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KELLYK1027's Photo KELLYK1027 SparkPoints: (8,778)
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9/7/18 9:34 A

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I do have a similar issue with my wife. She only eats super processed, unhealthy foods, and I cannot get her to break the habit. She complains about her weight and wanting to lose weight (even though she is about 40 pounds less than me). She has always been naturally small but she has put on about 50 pounds, and eating healthy and exercising are not priorities for her. Her parents make comments about it and I hate it because I know it hurts her, but I feel helpless in the situation.



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ZELDA13's Photo ZELDA13 SparkPoints: (84,275)
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8/31/18 4:12 A

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I wish I had an answer but I am in the same situation. I thought I could encourage him by asking him to help me by doing it together but that didn't work. I'm finally ready to walk this road alone and hope he will join me at some point. But I just need to do this for me and I will continue to support him and his choices.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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SKIMBRO's Photo SKIMBRO SparkPoints: (133,164)
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8/27/18 7:58 A

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MICHELLEXXXX SparkPoints: (12,531)
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8/26/18 4:06 A

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If you've already pointed out the behaviors that you think are damaging his health, then you've done your part in loving him; it's up to him to change. I would love and respect him enough to not bring it up again and allow him time to exercise his own free will.

Edited by: MICHELLEXXXX at: 8/26/2018 (04:07)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever exercises faith in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16


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MLAN613 Posts: 19,883
8/24/18 6:17 A

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I agree with the others that you can't force him to change. In addition to what others have said, I would like to add that actions speak louder than words. If I am understanding you, you are ready to start making healthy changes to get those extra 70 pounds off. Well, if you start, maybe your husband will see you are serious and he may be more willing to join in.

Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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DRAGONCHILDE's Photo DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (61,541)
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8/23/18 8:29 P

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Weight loss, like any other problem, is not a thing you can fix for someone else. When he is ready and willing, he will. Until then, you can't make him.

You can invite him along, keep the door open, but it's up to him to step through.

Heather
Writer, mother, wife, and breadwinner.

I'm not pregnant, just fat: My blog.

fatnotpregnant.blogspot.com/


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SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE SparkPoints: (533,155)
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8/20/18 12:54 P

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I agree with CHEETARA79. You can’t change someone else’s behavior but you can change you response/reaction to it. Until he is ready all you can do is lead by example. Don’t stress you or him out.



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CHEETARA79's Photo CHEETARA79 Posts: 4,046
8/20/18 11:04 A

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You can't. All you can do is change your own behavior and not participate in unhealthy behaviors with him. You can't make him have an interest in getting healthy or losing weight.

You don't have to eat the whole thing.
MEGANCHOY's Photo MEGANCHOY Posts: 414
8/20/18 5:55 A

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My ex was the same way when the conversation of a healthy lifestyle came up. The last few years we were together he had progressively gained more and more weight and stopped exercising. When I would suggest he come workout with me, or even workout on his own (just get up and off the couch really) the response would be irritated that I "keep hassling" him to workout followed by excuses why he "couldn't" workout. The few times that I did manage to get him into the gym with me, he would complain that he didn't want to do my workouts and get pissed off when I would correct his form or say anything about small corrections he could make.
Towards the end of the relationship, I sat him down told him to just hear me out (aka don't get pissed off and interrupt me), try not to take it as a personal attack because it was anything but that and know that I was coming from a place of love and concern, not judgement. He still didn't take it very well that I was basically telling him he was overweight, unhealthy and lazy but it made him look at himself and why he was self-sabotaging his life. He had a lot of self loathing that he still needs to move past, a fear of reaching out for help when he needed it most, situational depression that he was doing nothing to get out of (hated his job but wouldn't leave, depressed but refused to seek counseling/help), and a general unwillingness to help himself. These are all things that he said, not just me thinking I know best. Unfortunately he is still choosing not to take care of himself but he acknowledges the fact that he is neglecting his health and just doesn't care right now.
My suggestions:
1)Be aware of how you approach the subject and the words you use. It's easy to come across as attacking even when you don't mean to be, especially when it is a topic he will immediately be defensive about
2)Don't buy junk foods, especially if he doesn't grocery shop. If he has no choice but to eat your healthy food, he will at least be eating better.
3)Don't give up, invite him along for workouts. See if there is an activity that you're both interested in trying out.
4)Remind him that you are always there to support him, that you love him and you want the very best for him.. and that includes his health. The last thing you want is to watch his health deteriorate when it could have been prevented. Let him know that you are worried and want better for him

Keto WOE since February 1 2017.
SW: 68.7kg (151lb) Jan 31, 2017
CW: 59.9kg (132lb) Aug 10, 2017


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SATTVA's Photo SATTVA Posts: 878
8/20/18 2:36 A

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There could be so many different reasons for your husband's reaction. It sounds like the conversations might be bringing up something painful for him. The difference between how his parents treated you and him in the visit is important. It sounds like they might have treated you like an adult, and your husband as "their boy" in relation to weight loss and health. In front of you.

I could be wrong, because I don't know anyone in the story. But if it has a grain of truth, then I wonder if you could have a wife-to-husband heart-to-heart about your concerns. And ask him what you can do to support the man you love to be around for a long time.

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IMREITE's Photo IMREITE SparkPoints: (435,846)
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8/19/18 11:20 P

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i am about 70 lbs overweight and my hubby is 140 lbs overwieght. his parents were up for the weekend and we have not seen them in months. i got compliments about my healthy meal prep and weight loss. my hubby got picked on about his weight. my mother in-law talked to me about how she was worried about him . his health is not getting better. he has a hernia so his bellybutton sticks out and is the size of a small fist. everytime i talk to him about trying to work together to exercise, eat healthier or get more sleep, he gets pissy, crabby or sarcastic. he is not sabatoging my efforts but he is not helpful. i have wondered how to get him to take his health more seriously instead of simply getting mad or whiny about it. i even debated on planning an intervention or ask him to join TOPS or weight watchers with me. he always thinks he knows best but he obviously doesnt have all the answers.

Has anyone else been in this position? any suggestions on how to communicate this and get him to focus and work with me?

Edited by: IMREITE at: 8/19/2018 (23:21)
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