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7/5/18 2:31 A

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emoticon emoticon Happy birthday America! What a great day. We had an amazing dinner provided by a group effort. I made scalloped potatoes because I was so hungry for them. Our son did sauteed peppers and onions, pasta salad with a ton of veggies, broccoli, and fresh Jersey corn on the cob. Hubby grilled boneless chicken breasts, bone in chicken legs and sweet Italian sausage. And tossed salad is always on the table.

Later on we had a pie eating contest. It's a tradition with our son and his family and we jumped on the bandwagon. I did not win. I did not come close. My 4 year old granddaughter won hands down. I loved the pie. A treat I don't often have. It was so much fun!

Gotta love family and holidays. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/2/18 2:16 A

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It was going so well. Then appeared wings, nachos, a raw veggie plate and beer.
Yikes! Life happens and we do this sometimes. And I joined in. No wings, a few nachos and some raw veggies. Washed it down with a couple light beers. We'll see how it goes.

A conscious decision to enjoy a treat. I'll see the impact it makes and decide if I need to pare down what I had. The truth is we would have a treat like this before I gained this weight, and I hope I can still do so while losing. That's called life. Back on track tomorrow.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/1/18 12:51 A

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Stressful day! emoticon I get in my own way because of my physical limitations and it just doesn't go well. One of those days where every time I tried to do something, I had to take care of 5 other things just to get to it. UGH! I need to get a better handle on some things.

I still stuck to my food plan and it was another day with no snacks after dinner. I have to keep my focus and stick to the plan.

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/30/18 1:18 A

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Still at it with a good attitude. I lost two pounds when I weighed in on Thursday! I will be weighed twice a week at rehab. I need to keep my focus and stay on track. I have two months of rehab left and hope to come out of there a few pounds lighter. I know I can do this.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/27/18 11:51 P

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Almost embarrassed to say this yet again. But...…… emoticon emoticon

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/26/18 10:35 P

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Thank you so much INACAR. It just takes time and patience.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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INACAR's Photo INACAR SparkPoints: (12,926)
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5/14/18 1:06 P

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I pray that you will find the right answers to making your life better.

KISS-Keep It Simple Sweetie!
Have you ever wished for different?
Now is the time to make it happen.





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5/2/18 4:10 P

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Still dealing with this cold/sinus issue or whatever it decides to be. Hoping to stay on point with nutrition. Exercise is not on the menu right now.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/22/18 2:37 P

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Well what I thought was a flare up seems to be my new normal. Ugh. I have to fight through this. That and steroids were not kind to me and I gained 10 pounds. I got this.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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10/10/17 2:13 A

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Still dealing with an exacerbation. Our son and family visited from NC and it was so hard to do much. Had to use a wheelchair. I'm a little scared right now. I'm on prednisone. The drug I love to hate. If that doesn't resolve the issue, I'll have "imaging" to determine any underlying issue. Fear.
I mentioned to hubby we were supposed to travel to visit our other son and go to the Food & Wine Festival at Epcot. He jumped on that and made plans. I'm a bit afraid it may be more than I can do. He is the best husband in the world and only wants to make me happy. And I guess, not for nothing, it may be what I should do now.
I have to stay positive. I have known so many people who deal with this. And sadly, I know so many who lost their battle. Prayers for strength, recovery and love.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/26/17 12:41 A

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Back at it yet again. Yikes. I really have to stick with this and lose some of this weight. Getting better organized at home. Hubby went back to work this week after 10 or 11 weeks of disability. That through me off schedule but I loved having him home.

Was going to do a veggie lasagna for dinner with eggplant, zucchini and spinach, but I was so tired. So I roasted some chicken breasts and made baked potatoes, fresh asparagus and fresh cauliflower. It was so good. Nothing better than fresh veggies. We'll have the lasagna tomorrow with a salad. I'll probably make some turkey meatballs for hubby, but I'll keep mine vegetarian.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/13/17 9:45 P

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Dinner tonight was so good. Fresh carrots with dill, green beans from the farmers' market, parsley potatoes and scallops with a lemon butter sauce. I was so happy with how it came out.
Have to get a few things together and send a package to the grandchildren. I should have done it last week. I hate when I procrastinate. It creates stress.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/12/17 8:36 P

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Did great on the treadmill today. 60 minutes total! Food wise - eh.
We went to a farmer's market yesterday and stocked up on our veggies. We also picked up some stuffed cabbage and some focaccia and a small kale/asiago bread. Oh...... and goat cheese.
Lunch was some bread with a spread made of goat cheese and scapes, and raw veggies. Very tasty.
Dinner was a salad, a baked baby potato, and a stuffed cabbage. It was very bland. Hubby served it on top of a nice thick chunk of grilled eggplant that was leftover and that helped it. The eggplant was yummy. I'll make my own golabki when I want it again.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/10/17 9:29 P

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I love my fitbit. It showed me that my weight goal for now is lower than what I weigh. I make excuses. I was on vacation. I went to the fair. It's time for that to end. It's time for accountability. To myself. For myself.

I have a choice to make. Do I want to continue this way? Isn't it long enough? I know what to do. I know the healthiest way to do it. I know the best way for ME to do it. It's overdue.

I have to give myself the chance to feel better and breathe easier. I HAVE to do this. I don't want to have to consider serious options regarding my health. It's time to grow up, pull up my big girl thong and open my eyes to reality.

I'm going to start with raising my step goal to 3500 per day. I did it today and it was not hard. It was when I started, but not now. Can I sustain it 7 days a week? I don't know. But I have to try.

So tomorrow is emoticon . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon





Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/10/17 3:36 P

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Off track again after the fair yesterday. Had to take all my jewelry off because of all the sodium. Today is back to business. Lunch was 1/2 Smart Ones pizza and a cup of a veggie medley. Dinner will be tilapia and an eggplant, tomato and onion stack with a side of green beans.

I don't want to lose it now. I'm finding motivation here on Spark. Getting my steps in and will do strength training tomorrow with hubby. I hope to be down 5 pounds by the end of the month. 3 weeks.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/6/17 7:50 P

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Back to it now. After a 2 week vacation gain, it took 2 weeks to lose it. That's a month of no loss. Following my best "rules" again. Cut down sodium and cholesterol. Dr cut back my cholesterol medicine and I want to keep it like that. Get that fitbit back to work and help motivate me. Be active. Everyday. Plan meals in advance. Plan exercise in advance. That one is new for me but it works.
Get outside and enjoy these beautiful days while they're here. emoticon
Before long I'll be complaining about the snow and cold. emoticon
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/6/17 9:30 P

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As expected, my Monday weigh in showed no loss. That's OK. It doesn't change my outlook or plan. We started this on June 7th. My weigh in (unofficial) this morning showed a 2 pound loss. That would bring the 1 month total to 16 pounds! I know it will go slower now, but that is some massive motivation.

Picked up Joel Fuhrman, M. D.'s book "Eat to Live Cookbook" at the library today. Can't wait to get into it. I love cookbooks and trying new recipes.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/2/17 7:16 P

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I may not see a loss this week. I ate more than I had been and my weight is holding steady. I still ate below my calories but I didn't cut back as much as I had been. A little crazy to have to do that to lose weight, but I have always had that issue. I just happen to have more weight on me than I ever have. That is why I lost 14 pounds from 6/8 to the end of the month. I knew it would slow down and I just have to keep at it and accept it.

Keep it up, track food, exercise. I can do this.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/1/17 2:44 P

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One day I'll figure it all out.

Edited by: ZELDA13 at: 7/1/2017 (14:46)
Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/1/17 1:48 P

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Well I was afraid it would happen. I lost a bit of control last night. I had popcorn, a lot of it, a yogurt and kept picking at the leftover tuna hubby made for dinner. Yikes! And by some wondrous miracle I came in at 1199 calories. Tired and sluggish all day and too hot for exercise.
So I am now committed to keep it on point for the next few days.

On a high note I just realized I met my first mini goal that I set. The goal was to hit 199 lbs. My weigh in Monday put me at 198.
emoticon emoticon

Can you say motivation?

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/29/17 10:50 P

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Another good day. A few more calories than I would have liked, but no more than I should have. Had a lamb chop for dinner with a salad and cauliflower. OK... the cauliflower was in cheese sauce. But it was soooo good. I have that maybe once a year.

So motivated to keep eating well and to exercise. I will admit that while grocery shopping today there were so many things that looked good that I don't allow myself to have. Crackers, pretzels, pizza. I could go on. But the worst I did was pick up Green Giant cauliflower in cheese sauce. I can live with that.

Hubby's coming along well after his surgery. He is doing great with his weight. He has great motivation and great will power. We need to support each other so we are both successful. And healthier.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/26/17 8:18 P

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Holy cow! 3 pounds down this week. It's been a great start. Since starting on 6/7, I'm 14 pounds down. That's amazing. The first week was crazy but I know it will be slower from here on in. That's OK. I got so much motivation from this. Anxious to see where I am at the one month mark.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/25/17 11:40 P

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Another day done with. Hubby's getting a little better every day. He's been walking around the house. By the end of this coming week, I'm hoping we can do a little walking outside. He was told to take short walks, 3 times a day.

Had to run to the grocery store today. Picked up salad mix, carrots, fresh strawberries and blueberries, frozen asparagus, brussels sprouts, a vegetable medley and mashed cauliflower. With hubby out of commission it's all up to me so I'm taking a few shortcuts. Still have fresh kohlrabi which I'll make tomorrow for dinner along with a green veggie.

Tomorrow morning is weigh in. We'll see how it goes. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/24/17 4:13 P

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A disadvantage of daily weigh ins: I have a pound that cannot decide if it really wants to leave me. I hope it decides to go by my Monday weigh in.
Still feeling strong and motivated. I FINALLY got my Fitbit set up. I absolutely love it! Amazed at how much information it provides.
Hubby's feeling a bit better every day. Somehow he gained 6 pounds since his surgery on Wednesday. He spent a day and a half on a liquid diet and ate very light on that second day for dinner. I think it will all work itself out. We're eating healthy and he's increasing his walking a little each day. It takes time.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/22/17 9:15 P

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Just over a week left in June. Hoping to finish the month strong. I would love to lose 2 more pounds. That is my short term goal.
Hubby may be home for all of July recovering from his surgery. We've been working well together on our diet. We'll start walking together when he's able. He has such focus. We usually take turns sabotaging each other. We are both on board this time and enjoying success. Of course it's just over 2 weeks so far, but that's a start.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/22/17 10:00 A

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2 weeks in and still motivated and doing well. Hubby had surgery yesterday so no food for him. Not much for me. Just a busy day. We'll be back on track in no time. Hoping to get through the month feeling as strong then as I do now.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/20/17 1:02 A

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Doing well on my low carb/low sodium meal plan. Also doing what some would consider very low calorie. It's working for me. Lost 10 pounds so far in June and looking forward to a couple more. This past week I had no loss. That's OK. I hoped to lose ten pounds for the entire month and thought that I was reaching too far. I'll take it. I know it's not the norm and won't last so I am thrilled so far.

Hubby's heart tests came out OK. An enlargement of the heart which the doctor expects will correct itself with weight loss and a lower sodium diet. His BP readings have also improved. His surgery is now scheduled for this Wednesday. I hope they can do it this time. He is beyond ready for this.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/10/17 10:10 P

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Hubby goes Monday for his stress test. Fingers crossed.

DH is now also committed to losing weight. We're a week in and still doing well. I am still motivated and am surprised at how well we've both done. As long as we do this together there is no stopping us!

I finally started back again with some exercise. I got a lot of time in doing housework. I counted some of it as exercise because I haven't done much in ages. My vacuum broke and I had to use my old one to vacuum which means using the crevice tool while crawling on all fours. LOL Can't make this stuff up. I did get a good workout.
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Edited by: ZELDA13 at: 6/10/2017 (22:23)
Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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5/31/17 9:09 P

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Quite surprised that my last post was the middle of April. Guessing that I was referring to hubby's hernia. Surprising it is still going on. Still waiting for his surgery. Finally went for surgery yesterday and they decided his EKG didn't look right. Now onto new challenges with him. At least they finally put him out of work last week. A lot less pain for him.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/15/17 1:47 A

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A crazy couple days. Getting stressed about our trip. Just your basic anxiety. I'll work it out. And found out hubby will need surgery. Again. Nothing urgent, but still stressful. Honestly it's like every 2 or 3 years something comes up for this wonderful man. And we'll get through it together.
Bad food day for me today. I've been doing well but I wonder if I have this "need" to sabotage myself. Is that a thing? Probably just the excuse I landed on today. Better day tomorrow. And just because I love emoticons>>>

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/13/17 1:51 P

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Getting ready for a road trip. Trying to come up with a few snacks that will last for the car trip. If we can stop at a Wawa or a place like that, I can pick up hard boiled eggs, veggies, fruits and cheese. I am looking forward to this trip. A chance to catch up with family.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/8/17 2:18 A

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And the results of my efforts are that I gained 2 pounds! And I will just have to deal with that. In the long run it will all work out. A little deflated right now, but I know I will have good results in the long run.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/5/17 8:01 P

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Very motivated today. Didn't sleep last night and dragged myself through the day, but was able to eat well. Now, if I can just get through the next couple of hours.
Hope I can carry this through for a few days. Planning my meals out to include all the best foods. I love people who are able to only eat what will help them reach their goals and don't slip up. That's not my reality, but, I don't get upset like I used to if I do mess up. That took a while to learn.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/5/17 6:12 A

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And here we go again. Another renewal. Visiting our son and three grandchildren in a few weeks. So excited to make the trip. Love those babies. Hoping to stay with it until then. We'll eat out while we're there and I am pretty sure I'll get salads. Love them. We usually cook at home, but sometimes we need a break from it. There's a pizzeria that has the best salads. Grilled chicken salad is great, and a portabella mushroom salad runs a close second. One of about ten salad choices they offer.
And of course, I still have those days when I just get pizza. I may have salad too, but I love my pizza. I try to plan and work it into my tracker. Some days are more successful than others. I just have to not give up. I can do this.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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3/14/17 11:43 P

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So far, so good. Hubby and I went out last night for a few cocktails before the storm hit. Also had a couple today. But it's all good. Back to it tomorrow. Took out a beef roast to cook in the oven and help keep the house warm. We picked up 18 inches of snow last night into today. Quite cold and windy. Hubby got his cardio in shoveling. All 18 inches. Good man.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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3/11/17 4:38 A

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I'm a week in on my new start. So far, so good. So often I get sidetracked after I start due to illness. Fingers crossed, I can gain some momentum this time.

I am still using my nutrition tracker and do it in advance. That gives me the time to play with it to best meet my nutrition goals. It also gives me structure in my diet. I was advised to eliminate carbs except for those that come from vegetables and fruits. That included bread, rolls, pizza, pretzels and so on. It has never been an issue for me, but I never had to exclude it. This time I am having my carbs and working on keeping them low. But if I want a piece of toast, I'm having a piece of toast. Everything in moderation.

I haven't stepped on the scale. I will check my measurements at some point. I tend to get discouraged if I don't see amazing results immediately. Hey, I've been on the diet for 2 days now. I should have lost 5 pounds! If I am following the nutrition guidelines and getting some exercise in, it can't be bad. Even if I lose just a bit of weight very slowly, I am still healthier. And that is my end goal.


Edited by: ZELDA13 at: 3/11/2017 (04:40)
Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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2/16/17 12:03 A

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I'm hoping to step away from the scale. I'll start taking measurements every 2 or 3 weeks and use that for a bit. I get addicted to that stupid scale and it holds too much power over me. I'm done with it until I get a better handle on everything.

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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2/16/17 12:00 A

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Time to change it up a bit. I have been trying for ages to follow my doctors suggestions and I just cannot maintain the routine. It makes perfect sense, but I need to see if another plan might work better for me.
I can do without sweets, I don't drink soda, and I seldom eat fast food. I was told to get carbs from veggies and eliminate bread, pizza, crackers, pretzels and so on. I get it. It makes sense. But I struggle with it. I never craved carbs before but I do now. I have a hard time meeting my calorie goals with a mostly low cholesterol or vegetarian diet without carbs. I have issues with dairy and have eliminated most of that and prefer to eat low cholesterol as mine is high.
So I am adding some carbs back into my diet as well as trying to add some dairy back. A glass of skim milk every day which I have missed so much. And some Greek yogurt. We'll see if it works and if I can handle it daily or if not, every other day. I'm adding some rice, quinoa, lentils and higher carb veggies more regularly. This will make it easier to reach my calorie goals. So here I go again... fingers crossed to be able to maintain. I waited too long to make this change and am looking forward to success.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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2/12/17 12:22 A

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I just don't understand when people on a site like this can be nasty to another member. And I understand less why it is tolerated. I'm sure it's just me. I hate to see someone else taken advantage of, put down or bullied. It's just not right. And yet, it still happens. I know I should just mind my own business and look the other way, but I can't do that. It's a defect of mine. To be dismissive of another does not help anyone except to boost the ego of the idiot making that statement. And for that person to have no real grasp of language, what is "intiment" by the way, only shows ignorance. And to make a second response and not have that addressed by the mediators on the board. Sorry... that's just wrong. We're all here to support each other. We all have issues to deal with and one of them should not be dealing with the rudeness of another member.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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1/31/17 1:02 A

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I need to center myself. When I read through my posts here I sound like a crazy lunatic! I swear I'm not. I think I just share the hardest parts of my life here and don't mention all the good that I am grateful for.
Sometimes things happen that make me acutely aware of the limited time we have on this sweet earth. Two months ago in November, a friend of ours had a severe stroke. He just celebrated his 50th birthday a month earlier. He's in a nursing home now getting rehabilitative therapy, but he may never be able to return home. He's 50 years old! A friend's 21 year old son passed due to an overdose. Don't judge. It is still extremely painful to lose a child and the circumstances mean nothing. Another close friend lost her daughter to cancer. She was 50. Way too young. And yet another friend has been diagnosed with colon cancer. I pray for her everyday. I guess as we age these things happen more often. It doesn't make it easier.
So today I am choosing to celebrate the good in life. I am grateful for my friends in my life. They lift me up and support me. I share a birthday with a friend and we went out to lunch recently to celebrate. I've known this woman since high school. There's a group of us that keep in touch and get together every couple of months. I am so happy that we are making plans to visit our son, daughter in law and granddaughter in Florida in March. We don't get there often.... work gets in the way, and I cannot wait to see them again. That baby girl is the cutest baby in the world. emoticon
And of course I am always so grateful for my hubby. My soul mate, my one true love. I have been so incredibly blessed for this man to be in my life. So yes.... life is good.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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1/19/17 2:15 A

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What happened that it was so long since I last posted? Actually a lot. Too many crazy things that threw me for an emotional loop. Thank you friends and family I say with sarcasm. I just need to suck it up and keep moving on. I have to let go of the stupid fantasy I had of a big old family love and support fest. Not just for me, but in general.
Gotta work back with the people that support me.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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11/26/16 9:45 P

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Well it worked. Finally started eating what I know I should eat and am slowly feeling better and less exhausted. All I have to do now is start again. My start date is December 1st. Fingers crossed. LOL

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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11/18/16 12:22 A

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Hoping to keep a positive attitude and get over this whatever it is and get back to business. It's just the way it goes sometimes. I'm wondering (hoping) my potassium is low and that is what is exhausting me. It happened once before but it was worse than this. So I am now focusing on spinach, low sodium V8, skim milk, bananas, lentils and potatoes. I may pick up some beets too because the greens have a lot of potassium and I love the beets too. Time will tell.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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11/9/16 9:08 A

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Got nothing. What? I don't even speak that way. At a loss. No support at all. DH has always been a quiet, private person, but not to this extent. It's making me crazy. He had vacation and we were supposed to go to Florida to visit our son and his family. Planned on going to Epcot again for their Food & Wind Festival. We didn't go... he chose to ignore my questions about it and left if for me to tell the kids we weren't going. I made up a lame excuse about me not feeling well, but really? They adjust their work schedules and it really sucks that he made that decision alone with no reasons I know of. So he now tells me we'll go next month. So our son and DIL again may need to make changes to accommodate us? Doesn't seem right to me. I so want to see them and our 7 month old granddaughter, but we don't have the right to impose on them at our whim. I have to think this through.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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10/16/16 9:55 P

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Been away a bit. Getting back to it again. Lots of salads ahead for us. Salad with chicken, steak, tuna and salmon. I love salad. Also looking to trying a veggie stuffed cabbage roll with zucchini, peppers and onions and whatever else hits me that day. Also we both enjoy a nice veggie soup. I found a new site to look at with some good looking recipes. Que Rica Vida for some new ideas. I will make a beef dish for hubby with the vegetarian meals. His B vitamins run low and he has no issue with cholesterol. Steaks are on sale this week at about $5.00 a pound so I'll pick up a few for him.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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9/12/16 6:26 P

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Still having trouble sleeping at night and my schedule is a mess. Did not have the time to make my sauce for dinner tonight and had to plan something else. I was going to make a sautéed chicken and eggplant parm with spaghetti squash. I like to simmer my sauce for a few hours. So I winged it and sautéed boneless chicken breast seasoned with salt, pepper and turmeric. Added a little butter, some lemon juice and a bit of water to simmer in. Only takes about 10 minutes to cook since I pounded out the chicken. Topped it with a bit of parmesan. Served it over a bed of steamed spinach, a side of veggie fried rice, and a quick saute of halved grape tomatoes with some chickpeas. Really quite good for a meal on the fly without a recipe.
I did weigh and measure my food tonight. I have to keep up with that for a while. I actually have some dishes that I know how much they hold as well as some serving spoons that hold 1/2 a cup. Makes it much easier.
Picked up extra veggies yesterday, we go through them so fast, and hope to hit the farmer's market again tomorrow to pick up some more. I hope to get red peppers, celery, cucumbers, green beans, scallions, and whatever else looks good. That should get us through the week.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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9/11/16 9:38 P

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September 11th. A difficult day. Still so fresh in my mind. Grateful that I am able to enjoy these beautiful days I am given as so many have been taken from others.

Back on track more or less. Even through I took almost a week to "practice" I still find myself surprised that I have trouble. Trying to follow a Fodmaps diet and still trying to continue with some vegetarian days and some vegan days. My food tracker is right now more of an experiment every day trying to figure it all out. My goal with this is to eliminate pain and other consequences of food allergies. I have to keep at it and learn as I go along.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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9/5/16 3:30 A

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Struggling again. Some unkind words just zeroed out the little bit of self esteem I had. Which means I put off taking care of myself because - why bother? This is what I need to get over. I still owe it to myself to be my best and I can't let nasty comments bother me. If anything they should empower me. So I will do the best I can to get back on track and remember that I AM worth this. I deserve to be my own priority.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/31/16 10:27 P

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Tomorrow's the day. The full elimination diet. I did well for the past week in learning what I would normally eat fits into this "diet". And, as is typical for me, I spent today eating so many things I would not usually have. Not that I didn't want them or enjoy them, but because it was not the best choice I could make. So yesterday was hubby's day off and we had yummy sandwiches. Too much bread and cholesterol. We had a few beers. I had some pretzels. Always one of my #1 snacks. Gluten and sodium. Was at the doctor and had blood work done. So today I had whole eggs over easy with toast. I have them maybe twice a year because of the cholesterol. And had a pork chop with sauerkraut and onions over potatoes for dinner. The sodium and the onions are not so good for me. And I did the worst..... I asked hubby to pick up a dessert. We NEVER eat dessert. But he picked up 2 pieces of yellow cake with chocolate frosting. It was good. I really enjoyed it.
I am ready to commit to this change to alleviate digestive issues I've been having. Hubby is so supportive. I could not ask for more.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/26/16 11:00 P

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Today I am grateful for being given such a beautiful day. The end of summer is nearing and I must take advantage of this.
I started reading about FODMAPs. It was initially quite overwhelming but I kept reading and finally decided to give it a try as best as I can to start at least. Trying to move toward a more plant based diet as well as gain better control of my cholesterol let to beans and lentils. I love them and would have them every day. No more. One of the foods to eliminate on the FODMAP diet. Along with cauliflower, mushrooms, onions, apples, gluten and a lot of dairy. These are things I usually eat on a regular basis.
After a few weeks you slowly introduce these foods back into your diet individually as you determine if it causes distress. If not, you're all good. If so, it's better to avoid it. Today I had some a Wasa cracker which I thought was OK but it isn't and I noticed it. I did also have some lima beans because I didn't want to toss them and so far so good. I started a food diary to note results and reactions. I did pick up rice cakes as they are OK. This will be quite the learning experience for me but I hope it resolves some physical issues.

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/23/16 12:23 P

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Seriously out of sync lately. Today is, once again, my last hurrah. Too many awesome friends and neighbors and picnics and cookouts and adult beverages. Have to get this big old rear in gear and be more committed. It's not even so much about weight at this point but about health. We're supposed to go to Disney in October and I expected I would weigh less than what I will. This has been planned since at least March. YIKES! Hubby and I together. We love each other for ever but at some point one of us needs to grow up and be the voice of reason. We'll see who wins that race.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/16/16 10:11 A

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8/16/16 12:45 A

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I dared to comment on anothers post. Always posts in the Panic Button! board. Well, God forbid I make a comment. This is a woman in her 40's that, yes has an illness, and lives with her parents. Her father, in his advanced age, still works to help take care of her. And she does nothing but complain and bemoan her situation. Well, posters beware: do not suggest she do anything to help herself. She refuses to follow any plan to help herself physically and has nothing but contempt for her family that tries to help her. What a shame. She is blinded to the fact that she could help herself.

Edited by: ZELDA13 at: 8/26/2017 (00:47)
Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/15/16 12:06 P

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Something to keep in mind. Not easy to read about anothers pain, but some very insightful words.
you sound like me. 6 years E from ED. Realize family supports and feeds her hatred of me. I could never win. No explanation, no mercy, no love. Just hate. Time to move on for me. Depression is anger turned inwards. You have every right to feel a mammoth rage. Let yourself feel the rage and the depression will improve. Am not sure of your story, but am betting like rest of us you did a hundred things wrong as a mother, but ten thousand right. Stop beating yourself up. To break you is their goal. Don't let the dark ones win. Love is not hate. Sarcasm is not respect. Groveling is not acceptance. It is settling for lowest common factor. If you do not believe you deserve better than that, then the dark ones win. Don't let them win.
No such thing as reincarnation. This life only one we get. Don't give it to the dark ones. Live your life for you. Live it for love, respect and acceptance. Settle for nothing less.


Edited by: ZELDA13 at: 8/15/2016 (12:08)
Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/14/16 6:24 P

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Time to take a step back. Time to explore my feelings and emotions and the impact they have on me. At one time I was a kind caring person. I'm afraid that has changed. I believe it started after being diagnosed with a chronic illness. I joined support groups to help as well as physical rehab to help combat the physical symptoms. Some within these groups had transplants and I had an evaluation for one as well. It worked well to some extent. I made friends that understood what I was dealing with and made no judgments. But at some point, too many passed away. They died. Some with transplants, some without. The first group of people I met - we got to know each other so well. We would meet for lunch and socialize. And none are still here. And I miss them. And I eventually had to walk away because it hurt too much to keep losing friends. And I wonder that I replaced grieving with anger. Obviously I know what my outcome will be. Funny, the same as before I got ill, but most likely sooner. I should be celebrating what I still have and still can do, but I feel like I am stuck. And I don't know how to change it. I really need to take a few steps back and get my head together.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/14/16 4:15 A

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I really don't want to be this big angry crybaby. The news today had a story about yet another shooting at a mall. However, this is a mall that we have been to with our son and his family. I am beside myself. I want to make sure they are safe, but I cannot deal with no response from him if that is his choice. How did this happen? I am beside myself.
My sister was going to visit. She's about 16 hours from us. We've made that trip every year for about 20 years. And that was expected from us. We were going to go to a parade in a town that we lived in for a few years and have relatives there. Sadly, they had to cancel the parade. Small towns, small budgets. Just a shame. Well, sister has decided to not visit. I am heartbroken. I thought I might have been one of the reasons she would visit, but I am wrong. I have to get my head together and stop being so thin skinned. As much as I thought I was a nice person, I guess I need to get over that and figure out what I need to change. And I am tired. I am tired of trying to be the person that others want me to be. And even then, it would make no difference. Rant over. Time to pull up my big girl panties and keep on with life. My hubby loves me to death and I love him even more. We met when I was 16. 43 years ago. WOW! He said he knew he would marry me when he first met me. And he was a bit sneaky, LOL, but he was patient and he was right. We were best friends for years before we actually had a date. And this is what I need to focus on. He is my family now. He is always there for me. We may get upset with each other once in a while, but we can throw that aside and share our strengths when we need to. This is what I need to focus on. He is my strength, my love, and my true family. And I am the luckiest person in the world to be able to say that.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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8/7/16 1:33 A

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Sadly this is the only place I feel I can write about this and feel safe. Writing brings me clarity and peace.
I ran into a friend the other day that I have not seen in ages. We talked and were catching up and she was talking about her niece who is now 10. And showed me pictures of this beautiful little girl that I have known since birth. And she asked about my boys and families. I was able to show her lovely pictures of my newest granddaughter. Alone, with Mom and Dad, with us. And I went to show her pictures of my younger sons children and realized they were all so outdated. And it hit me that I may never see newer pictures of these beautiful babies. We may never be able to see them again. And it made me realize how this affects other relationships. Without knowing what heinous things I have done, I am wary of any interactions I have with others. What if I offend them the same way? What happens if I turn everyone against me? I need time. Time to get my head together and time to slowly spend time with others and find the trust in myself to remember that I am not a monster. I'm really not. I am a nice, decent, honest person who can always find the best in others. I am praying for strength and peace for all.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/30/16 11:50 P

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He's gone. He's done. He left me. I tried with all that I had to hold onto him and it meant nothing. My son has walked away from me and wants nothing to do with me. I don't know why. I don't know what I did. I have asked and was pushed away. This is a long time coming. It's been in the works for months. And when I tried to understand, it only pushed him further away . My heart is so broken. I don't know what to do. My beautiful grandchildren. There are 3. And they are so tiny. The oldest one just turned 5. And I may never see them again. How do I do this. How do I live with such a broken heart? I would do whatever I had to do to fix this, but he won't talk to me. I cannot wish anything for him except the best. I want him to be happy. I want him to be successful. I don't wish any ill will to him. I love my baby too much to wish him anything less. I am just dying inside.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/22/16 5:13 P

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Paying dearly today for overdoing it yesterday.... but.... emoticon emoticon .

I can do this. I will do this. I am stronger than I know. emoticon



Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/21/16 6:43 P

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I spent forever cleaning today! Enough that I actually added some to my tracker. I've been going for hours now. Last push before hubby gets home tomorrow. Added 45 minutes to my tracker. It is never ending!
My new 10 day challenge will bring me to the end of July. It is doing squats and the superman exercise for 8 of those days. On the treadmill, I will do 10 minutes of my time at an incline. May not seem like much but it will be a challenge for me.

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/20/16 9:54 P

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Another sleepless night. Finally nodded off around 6 or so. Woke up around 2:30. Really throws my day off. Have to take medicine and not supposed to eat for an hour. Yeah.. I was hungry! Had the soup I planned for breakfast and it wasn't long before I was hungry again and I made my big old salad. Still not too hungry for dinner but I'll have something,
Feeling motivated.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/18/16 1:14 P

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One pound down! Very happy about that. Hoping for another one next week.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/11/16 11:45 A

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It is a beautiful day today! The sun is shining, it's not too hot and I feel great.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/7/16 12:43 A

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OK. I think tomorrow I will be amazing! Yesterday was the worst, UGH! No problem eating today. Just the opposite in fact. I had so little to eat yesterday and nothing stayed long enough to fill me, but I was too sick to eat. I got up today and was starving, but still needed to sleep. I had toast in the morning, a salad for lunch, and a salad for dinner and hubby grilled a London broil. OMG! I could not stop eating! It was delicious! I had a second helping of salad and ended up eating a lot of meat. I decided it was probably because of yesterday and refused to be upset about it.
My plan tomorrow is to get back on schedule, blast the AC, and get some exercise in. I broke my exercise streak and want to start a new one. I have to check my food tracker as I have not been able to do it, and I have to go through some paperwork that's accumulated. I hope everyone has an amazing day! Be strong.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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7/3/16 1:15 A

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I have been out of it for a few days but am coming back around. DH did grocery shopping tonight so I need to make my menu plan and am not quite ready. So I am making my list here because I'll forget. emoticon

Tomorrow we'll have crab stuffed portabella caps. The supermarket makes them and they are soooo good, but also quite large. So that may be lunch as well as dinner with a simple tomato, cucumber and onion salad. He got a great deal on London broil. So I will marinate 1/2 of one and will make kebabs with mushrooms and onions with a side of steamed spinach and freeze the other half. He picked up bone in chicken breasts which we'll grill with BBQ sauce as well as some sides, maybe 1/2 a baked potato and asparagus. I am making a pot of vegetable soup and can have that with grilled cheese or a salad. And salads. Green gorgeous veggie filled salads. As well as baby arugula and strawberries and blueberries, and slices of tomato and onion drizzled with some balsamic and some fresh cilantro. Always a part of our meals and great if I decide to do the vegetarian meal and give hubby his meat. Shrimp and salmon and I will freeze them both to use later. I also found an awesome recipe for a green power bowl that I saved to Pinterest and make that vegan dish for dinner one night. And falafel over salad another night. Well it seems we have more than a week of dinners and they all sound good.
Also... I am grateful for waking up today and being able to see this wonderful world and my amazing husband. Even today, with all we've been through, I sometimes forget how lucky I am in this crazy life. I will always be grateful for that.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/30/16 10:43 P

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Today I am grateful for the ability to breathe. It is now 3 months since my son or DIL has contacted us Son did send a text on Mother's day as well as one on Father's day, but nothing else. Again.... I don't understand and he will not talk to me about it. I have to make decisions. How long do I let this go on and suffer so badly. It may be time to walk away and be done and realize there may be no resolution to this. I have done what I could on my part. I have tried to understand, but was pushed away when I asked questions.
There are 3 young children. 4 - oops she recently turned 5, soon to be 2, and 8 months. I don't even know anymore. Crazy what goes on in my brain. Too much sadness. I don't know if I can ever understand why. But it may be time to move on. I have to protect my heart. I have to protect myself.... my life. I cannot believe I would have to make such a heartbreaking choice, but it is only in response to a choice that was already made by my son. This is killing me. I never saw this coming. I will never understand what I did to cause this. I only hope I can find a way to resolve this. Not superficially. But with a true whole heart and to be able to be happy looking into the future.




Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/26/16 11:38 P

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I have to be grateful for what I have. I have a truly amazing husband who is honestly the love of my life. I am grateful that I woke up this morning and was able to breathe and see the sun. Need to bask in it's warmth more often. Life is good.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/26/16 12:27 A

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Haven't been able to keep up with my exercise challenge. Just been having some issues. Probably also explains by bad attitude in my last post. I try. Hoping to be able to get back to it tomorrow.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/23/16 3:29 P

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Don't read this. It's just a big pity party. I posted about family estrangement and was less than thrilled with a response. It seemed a little nasty and judgmental to me, but that could be due to my emotional state about it. I don't know. I don't know why I decided to share such a personal issue. I was hoping to get some feedback so I could understand, but I didn't get that. I got sucked in by the feelings I get here of support and camaraderie and let my guard down. A good reminder to keep things to myself not only here, but in my life too. Have to give up my notions of a fantasy world where people actually like and care for others. Which serves me well with the whole issue that brought this on. Why did I think it would be different with family.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/23/16 1:19 A

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I knew early what kind of day it was going to be and I just let it happen. I could have changed it. I could have made it healthier but I let it run its' course. And I enjoyed every second. We live in a very small town but it does have a pizzeria/bar. We visited there for lunch. And ended up staying and getting dinner to go. Oh my! We had such a nice time. We are friends with so many that go there and they have all been at our house at some point. Before I got sick we would have two BBQ's each year. One in May, one in September. We had tons of food, tons of people and tons of fun. Our wiffle ball games are still the subject of many stories. Not a great day diet wise, but I did get some exercise in when I got home.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/21/16 11:59 A

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Day 5 of my fitness challenge. 30 minutes on the treadmill. My login streak is 22 days. Feeling better. Feeling stronger.
Egg whites and broccoli for breakfast. Homemade Pasta Fagioli and splurging on a half of a roast beef sandwich on a hard roll with tomato, onion and mustard. Dinner tonight will be shrimp, fresh green beans, and salad and watermelon for dessert.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/21/16 12:30 A

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Day 4 of my fitness challenge. Still going strong! I did not lose weight when I weighed in on Monday, but I didn't gain either. Even though I averaged about 1160 calories a day, I didn't lose. I know I have to eat less than that to see a loss. I have talked with my doctor and he wants me to be sure I get my protein in, which I do, and take a multi vitamin. I have blood work done often enough to know if I am lacking in anything which hasn't happened. I do try to eat a good variety of foods, keep my sodium and cholesterol low, and doc suggested I limit carbs. I did need to be more regular with exercise, and so far, so good.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/18/16 8:29 P

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Day 2. Did 59 minutes of fitness today. Some on the treadmill, some lower strength exercises. I also did a few short Spark videos. They are challenging, but short enough that I can get through them. I hope to keep doing them at times and then be able to move up to more challenging ones. Feeling accomplished.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/17/16 10:06 P

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My exercise has not been regular. It has taken a bit of time to get back into it. So I started a 2 week challenge today. Exercise every day through June 30th.

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/17/16 1:55 P

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Let the sun shine on your face and let it's warmth fill your heart.

I've had a tough couple of days. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Exercise - not too great. Diet - not too great. Mood - pretty bad. Too many thoughts and questions and no answers. Missing my son and his babies so bad, and crying because I don't know if I will see them again. It's similar to a grieving process. The difference is with grief there is usually a finality. I guess I have to just accept what is and deal with it the best I can and then move on. I cannot let this become a permanent part of everyday life. It would just do me in. So.... moving on.

I am ready to take myself back and kick some serious butt! Eating good healthy food and putting those snacks away! I am on an 18 day streak of signing into Spark. And I have done pretty well over all. I took my time with the exercise, but I am now ready to commit to that. I am ready to set some goals for fitness to help me meet my long term goals.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/13/16 12:22 A

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Where did the week go? It's a week since I wrote here in my daily journal. Well, let's see. I started sleeping better which gave me more energy during the day and I kept busy. I move slow, but I was active. Either getting some housework done as well as getting some exercise in. I walked on the treadmill, marched in place, and also got some strength training done. I am still very motivated.
I weigh in tomorrow morning. We'll see how that goes. Last week I gained 6 pounds. And that was eating well and being active. I know it could be due to the fact that I again had trouble sleeping. And I know it can be water weight. Either way, I know I ate well and got some exercise in so I know I am healthier. I hope to see a loss this week but I know that can also be water weight. All in good time the fat will come off. I just have to keep the motivation going.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/6/16 6:29 A

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Well I weighed myself today. I weighed in on 6/02 and I knew it was a mistake and the scale showed I gained 3 pounds. That was OK. Could be water weight, didn't matter - I know better. Once a week is plenty. So I weighed myself this morning. Well, I gained 3 MORE pounds! WHAT! I've been good! I logged all my food and was within my calorie range every day. Yikes.

Time to regroup. This is now an all out war! I want to see progress at the end of the month. I have clothes I want to wear. This week I am increasing my fitness. I will admit I have been slacking but I am taking this one week at a time. I will continue working toward a diet lower in sodium and cholesterol. Some meals with meat, some vegetarian and some vegan. Even though I may not have lost weight, I know I am a week healthier. That is a good thing.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/6/16 6:13 A

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Finally caught up on my sleep! I might have missed a day or two. We went out to dinner with friends on Saturday night, and I think I slept most of yesterday and last night. I did get up to share leftovers from our dinner out. Seafood salad which was yummy! Some greens topped with shrimp, clams, mussels, calamari and shrimp. I actually got 3 meals out of mine. Not too bad on the nutrition until you look at the sodium and cholesterol. OK for once in a while.

Feeling very rested and peaceful. I am still working hard to accept what I have no control over. The fact that my child has turned his back on me. Not knowing if I will see him or my grandchildren again. It is beyond my comprehension. It is out of my hands. I should have seen the signs sooner and saved myself a year of heartache and physical illness. But I didn't and I don't know that I could have walked away. Probably not. Not even for self preservation. Decisions were made for reasons I do not know and that's on him. I may not have much but I do have a clear conscience. Oh and my broken heart.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/3/16 1:40 A

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I am so glad I started this journal. It is a great reminder to be kind to myself. It is a great motivator.
I listened to a blog recently that talked about keeping aware of yourself and others within your circle. I blogged about that here on Spark. Being kind to others as well as yourself.
Last night's dinner was yummy. Leftovers for lunch today. Have to make cucumber and onion salad today as well as tuna salad for dinner tonight. As long as I can continue to eat healthy and not cave in to pizza and beer, I'll be good. I followed that pizza and beer diet for too long. Not my best choice! LOL
Also need to take stock of what's in the freezer. I know I have a steak and some chicken and I need to use that up as well as anything else in there. Enough for now. Maybe sleep will come easier tonight.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/2/16 3:15 P

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Day 2 of my healing journey. Can no longer ignore it. I'm fat! emoticon
I have a hard time eating well and not seeing results on emoticon .
Foolishly, I got on the scale this morning all the while I was telling myself that I know I should not be doing this. emoticon
And of course I did not lose pounds yesterday! WHAT!!!! Baby steps and patience. I am using the month of June to get a grip on this emotional eating that I conveniently use as an excuse. I can do this! I have to be strong to help keep hubby on track. We are a great couple and love each other dearly, but between the two of us have so little self control.
After hubby had a medical incident last month it is vital to be stronger and healthier for both of us. I can do this. He can do this. Dinner tonight is veggies with pasta sauce - peppers, onions, mushrooms, and zucchini and I got Gardein meatballs. Never had them before, we'll see. There's no meat in them and I need to lower my cholesterol so I'll give them a try. Oh... and emoticon for dessert. Gotta love it!
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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6/1/16 6:15 P

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Hubby and I are ready to try it again. Everyone must be sick of hearing that. I'm a little tired of saying it. But there is the saying that if you don't want to start again, don't quit in the first place. Better remember that.
A tiring day for me today so not much activity. Sorry, treadmill. I'm not ignoring you. Excellent dinner. Grilled turkey cheeseburgers and salad. I passed on the roll. I never grilled turkey burgers before. I was afraid they would be too dry. Hubby does the grilling and I let him know we are going to have this again very soon. It was soooo good.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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5/31/16 8:43 P

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Working on a very difficult situation in my life. Not actually working on the situation, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm working on understanding and acceptance of the situation.
My youngest child and spouse have written me out of their lives. It's just over two months since I was told to keep to myself. In hindsight, there were signs for at least a year that I chose to ignore. Any questions I asked were not answered. We had visited several times and were tolerated. They live with their 3 children about 10 hours away.
Over a year ago at our granddaughters birthday party was such an obvious clue and of course I was blind. Two big tables in the party room of a play area. Guess who sat alone at one of the tables? I went over to wish a happy birthday to my granddaughter and said hello to a sister of my DIL and was totally ignored. There were more signs over the year that I thought meant little, but they were keeping track! It got so bad that one trip took close to 3 days to make because my nerves were so bad that we had to stop every hour because the stress made me physically ill. Then there was the holiday, I think it was Christmas, that when we spoke to them that evening, we were told they were too tired to call us. The last time we spoke in March, I again asked questions on what was going on and DIL later sent me a nasty message and that was the end of that. I did get upset speaking with my son, but I don't rant and rave and yell as DIL decided I did. I only wanted to know what I did wrong. I know now they were just waiting for me to give them a reason to blame me for this.
Well, apparently everything I did was wrong. My apologies were never responded to. We sent our granddaughter a gift card for her birthday. Don't know if she got it. No acknowledgment. So it looks like we will not be allowed to contact our grandchildren.
My goal now is self preservation. I refuse to let them have any impact on my emotions or feelings anymore. Yes, I am sad. But I still have a life to live and I will not spend the rest of it looking for answers. I did the best I could for my children. I gave them roots and I gave them wings. And I got kicked to the curb like a bag of trash.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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5/27/16 3:07 P

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Still working on motivation. It'll be fine. Other issues going on that need to be resolved/accepted/worked on.
Hubby had a medical issue a month ago and I had to call 911. Scared me to death. Has another doctors appointment next week and so far everything seems to be OK. I could not sleep at night for the entire week and then some for fear of another episode. I also slept fully clothed for a month "just in case". Made me realize that even though we have wills, POAs, and living wills, I don't know what I would do if I lost him. And vice versa. Things we will work on in the very near future.
In the meantime we both need to be stronger supporting each other to lose some weight and be the healthiest we can be. That is my priority now. The rest will fall into place.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/23/16 3:29 A

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emoticon I have a brand new baby granddaughter! emoticon

She was 10 pounds! That is a big baby! emoticon emoticon emoticon All are doing well. I am over the moon! We are going to visit in about 3 weeks. I can't wait!

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/22/16 1:27 A

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We have two boys. Neither live close by. One is having their first baby probably by tomorrow. We'll be there in about 3 weeks to visit. That gives her family time and themselves some time before we get there. My other son has 3 beautiful babies, 4, 2 and 6 months. We are hoping to stop there as the oldest one will be having a birthday. They have been so distant for months now and I tried to talk to my son about it. Hopefully we can put our differences aside. My children are my life. I would never do anything to hurt them.






















Edited by: ZELDA13 at: 4/24/2016 (03:51)
Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/17/16 10:35 P

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Well.. when I fall off the wagon I fall hard and fast. It's close to a week I think. Hubby and I decide we'll enjoy some adult beverages and while we're out, why not have something to eat? The other day it was a bacon cheeseburger of all things! I aim to eat a more vegetarian based diet and I enjoy it. I don't think I ever ordered a bacon cheeseburger before! It's like I am determined to get in whatever I can and health and weight be da**ed. :( I have to get back on track. I know what to do. I know I can do it. I'm going away in a month to meet my new granddaughter and I deserve to be able to go weighing less than I do.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/15/16 5:24 P

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Took a little tumble the other night and am nursing my wounded leg. Apparently I tripped over the air. LOL Finally got our taxes done. I don't know why I procrastinated this year, but no more stressing about it.

OK. Back on track. 2 weeks left in April and they are going to be two awesome weeks! We're both committed to this. Dinner tonight is mushroom pizza and salad. Not the most diet friendly food, but we'll work it out. I believe we can still be healthy and enjoy all foods. Maybe a little less often, but that's OK. Tomorrow I may finally get around to making those Black Bean and Lentil burgers.
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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/14/16 6:16 P

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Sounds like you have some really good goals. Keep up the good work, I wish you the best. emoticon

We can all reach our goals!


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4/14/16 11:48 A

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Lost a day or two. Getting back on track. Time to reset and renew.

Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/11/16 3:12 A

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Starting a personal challenge today:
1. Eat vegetarian. Lacto Ovo Pescetarian to be precise.
2. Walk at least 5 days a week.
3. Strength training at least twice a week.
4. Express gratitude.
5. Bring kindness to someone.
I don't have an ending date for this as I will simply do it as long as I can. If unable to complete all steps, I will continue with the others.

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Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/10/16 10:03 P

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Another good day. Walked a bit on the treadmill and food was in line. I usually weigh in on a Monday and we'll see how it goes. I've actually gained a bit over the last two weeks. That's OK. I know I am eating well and eating healthy and I have to keep doing that regardless of the scale. Hubby's lost a good bit. Happy for him. My turn is coming.
Tomorrow is a non-meat day. My meals are set up in my tracker with plenty of room for snacks or changes if needed. I am making Bean Lentil Burgers served on a broiled portabella mushroom cap with sliced tomato and onion. Sides of Brussel sprouts and some leftover spaghetti squash from today.
Since I can not do the treadmill for any length of time (yet) I hope to do it twice. I also hope to get some strength training in. One day at a time. Tomorrow I will only be concerned with how I do on Monday.


Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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4/10/16 1:34 A

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That's not my main goal but it would be a nice benefit.
I started again in January but got a bit side tracked by life. April 5, 2016 will be my day to remember. I am soooo motivated. I am taking charge of my life and refuse to give up regardless of challenges that present themselves. Best of all - my sweet hubby is doing it with me. All of it. So here we go. Baby steps. One day at a time.
Today was the second day in a row I was on the treadmill. In a few days I will add strength training. It makes such a huge difference and I actually enjoy it! My only goal is consistency for now.
I have decided to eliminate beef, chicken and pork from my diet for some time. I need to lower my cholesterol. I know meat can be a part of my diet but I want a jump start. I don't know how long I'll do it. One day, one week? I have my food tracker set up for about 10 days with no meat meals. And my meat and potato hubby is on board too. So I spent time in the kitchen chopping onions, potatoes and a LOT of collards to make Caldo Verde. (Portuguese Green Soup) Never had it before. It has sausage in it. I used chicken sausage and used less than the recipe called for. I also added chia seeds. This is such a good soup! Wow! I also made black beans and some hard boiled eggs. Our only meat today and tomorrow will be the soup. Our other meal tomorrow will be spaghetti squash pizza with black beans and mushrooms. After that, I'll follow the meals I have in my tracker.



Alice

"I have not been placed on this earth to fit your mold or conform to what makes you feel more comfortable with my existence." Michelle Steinke

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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