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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 SparkPoints: (96,449)
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10/8/18 6:30 P

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I have been using my back pain and stress as excuses to each garbage foods that I hadn't been eating in over a year. It started out as once in a while but it now a 2-3 a week - which isn't acceptable.

I have come way too far in this process to start creating new bad habits. So I need to figure out how to nip this in the bud.

One thing is that I need to avoid the Ablertsons store at lunch break - I had been going in to get a chicken breast from the deli which is fine, but then I go and get a maple pershing donut from the bakery which is right next to the deli. I need to break the habit.

My back is doing better overall, especially considering that I am back to my full time activities including weekend driving with Oktoberfest just starting. So this past weekend was a good test, and it did better than anticipated. I was so busy with stacked rides that I wasn't able to stop, get out and walk around to stretch out my back. I did the best I could though.

I did made a lot, but we also spent a small chunk and I got my hair done, so now it's back to basics as if the weekend didn't happen. emoticon But I should be in better shape even for next weekend as I build the strength back up in my lower back. I splurged and ordered some CBD extra strength pain relief lotion. That really worked on Saturday when Pam let me try it. So while the $60 price tag is steep, it should last quite a while too.



* Tracy *
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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 SparkPoints: (96,449)
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9/19/18 7:00 P

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wow....guess it's been along time again since I last journaled. Life has been a little chaotic.

Most recent was a car accident on 9/1, while Ubering with passengers on board. Hit & run driver -thank you. So much uncertainty on which insurance company was going to do what. I have Uber's insurance company, my occupational accident insurance and my personal auto insurance. Car repairs were up to 6 weeks out to even look at it.
Good news, we found one shop that was able to squeeze me in and I got my car back on the 14th! So only down two weeks. Uber reinstated my driver status that same day so I was able to drive last weekend. I only had to pay my UIM deductible with my personal insurance - they will then seek reimbursement from Uber's insurance. So very confusing. Still waiting for police report - officer has been on vacation.

I hurt back in the accident. Extremely thankful that it was low speed impact and not any worse. I've been to urgent care, primary doc, chiro and massage. First experience with chiro - I think its helping. Hard to tell really because I am back to doing my regular activities and that alone irritates my back and then he does the adjustments and I hurt most of the day then. Using lots of ice packs and BioFreeze gel. He gave me some exercises to start doing. He said he wants me to work up to doing them everyday. So I have some homework to start.

I have not been very strict with my low carb - making excuses for bad choices like a donut or french fries. But I did lose a few pounds along the way, so it's all good in the end. Other than I need to stop feeding my body garbage foods again. I have tracked everything still even on the bad days.

emoticon

* Tracy *
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8/14/18 2:39 P

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Been dealing with lots of smoke from area wildfires. Smoky even in the office building. Air quality is unhealthy. I have started seeing people wearing the masks now. A lot eye, nasal and throat irritation.

I still haven't made it to exercising yet. I haven't even looked for my swimsuit either, need to find that and see if it fits and then find my flip flops. Too smoky to walk even in the mornings.

Last week wasn't very good. At some McDonalds fries. I was doing good until a passenger had them in my car and I let the aroma of the yummy fries get to me. I didn't eat any other garbage though which was good.

Living room a/c died last week on the hottest day of the summer 109*. We didnt have the $ to replace it and our credit cards are maxed right now. Parents ended up loaning us the money. I will drive xtra until I get them repaid. Made enough to pay them $75 this week. Should be paid in about 4 weeks if I can keep this pace.

Tummy is upset today...not sure why. Maybe stress.

* Tracy *
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NIGHTSTAR-71's Photo NIGHTSTAR-71 Posts: 159
8/6/18 12:41 P

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TRACY
I am not on any diet. So, I try do not post for you because of I do not trust in any diet. You already suffer too much. But after a while you will stop it, and then all pounds will jump back. It is circle, never end.
In past I tried all what I could. I even took starvation for weeks or two, eat nothing but water. Yes, weight dropped, but yes, it come back.
Now I enjoy myself, and all the eating what I wish. I go camping, eat meet, and ... I did not put any one pound.

TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 SparkPoints: (96,449)
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8/6/18 12:12 P

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You are so correct...I am way too hard on myself! Last week I indulged in fresh local corn on the cob and a bit of cantaloupe. Strictly forbidden with keto. However, I think I have not succeeded in the past with losing weight because of seeing things as "forbidden" , not allowed and its is either success or failure.

However, it isn't that black and white. So I have been balancing the low carb with some seasonal indulgences. And I'm not failing! I had some emotional eating Friday due to extreme stress....but I came through it fine. I weighed this morning and am actually down 1/2# from last week. I am living this! So now I need to start enjoying it and as I have better days with lower carbs I am sure the scale will move too.

Also I am wrapping my head around eating to heal my body. By not eating garbage processed foods I am learning to eat cleaner and having to prepare foods more than ever before. I am finding that balance of having some low carb convenient foods and having good snack options for when I'm busy and on the road.

So while I'm not perfect....and my mind likes to go the perfectionist route....I am succeeding at this thing!

* Tracy *
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NIGHTSTAR-71's Photo NIGHTSTAR-71 Posts: 159
7/30/18 3:51 P

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Still do it. It is important. There are many who post that we are doing it wrong. it is not. just be true to yourself.
I do run blog on Google. I started it when it was not on Google, but just Blogger. Some day I do have more then 500 page readers. Some days are more.
Do not be hard to yourself. it is useless. Just keep your mind opened and do net let spaghetti be placed on your face.

TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 SparkPoints: (96,449)
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7/30/18 2:48 P

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Its been a really long time since I posted a journal entry. I haven't been doing very well. No where low carb enough for Keto, but definitely in the low carb range.

I do need to work on my mindset though. I find I automatically state negatives before positives --- with talking to myself and thinking things through. Depression has been a big issue of late too.

We have been somewhat financially irresponsible too which doesn't help anything. I have felt that I do nothing but work and we don't "do anything fun". Well that's hard to do when you keep dropping an extra $30 at the grocery store a couple times a week --- probably on stuff we really don't even need.

So I need to work on the following: 1) Working on my eating; 2) creating a realistic budget and sticking to it; 3) cut unnecessary spending; and overall be nicer to myself

It has been so hot lately it is super hard to do anything. Been 98-104* for at least a week. We do have less humidity than some areas....but it is still too hot for me to deal with. Last night I was trying to cook dinner at 8:00 and it was 84* in the living room and probably hotter in the kitchen when I was done. But we had to eat. Supposed to be 104* today so it will be another miserable night.

I think I need to start doing more journalling - I was doing better when I did that. I was able to vent and write down emotions and all that stuff instead of just keeping it all inside.

So I am really hoping to finish out this year on a much better note than what I have accomplished so far.


* Tracy *
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NIGHTSTAR-71's Photo NIGHTSTAR-71 Posts: 159
6/17/18 10:19 P

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Please keep posting.
The friend of mine posted all her ups and downs, and even now many of us still come to read her journal.

TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 SparkPoints: (96,449)
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6/12/18 7:06 P

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My weight loss has been virtually stalled for a long time. I haven't been able to make myself follow strict keto again. I have been staying low carb (25-40g) daily, so I have not lost all of my new better habits.

My weight has gone up and down the same 4# since winter. So I have yet to get into new territory.

I want to get it moving again, but I get so burnt out on having to work so darn hard all the time. Here's the thing, even when I was strict keto at 20g/day, I still hit a stall (in October) and couldn't get the scale to move. HOWEVER, I did feel better and less flabby than I do now. So there is a plus side to it.

I have issues with emotional eating that still take hold. Sometimes its a daily battle. It can be eating when not hungry from boredom to stress. So this has been a daily struggle or at least something that I deal with consciously on a daily basis.

So I have some things to work on. There is so much mental sabotage too...it is ridiculous really! I am still 3 sizes smaller in clothing than before, however I have lost the weight so slowly that I don't "feel" any different. I know I am and know I do, but I still see the same me in the mirror. I still have aches/pains and a bad knee. I know it isn't as bad as before, but I have forgotten the "before" so it feels that I'm still stuck and haven't accomplished anything. Yet I have and I am trying to embrace that and let it propel me forward into the next stages of my journey --- because it for sure is a long journey!

I do know that I need to adjust the fats that I am eating....I need to ensure that they are healthier fats. Which for the most part they are. And probably track my macros closer too so that I can ensure that I am in my ranges.

It is past time to switch my mental gears so that I can move forward again on my quest.

I just redid my macros with new targets of
1728 Calories
20g carbs (net)
97g protein (seems a bit high)
140g fat

* Tracy *
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NIGHTSTAR-71's Photo NIGHTSTAR-71 Posts: 159
5/30/18 11:59 P

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You do have interesting entry.
I am confused. I see you do have the same weight since January, is this true? I looked at your weight tracker, and the weight all the time is the same. So, is there some confusing in info? Of low carb and keto does not do good job?
Sorry about this comm.
I am diabetic type 2. I take huge dose of insulin, from 300 to 600 units daily. Once insulin delivery was stopped, so my sugar went up to over glucose meter limit. This was when I got keto. I lost a lot of weight, and very very fast. I did not eat, but took a lot of water. Just water. A lot.
Needless to say, after Insulin delivery was re-started all pounds return back with plus.
This is why I am really very interesting how do you doing. Please keep posting. I am sure there are many readers, but not all of us post comments.
take care

PLCHAPPELL's Photo PLCHAPPELL Posts: 6,809
5/17/18 5:18 A

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Like your journal entries



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5/9/18 5:41 P

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I did it! I broke through my plateau or stall!!! I lost 2# (new ones!) emoticon emoticon emoticon

Not sure if I will be stuck here for a while or not, but am going to keep trusting the process and moving along.

I have been doing good with my macros. Actually been keeping my carbs to 20 or below daily. Total, not net.

My averages for 5/3 - 5/9 are:

1500 calories (a little low)
81 g protein
15.4 g carbs (total; not net) 4.7%
116 g fat

Feeling really good about those numbers.

Hubby had his other cataract surgery two days ago. Now he no longer wears glasses. He had worn them since he was 2yr old....will take him time to get used to that! Everything seems to be healing good. He still isn't really driving yet.

I had to mow the lawn last night. Today I'm having back spasms emoticon I am hoping to get to the gym this week yet. But I need to be careful of my back too. Tomorrow at lunch time I want to go to the YMCA and register so that I can go swimming too. I used to love swimming.

I need to do some food prepping tonight too. have had to wing it today and I don't want to get off track.

* Tracy *
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5/2/18 12:54 P

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I've been doing good following keto macros again. Today I was down 4#. it's the same weight that I've been bouncing up/down with for months, but it still took me back down again.

Cronometer can give me an average of my macros over the past week. I ran the report this morning.

Average for 4/25 - 5/1

1685 Calories
80.3 Protein
24.4 Carbs (16.8 net Carbs) 6.1%
141 Fat

A little higher than I want. But yesterday my salad from the festival had a lot of carbs in the meat - which I wasn't expecting nor had I budgeted for. So I still think I did good.

I still need to take body measurements. I don't have any current ones and I need to know where I'm starting from at this point.



* Tracy *
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4/26/18 11:36 A

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I'm still on track with my Keto macros. Yesterday however I did go over by 3.5 carbs. I ordered my lettuce wrapped burger without ketchup and they still put it on there. So I tried scraping some off, but wasn't very successful, so I included it in my food journal.

I was able to prep some food last night for today. Got some fancy scrambled eggs, some bacon and fried queso fresco. I ate too much food last night though. Even though it fit into my daily macros fine (0 carbs), it was still too much. I was full but it tasted really good.

I do need to take some body measurements tonight. I keep putting it off because I'm not going to like any of the numbers, however, I do need to know where I am starting from at this point. I want to see where I have success. I may weigh this week, but am trying to focus on my macros more right now, and how my clothes fit. They are fitting snugger than a few months ago, that is why I knew it was time to get my act together and focus. No more running in place with the world passing me by.

* Tracy *
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4/24/18 7:38 P

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So I have been successful the past couple of days in keeping my carbs down to Keto level. Very happy about that. I used the urine test strip this morning to see if I was producing excess ketones and it did register in the "small" range, which is excellent!!!

Super tired today...it is drag-butt Tuesday! Thinking of taking a short nap after work.
I need to cook foods tonight for the next couple of days, I don't really have anything. Need to cook bacon, eggs. I will need to go to the store tomorrow for more eggs. Not sure what else I have that I can cook. Need to pull stuff out of the freezer.

I have stayed focused though the last few days. Our insurance has a new program called Active & Fit. For $25/mo I can go to local gyms including the YMCA for swimming. Supposed to be able to switch facilities too....I really want to do this. I have been feeling antsy to do something, but not so interested in walking like before. I want to sign up next month for sure.

I am going to set myself up for success. But it has to be on more levels that just eating better. There is much more to life.

emoticon emoticon emoticon



* Tracy *
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4/16/18 4:29 P

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Been a while since I wrote in my journal.

So while i have been able to keep up with my eating low carb, I haven't yet been able to get low enough to technically be keto. That is still my goal, I am not giving up.

I keep bouncing around up/down the same 3#, so at least I'm maintaining. However, I do feel and look flabbier. So while the scale may not show it, my body composition has changed and I don't like what I see and feel. That is why I want to get more back in line with Keto.

Had a really good weekend. Uber & Lyft were busy Friday night and didn't get done until 2:30 am! So I drove Saturday, which was slow and took that night off. Sunday was mowing the lawn since hubby can't right now. That was a chore! Thankfully we have a smaller yard because that worked muscles I didn't know that I had! Did laundry, cooked new recipe for dinner and we went to the movies, oh! and I sorted out a big bag of clothes that I don't wear anymore for donation. So it was very productive.

Today has been crazy busy and stressful at work. It was pension day for L&I and I have a PI case arbitration tomorrow. So feeling a bit keyed up after this morning.

Went to the deli and got small salad from the bar. Haven't eaten a salad in a long time and it actually sounded and tastes good. Good deal for $5. Went to the natural food store, they have new stock of the Light Delight low carb baked goodies. Got a brownie and a blueberry cream cookie sandwich. They use coconut flour and swerve so they come out to about 4 net carbs for the whole thing. A bit pricey, but they are a nice treat once a month.

Hubby's first cataract surgery was last Monday and he is recovering nicely. Very anxious to get the left eye done on May 7th. His vision is so far out of balance with that it makes it harder for him. I know he is excited because he will only need glasses for reading once its all done.

We are going to another movie tonight. Yesterday we saw A Quiet Place....pretty good and a different premise than traditional "horror" type movies. Tonight we are seeing Truth or Dare. It seem more like a traditional horror style..which is fine.

* Tracy *
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NEED2MOVE2's Photo NEED2MOVE2 Posts: 1,512
4/7/18 12:00 P

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emoticon
Sometimes life sucks!

Sounds like your getting on track menu wise and what works for you.. everyone is different finding what works for your body is a journey.. I took me 47 years.
Good luck!
Stay strong!
emoticon



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INACAR's Photo INACAR Posts: 3,866
4/2/18 11:37 A

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We are good enough! I always have heard that the biggest battle is waged in our own brain and self talk, Always comparing our journey to someone else, never being good enough, erase, erase and delete, we need new words coming forth when we hit a bump. I love all the positives being spread on this sight. Towanda!

KISS-Keep It Simple Sweetie!
Have you ever wished for different?
Now is the time to make it happen.





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KWOOD1955's Photo KWOOD1955 SparkPoints: (72,886)
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3/28/18 10:46 A

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Hang in there!



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_RAMONA's Photo _RAMONA Posts: 11,496
2/28/18 1:25 P

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Hi, Tracy.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and your Hubby's accident. Why is that when it rains it really pours... especially when you're not certain where your umbrella is?

Given all that is on your emotional plate, you're doing so well. I'm glad that you're realizing that. The last thing you need is more pressure. The only way to get this done is from a place of self-acceptance and JOY. It's only by building on the positives that I've been able to stay engaged through every curve ball.

Another thing that I've learned, and that I value most about his journey, is that it's not a race. I can focus on eliminating body fat, or I can focus on maintaining when life gets in the way, or I can focus on doing the best I can when life is whatever it is.

Like you I have always eliminated fat very slowly no matter what I'm doing, keto included. I'm not one of those people who just melt away. Keto and eliminating fat take an incredible amount of focus, energy and diligence, and life doesn't always allow for that, so I've had to be content to go slowly.

My last 6 months have been crazy on so many levels... death, disaster and illness were all part of it... not circumstances that would allow for me to engage in active weight loss. I might have tried harder to stay keto through it all if I wasn't already so tired of working at this (I'm 57 and I've been on this journey for 10 years, and only the last 2 have been keto... incidentally the only thing that works for me in combination with Paleo). As it is, however, since the new year I've been waffling between just giving up/in, and buckling down to finish what I started.

I still don't want to be focused on eliminating body fat (next to no enthusiasm right now), but this week I've decided to buckle down and get myself back into full-on keto for a bit and see where that takes me, simply because the alternative just won't make me happy in the end (I too need to be ketogenic to feel really great and to resolve chronic health issues), and even at this point it's messing with my day-to-day functioning. Ultimately, I'd rather wake up a year from now and still be stuck here at the very least, than go backward.

So, I guess we're sort of in the same boat. If the support/company is something you'd welcome, I'm happy to drop in here and cheer you on as we both move forward. You're welcome to do the same on my Community Journal:

I've Figured it Out! (Fasting/Nutritional Ketosis)
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/messageboard.a
sp?imboard=4&imparent=38252637



Regardless, I wish you all of the best and will keep you and your family, in my prayers!

You've got this!
emoticon






Edited by: _RAMONA at: 3/1/2018 (19:13)

Dr. Jason Fung: "Holy consensus, Batman. With so many 'experts' from Michelle Obama to the USDA to virtually all of the medical professionals (including doctors and dieticians) agreeing that 'Eat Less, Move More' is the way to go, you might think that it is 100% unquestionably true. But here's a queer thought... if we all agree that we know the cure for obesity, and we've spent billions on educations and programs - why are we getting fatter? In other words, why does this 'cure' suck so bad?


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2/27/18 4:45 P

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I'm still realizing that low carb vs. keto doesn't mean that I'm failing. I AM doing good. I AM not eating junk (candy, donuts, chips, etc). I am faced with that stuff on a daily basis at the office. But I avoid them.

I AM good enough! So what if I had 45 carbs yesterday...I ate whole foods, I ate when I was hungry and I ate what I wanted. I tracked all my foods in my journal. I did good. I always focus on the "should have not", "could do better" etc. To the point that I realized this morning that is just stupid!

I need to accept me and stop comparing myself to others and looking to others for acceptance and kudos. This is MY journey and my life. My happiness. My success. My challenges.

Self love is something that I'm learning. It is so much more than I ever realized in the first 50yrs of my life!!

* Tracy *
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PAMMYLBEAR's Photo PAMMYLBEAR Posts: 3,216
2/22/18 8:31 P

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Sounds like you are aware of what works for you. Balance sounds like a good word in this case.


Consistency is key. But moderation is up there.


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2/22/18 11:55 A

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Today I am going to try and keep my total carbs to 25 or less. I have been doing net carbs and being very lax. I feel more blubbery this past week or so and I don't like that feeling. Also seem to have more (or am noticing more) body pains/aches. And I need to increase my good fats. Trying to get back to the keto balance I was doing. I know it was tiring (tracking like a food nazi), but I felt so much better and I think I had a clearer head.

I was realizing this morning that low carb may be fine. But I want the other benefits again of more keto. Clearer head, more energy, less body pains. I do miss that. So I guess it is a (small) price to pay for feeling better.

Still cold and sunny days. Teens over night and then near 30* for highs. I do love the sunshine! I missed it during those long gray winter days.

So today is my day #1 of refocusing on my ultimate goals. emoticon emoticon

* Tracy *
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2/21/18 6:21 P

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Don't even know where to start....all kinds of stuff going on, yet nothing at the same time.

So Tom was in a car accident yesterday. 3rd time he has crashed this car. And of course it was his fault again. Times like this make me feel he shouldn't be driving anymore. He doesn't pay attention well enough to what is going on around him. Some of the vision issues may improve after the cataract surgery - which still needs to be scheduled. So now we wait for the $200 traffic ticket and I get to figure out how to pay for that.
I will have to cancel our weekend trip we planned to Seattle in April. We were pushing it anyways on coming up with enough $ for it, and this just makes it impossible.

My eating has been super slack and I feel like crap for it. I was up 2# last weekend. I cannot afford for that to happen again. I need to really rein in my carbs and up the good fats. I know I can do it without feeling deprived, it's just getting started again with that discipline.

It is so very easy to get lazy and so hard to correct it and get back on track again.

* Tracy *
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2/6/18 3:07 P

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Have been ravenous the last few days and just realized that it's my hormonal time of month. *sigh At least I know the reason.

I have been keeping my net carbs to 20g/day. I haven't switched to total yet. One step at a time. I have felt good though overall since my last journal entry.

My sciatica is still giving me some problems. Not sure how to help alleviate that pain. My support sock are helping with the plantar faciitis pain in my left foot.

I am trying to not turn to emotional eating right now. My mom is now facing some serious health issues and am not at all prepared for that. I mean we all expect our parents to die, that's inevitable, but we don't really prepare for the health issues that can accelerate that process.

Mom has been dealing with heart problems (a-fib), liver issues, kidney failure and most recent is diabetes. The most uncertain issue right now is the stage 4 kidney failure. We met with a CKD (chronic kidney disease) educator yesterday and were completely unprepared for the severity of the situation. Now my parents (and us kids) need to start preparing for the end stage of the CKD. Barring any unforeseen tragic event, she would naturally progress to stage 5 and need dialysis. Thankfully my sister works in that field of working with patients near end stage liver and kidney failure has has knowledge of what red tape they need to start tackling now so that she can preserve her quality of life. Mom is only going to be 71yrs old this fall. I know she is already tired of being told to "not do that' or "you have to avoid this" or "you can't eat that".
Dad likes to try and keep his emotions bottled up and when he is concerned it comes out as him being angry. I could tell by his body language that the had no idea what her kidney situation was and what they are facing ahead. Her doctors have not told her anything about what stage 4 kidney failure means, other than they are damaged and not working properly. So they were sort of blindsided.

My parents, especially my mom, are my world. And it is going to be very rough. I am trying really hard to keep it all in perspective and to stay focused. If I can try to keep it more analytical right now I will be fine and I can stuff the emotions inside for a bit longer. Because I know I will totally lose it as things progress. We are having a family meeting this Sunday to learn more and discuss what we need to do next.

We have some nice spring weather right now. Mostly sunny and in the 50's. We were in low 60's a couple of days...such a nice change from the gray blah of winter we have had.

Well, as you can see there is a lot going on and I am doing my best to hang in there.

* Tracy *
Washington


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WARRENDEATH's Photo WARRENDEATH SparkPoints: (33)
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2/2/18 9:18 P

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Good luck, Tracy! The road is a long one, with many ups and downs. Don't beat yourself up for slipping up. Just correct yourself and stay the course. Once progress hits and you see physical changes, it gets much easier. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to every come here for help or simply message me! Good luck! :) looking forward to reading what you have to offer!

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MOMOFBOYS's Photo MOMOFBOYS Posts: 8,911
2/2/18 11:58 A

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Tracy,
We have a lot in common. I am trying to go low carb as well but I have only been somewhat committed. I do fairly well for 5 or even 6 days and then I seem to blow it. I'm trying not to be a perfectionist about all of this and find something that works. I am fine with losing a couple pounds a week as long as I am going down. I do exercise and that helps me have more energy. I am 50 almost 51 and I have been struggling with my weight forever. I know you said you were Keto so are you staying under 20 grams a day? Net or total? Right now I am staying under 50 carbs/day net and I lost 10 pounds so far in the last 3 weeks. I am trying to drink a lot more water as well. Just thought I'd let you know that I am in the same boat and maybe we can help each other, share what's been helping and recipes etc. Best of luck and great job so far!

Wendi
North Dakota

"Fall seven times, get up eight"~Japanese proverb

"Listen for God's voice in everything you do and everywhere you go; He's the one that will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:6

No matter how slow you go you are still lapping everybody on the couch.

Be the girl you were too lazy to be yesterday.


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TRACY6659's Photo TRACY6659 SparkPoints: (96,449)
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1/31/18 6:10 P

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Ok...so here we go into a new year.

I made some good progress in 2017. I determined that for me to lose any weight, I must cut out high carb, processed foods and as much sugar as possible.

I started Keto on 6/1/17 after doing a lot of research, and frankly feeling a little overwhelmed by all the information and opinions. I spent the first couple of months going full speed with amazing results. That slowed by October. Since then I have been at a war with my scale.

BUT, I am down 3 sizes in clothing. Went from 5x (30/32) down to solid 3x (22/24). For that I am very grateful and proud of myself.

January was a month of pity parties, rethinking my plan and wondering if I really need to be so strict all the time. And I realized today, that yes, yes I do. That sort of makes me angry...you know, the standard "why me?", "why do I have to always work so hard 100% of the time".

But it is what it is. My reality. I am me.

So this is what has been happening the last couple of weeks. I thought maybe I could switch things up and count net carbs and have more variety. After all, I am constantly in differently Facebook groups and SP teams, reading how others are doing it and its working for them, etc.

I have actually felt, unsatisfied and rather lost in a way... and very angry and irritable. It's a crazy feeling. I used to be like this all the time and now that it is "back", I don't like it all. And neither does DH. *sigh - so not fair to him. But I am still proud of myself for analyzing and realizing what it is and possibly how to correct the situation. I am guessing that it must be hormonal...whatever I am eating now, that I wasn't before or vise versa, is causing different chemicals/hormones to be released in my body.

I know I can do it....but still feeling quite anxious. I like how much more energy I had for a while and the mental clarity that was there too.

So tonight I need to start planning out all my foods and meals ahead of time, including to snack or not to snack. Make sure I have the correct foods that I need at home to set myself up for success.

I am really hard on myself....why do I keep struggling so much when I read of others that are just cruising along with amazing success? But I need to stop that somehow. I am 51yrs old and trying to relearn and change about 40yrs worth of habit, thinking and approach to life. That isn't a small task!! And I KNOW that it isn't impossible.

I need to find ways to not hyper-focus on the big picture and just work my way through this....this is MY life and I want to live it and be happy. Learning is about adapting, changing and creating new habits....a lot of trial and error for sure.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

* Tracy *
Washington


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