He eats to survive. He's fine with a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. I love everything about food and think about it constantly. And big surprise struggle with my weight.

ETCH12's Photo ETCH12 SparkPoints: (21,859)
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5/8/18 10:52 P

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My husband will support me in just about anything. I am thankful that he has mentioned that he will eat whatever I prepare.

Stronger, more powerful, I got this.


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BIKE4HEALTH's Photo BIKE4HEALTH Posts: 12,199
4/30/18 6:52 P

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You are in this world alone actually. Make up your mind what YOU wand to do for YOU and do it. Let him/her do the same Don't criticize their choice and ask for the same consideration from them. If they wanna be a anchor let them...just cut the anchor loose



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SHADOWFAWKES's Photo SHADOWFAWKES SparkPoints: (98,656)
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4/29/18 2:45 P

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You have to do what's best for you. If he's on board then great, if not you can't push it on him to change, he has to want to change.

Ruth
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ALLEYCATPA's Photo ALLEYCATPA Posts: 1,295
4/26/18 7:49 A

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My husband also wants to lose weight, but I think he gets frustrated that it isn't as easy for him as it used to be when he was younger. When he sees me taking care of myself, it highlights his own frustrations with himself.

Once he gets used to the changes I've made, he's on board and cooperative, but it takes him a little time to catch up. Change begins in the mind, not the actions. I have to give him the time to make these mental changes also.

~ Perfection is highly overrated ~

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KLSTAR's Photo KLSTAR SparkPoints: (2,163)
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4/24/18 7:54 A

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You can't make him, He has to want to. You just keep up the good work for yourself. Maybe in time he will come around.



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BIONICMANGO's Photo BIONICMANGO SparkPoints: (2,788)
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4/24/18 12:11 A

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My S/O, while not the healthiest person, does not have the weight to lose that I do, so often times he forgets that him wanting ice cream, treats, or a high calorie dinner does effect me. He also hates vegetables, and many foods that I consider healthier, so it really is a struggle. You just need to stick to your guns.



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MGM518's Photo MGM518 Posts: 5,093
4/19/18 11:48 A

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At home (since I do most of the meal planning and cooking), we both eat fairly healthy meals. When we're away from home (and he has chosen the restaurant), it's not so easy. I just try to find something on the menu that's relatively low-cal while he eats his 1/2 pound burger with bacon and cheese, accompanied by a plate full of fries and a beer or two! It tempts me since I like burgers and fries too, but I have become pretty good at just having it a couple of times a year instead of a couple of times a week as he does!



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DHBEST's Photo DHBEST Posts: 886
4/19/18 8:26 A

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I am blessed in that he helps me -- cooks my food "legally" and takes my needs in mind when we decide where to eat out -- even though he weighs the same as in high school. But he also smokes!!!



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HAWKTHREE's Photo HAWKTHREE SparkPoints: (67,695)
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4/13/18 7:22 A

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Partners don't always have the same goals at the same times in their lives. I suspect a question like this shows up on New Baby forums as something like, "my partner won't change diapers".

----
There is no such thing as the final success in life. What is really meaningful is the courage to face the next minute, the next hour, the next day.


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GRAVITYFIGHTING Posts: 10,523
4/5/18 12:03 P

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Having lived with someone with an addiction (not to food but.................) I had to learn to take care of my needs and not worry about his lack of health. Not easy to do but with help of others (like these message boards) I kept the focus on me, doing what I needed to do and let him go with love (he will or won't find his own way but I can't let his problems define me). Keep the focus on you and keep reaching out! Best wishes on your journey!

MROZEKT817's Photo MROZEKT817 Posts: 6
3/12/18 11:11 P

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I have had a husband that was negative because he started seeing me feel better and noticing that my energy was increasing and my whole depression issue was lifting itself.
You keep your chin up and continue towards your goals. We can only fix ourselves we cant fix others. Continue on your journey and look here for any kind of motivation you need.

MLAN613 Posts: 22,960
3/3/18 7:02 A

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I agree that you need to become healthy for you, not for your husband or anyone else. Thus said, can you maybe figure out ways to make healthier versions of some of the foods he enjoys? Or, eat a smaller portion of something he likes and add a nice salad or steamed vegetables?

Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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MUSTANGMOM6's Photo MUSTANGMOM6 SparkPoints: (108,322)
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3/1/18 12:51 A

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Look for other supports



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I_ROBOT's Photo I_ROBOT Posts: 1,791
2/28/18 12:48 A

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Courage and commitment.
We help each other as best we can.

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Harry - Living somewhere in the Wyoming wasteland

The Bitter Truth About Sugar by Robert Lustig | Look for it on YouTube
Added sugar is addictive, a poison, and destroys teeth.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnn
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IRISHROVER63's Photo IRISHROVER63 Posts: 410
2/28/18 12:27 A

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I'm having the same issue with my hubby. The doctors have told him he needs to lose weight just as much as I do. I've been doing great (down 12 lbs) but he's still eating his 4 pieces of toast with peanut butter AND butter on them for breakfast. The other day he had oatmeal. I thought, hey, that's great. As soon as he was done he ate 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter and butter on them. He saw what excessive weight did to his father and he has a broccial cyst near his heart. The weight is making is worse. Yet that doesn't seem to be enough to get him to get serious about losing weight. I really don't want to see him have a heart attack or have to have a quadruple bypass like his dad. When I try to say something he gets mad at me. I ask him why he is mad at me for loving him so much to bring it up. He just says he wants to eat his toast in peace. After that comment I just decided that I am going to take care of me and let the chips fall where they may with him. Just hope I'm in good enough shape to take care of him when the sh** hits the fan.

Shari
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I_ROBOT's Photo I_ROBOT Posts: 1,791
2/24/18 3:58 P

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I try to lead by example. Doesn't always work, but sometimes it does.

I keep encouraging better eating habits a wee-little-bit at a time.

Mount Rushmore was not carved in one day.

Harry - Living somewhere in the Wyoming wasteland

The Bitter Truth About Sugar by Robert Lustig | Look for it on YouTube
Added sugar is addictive, a poison, and destroys teeth.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnn
iua6-oM&feature=youtu.be


*** Pant size goal is 28 inches ***


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KWOOD1955's Photo KWOOD1955 SparkPoints: (89,897)
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2/23/18 9:55 A

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HAWKTHREE's Photo HAWKTHREE SparkPoints: (67,695)
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2/17/18 12:52 P

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Just because you've had an a-ha! moment about your health, doesn't mean your spouse has had the same revelation. He may just love you enough to agree but not really understand.

----
There is no such thing as the final success in life. What is really meaningful is the courage to face the next minute, the next hour, the next day.


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BOMBSHELLY's Photo BOMBSHELLY Posts: 433
1/20/18 3:51 P

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There will be others who come along and try to sabotage you too. Buying you 'treats' for special occasions, or you'll go to a family gathering and there will be the person who is the 'food pusher'. You just have to plan ahead and be strong. Keep your eye on the prize. And if you give in, don't beat yourself up over it. Learn from it, have a better plan for next time (because there WILL be a next time), and get back on track.



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BOMBSHELLY's Photo BOMBSHELLY Posts: 433
1/20/18 3:47 P

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Yes. It is difficult. I think of the saying, "Keep your friend close and your enemies closer." Many times a spouse/partner sabotages because they are insecure and fearful that if you look better/feel better, you will leave them. There's not really anything you can do to convince them otherwise. When I make meals, I make a healthy protein for everyone, some sort of starchy side that I'm not planning to eat myself (for kids and husband if he chooses to eat it) - not unhealthy things (oven fries, rice, bread/butter, sometimes rolls...just not things I'm making for myself), a hot veggie and a cold veggie. In the past, hubby has remarked about what I choose to put on my plate. "Why aren't you having any x???" - and not in an inquisitive way. It's pressure....trying to get me to eat like he's eating...sabotage. I anticipate these comments and just say, "I'm going to eat what I want, you eat what you want." When weather is nice, I ask him to join me on walks. Sometimes he goes, sometimes not. I mostly try to exercise when he is not around because otherwise, I get comments such as, "Must be nice...." or "Great, I'm glad YOU got to exercise." It's really quite ridiculous. All you can do is DO YOU. Don't engage. Find your support elsewhere, and do your best to try to invite them in. If your husband makes something for dinner, eat a small portion of it. It's not going to kill you to have fattening food once or twice a week. Or, make something for yourself and just say, "Thanks for making the effort to cook, but I'm not really in the mood for that."



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FORDRACER's Photo FORDRACER Posts: 95
1/7/18 11:51 P

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I just make my own meals and hubby makes his own.

If you need your husband to be on board with YOUR weight loss journey...you will fail

Just make your own meals and he can make his. If he gets pisssed, so what. He's not your father

SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 30,411
1/7/18 7:27 P

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You will plenty of support here. Difficult to reprogram a husband.



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BATTY324's Photo BATTY324 SparkPoints: (3,941)
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1/7/18 3:18 P

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Hi all,

My husband has said he wants to lose weight. I need also need to drop about 45 lbs. So I recommended we start eating cleaner, better, etc. This lasted a week. I'm still working hard, trying, but its difficult. He does most of the weekend cooking and he loves to cook and try new recipes. Most not healthy, fattening, just not conducive for losing weight. When I suggest something "healthier", he's very agreeable, yet changes it up so not what I was looking to do. I cook during the week, so pretty much in control, but in the few weeks I've been here, he has passed comment (not positive). I still am doing it even though it's been difficult. Anyone else having similar issues? Is a friend, spouse, family member, co-worker, sabotaging your plan? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Let me know what you do. Thanks



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