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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
11/13/18 5:40 P

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Another day of no exercise. This cold is a tough one. I've been prepping soups for the rest of the week. Husband has a colonoscopy scheduled for Friday. Hopefully I will get some of the benefit of the clear liquids prep part - without the other nasty part of the prep. LOL

My son asked for my help yesterday with his situation. I was glad to be of use. I am hoping the situation will be fully resolved soon and some attention will be paid to make the situation a learning one. I am pleasantly surprised that I've learned a couple things from it. How worrying really doesn't do anything. How not being upset and anxious makes you a much happier person. My husband told me to realize that my son asking for my help was itself a huge thing - he asked me if I would have gone to my mom for help - or if I would have even ever let her know what was happening...of course he knew the answer - the same for him with his parents - H#ll No. So - if I ever question my relationship with my kids - remember this. Nice thought.

So - tomorrow is one year since my heart attack. I still have trouble acknowledging it was a heart attack, it was so mild. If I had not gone to the urgent care - I would have recovered fine and never realized I had one. Makes you wonder how many people do have attacks and not realize it. I was talking with someone just last week whose grandfather had a heart attack and died 5 days later from complications. I am glad I listened to my uneasiness and feeling that 'something' just wasn't 'right'. I am very glad to be here 1 year later.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 11/13/2018 (17:41)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
11/11/18 4:26 P

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Still working at recovering from this cold. Ran a low grade fever for about 24 hours. I'm hoping I am finally on the road to recovery.

I've come a long way in a year in handling stress better. A couple things this weekend are having me react with some stress - but I am trying very hard to realize the good in these things. Lessons to be learned. Growing opportunities. Blah Blah Blah. The 'old normal' me would be a mess. I am a bit worried for 1 particular situation and how my older son will move ahead...but there is nothing to be done until Tuesday, so I am telling myself to calm down. I have done what I can to help him. That's all I can do - in addition to the praying I am doing. And hope that he and all involved will learn from this situation and work on fixing things. But, as my husband & I remind ourselves - his life and his choices are just that - HIS.

My younger son managed to lock his keys and phone in his truck. About 2 hours away from us. And he figured out the solution without our help. Yea! Minor thing - but something that usually teaches you a lesson you don't forget. He does actually have a spare key in a container - but it is inside his tool compartment - which is locked. emoticon I believe he will be moving that spare key container.

My BIL had his birthday party yesterday that my SIL threw. He showed up 2 hours early - so the surprise was a gradual experience. The evening was rather sad. I saw a few people we haven't seen in 10 - 20 years. There was some reminiscing of the past when my husband when a teenager - the talk centered on events so far in the past, but considered 'the best' ...reminders of spouses of people in attendance who are no longer spouses...life basically - but it seems my BIL's best part of his life is so far in the past that it really is so so sad. I don't know how to put it into words. My MIL was in bad physical shape last night - lots of falling, leaning, inability to move - like I said - sad.

I need to reshape my thinking. It was wonderful that people came to the party. It was wonderful that good memories were reviewed and laughed about. It was good to reconnect with people I haven't seen in years.

There's a Queen song These are the Days of Our Lives - so true.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
11/8/18 9:30 A

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Thank you Avroien. I am feeling a bit more normal today - but will skip weight class. I am making some chicken soup and will clean the house today. A bit of work will get done later today. Short dog walks also. I wonder how I managed being sick when I had small kids...?

My cardiologist appt went well. EKG appears normal. Last year, I clearly remembering dr telling me to NOT take anti-anflams - ever. I was 'banned' from Aleve and Advil. I can honestly report that in a year - I 'cheated' twice - I had 2 pills over 1 year. While I don't want to go back to aleve multiple times a week, knowing I can have one dose every once in a while comforts me. My legs ache at night - and cardiologist told me to stop the statins from now until Christmas to see if the pain eases up. If it does, I go back to taking it twice a week instead of 3 x per week. If pain doesn't ease up, he said to contact him so he can schedule a MRI to try to figure out what's going on - whether it's exercise pain or something else. I brought up my mom's blood clots and asked whether that is something I should be concerned with - i.e., is clotting a possible genetic thing? I hate sounding like an idiot or paranoid or hypochondriac - but I'm trying to think of anything possible. He said to put that out of my mind.

Then we hit on weight - at my initiation. He's a couple years older than I - said he has experienced the same thing - he has drastically revamped his eating habits. He does a package deal thing that focuses on eating snacks every 2-3 hours, with 1 main meal a day. Lean and green. I looked at the program, but I'm not going to do it. BUT - I find it interesting that just a bit ago I journaled about how as a teenager, I obtained my main nutrition from snacking. There are so many programs out there that say the problem is eating too often resulting in your blood sugar always rising and falling. Then, there's the opposing view that eating every 2-3 hours keeps your blood sugar steady. The 1 main meal a day thing is something I am naturally falling into - I think. At times. Focus on salad. Smaller portions of lean protein, with veggies. I know what to eat. Just do it. I eat too much. I must be honest. I eat too much. I eat too much.

So - eating has not been an issue for me the last 4 days. At least there's a silver lining to feeling crappy.

Deb
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AVROIEN Posts: 11,382
11/7/18 8:19 P

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Hope you feel better soon



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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
11/7/18 8:59 A

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Got hit hard Monday night by some kind of virus. after that great workout at Cardio Strength, I was feeling great - a bit tired, but great. Got in bed a bit early (since I am alone, I can do that!) and I still clearly remember this horrible feeling coming into my sinus area. I've never felt anything like that - headache, jaw ache and a clear shift in sinus area. Bam. Took it easy yesterday, hoping it would lessen up - but no, today is a bad day. It also happens to be my 6 month cardiologist check up day. I already called them to see if they would prefer I stay away - but, no, they said come in and put on a mask. I also have a hair appointment today...and if I don't go to that - no telling when he could get me in. Can't have the grey showing...!

I do not recall being around anyone who has been sick. Which makes me think I was exposed at the gym - using the free weights from class. Who knows where we pick up these germs - I know it could be anywhere - but I get paranoid about the weights. Just need to be sure to wash hands better and wipe the equipment down before I use it.

Hoping I can snap back by tomorrow. It's been a long time since I've had a cold. I've forgotten how rotten you can feel.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
11/5/18 7:20 P

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Cardio Strength today was great. I am feeling it now. I need to get a bit of stretching in tonight so I am not too sore in the morning. Instructor really had us work a bit more cardio in tonight.

Dropped husband off at airport this am. I have a list of things to get accomplished before he returns Friday afternoon...but I am feeling very lazy right now. Although it's only 7:15, since it's already dark due to time change, it's feeling so much later. It would be so nice to just grab a hot shower and fall into bed. But I won't. I need to walk the puppy at least once more before bed, get some laundry done, and a few more things so I feel I accomplished something today.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a very stormy day. Not looking forward to walking puppy in the rain. Hopefully the rain will go away before Spin and Yoga tomorrow.

Waiting to hear from friend about her ex-husband's surgery today. Is no news good news?

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
11/1/18 7:11 P

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weight class today. Then lunch with mom and sister. Then headed to mom's to sort out her computer for her. Not sure what her issues were - all seemed to be ok. We went through how to work everything and I backed all her files up to my hard drive - so whatever she manages to mess up, I can get it right again.

Sister asked me about joining the weight class in January. I told her I'm giving it up at end of December and going only to the gym close to me. She said it's too expensive for her...which annoys me. It is her money - her choice. But, I also hear from her what she spends on 'pick-up' classes here and there, on and off. In my opinion, if she would 'just' spend to join the gym, it's the same. However, knowing my sister as many years as I have - I also know she wouldn't go to the gym. So it is a waste of money for her. I've learned to stay out of it and not offer my opinion. But, of course, I have to vent - so there you go.

Heard from a friend today whose life seems to be falling apart. Her mother, her ex-husband, her son all have health issues on top of her business being in crisis mode. I feel for her. I remember just a couple years ago when I was in complete fall-apart mode and couldn't keep up. Makes you rethink everything.

November already. I'm feeling in good shape - but the weight is still here. Yoga is helping me loosen up some. Hips and back are still very tight - but I'm getting a bit more flexible. November will be a month of keeping on with what I'm doing. What gets done - gets done. No stress. be thankful. be grateful. be happy.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/31/18 10:14 A

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Spin and Yoga Stretch yesterday. Spin does not seem as challenging as I thought it was several years ago - is it because I am attending the 30 min class as opposed to the 60 min class? Probably. Or, is it because I am not at tempo for the standing hills? Definitely. I did get a bit winded at times yesterday - easily rectified after the interval, but I am not sweating...yet. My plan is to keep attending through the end of the year and see where it leads. I'll work at getting to tempo while standing.

Today, is office day. Husband is out of town so I must handle the dogs today single handedly. Walking today.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/29/18 8:39 P

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Made it to cardio strength class today. Felt great. Tomorrow, I hope to get to Spin and Yoga.

I actually did some Yoga stretch moves on the beach last week with my friend - I, who do not ' do' Yoga and am horrible at it! Pigeon pose, I believe it is called and a couple others.

I mull over conversations from last week. My friend has been diagnosed as diabetic and is taking the pill form of insulin. She kept talking about limiting carbs to help her with blood sugar control. Something I know I should do. I came home and really concentrated on eating low carb for 2 days...maybe I should say ' lower carb' than my normal eating. A couple pounds went away. Yesterday, I had the Sunday 'wanna cooks' and made 7 layer bars...the weight was back today. I KNOW I am sugar reactive. Why do I do it to myself?! I do not want to become diabetic. I just need to be aware of reducing my carb intake. Every single day. And limit sugar. And exercise. And not get stressed. LOL

Still trying to be more accepting of what comes my way. Mom called today. She pushed a couple of the buttons she likes to push. I resisted reacting. Deep breaths - it's all good. I just wish I knew whether she is starting to have 'problems' or if she just gets some jollies in messing with me. Or...am I the one starting to have 'problems'??? LOL

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/25/18 8:38 P

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Returned to my life this afternoon. I will get back to work in the morning and anticipate being at the computer most of tomorrow. If I can work it in, I'll get to the gym for something.

Wonderful time with my friend. Ate some wonderful seafood, salads, etc. Really nothing too 'bad'.

I reread part of a book I started months ago, briefed through, but didn't really spend enough time on. When I began reading it, I was a bit annoyed at the author's message - that the 'Universe' will provide if you sit back and let it. As a chronic planner, I have a hard time letting chance happen. the friend I was visiting is also a planner. We discussed this...and as I was mulling over the concept of letting what will be...be...as I sat on a beach, watching the waves, the sunset, feeling the sun and breeze...it finally kinda made sense. Planning everything out in excruciating detail is exhausting, and very upsetting when it doesn't happen as you think it will, and very taxing as you make back-up plans, and back-up plans for the back-up plans, etc. The book basically tells you to expect the best, take chances, go for what you want - and let things happen. as they will. hmmmm - something I have resisted for over 50 years - but maybe about time to start. I drive my husband crazy. I stress out myself and my kids a bit by trying to control everything.

Not to beat a dead horse - but maybe - just maybe - I try to plan too much. I try to live too rigid. Maybe it's time to be a bit more open and flexible. What will happen - WILL happen, despite my plans, my schedules, my diagrams, my desires. I think it's time to live as it comes for a bit. I will work on getting in exercise, eating in a supportive manner...but it's time to be a bit more calm and accepting - and happy - with whatever life hands over. Cause it's been pretty good so far.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/22/18 9:17 A

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I have run away from my life for a few days. Down visiting a friend at her 'next home' once she finally decides to retire - and when her parents do not need her as much at home. This woman has been in my life since 1976-ish. We've had good times, great times, bad times, stupid times...but she's always been there. For me, my husband, my parents, my kids. It'd hard to find friends like that.

Last night we touched on some of the important topics - work, our other best friend's divorce and life, her sister's continuing journey battling cancer which of course led to my memories of Sandra's battle and loss. We have a few more days to talk about the rest - her parents, my mom, other siblings, more work, my kids...life.

I wanted a few days away from my responsibilities to figure out my plan for the rest of the year- and on. My weight is continuing to go up, no matter how or what I eat or exercise. Very frustrating. One item to discuss at cardiologist appt in a couple weeks.

We will go walk the beach in a little bit, and may ride bikes. I am looking forward to getting in the ocean. My friend is still recovering from a virus she had last month. She has chronic fatigue, compromised immunity. So - I know we will not push it too hard. Just what I need, mentally for me. A chance to stop. Not think (too hard). Not do. Just be.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 10/22/2018 (09:18)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/19/18 6:06 P

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I spend time thinking over my 'food memories' before I come here and type them out. I must remember to process the good memories, also. I have typed up a document as I think of things so I can write more about each. I think it;='s going to be awhile before I work through everything. A blog I read here today (IVANHOE, possibly) reminded me to step back and give myself some grace.

I think my dad is probably the most influential person regarding my attitude toward food - funny in that I have read many female posts about how their mothers always dieting and watching food and size impacted them. While I don't remember my mom being on diets or watching food, I do remember her doing Yoga on and off. I may need to do some memory searching regarding mom....

Anyway - my place at the dinner table was to the right of my dad. I always considered my dad heavy - even fat. He loved food. He quit smoking when I was 3 or 4 - and substituted food after that. He seemed obsessed with food to me. I did not like to eat. I grew up in the 70's - so we ate alot of ground beef - ground beef stroganoff, meatloaf, taco salad. Saturday was ALWAYS steak night. I detested any bit of visible fat - and would cut off all traces of it - and my dad would reach over with his fork and eat the fat. Often times, he would just eat off my plate, as I would pick about. I remember many times, just stopping eating because he was eating off my plate. We ate at a unfashionable early time (5PM) - due to his getting home from work at about 4:45 and his wanting to work out in the yard and garden after dinner. Since I had snacked after I returned from school, I was usually not hungry at dinner - hence my picking at food. Then, about 9 PM, we'd all snack on ice cream or cereal as we watched TV. I NEVER ate breakfast, only occasionally ate lunch at school(thus my snacking after school) and as I think back now, my snacks were my main sources of food. But I digress...I remember many times watching my dad at the table and being upset at how much he seemed to enjoy his food. It was as if he was wholly focused on food alone - no conversation, no acknowledgement of anyone else at the table...

How does this influence me today...I tend to pick at my food when at dinner with others. I think I am 'afraid' of having others watch me eat, or being perceived as obsessed with food. I often prefer to eat alone. My braces experience also works in here. I had the glued on braces with the wire running through them - lots of food would stick in the braces. I learned to go long times without eating - and I often preferred to eat alone so I wouldn't have people telling me "you have food in your braces." I do not want people to think I have 'problems' with food. My eating behavior is definitely different when I am alone versus when I am with friends and family - and actually, which family I am with, now that I think about it. I eat very differently when I am with my husband and kids (what I consider normal) from how I eat with my husband's family and my mom and sisters.

Not sure I'm getting the lesson today. Maybe it will come to me later in a dream...

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/18/18 3:57 P

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I think...no, I know... I live too much of my life in an anxious state - waiting for the proverbial 'other shoe' to drop. Not quite sure why, as I only need look back on my life to see it all works out in the end. It's getting to the end that seems to be so difficult. Still anxious about son. He is coming up for his dad's birthday this weekend, so I will have a chance to talk with him - and hopefully ease my anxiety a bit. Time I stopped living worried and scared. I much prefer joyful and optimistic. Anybody know how to just be that way?

I am going to visit a friend out of town Sunday through Thursday. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm pushing down the guilt I feel about leaving husband with all the dogs and work.

Today was weight class. Good, but not as intense as it has been lately. Maybe I am getting stronger? I missed Monday's class due to husband's hand surgery/ Made Spin and Yoga on Tuesday. Yesterday was work, meeting inlaws, and Motion Stretch appt. She used this nifty HyperIce Hypervolt thing - loved it. So I ordered one for husband's birthday. I hope it works on his back some.

Not sure I will get any classes done the rest of the week. I'll get something done at home over the weekend. My friend I am visiting doesn't exercise much - so not sure whether or not I will be able to get anything done. Hopefully some beach time. I'm not going to stress about it.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/14/18 10:14 P

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Anxious tonight. Worried about younger son. Actually got to see him a couple days as he has been on fall break. I shouldn't worry. But I do.

I've been reading a book about emotional eating lately. Finished it last night.The author talked about how people assume being 'happy' is a natural state, when it really isn't. People spend so much time TRYING to be happy, that it follows naturally that if you have to strive to be happy, then being happy is not the status quo, if you will. And therefore, you need to acknowledge that not being happy (which is different than being unhappy...my words) is not a bad thing - it's expected. You shouldn't expect to BE happy all the time - that's the problem - when you expect to be happy all the time and aren't. Still working my brain about it, but it gives me comfort in a way. Which comes back to my worries about my son. I so want him to be happy. I feel like he's always struggling to find happiness and inclusion. And I know my worries are based on my assumptions, nothing else. My son is very private (as am I) - so I speculate - alot...Deep breath. He will find his way. His God will protect him. Based on what he shared, he seems to be doing well in his classes. I think he has made friends and has some people to hang out with. I will hope for the best. I will expect the best for him.

I will not make exercise tomorrow due to husband having hand surgery. Hopefully Tuesday, I can make Spin. I need to check who the Yoga sub is - if he is the same as last week, I will skip. I am feeling quite the sloth this week, having gained weight again and not sure why with the way I have been eating. I should have maintained or lost. emoticon

I'd like to get a mountain walk in this week. I miss this.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/10/18 9:49 A

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I managed the 30 min Spin class yesterday and then went to the Yoga Stretch class. I lived through Spin - I hope I will come to like it once I get more comfortable (is that possible?). Yoga Stretch was with a sub who had not been informed that this a Yoga STRETCH class - as in - NOT a traditional Yoga class but one for non-Yoga people - or NOGA people. The lady next to me was there for the 1st time - she shot me several glances during the class as if to say "WTH???" I assured her afterwards that this was not a typical class and to please come back. Funny in that I really don't care for the regular instructor...but after this class - I realize she may actually be pretty good. I had a chiro appt yesterday also to try to work my hips. It really is embarrassing to be as stiff and inflexible as I am.

SO - after my last entry I implied I would start hand writing my 'food issue memories" - but I know I'm not going to do that. Writing on here may be rambling and tmi - but since this is my journal - who cares?

I'll start with my first food memory - the infamous peanut butter sandwich and food presentation. I was between 3-5 (before kindergarten) and at the kitchen table for lunch with my mom. I hated to eat - always skinny. I didn't like peanut butter sandwiches either - and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted mom to cut my sandwich into 2 diagonals - thus 4 pieces. Mom would only cut my sandwich in half - straight down the middle. I can clearly remembering asking her before she cut the sandwich - "cut it in half long ways then in half again" - and she cut in the 'normal' way she did and told me that's the way she cuts sandwiches. I think I had been at a friend's house where her mom cut the sandwich in that exotic diagonal/diagonal and I thought it was so cool emoticon but my family was utilitarian...Anyway, I didn't want to eat and kept dawdling. Mom getting upset with me to eat. Finally mailman came, mom walked to driveway to get mail, and I promptly threw the sandwich in the trash. Mom came back and was thrilled I had decided to eat. And I think this was normal thing for me - I knew to wait until she left the kitchen and I could trash my food. I mentioned this to mom a couple months ago - she said she had no idea that was what I was doing...In her defense, I am the last of 4 all born within 6 years of each other and I admit I was the most difficult of all of us. Looking back on this memory, I think this influenced me several ways - I hate peanut butter sandwiches, food presentation is important, I tend to resist people urging me to eat, and I'm sure there's some other stuff in there for me to understand.

Why I remember this event so clearly has always troubled me a bit. Why do certain things stick out in our memories. All in all, this is a non-event. Is it the 'lying' and concealing to my mom - my 1st memory of being sneaky that is the pivotal thing - or is it the food. Is this when food and subterfuge became intertwined? Ahha??? Light bulb moment - or just plain crazy? emoticon

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/9/18 9:11 A

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I need to give some thought to why I struggle so much when I am alone. Stopped on way home from airport Sunday and picked up some things I didn't need - shouldn't have. Went to a fast food place yesterday - shouldn't have. Weight this morning was at all time high... emoticon emoticon

I started to make an entry yesterday - it got too long and detailed - so I dropped it. But - the gist was I needed to finish my alphabet. And I needed to get started on giving some thought into my past and why I seem to be where I am with eating habits and weight and feelings. I came to the conclusion as I was writing, it may be best to hand write this stuff out. Perfect time to do it with my being alone for a coupe days. Just need to make the effort. Initial things I started to write about yesterday: pnut butter sandwich; food presentation; eating next to dad; braces and getting food stuck in them; difficulty cutting steak; manners...lots to write about.

HIIT class yesterday. It's a good class to get me back into the habit. Neighbor walked in afterwards - she attends the Zumba class afterwards. Never tried Zumba...maybe some day. Today, my intent is to do the 30 min Spin class before Yoga. I had another stretch session after HIIT class. Hips are feeling out of place. Chiro appt booked.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 10/9/2018 (09:16)
Deb
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10/7/18 9:30 P

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Dropped husband at airport a couple hours ago. Fed dogs, walked the puppy, talked with a neighbor, updated my calendar, made my plan for exercise. Now here I am.
Younger son will probably be home for a couple days at the end of the week. It will be good to talk with him in person and see how college is progressing for him. Saw older son and his wife for a bit yesterday. They dropped off the dog for a couple hours while they went to a party. It was good to see them all.

After a week of very low steps per day ended with Saturday at 15K. Cut grass at 2 locations, then did yardwork at the house - picked up pinecones, blew leaves, thinned out irises, trimmed bushes - and then burned. We were both exhausted last night - and had to stay up late - dog-sitting - until son and his wife came to pick him up. Made me realize I really need to get some weight off, and get more limber, before I have grandkids...if ever. No pressure!

This week, I'd like to get more cleanup and organization done while alone. I will need to spend more time with the dogs since husband is out of town. They get groomed tomorrow, so I have most of day alone to get some stuff done. Monday is usually my heavy office day at work.

More cardio this week is my plan. And, as I am alerted by the news, I am eliminating LaCroix. Not sure I believe everything in news - but I think it's time to get back to tea and plain water....

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/6/18 8:37 A

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This week's step numbers are way down. Lots of sitting this week unfortunately with work. Thursday's weight class was good. We also walked the dogs at the field Thurs night. Less cardio than the last couple weeks. Friday's activity was ONLY dog agility - which means nothing.

A couple conversations with various people this week, along with my weight inching up (as I've been very careful with eating) have me re-thinking my exercise habits. I'll peruse the class schedule and my calendar this weekend and see if I can shake up things a bit. There are some new activities I'd like to try - as well as resurrect some old habits. One thing is clear - things aren't working for me weight-loss wise - time to make some changes.



Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
10/3/18 9:14 A

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Cardio Tone on Monday was another good class. No hollow feeling in the chest during burpees, which was good. I do like that class. Although, once I was home, legs were aching pretty severely. I wish I knew what is the 'cause' - muscle soreness from working out? statin reaction? blood clot potential? being tight and needing to stretch more? I will bring this up to my cardiologist when I go in November.

Yesterday was the Yoga Stretch and then I stayed for the Barre class afterwards. Same instructor. I've done 1 introductory Barre class. I liked it much better than this class. So - I am not sure whether or not I will stay again for the class. I need to go, that much is clear... emoticon

Today WAS to be swim. But it will not be for a couple reasons. Tomorrow is weight class. Friday - may be the Cardio Strength class or swim...or rest - based on how my legs hold up.

I went to Motion Stretch again yesterday. Therapist was really good and my hips felt a bit looser. I did purchase a 5 stretch package and I intend to go once a week for the month of October. Limbering up a bit is one of my goals for this month.

Family drama is starting to ramp up unfortunately regarding holiday plans...doing what I must do for MY family.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
9/27/18 1:49 P

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Just back from weight class. Good class, as always. Monday afternoon I tried a new (to me) class at the gym. Cardio Tone. HIIT and weight. Good class. During burpees, I felt a strange hollow feeling in the middle of my chest...I slowed down a bit, but honestly, it's been so long since I've pushed myself cardio-wise, that I know it's just getting used to that again. Tues, i made the Yoga stretch class. I think it's helping a bit. I need to keep it up. Yesterday was my planned swim day. A storm came through just as I was set to leave the house. Lightening kept the pool closed. Possibly tomorrow. I have work meetings in the morning, so if I go, it will be in the afternoon or evening.

Girl weekend went well for the most part. I did stay calm. I avoided controversial topics and statements. I had some deep breathing, walk away moments a couple times. I do see how my mom is playing games with me (and my sisters) - I'm just not sure if she really is aware of what she's doing and doing it on purpose - or if she's just 'that' way...she's doing it again to me today. emoticon

On these getaways, I'm always appalled at how poorly my mom and sisters eat. And yes - I find it so ironic that I am the only one with heart issues of all of us... emoticon I am reminded of how my mom and sisters are food pushers and exercise ridiculers. As well as healthy habit ridiculers. I am making up that word if it's not one. I did manage to get to the beach and get in the ocean for about 1 minute. It was very hot - my mom didn't want to walk down to water's edge - and we didn't want to leave her in the sun too long. We did a lot of sitting around. I came home feeling very stuffed and uncomfortable.

So - lots to regroup on. I don't feel very satisfied with my Sept performance. I must do better in October. Plans to be made.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
9/21/18 12:50 P

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I did manage a swim on Weds night. 30 mins, combo of crawl, breast, back and kickboard. Lots of room for improvement.

Weight class yesterday had a bit more cardio in it than typical - it was nice. I do like that class - but already I can tell my mind is shifting. I drive across town - 30 mins - to get to this class. I have a membership at a gym so close to me. I have paid for this class through mid December. I am on the fence about renewing the class for next year.

I am about to head out of town with my 2 sisters and mom to visit my other sister. I am giving myself pep talks - stay calm, be nice, don't get...insert any or all of the following...annoyed, exasperated, angry, frustrated, political, upset. emoticon 2 days. I can do it. Honestly, I think it will get me processing some of my feelings/beliefs about food, as these are the people who helped make me who I am... emoticon

The weather is supposed to be turning, but I hope we get on the beach for a bit. I don't remember the last time I was on a beach in warm weather. Sad statement. My younger son called this morning - I feel a bit guilty. It is parents weekend. Over a month ago I had asked him what he wished for us to do - come or not come. He said not come. This morning he called to extend an invite from a group he is committed to to come by and meet everyone...which I'd actually like to do, but can't as I committed to this family trip. We do drive through where he is...so we may stop by either tonight or Sunday just to say hi. I am really trying to get myself in the right frame of mind for this trip. My sister made a comment yesterday to me about how frustrated I get with mom for not being able to make decisions...I must remember to be kind. It is still September... emoticon

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
9/19/18 2:58 P

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I've started to write a few times, actually written a couple lines - then logged off. I have several things swirling in my head. I imagine if I could manage to get it out of my head, articulated, then...THEN...everything would fall into place and POOF - I'd be on the 'right' path to ...not sure. Ever feel that way? I don't like feeling that I am swirling about without purpose or direction.

I think my introspective attitude started a week or so ago after reading ONEKIDSMOM blog where she intentionally (imagine that!!!) wrote about processing feelings and memories. It sparked my thoughts (pun intended) and reminded me that when I 'did' Beck, I just glossed over the exercises. I don't need to do that...I said to myself in a rather smug manner. I know I have some deep seated feelings about food, eating habits, etc. BUT - I've never really considered myself a food 'problem' person. Is that one of the reasons why I'm where I am now? So - I thought about starting to put my thoughts on paper or cyber journal. But I haven't - yet.

Then - I am in a quandary also about what to eat and how to exercise. I have read so many different things and seen so many different plans. I heard yesterday someone somewhere talking about how as she got older, she switched to very low impact exercise and POOF the weight was gone, Just gone - yes. POOF. No hard core cardio. Just gentle yoga and stretching. Her premise - That inflammation from weight lifting and hard cardio will make your body hold onto water weight. I have a history of gaining 5-10 pounds within a couple days of starting strength training, so I don't doubt that a body can hold onto water weight. BUT - I am finally at a point in my strength training that I am starting to see some improvement and slight definition - so I don't want to stop.

However - isn't there always a however? - I know the morning workout routine is not sustainable given the dogs and work and husband possibly out of town soon. This week in particular, I missed Mon and Tues am workout. But I did a home weight routine and made Yoga Stretch yesterday - and intend to go swim tonight.

But I digress. Then also yesterday, came the study results about cholesterol and how it's all wrong...and the conflicting info I glean from plant paradox and other food books...it makes my head spin - and then I go eat sugar... emoticon I did make some 7 layer bars yesterday...not sure why. And my head hurt and legs ached last night more than they have for several weeks. So - I KNOW sugar is bad for me. My body does not like sugar. So - why do I eat it?

Which brings me right back to knowing I must process through my memories and feelings, as ONEKIDSMOM indicated. So, going forward, I will be sorting and sifting through my food related memories and feelings to get to where I think I need to go. My husband has no 'relationship' with food - food is food. You eat when you're hungry. You don't eat when you're not. Oh - to be that way....

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
9/11/18 7:11 P

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Work interfered with Tai Chi again today, so I just got back from Yoga Stretch. I think it helps but it does reinforce the feelings from yesterday. I am stiff, I am uncomfortably stiff and inflexible... emoticon and I am uncomfortable with my weight in attempting poses. At least I will get better...

Saw younger son today for lunch. It was good to visit with him. He seems happy with his choice in college. He seems to think his course work is getting a tad more difficult this week. Hope he does well.

Spoke to mom for a bit today. My BIL fell down her stairs at the end of last week. I was over there the morning after for several hours and we actually all went out to lunch (except for said BIL) after they returned from doctor visit. BIL cracked a rib and has a badly bruised back - he's very lucky it was nothing more. As I spoke with mom tonight she proceeded to tell me all about it - has no recollection of my coming over and us all going out to lunch... emoticon While I was over visiting, 2 of my sisters and I were reviewing some monetary things with mom - she got a bit agitated (with me only interestingly) during our discussions. So I am rather surprised she doesn't remember my being there. She did tell me 'they' went to lunch...but my being there...nothing.hmmmmm. Not only am I her least favorite child, I am heading towards not being remembered as part of the family...LOL. Today would have been my dad's birthday - so maybe her emotions are a bit off today.

Thursday is my oldest sister's birthday. Either lunch or dinner will be the plan. We had briefly discussed an overnighter - but no one has decided anything - and it is not possible for me to 'just go' due to work and the dogs. Only 1 of my sisters works (and takes lots of time off) - 1 never had a career and the other retired 5 years ago. They tend to forget work is a requirement...annoys me quite a bit...as you can tell.... emoticon

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
9/10/18 11:19 A

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Back from RIPPED. Good class. I am always a bit shocked - and disappointed - in how stiff and inflexible I am in my hips. I know I must stretch more to get this area to open up - and that it won't happen overnight.

Lots of walking last week while at the lake. I hope to continue that even though we are home now. I searched for some classes to take in evenings. Not much (anything) offered at the gym. I may expand my search to community college continuing ed classes. Or - come up with a schedule for completing some home projects/personal projects that have been on the back burner for a while.

I have my plan for the week. Lots to get done.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 9/10/2018 (11:19)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
9/4/18 4:50 P

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Well - I did not make my weight loss goal for August. I am down 1 pound...1 pound...since beginning of August. Which is in my daily fluctuation pattern. BUT - that's ok. I do know I am eating better. I have reduced my sugar intake. I have improved. It's not all about the weight. But it sure would be nice to have less weight to carry around.

RIPPED was canceled yesterday due to holiday. I made it to Tai Chi today - and I think I did a bit better. The instructor separated the class into 2 groups towards the end of class. I, along with 2 others (both long time attendees of the class), was in the remedial group, of course. It helped - but I am still a long way from remembering the routine.

We were at the lake this weekend - went surfing a bit. My hip and leg were aching all weekend. Lots of walking. We went home last night - then came back up today. We hope to function this week out of the lake house. It's so nice and quiet here now. Just walked the dogs and talked with the neighbor. No one is out on the water. Lovely and peaceful. End of summer feeling.

Weight class on Thursday. Friday may be the cardio strength class, depending on how leg feels.

September goals: keep up reduced sugar. Plant paradox influence on eating. water. exercise. Be kind.


Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
8/30/18 8:42 A

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The scale did move today - a nudge down. I had to laugh at myself as I was happy to see that number. At 1 point in my life, not so long ago, I would have shuddered at that number. But - it is what it is. If I am brutally honest with myself, I realize it had been since before I was expecting my youngest that I was at ease with my weight. It's sad to realize I have spent 19.5 years unhappy with my weight...I think it's about time I grew up and decided to be happy no matter what my weight is.

And - I don't want to give the impression that I let my weight influence everything about my attitude and life. I don't. However, it is always lurking there in my peripheral vision, if you will. "I'd feel more comfortable if I was lighter"..."I look so much heavier than I used to"..."I AM so much heaver than I used to be"..."When I was lighter, I could exercise easier"...always there - but not preventing me from being happy.

I am still adjusting to my younger son being at college. It will be 2 weeks this Saturday. He's called a few times. I am trying to find that balance between intruding and letting him know we love him. Hard to find that balance with a son. Someone (a woman) told me she called her mother 5-6 times A DAY when she first went off to college... emoticon ...I think I left for college (parents waved goodbye at the house) and came home for the 1st time at Thanksgiving. I did talk to them a couple times the 2nd weekend when my friend had her accident. I am not sure whether he will come home for the Labor Day weekend or not. My DIL implied he would not - that he thought he had other plans. And I hope he does. And I am glad he is talking to his SIL!

I have done some deep cleaning and culling while husband has been gone. He comes back late tonight. I still have some to do - and a trip to the thrift to get rid of some things. It will be interesting to see whether he notices. It actually doesn't seem different, but at least I know it's clean. Wiping blinds and cleaning windows are not my favorite chores - but at least I got that done in the most lived in areas of the house. Still have living and dining room and spare beds to do - but that can be done later.

Weight class today. I am not sure whether or not I will make the Cardio Strength class Friday. Depends on a couple things. We hope to be at lake - if water levels allow. Lots of walking planned for weekend.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 8/30/2018 (08:43)
Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
8/28/18 8:57 P

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I had to do some work 1st thing this morning, so missed my traffic window of opportunity to make Tai Chi. I did go to the Yoga Stretch class this afternoon. I am not a limber person. Let me re-phrase that. I am a very stiff and tight person. My body doesn't do most of the stuff I associate with Yoga. However, this was a good class for me. All the stretches and poses were on the mat and it was very slow paced. I made myself concentrate on what I could do, put it out of my mind that others were possibly looking at me and finding me 'sad', and really worked on being ok with the image I saw in the mirror. Long way to go there. I am feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin. And wondering what is going on. Why am I so tired, so stiff, so sore?

I go to get blood work done next month for an appointment the next month with cardiologist. I have started following the plant paradox guidelines (not 100%, but pretty close and working on getting to that 100%), I am very regular with my meds and supplements - so I am looking forward to seeing what the blood test results are - and I am certain (hopeful) that the weight is going to start dropping off me any second now. I imagine waking in the morning to see pounds gone... emoticon

We shall see what tomorrow looks like on the scale...

Deb
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8/27/18 4:02 P

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Made it to RIPPED this am. So glad I did. As I am alone this week, I had to get up about an hour earlier than usual so I had time to handle the dogs before I tackled the traffic to the gym. I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of serious traffic this morning. Not sure why, but it was nice. I had time for a 25 minute treadmill walk before class. I limited it to walking due to the radiating pain I have from hip to knee. I am debating whether to head back to the ortho guy. About the only thing he can do is write me a prescript for therapy. Which may be worth it. I found my light therapy apparatus last night and used that. As well as heating pad, ice, stretching and massage.

Will plan on Tai Chi tomorrow. The instructor had implied he was making me a video on beginner poses and routines. Since I didn't make it last week, I am wondering if he thinks I am giving up. Hope not.

W Words: willingness, wholehearted

I need to work on my mindset - give my all.

Deb
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8/24/18 2:57 P

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V - Valor and Vanquish

Vanquish my self sabotage and doubts. Valor for the journey.

Today feels as if it is a wasted day. Unexpected overnight guest messed with my plans for last night and today. There's still time to get stuff done - and I will - but I did put off my plan to start the 3 day plan until tomorrow. I did get the shopping done today - except for 1 item, which I will hopefully find - otherwise, I will do what I can. I have broccoli and cauliflower roasting in the oven now in preparation.

I feel unsure about this. I am disappointed in myself for even considering doing this - because I've tried so many other plans. Plans that have worked for a short while, then stopped. Mainly because I don't stay on the plan...which means it is not sustainable for me. SO...why am I trying something AGAIN that I know is going to be hard to do? Because. Because I hurt. Because I've gained weight. Because I feel tired and bloated. Because of my heart and health. I'm really working myself now to realize it's past time for me to get my eating habits revamped. This way of eating can be done. It can. I just need to adjust my expectations and my mind set.

I am also a bit worried that the family is going to react again - "Oh, she's eating weird again..." smirk, smirk. BUT - I can just refrain from eating with them for a while until I get my habits down.

I am also a bit worried about what do I do if this DOESN'T WORK??? Stop. No going there. GIve it an honest try.

I did make it to weight class yesterday. Glad I did. Altho I feel as if I am bone tired, I did well in the class. We did quite a bit of leg work - and I was fine with it (except for the left kneecap sharp pain).

So - granddog has gone home. We are back to our new normal of 3 dogs. I will get them out for separate walks later, I have the back yard to cut. I have several projects to get done tonight. More food to prep so I am ready to start the 3 day plan in the morning. No excuses.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
8/23/18 8:50 A

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I have left off my alphabet...so - to that first.

U. There are so many 'un' words. I will use only 1 - 'unintended'. Ultimately. Unction.

Ultimately, my decisions make my life.
Unction needs to be part of my daily life. Never having comfort is a bad thing.
Unintended consequences seem to be so prevalent. Live as you intend. Avoid unintended consequences.

This week, so far, has been what I am terming as a recovery/resting week. My lower body has been so bone-deep tired. I wonder is it has to do with one of the medications I am on, or whether this is a result of my increased activity along with my hip bursitis? I am working on unction actions (massage, heat, rollers, stretching, ice, etc.) and slower walks - not pushing it, but not total rest either.

Granddog is back for a day. I am having to keep 2 of the dogs separated, so I went on 4 dog walks this morning. Husband left today for at least a week. I felt, yesterday, as if I had 3 toddlers (before the granddog showed up) with them all looking at me as if to say "What are we doing?" every second of the day. The older dogs are fine lazing around, but the puppy needs activity and stirs everyone up. I hope to remain sane this week ahead.

With husband gone, I am starting the plant paradox 3 day plan tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing some improvements in joint pain, and energy too. I hope I will experience some positive results.

I am off to weight class in just a bit. Then I will stop at store on way home to get what I need for the 3 days ahead. Cleaning out pantry and fridge this afternoon. Got a plan. Sticking to it. I hope the dogs behave while I am gone. More dog walks when I get back.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
8/21/18 8:54 A

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Another day of listening to my body. Am I looking for excuses? I don't think so. I skipped Tai Chi this morning. Partly for how I feel - still tired - and partly for work. I have tons to do and am here, taking a quick break, working since early this am. I plan on getting to the gym this afternoon - really! I did some weight work last night at home. It was a quick and dirty routine - nowhere near the amount of time or effort spent when I go to class - but it was something.

I read quite a bit of plant paradox last night. Finally got to THE PLAN. The 3 day initial plan will fit in nicely with husband being out of town. I will re-read it again today and make some notes along with a grocery list. I was a little perplexed, as almonds do not show up on either the Yes or No list. Aren't almonds a fairly popular choice of nuts? And almond milk? I was also a little confused with the use of pressure cookers to remove the lectins from quinoa and veggies with seeds (aka fruits)...no directions on how to do so - and I can't tell whether it is suggested/recommended? So - more research needed. I was glad to see the veggie list included quite a few that are my staples. Disappointed to see some on the No list. Beets show up as a YES in raw state...why only raw? Very sad to see melons, cucumbers, squashes, tomatoes on NO list. But - again - if the seeds and peel are removed, and/or squashes cooked in pressure cooker to remove lectins - are they are ok to eat? Very confusing to me. I will start with the obvious YES foods - and see what happens.

I need to return to work. Then I have some work errands to run. Then the gym.

Son called last night - good to hear from him. He sounded good. I told my husband I'm afraid he's a bit lost right now - and he reminded me it's time for him to be that way. I tried hard to remember that time in my life - and I know it's normal. Expecting the best...working on not worrying!

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
8/20/18 8:02 A

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My plan had RIPPED for this morning. My mind and body screamed 'NO' when I woke up. I debated with myself...and then realized skipping this class is the right thing for me, so I will not be wracked with guilt today. I am tired - that bone-deep tiredness - and my legs are aching. I have not felt this tired since I had my heart attack...which may be why I am deciding to skip exercise today. I have not lived scared the last 9 months and I intend not to live scared (of another attack) - but I will listen to my body and intuition.

So - reasons for being tired? I couldn't sleep Saturday night after we dropped off our son to college. It doesn't matter that I think he will be fine, I liked his roommate (at 1st meeting), the college seems relatively safe, etc....he's still my baby and I started worrying. Silly, stupid, and very unproductive. I prayed, I focused on breathing, I lectured myself, etc. To no avail. Last night was better - a bit. I know from experience it will take a while for me to learn not to worry at night and be able to sleep again. Learn not to worry...hah...should be the theme of my life. emoticon

I've been reading the plant paradox. Some I agree with - a lot I think is just another bit of conflicting info. I'll continue reading it - and once I get to the plan, I'll give it a try and just see what happens. Can't hurt to try, can it? All I know is my joints are really aching lately and the weight keeps packing on, no matter my diet and.or exercise. I did find it interesting that the bread I have been eating for the last 3 months was specifically mentioned in a case study of the book - and presented as being a horrible choice, causing inflammation and weight gain...I don;t eat a lot of bread. I typically have avocado toast in the morning, with just 1 piece of thin sliced bread. However, if the book's facts are true, then that could be an issue for me.

Exercise this week: I will do something today at home. Tai Chi tomorrow. Thurs weight class, Cardio Strength Friday. Weds will be walking dogs in neighborhood - hopefully weather will cooperate. I will get smaller dog walks in each day, as husband is heading out of town. Which means I will be alone in my house - truly alone - for the 1st time in a very long time.

Deb
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CHIGGERCANE's Photo CHIGGERCANE Posts: 746
8/15/18 9:02 A

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Tai Chi yesterday...the instructor came over at one point (to me and the other new one last week) and shook his head. emoticon We both laughed and said simultaneously "we're not very good, are we?" Lots of work to do. My logical brain thinks the routine should be 'even' - left side, then right side...but it's not, so I get lost. I hope it comes to me. My hips felt a bit better last night. Is it Tai Chi, stretching from Monday class, stretching at home - or most likely - combo of everything. I did walk on treadmill for 30 mins before class and refrained from attempting to jog. Last week, I did the parking garage stairs before class. 27 flights of stairs (up and down) - plus jogging/walking intervals around top level 4 times. That could have had something to do with why my hips have been so sore.

Today is turning out to be errand and work day. Plus getting a few things for my son's leaving. I hope I can find everything - nothing like leaving it for the last minute.

Food has been ok. Then last night, craving for baked goods. So I made something. emoticon I know it was emotional response to being frustrated by my BIL who is also an employee. I need to work on not sabotaging myself. This is a recurring 'theme' for my BIL, I know. For years, he has played this game to annoy his younger brother (my husband) who just 'happens' to be his boss... emoticon I need to anticipate it, work to curtail it, BUT not let it mess with me at the level it does.

Deb
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8/13/18 10:09 A

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RIPPED this morning was another good one. Every session I have attended, we complete sitting squats with overhead press. Actually sitting on the bench aggravates my knees - so today, I simply squatted as low as I could before doing overhead press. I'll see how my knees feel later today and tomorrow.

Hips and left IT band are very irritated after weekend at lake. Surfing and walking were exhausting to my legs and hips. Grand-dog came to stay with us a bit on Saturday. He's gotten fat during his 3 months with my son...I walked him round the block and he was very slow at the end. He's also forgotten some of his walking 'manners' and he and one of the shepherds had a tussle. Things change.

Last week at home for my son. Mixed feelings. I was talking with husband last night how when we expecting our 1st, we really had no idea how our lives were changing - we knew they were changed, just no clue as to how much. I feel the same now. What's ahead for us?

At least for this week, I have an intention to get to Tai Chi tomorrow, Weight class on Thursday and Cardio Strength on Friday. Some last minute stuff with son to get him ready. House cleaning to do. And now - I need to get to work. I am meeting mom and sister later to get some things completed for mom. And lunch out.

Deb
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8/7/18 2:20 P

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Tai Chi this morning. I think I did better last week. I was the only new one to return from last week, however, there was a new woman today. We talked a bit afterwards also with instructor. I may do some research on it this week before I return next week. I can only remember the first few moves - so no 'practicing' at home.

Massage today was wonderful. This woman has incredible skill and technique. I feel so much better. I'll continue to stretch and ice and see what happens.

Housework and work now. Time to get to doing what needs to be done.

Deb
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8/6/18 1:51 P

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Lots of walking this weekend. Hips are still feeling a bit wonky. I have iced and stretched several times and will continue. I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow which I hope will help.

RIPPED this morning was very nice. I again made it to the gym 1/2 hour early - think that will be what I need to do. It took me 1/2 hour to get there and if I wait any later, it will take me 45 mins+ due to school traffic. I jumped on treadmill Tried to jog - made it 1 minute and decided to walk only...It was the right choice. RIPPED was tough. I hope to make this my routine again. Old regular came over to visit and talk during class - funny how just last week, he didn't remember me!

I ordered the Plant Paradox yesterday. I know I am going against what I have said - no more books, no more conflicting info, no more diet plans...however my hip pain and inability to lose any weight despite a fairly healthy lifestyle is so frustrating. I must admit JEANKNEE also had some influence in my decision. Reading her blogs and viewing her frustrations made me think I might as well get educated as much as I can...we will see. Book is to arrive today.

I purchased a couple Geneen Roth books last week. I love her writing style - she has such a way with words, and expressing feelings (which seem to be mine!!!). I finished one and overall liked it - her mantra of being present and aware in your own life is one I need to work on. I am about 1/5 of the way through the other. Not sure on that one. I have no real 'issues' so I have some trouble relating to some of what she says...I have no true mental anguish or physical abuse at any time in my life...I can't complain (although sometimes I still do) as I have had a fairly 'easy' life compared to others. My 'problems' are mild and annoying to myself that I make them out to be more than they are. If that makes sense... emoticon I guess my point is that I have started reading at night again - so I am successful at that objective so far.



Deb
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8/4/18 9:50 A

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I think I overdid yesterday. My ionic had me at just under 20,000 steps - and I did not wear it for about an hour while we walked the dogs. We went out surfing - had difficulty getting up as the hips and legs were tired - but I made it up and had a good long ride. Then, agility last night also. My 'running' was pitiful. Last night, had trouble sleeping with legs and hips aching - and had leg cramps. Today, I am stiff and sore. Not sure if it was the jogging or the class - or a combo of everything yesterday. Age? Weight? All?

Today, we will walk the dogs multiple times. WE will go out on the boat - but I will not attempt to surf. I will hang i the water some, hoping to have the coolness of the water, and the hanging bit - do the work to ease my aching. Speaking of which, time to walk the dogs.

Deb
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8/3/18 9:57 A

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T: Tenacious, Time

There's a Marcus Aurelius meditation I read in college basically saying "do not say you have no time to family and friends." The gist of the quote, you have time; make your time count.

Be tenacious in all you attempt.

Made it to Cardio Strength today. I was there about 1/2 hour early - still trying to figure out traffic with school starting - so I did 20 minutes alternating jogging .walking on treadmill before class. Halfway through class, I was sweating more than I have sweat in years. Which made me so happy! It has been so long since I've hit that 'sweet' spot. I'm learning to trust my heart again - and push myself again. Today felt like a milestone. Yea!

Hip is really feeling it though. I need to ice and stretch today. Possibly heading to lake. Storms all week have the lake up high. Hopefully not many will be on the lake due to bad weather and start of school. We are running out of summer!

Deb
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8/1/18 2:46 P

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So far, neither swimming nor mtn walk - rain and thunder, so pool is closed and I don;t like to walk in the rain. Something will get done.

I realized there are 21 weeks left in the year - and I am tempted to state a weight loss goal...of...20 pounds. emoticon I've done this before - set a HUGE goal - and been disappointed in myself - but here I am again, tempted. And knowing I am going to do this - and 1/2 fearful of another disappointment - and 1/2 fearful I will actually try and succeed. I think I'l go with the try and succeed 1/2.

So - time to clean out the cabinets and freezer. Time to make myself behave and listen to myself. Time to realize I am the one who must make responsible choices. No more fudging or justifying or outright lying. Honest, real effort.

S words: Success. Self-reliant. Simple. Sandra.

Simple foods, simple meal plans. Simple cooking.
Rely on myself to make this happen. No diets. No gimmicks.
Succeed in being proud of my efforts.
Sandra - the best friend anyone could hope for. My inspiration for healthy living and jogging. I miss her.

August starts today. My 21 week plan is starting now.

Deb
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7/31/18 5:45 P

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Today I tried Tai Chi. Not sure whether I will become a fluid natural at this, but I INTEND to make this class in the month of August. The instructor was very patient and the regulars very welcoming. There were 2 other first timers as well as myself and the instructor was thrilled. I didn't get to a state of relaxation as I was concentrating too hard on the moves. Hopefully eventually the relaxation and stress reduction will come.

Tomorrow, will I make it to swim, as is on my plan? Actually, I have 2 things on my plan - swim OR mtn walk. So I will decide tomorrow and it may be influenced by the weather.

I also have my lunch date with my in-laws tomorrow. My sil may be joining us. I want to improve my relationship with this sil. She and her husband drive me (and my husband) bonkers at times, but she loves and supports my kids and I am grateful for that. Focus on the positive and the good - another habit I am working on in August.

I will have lunch with my mom and sister Thursday (or at least that is the plan). I don't have weight class this Thursday as we are between sessions this week. I don't like eating out 2 days in a row...but it is important to get together with my family. I will make the best choices I can.

Went dorm room shopping today with son. Exciting times for him. Still quite a few things to get together. The count down is on....

Deb
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7/30/18 8:34 A

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Great nephew was christened yesterday at the church where my husband & I were married and my oldest was christened. My in-laws attend that church and my husband was the acolyte for many, many years. It was nice to sit in that church and remember our wedding and my oldest as a 3 month old. I always find it interesting the different vibes you get at churches. I really like the pastor (Lutheran) at the church I attend in that his sermon provides a relevant message to your life, taking the Gospel message and expanding or extrapolating it to how it applies to you and today. He's amazingly effective. The priest yesterday (Episcopalian) basically retold the Gospel with no attempt to relate it to modern day life. However, it was interesting in that the church is St. James and it was St. James' Day. So, a little history lesson was provided and we learned some things I'd never heard before. Interesting to learn of the martyrdom of James - little things that had never been presented (that I remember) during my confirmation classes. My husband and I both, independently, ended up researching some stuff yesterday because we're geeks like that and wanted to know more. Afterwards, lunch with the family. It was really interesting that the families segregated at lunch... emoticon

This morning, I am missing the RIPPED class again as I take my husband aunt to the airport. I will either get to the gym later or do some stuff at home. Really.

I awoke to my highest ever weight in my life.... emoticon emoticon ...I have really been watching things and felt that I have been 'decent' in my food intake the last few weeks. I am convinced that inflammation is causing this...who knows if it is true...because I hurt everywhere. So - what to do? My plan for August is to find ways to stop the hurting....and lose weight...

Deb
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7/27/18 2:24 P

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Made it to a new class at the gym this morning - Cardio Strength - low level cardio, but still some cardio. I liked the class, liked the instructor. She teaches Spin after that class - maybe someday this fall, I will tackle that. I finally talked with the regular in class who seems to have forgotten me from years ago. For at least 10 years, 3 times a week, we took classes together, joking and chatting. When I first returned to the gym, I smiled and said hi to him - and he acted like he had no clue who I was. Hurtful in that a) I am so easily forgotten; and b) that I must not look like myself since i am at least 20 pounds heavier and 10 years older... emoticon So today, I smiled at him, he turned away. A few minutes later, I saw him staring at me - so I 'confronted' him - "I'm hurt you don't remember me". After a couple minutes, he started 'remembering' me including where I live, who I used to walk the mtn with, our company stuff, etc. SO....it's obvious he remembers me, why was he acting like he didn't? Anyway, we chatted and got caught up a bit. We shall see if he remains friendly. I'd like to find 'my group' again. I do so much better when I feel like I am part of a class, rather than 'just attending'.

Decided to try Motion Stretch again. Last time, I had so much bruising (hopefully due to the blood thinner i was on), I was reluctant to try again. My hip bursitis has been so bad lately, I made an appt. I will ice again tonight, as I have been doing this entire week - and see. I feel a it better. If I don't bruise too badly, I think I need to 'invest' in this for at least the next month and see if I can get my hips opened up a bit.

Thinking ahead to August. A month of change. Good change, I expect and hope. I have some ideas of things I'd like to do food wise and exercise wise. Fleshing them out.



Deb
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7/26/18 8:19 A

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Had to pick up my husband's aunt at the airport yesterday... emoticon ...I hate the ATL airport. Construction, crowds, bad drivers, mean drivers - you name it. It's there. Took almost 3 hours. But that's ok. My in-laws had said "let her take Marta and switch to the bus to get here." They should not be driving to the airport (shouldn't be driving at all!), so I understand them not getting her. But, I couldn't see this aunt navigating the train and then switching to the bus. We'd never find out where she went! It was nice to talk with her. Funny that she brought up some of the same concerns we have about my MIL (her sister). Having lunch with them all today (and thus missing weight class).

I will get to some home weights this morning. My hips have really been aching this last week. I am trying to figure out whether it is diet related. I guess listening to my friend talk at our get together this past weekend is playing over in my mind- I know food has an influence on how you feel. But this is in conflict with my decision to not follow a strict diet plan. However, wishy-washy me, a new month begins next week. What should I do for August?

R: respect, real, realize

Respect myself enough to do what needs to be done.
eat REAL food. Be REAL.
Realize what I am doing, Realize what I want to do. Realize the potential in front of me.

Deb
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7/25/18 9:20 A

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Q: quit, quiet, Quality, Quirky, quotes

I've always thought I had a quirky sense of humor. I tend to find humor and try to laugh at what many consider 'inappropriate' times - guess I'm trying to maintain an even keel to keep moving on and not get stuck in sadness.

Quality over quantity - in friends, in food, in life in general - something to watch for.

Quotes - Finding inspiration in others' journeys - definitely helpful.

Quiet - finding that quiet space, to know yourself and what you need. forget about the busyness around and others' frantic lives. Find peace and quietness.

Quitting is not always a bad thing. Learning what you need, culling out what is not working for you - very helpful.

This week is turning out to be a slow week for exercise - and I am trying to make myself be ok with that. There's several things I must do for others. I also scheduled in a few things for me - non-exercise related - that are helping me to move forward and feel better. It will be ok. Life goes on.

Deb
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7/24/18 5:00 P

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P:Perfection, Possibilities, Prepare, Pray

There is no thing as perfection. Trying to achieve perfection causes problems. Look at the possibilities there are and make wise choices.Prepare for anything and everything. Being prepared is the best way to have success. And above all - PRAY. Constantly. Fervently. Praisingly.



Deb
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7/23/18 9:46 A

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O Word: Opossum, only, obstinate

Only - except that; but for the fact that.

Obstinate - If you describe someone as obstinate, you are being critical of them because they are very determined to do what they want, and refuse to change their mind or be persuaded to do something else.

I include Opossum just because I love the 'O' - and a report from our job site, had a reference to a 'possum' and I was incredulous that someone spelled it without the 'O'...

I find it curious that being obstinate is considered a 'poor' trait to have - in regards to exercise and health, I consider being obstinate a favorable character trait - and something i need to work on.

IF ONLY...bad phrase...another thing to work on.

Birthday dinner last night with 2 old friends. Good to be with them. 1 friend has begun to see a Functional Medicine Dr, along with her current doctors. She's tried the hormonal, holistic approach before - and what she described is basically this same thing again - albeit with not as many supplements. She told me she's reducing her carbs and sugar intake, avoiding dairy (to some extent), etc. Mentioned her vitamins she's taking. Nothing new to me - most stuff I'm doing already. Like I've said, I KNOW what to do - it's the doing I have problems completing.

Couldn't sleep last night after I got home. Husband is out of town. Puppy was wound up. I did have a glass of wine with dinner - and 3 small bites of a chocolate cake. Sugar? Alcohol? Too rich food? I brought home at least 1/2 of my meal. Finally managed to sleep a couple hours before morning called. I did not make the RIPPED class. It's ok. Small choices, correct choices all day .



Deb
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7/21/18 2:28 P

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I missed a couple alphabet days...where is my mind?

N words:
Nice, No, Negativity, Needs

I have always been considered a 'nice' person...I think... emoticon . I vividly remember in 4th grade when I switched schools, the teacher used me as an example to the class about being nice. I did not like it. She had sent one girl out of the room on an errand because the class (except for me) had been picking on her. I don't remember the details - her name was Susan, we had the same pair of shoes (why I remember that...??), I really didn't care for her, but I had been raised 'nice' and I knew even back then, how badly you feel when people pick on you or don't include you. I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I imagine people being left out or feeling 'less than'. But - I can still remember the class looking at me with accusing eyes - as in my being nice 'made' them mean - and if not for me, they wouldn't be at fault. I have a pretty vivid imagination ( emoticon ) I do try to be nice on a day to day level- but conscious niceness, I think I've fallen out of that habit. My younger son and I had a 'discussion' again last night - he feels I am being critical of everything he does, I think he is being...a teenager about to head out on his own and trying to be hot stuff...ugh. Cat Stevens Father-Son lyrics come to mind. This relates in that my younger son does not think I am a nice person at times. emoticon Being a nice parent versus being a responsible parent - there must be some middle ground.

No - And saying No because No is the right thing to say at the right time - is being a responsible parent and person. I think I need to tell myself No more often. Am I trying to be too nice to myself at times - not exercising, indulging in certain foods, lazing about...?

Negativity - Get over it. STOP. Look at the positives in any situation. Remove myself from negative people and situations. And more importantly - STOP TALKING negativity.

Needs - Focus on my needs. Real needs. Decide exactly what my needs are - and do something about them. Health needs to be a front and center.

Speaking of which, I absolutely must to do something about the hip bursitis - sleeping is getting impossible. Just walked one dog around the circle and I am having difficulty moving up hill. Forget about jogging - walking at a moderate pace is a challenge. That is going to be a focus on this next week.

Husband is out of town a couple days coming up. Summer is winding down here. Public schools start 10 days from now - my son has just under a month.

Lots to do. Always. Be nice - but responsible.-


Deb
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7/19/18 4:12 P

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Weight class was a killer today. She changed the format more to a HIIT class - which was good, but she focused on legs. Actually, I feel a bit less sore. Now. We shall see tomorrow. I tried to stretch a little extra afterwards. My hips are so tight and the bursitis is really flaring right now. Ice and stretch later tonight.

I am always so hungry after that class. I ate a bit heavier than my usual lunch. So I will try to eat lighter tonight. Maybe this should become a trend?

Thinking ahead to after my son leaves for college, I am going to attempt to get up with my husband in the mornings...which is typically between 5 and 5:30. That would allow me to handle some morning work, then leave for the early gym classes - and be done with exercise early and then I would have no excuses for later in the day. Years ago, that was my routine (albeit a little later) - get the kids up and to school, then hit the gym, then home to work. And it was great. So, for the next 4 weeks, I will work on getting up earlier everyday. I usually get up between 6:30 and 7, so it's really not that huge of a change...right? Right.

Sent a card to the casual friend who lost her son last week. wasn't sure whether to do it or not. I haven't seen her in at least 10 years. She may not recognize the name...but at least I attempted to express my sympathy. I have fallen away from my 'just because' gestures. I need to get back to them.

I've also gotten away from finishing my 'final planning' stuff. I made some progress on the personal and company books - but need to finish up.

Deb
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7/18/18 10:55 A

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Where has the morning gone? Work and then some wasting time on here. I am now behind in my plans....Kammy from GTNHealthy has me now fantasizing about going back to either Red Mtn or Miraval...or a new place. I do want to return to one of these places...someday. But I know I must get my day to day routines down and successful first.

Tai Chi did not happen for me. But I have weight class tomorrow morning. I am still unbelievably sore from Monday's class. I could not sleep again last night. Finally went downstairs and mindlessly watched TV until about 3. I need to figure out what's causing my inability to get to sleep. Sugar? Caffeine? Muscle Soreness? Anxiety? All? I will get the dogs out in a bit. I just tried to call in-laws to verify lunch plans. They didn't answer - so maybe I am free to get my errands run instead of meeting them for lunch?

1 month...from today...my baby will move into his dorm...so much to do - and say.



Deb
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7/16/18 7:00 P

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I added exercise to my list - and went to the gym this am for RIPPED class. My oh my! I am not sure I will be able to walk or move my arms tomorrow. It was a fantastic class. I think I annoyed one of the 'regulars' who came in late...I think I was in 'his' spot. He seemed rather annoyed and off for the entire class. Oh well. I am hoping I will be able to make myself go to this class on a regular basis. Tomorrow morning there is a beginner Tai Chi class I have been eyeing for several months. I may put that off until next week - we will see how my legs and arms are feeling this evening.

M words - Mental, Move, Meditation, Magic, Majority

My mental state towards healthy living and exercise is improving - but I realize that this is my weak spot. If I can get my mental strength back...WHEN I get my mental strength at full capacity, I will feel so much more in control.
Move - every day in some way.
Meditation - something I need to add - for relaxation and mental strengthening.
Magic - happy memory of "What's the Magic Word?' Not what you'd think... emoticon There is NO magic way to loosing weight - do the work to see the results.
Majority - 80/20 rules here - live them. The majority of the time is what matters.

Spent some time at moms today. Neighbor was going to bring over dinner for her. That was a nice gesture - you don't see that much anymore. Her neighbors are my son's age - so it's really nice that they are making an effort to help her. She looked better today - was able to move more and sit better than I have seen her in 6 weeks. Hope she's over the hump. We discussed her finances again - she's in that denial stage again - so I will update the spreadsheet I have for her later this week to prove again she's in decent shape. She's talking about getting my dad's ashes from the funeral home and scheduling a visit to TX to place him at rest. Not sure it will happen this year - she's talked about it every year the last 4 years. I need to make sure my schedule is free in a couple months in case she actually gets it done.




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7/15/18 3:54 P

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L - Love, Learn, List, Linger

I love lists - making them, crossing off what I've accomplished. I have 3x5 cards that I used all the time - for my daily activities, my plans, my shopping lists. I am very happy to see my younger son has started this habit as well. I used to be able to keep everything organized in my head...no longer - so I like my lists.

Learn - I keep telling myself I know it all, I know how to do it, etc. I acknowledge there are many things still to learn. There are also many thing I need to UNlearn!

Linger and Love - I'll put together. I saw a Uhaul yesterday on the road, which reminded me of our moves across the country (multiple times). I remember vividly standing outside in Utah, looking at the Rockies, and then turning to look at the Wasatch mtn range, lingering over the views so I would remember. Then, in several places in southern Utah, looking over the red rocks, lingering to imprint the feel and look of the place so it would become part of me. I remembering holding my best friend's hand as she passed, lingering while looking into her eyes to remember the love. I can still feel her presence today, 32 years later. Linger to remember the love - always.

I have high hopes to 'get back' to the gym this week. Get up and going early each day. Mondays are tough - there is so much work I need to get to - so if I don't get a workout in first thing - it doesn't happen. I MUST MUST MUST get to the gym at some point tomorrow - just to set the tone for the week.

We are just over a month out for my younger son to move in his dorm. I have failed to arrange his wisdom tooth removal...I will get on the phone 1st thing tomorrow and see if I can rectify my mistake. I have a list (!) of what I must get done this week. Strange, I just realized - exercise is not on my list. emoticon

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/15/2018 (15:55)
Deb
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7/12/18 8:24 A

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K - KNOW, Knowledge

I know what to do. I read for knowledge. But - most times, what I read conflicts with what I read the other day, or yesterday, or even a few minutes ago. So - I continue my quest for intuitive living and eating. I hope I find it soon. emoticon

Feeling sad and a bit unsettled today. Found out the son of an casual acquaintance passed away last week - funeral is today. He was 2 years younger than my oldest. I feel for his family.

work will be ramping up for the next month or so. Beginning another phase of the project as soon as this ramp up is 'over'.

In the back of my mind I have started telling myself I will get into new routines 'as soon as' my younger son leaves for college...A few months ago, I was telling myself ' once summer starts'...Time to start making an effort everyday, no matter what.

Deb
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7/10/18 8:09 A

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J Words -
Just
Justify
Joy
Jealous

I admit it - I have a jealous/envious streak - and I really should not and I despise that I do have it. My life is good. I like who I am (usually) and would not want a different life. I dream of traveling...but I like my routines and comfort. I rarely traveled as a child - parents worked too hard - and I am repeating that. I always thought"one day". I do feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear about or read about those always off on adventures, having a great time...then reality hits. It does not matter about their lives...my life is mine, theirs is theirs Their joy should not disrupt mine. Keep reminding myself.

Joy - I don't have enough of it - down in my heart, down in my heart, down in my heart. Must revive that joy and let it spill out into my everyday life. My son is at that age where he is longing to be on his own...I remember that feeling. It's a tricky road to show the joy and not be dismayed when it is rebuffed. A couple more years, I tell myself, and he will come to appreciate us (more).

Just - JUST DO IT - whatever needs to be be done. Fundamentally - at core. What I am looking to strengthen.

Justify. There are excuses. Life is an excuse - aging parents, puppies, laziness, work...I can justify anything. I need to switch this about and justify my 'selfishness' in exercising everyday and taking care of me. Making myself a priority instead of an afterthought or a 'fit in'.

Well - not sure ONEKIDSMOM would like how I am going through the alphabet - but it is helping me to work through some routine withdrawal. Making me think about where I am and where I am heading.

Work, dog walking, grocery shopping, cleaning - AND EXERCISE!

Deb
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7/9/18 11:40 A

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I Words
Intent and Intention
Intuitive
Imagine

As per Charles Krauthammer - live the life I intend.
It's so easy to imagine how I want to be and live - quite another to follow through and succeed as intended.

I sound so hopeless there - don't I? Actually, my life is kinda, sorta close to what I intend. Add some, lose some - all in all - it's a good life. Shouldn't complain...but sometimes I still do...my masserati does 185... emoticon

Monday morning catching up with work - been sitting here way too long already and not even half way thru 'the important' things. Need to get moving for a bit to get rid of the eye strain headache. I'm waiting on feedback for about 10 things before I can finish anything off. Frustrating.

Gym is on my list for this week - not happening today, I can already tell. Weights will happen here at home - and I will get the dogs out in just a bot. Now - to get me out.

Deb
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7/7/18 3:51 P

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H Words
Honest
Healthy
Home
Happy

Honest regarding my efforts and what I am or am not doing. My strive is more to be healthy than to be thinner (altho, I'll take thin, as well!), and I really want to focus on making my home a happy place where my kids want to come back to and where my husband and I are healthy and happy.

I spent part of yesterday cleaning out my coaching bag and notebook - throwing most of it away. I also went through some training journals i had started at various points - and abandoned - and tore out the used pages. I toyed with throwing away the journals - but opted to keep them for now. I may not use them - but if I ever get to a point where I want to use a journal - I know i have some.

I am planning on spending the rest of the summer in intuitive mode...I am burnt out on plans, schedules, diets, coaching advice, mantras, inspirational sayings, and lifestyle advice in general. As I have said many times - I KNOW what to do - it is up to me to do it. So - for July - I will do what I know to do, without pressure from myself. Do my best, as each day presents itself. Honest.



Deb
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7/6/18 8:36 A

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The jog did not happen. I actually forgot to go to weight training. Forgot what day of the week it was. Did get the dog walks in and some surfing, though. Went to visit with mom and sister - took them some bbq we had made...husband had made...crazy sister showed up from out of town unexpectedly. I found it funny, as my oldest sister was out of sorts that she did come up. My oldest sister is rather territorial regarding our parents - but I will not complain (too much) as she does most of the 'work'. I am grateful for all she does (and I told her so yesterday, which she brushed off). I need to do a better job of being involved - especially as it appears mom has started the 'downfall'.

Out on lake last evening - 2 C-130's came over the lake very low, they dipped their wings to us - it was quite impressive. We waved - I assume they could see us (actual people, not just boat) as they were so low.

Today, I need to work in some weight work. Make up for yesterday.

Next week - I intend to get to the gym at least 1 day. When was the last time I was there? Too long ago.

G words?
Grateful
God
Genuine

I keep saying I want to get back to reading and do some morning devotions - I haven't so far. be grateful for all I have and the fact that I am still here. Be genuine in my relationships and my efforts.

Actually, I think I am too genuine (is that possible?) in my relationships. I don't 'put up' with a lot. I remove myself from situations where I don't feel people or situations are genuine -(I spend a lot of time alone... emoticon ). Maye this is something I can work on - being more tolerant but genuine.

Being genuine in my efforts really needs work. Be honest (Wait - that's an H word...for tomorrow).



Deb
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7/4/18 5:56 P

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I have walked quite a bit the last few days as we are at the lake. Yesterday was almost 17K steps. Hips were feeling a bit twingy last night. Will stretch and ice tonight. It is really not too crazy here. We have not gone out on the boat - son can't get in water, husband feeling a bit off, other son couldn't make it. It's a very quiet holiday for us. A friend down the street will come by for dinner in a bit - otherwise, it's been a working day - cleaned out the shed, cut some of the bamboo, cleaned, and walked the dogs a lot.

Mom now has a blood clot in her leg. Had xrays on both hips yesterday and should get results tomorrow. She is feeling quite down today.

Food wise, I doing well - except for the chips. Chips tend to be a lake problem for me. I don't buy them at home because I know I will eat the entire bag in a day. Up at the lake, we get them - and I end up munching on them as the day goes on. I also brought some cherries and grapes up too, so I am trying to snack on those.

We will be here the rest of the week, I think. I am contemplating whether or not to get up tomorrow early and attempt to jog...we shall see.

Forgot my F words:
Fear - get over the fear
Faith - have faith in myself, my kids, my circumstances, step out in Faith
Fun - something I think is lacking in my life - I work too much I live life in a serious manner way too much - I need to add some Fun to my life



Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 7/4/2018 (17:58)
Deb
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6/30/18 10:22 P

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Hard to believe another month is coming to a close. June was not a banner month for me. Time to regroup and refocus. I think instead of 'getting back to routine', I need to determine a new routine.

I spent most of today at moms.Cooked a bit, blew off outdoors, started the car, cleaned up a bit, transferred her pictures from phone to computer, sat and talked some. She did eat more today than she's eaten in 2 weeks. I managed to get her outside for a few minutes. Felt eerily similar to getting dad outdoors in his final year. Her pain level is more than I thought it would be at this point, altho when I asked if she wanted to go back to doctor or urgent care, she backed off and said maybe later next week if it's not better then. I'm afraid she's hiding some issues - originally she told me her left side and hip were hurting. She cracked the right side ribs and that's the only place she told the xray technician was suspect. I really hope she's not hiding something.

Had to leave at 1 point to take son to urgent care. Last Monday we spent 5 hours in ER and ending up with unresolved issues. Finally today, I think they diagnosed him correctly and gave him correct meds. Frustrating in that this issue was mentioned to ER dr. Was ER doctor too tired, too busy, or too incompetent to correctly diagnose, giving we handed him what we thought was problem - which it turned out to be. Son will not be able to get in lake this coming week - or do work that was planned for later in week. Going to be a frustrating week ahead.

Looking ahead to July:
Determine and live a workout plan!!!
Start jogging (again)
dog walks in am
minimize sugar
limit snacking - stop eating after dinner
focus on positive
Read

E - Enough
Very little is needed to make a happy life. It is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. Marcus Aureilus



Deb
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6/28/18 2:40 P

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Another great weight class. She worked in some cardio intervals with the weights. very thorough workout!

Mom visit afterwards. Not a good day, again. I've beginning to worry. July 4 week is the 'anniversary' of my dad beginning dialysis, which is considered the beginning of his final 3 and a half months of life. I suspect mom has been thinking about this as she sits around.

D words to focus on:
Determination
Dare
Decisive
Do

"Do - or do not - there is no try." Always a favorite of mine - especially before I knew where it came from. I used to tell myself this when preparing to run.

"Be decisive. Right or wrong, make decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision." Don't be a squirrel!

Dare and determination...I don't have pithy quotes ready at hand for these 2 words. Dare something, anything. Dare to be brave.
Have determination - don't give up. Stay with it.

Need to get back to work.




Deb
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6/27/18 2:06 P

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Skin screening went very well. No problems noted. Thank you!
Went to visit with mom afterwards. Rough day for her. I think her rib injuries are going to be more serious to her than I had thought. I managed to get her to eat a little something, clean up some, and basically just sit and be with her. found my dad's walker and the OLD TV trays for her to use. Amazing how much stuff they have in the attic. Makes me wonder if they EVER threw anything away.

C words - I have a bunch.
Compassion
Cull
Content
Challenge
Critical
Counterproductive
Change

I need to cull counterproductive 'things' to be content with my life as I challenge myself, with compassion, not being critical of the time it takes to change. emoticon

I do need to cull activities, actions, thoughts, emotions, and habits from my life to move forward. I may need to cull people too. Culling things can be so freeing. I remember reading something years ago that if you look at something and it makes you feel sad, you need to get rid of it (Flylady, perhaps?). I have started that - but have so much more to do.

Challenge - I have not challenged myself in years. I think the last few years were so tough mentally for me, that just making it through, keeping it together, was my challenge. I'm not there anymore - I can handle some challenges for myself. Really.

So - rest of summer - compassionate challenges for positive change.


Deb
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6/26/18 2:06 P

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I'm not sure what it is about summer - the last few summers, and this one also - instead of being a time to sit back, relax, enjoy the lake, focus on exercise and eating healthily...it's become a blur of work, responsibilities, no exercise, and eating on the fly. I could do a better job, I'm sure - and I will, starting today!

I drove out of the neighborhood, past the community pool yesterday and remembered how with my older son, and younger son as a toddler, we'd hit the pool in the afternoon and stay for hours. Come home and have a late supper, fall into bed all tired and sun-kissed. Haven't done it in years. I don't do the sun bathing anymore, but I am not as careful with sunscreen as I should be.

I actually have a skin cancer screening tomorrow, along with looking at 4 suspicious things on my back. I grew up loving to sun bathe - with baby oil and then reluctantly SPC 2 or 4. I am lucky that so far, I have only had to have a 'nose scraping' of some precancerous cells. Let's hope for my luck to hold.

So - alphabet - 'B'. B is for BELIEVE. Believe in myself. Believe in my kids. Believe in the general goodness of life and others (sometimes a hard thing to do...). Believe that my efforts to live in a healthy manner will result in a long, productive, healthy life. Mostly - believe that I can do what I set my mind to do.

My mom fell last week, while I was out of town. I insisted she go to the doctor when I returned. She did fracture a rib. Nothing to be done, but at least she will restrict her activities a bit while she heals- and MAYBE, she will listen to me about revamping some things in her house. Something I have tried to get her to consider since my dad's death. I'm not sure why, as the youngest of 4 kids, I am the one who must 'bully' her into doing what needs to be done. Is it because I always questioned her authority??? emoticon I'm glad she did not sustain more serious injuries!

Today - I must lift weights. I must walk the dogs. The new puppy is a mess, a handful, and a pain... emoticon She is smart and cute, but she must learn her place in this family. And I think she is going to fight all the way. I must also clean house, get some work done, and read. I have not read in a long time - I miss it. Getting into bed and reading at least 1 chapter - must reinstate that habit.


Deb
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6/23/18 11:32 A

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I've started to journal several times the last couple days - but the words weren't coming out 'right' - here goes another try.

ONEKIDSMOM's blog the other day re alphabet blogging has inspired me. I commented that I might try to play along in my own way, searching for that elusive nugget of sparkness to keep me motivated, inspired, focused...in other words - hoping to find the 'magic'.

A...is for ATTITUDE.

Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. I think probably the most important aspect in the journey of life. Charles Krauthammer pops up as the most recent example of attitude. His attitude in life and approaching death was ...amazing, awesome, and I can't think of any other 'a' words to stay with 'a'...but inspirational sums to up.

Personally, my best friend, Sandra, has been my closest model of attitude. Similar to CK, she lived her life with a positive attitude and approached death with grace and dignity. I forget...quite often...the example she was to me. I never forget her, but I do get caught up and distracted by petty concerns in my life and forget what's really important. So - thank you to ONEKIDSMOM for getting me to start my own alphabet - and immediately being reminded of how important ATTITUDE is.

I have been messing around for years now, one day optimistic and motivated - the next day annoyed and cynical. I allow the trivialities and distractions of life to delay, redirect or even curtail my journey. I allow myself to dwell in perceived turmoil (yes - 'perceived') instead of joyfully embracing each day and being inspired live my best life everyday. Amazing when my journal title IS Best year of my Life...!

Attitude. I am responsible for my attitude. Despite what happens in life - it is my decision what my attitude will be.

Deb
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6/20/18 7:48 P

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Wonderful get-away with my friend. It's so comfortable being with someone who knows you, understands you - and still loves you... emoticon and is going through similar issues as you. It was a very nice time together.

Just returned a couple hours ago from college orientation for my younger son. 60 days from now he will be moving into his dorm. And embarking on what I hope will be an exciting and wonderful time in his life. I was thinking back on my starting college days - and I had no clue what I was heading into at that time. The optimism and freshness...oh - to be his age again...NOT! I have no wish to be his age again..., but I would love to not be so cynical - so I just need to start having a different attitude. It is all up to me.

I must confess my exercise has been non-existent this week. A funeral to attend Monday, along with family get togethers that day, leaving early Tuesday for orientation and just returning - no time to get things done. Until now. I will go walk one of the dogs now and then do some hand weights. Tomorrow...gym? or swim? Oh wait - I'm off a day. Tomorrow is weight class. So - I will get a walk in in the morning before i head that way...so no weights tonight. But definitely the dog walk. Now.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 6/20/2018 (19:48)
Deb
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6/13/18 10:36 A

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It's amazing how much I can accomplish when I have a list and decide to focus! After medicating and feeding dogs and cleaning up the kitchen, we went out on our walk. very nice. Then weeding in the front yard and side yard, vacuumed the car, straightened up the garage and garage refrig, checked my to-do list (and marked some thing off!), just showered and now sitting here, checking work email and on here. I am having lunch with my in-laws again. They called and asked that we try to 'do lunch' once in a week, my schedule allowing. I am hoping we can keep this habit. Week after week, things start popping up - but this is something important. I had lunch with mom and sister yesterday. I don't like eating out that often - but I am trying to convince myself that the social aspect outweighs the eating out aspect. I know that eventually this will become an every other week thing and I can alternate my family and my in-laws.

After lunch, I need to stop by a rental house to drop off something, then get the dogs and their 'stuff' and take them to meet the boarder. I plan on cleaning house tonight. Then tomorrow, my friend and I head off for an overnight fun escape. My sister and mom were not happy to hear I was going...I don't 'get it' with them. My sister is retired (5 years?) and they go on little 3-4 night trips every other month, if not every month and at least 2 1 week stays somewhere once a year. Another sister is going away for a weekend trip this weekend. They complained at lunch yesterday that they never do anything for fun and they need to do something this weekend too...???? This is not a competition! Altho - am I making it sound like one by comparing my lack of trips to their constant traveling? emoticon Oh well - I am looking forward to my short journey. My friend and I always have a good time together.

So - this has not been a good heavy exercise week for me. I have done weights for arms a couple times at home - will tonight as well - and only been walking the dogs 2 x per day. But at least it's something. My legs are aching again - I started the new medicine June 1 - and I think the reaction from this med is just as bad as the last. I'll keep taking it, concentrate on stretching and icing - and rolling - and see if I can handle it. I have been sitting in the car and at the desk quite a bit the last few days...that could be an issue as well.

Hope all goes well work wise while I am gone. Not going to worry about it. Be back Friday.

Deb
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6/12/18 8:53 A

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Visit with crazy sister was not bad. It's sad, in a way, how we've all learned to 'be careful' of what we say. No debating our varied points of view, just stilted conversation about the 'important things' in life. My sister and her husband expanded on an accident their son had at work a couple years ago. He's allowed it to change virtually every aspect of his life. Hearing her comments were interesting, sad, but interesting. If she'd only listen to herself, she'd realize she's arguing against her long-held, unquestioned political beliefs... emoticon ... but, that's something we don't talk about. emoticon

I am concerned because as I was leaving, her husband followed me out. He did this another time also. To talk about mom this time. Wanted to know how mom is 'really doing'. I briefly mentioned the concerns i had about mom, and how my older sister doesn't want to hear them. His father and mother are causing concern for him - so I think he understands my point. I am not trying to cause problems or initiate change. I am trying to raise awareness of what I see happening - so that we can watch things and step in where needed. I will see how my sister acts today when I see her, so I know whether or not my comments were passed on. Why we can't discuss things in the open - I don't know! Do other families deal like this as well - or are we just dis-functional?

Yesterday was spent in the car. My hips are feeling it today. I need to investigate standing at the computer. I don't want to waste money buying that contraption - so I need to see what I have around the house - or what I can find at the thrift store. Today, I have a list of things to get done.

Dogs are walked
Apple is eaten
My intention list is made

Now - to live the life I intend...

Deb
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6/8/18 9:06 A

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Visited with mom for a bit yesterday. She did her usual "Poor xxxx (insert crazy sister's name)" Went on and on about her 2 kids and how its my sister's 'fault' for enabling them (true...) but "poor XXX, she has it so hard", blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I laughed and asked her what she said about me when I wasn't around... emoticon THAT got a look from her! She's always told me I'm too demanding and expect way too much of my 'poor kids'. I do...expect much from them...and yes, I feel guilty at times, as I've said. BUT I digress. I tried to change the subject. We went on a tour of her backyard. With all the rain we've been having, it's looking very lush. I see my dad's presence there - in the rock patio, the rock planting beds, the flowers and bushes. I've been given cuttings and plants from them over the years - hydrangeas (originally from my dad's mom in Texas), dead nettle, jasmine, iris, poppies (finally had one bloom this year), cactus (originally from my dad's hometown Harlingen, TX), monkey grass, cyprus vine, and many more. Now I need to get some to my son at his new house. I know my mom wants to stay in that house the rest of her life because you can feel my dad in the yard. They spent so many hours each day forming the yard into what they wanted. It's a beautiful oasis that most people have no idea exists. Looking from the street, you have no clue it's there. I was hoping that by walking in the yard, she would stop focusing on my crazy sister and complaining....it worked for a bit.

My crazy sister (no - I refrain from calling her that to my mom and other sisters) is coming into town today. Her FIL has a surprise birthday party Saturday, so they will stay with my mom this weekend. Since I am alone tonight, I will go over to have dinner with them. I will work very hard to keep myself from upset, frustration, annoyance, etc. Last night, after my visit with mom, I succumbed to mindless (no - it was intentional!) indulgence that I feel awful from today. Headache, weight gain (Yes - 1 whole pound), blahness. WHY do I do this to myself - especially after lecturing myself here yesterday???

Today is another day to get it right. I'm sipping on cucumber water. I 've walked the dogs already. I'm working (well - I was working before I got on here), and I'm GOING to get my list of things done today. 80/20. DONE (or better!)

Deb
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6/7/18 8:23 A

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Had lunch with my in-laws yesterday. We don't see them nearly enough. Years ago, their daughter moved out of state for work, and I would see them at least every other day, talk to them daily, etc. When she moved back, it was as if I was dropped for 'the real one'. Our visits and talks gradually diminished. I'm at fault also - but I have a hard time forcing myself onto people. Real or imagined...who knows. It is what it is. But - as they get older and more feeble - I know I'd like to be as close as possible and help out where I can. We used to have them over for dinner once a week - but my FIL does NOT need to be driving at night. Heck - he shouldn't be driving at all! I need to get over my reservations and resentments - and be a better person. It was a nice lunch. He said "let's do this again next week'...so I will talk to them about it. I have already arranged for a girl friend get together, just a quick 2 day thing, but I'm looking forward to it. Adding in a lunch with my inlaws needs to become part of my planned weekly activities. I can review my life and come up with issue after issue with them...but why would I do that? I need to focus on the positive.

That reminds me of a talk I had with my mom about 2 years ago - forgive me if I repeat myself here emoticon - she was reliving every decision she ever made with me and my sisters, in a negative way. Why didn't we have dance lessons or play on sports teams or take this lesson or do that activity? Yes - I've considered that as well - compared to my friends, I did have a limited 'educational' childhood - BUT - they were doing the best they could, I know that now. I told my mom that, along with "Are you happy with who we are as the people we grew up to be?" She stopped - looked at me startled - and said "Of course, why would you ask that?" My answer "Because every 'hardship' or challenge made us into who we are as people. Every experience we had, whether good or bad, developed our character. So - if you're happy with who we are, believe you did a good job."

I have been in a rather philosophical state of mind (can you tell?)- being alone, talking with neighbors, preparing myself mentally for my youngest son leaving, watching my older son move on to being a home-owner...I'm surprised at how old I am. How did it all go so quickly? Why do I sometimes feel as if I'm 'only' 27 (my favorite age ever)? I guess my blood test results that came yesterday are concerning me. My cardiologist took me off a medicine early May, with instructs to start a new one June 1, in hopes of getting rid of a reaction to the 1st med. Luckily, my blood test was done on June 1 - I was expected good results. And except for 1 number, everything is 'great' (as per my internist). But - I expected that 1 number to be lower. And, now I wonder - I have no indication if that previous medicine was doing anything at all (if not - why take it?) or if the result was gone from 3 weeks of not taking it? I have another blood test scheduled for mid Sept. So - no indication until then. Instructs from dr to take new med, and try to modify my diet a bit and ...wait for it...lose weight. emoticon Yes - and there's another frustration for me. I am continuing to gain .5 to 1 lb every few days.

So - time to get real. Again. How many times have I said that? I used to be so good at being strong mentally. And that followed up into DOING things. I seem to start each day with a decision to do certain things...and by the end of the day, I have not followed through on the majority of my 'things'. Hence, my idea of the 80/20. Is my problem in interpreting the results of my day? Cause I seem to think I'm doing well with 80/20, but the results are shouting out that I am not? Talking in circles here. Thinking in circles. I know what I need to do. I don't want to...but I know I should track food for a few days, and see what I'm actually doing. I think my guestimating is severely distorted.

Rambling,disjointed thoughts...now on 'paper'...hope they help.

Deb
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6/6/18 7:48 A

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Monday was a successful 80/20 day. Tuesday...on the edge, but I'm saying it was 80/20. I ended up making a pizza at home. I know in my heart that pizza is typically not a food I can regulate when I am alone.

I've walked the dogs morning and evening. I've actually talked with a couple neighbors also. I should do that more often, as I get a glimpse into the struggles others have that they hide. I've cleaned out the master closet and chucked a large bag of clothes. Probably could have been 2 bags...but I will cull as the season goes along.

As I cleaned the clothes out, I kept on to some things that I am uncomfortable in - just a tad too tight. I know I could 'get away' with wearing them now, but I won't. I tend to wear the same few things over and over again. Easy to do when you work out of your house and you have limited social outings. I wonder why I have all the clothes I do? The closet looks so much neater. Now - to go on the the rest of the house.

Today is pretty much open. I'll get the dogs out for a walk and then get to the office.

Deb
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6/4/18 8:19 A

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Woke at 4 to say goodbye to husband. Then, went back to sleep for a couple hours. Dogs are medicated and fed. will walk them in a bit. There is a surprisingly cool breeze this morning - great time to walk...but, I am here, on the computer. There are some work things I must get done first thing on Mondays. You would think I would learn to be efficient and get them done, and then play...but...such is life.

So - I want to be successful this week. I have a list (mostly in my mind) about things I'd like to get done. And another list of how I would like to eat and exercise this week. I have read a couple blogs and journals recently focusing on the 80/20 principle. I know it - I remember clearly being lectured over 80/20 in multiple college classes. Quite another thing to LIVE it day by day (at least for me). But - this week I am considering my 80/20 week - in everything.

I will flesh out my lists in writing later today. I will finish this entry, get my morning work done, walk the dogs...and move on to my other 'projects'. LOTS to do today. So many ways to be successful - it is all up to me.

Deb
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6/2/18 9:57 P

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Our granddog left home today - my son and his wife moved into their house so we drove up to see the house and take a few things to them. It felt weird leaving him there. Walking tonight felt off a bit as we only had the 2 dogs. I hope my son and his wife and dog enjoy their home. They have almost 4 acres - lots of room and privacy. The house is 'in the middle of nowhere'. As long as it's what they want, I'm happy.

Still feeling it from weight class. I've iced every night since Thursday. I need to keep this up. I've got my steps in this past week.

Son and husband are out of town all next week. I will be alone with the dogs. SO - I need to set my goals tomorrow and plan the week out. I need to stay on track with food and exercise. I will also make an effort to get some social time in somehow, somewhere so I don't go crazy.

June is off to a good start.

Deb
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5/31/18 3:24 P

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End of another month. Had visit with internist today. Blood work tomorrow. Not exactly sure why they do it that way. My previous dr ordered labs the week before, so we could review them together at my appointment. Now - I go after our appt to get blood work and then see results on website. No discussion of results. Oh well.

Processing what I want for this summer. I resurrected an old spreadsheet I used a couple years ago. Daily tracking of steps, exercise, etc. Have it all set up - started this past Sunday and will keep it through the next 12 weeks. Hope to see some impressive figures on that spreadsheet. Today's weight class was tough. I will feel my legs and butt tonight and tomorrow, definitely.

SO: for June: What do I want and what am I willing to do to get it?

Track food for at least a week to get an idea of how out of control my eating has become.
Drink regular water and reduce number of LaCroix I am drinking.
STOP snacking on junk stuff. Snack only on veggies, fruit, or healthy foods.
NO fast food for June.
Intervals at least twice a week.
Weights at least twice a week.
Walk dogs daily.
Salads. Many salads. Salads as the primary meal item.
Read.
Clean, cull, organize.



Deb
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5/29/18 4:40 P

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First surfing Sunday. Made it up first try. Hips were feeling it Sunday night. First walks around the block. Lots of deer out and about. The place is changing. It's amazing how many lots have changed hands in the 7 years we've had the place. And many of them have been torn down and replaced with 'real' houses, not lake cottages. I think I like the cottage vibe better...

Just got back from an interval (jogging/walking) 3.2 miles. It was nice. Started out a bit hotter than I expected, but ended with a downpour, so got cooled off quickly. Shoes are soaked. Nice to have someone to talk to and give me motivation.

Change seems to be in the air. I've read several blogs and journals focusing on changing things up, moving, realizing what isn't working and trying to figure out what will work. I'm not alone it seems.

Deb
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5/24/18 8:41 A

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Up this morning and out the door with Jerry. Walked to the turn around point and jogged back again. Then took the shepherds out (separately this time) for the cul-de-sac walks. I think the last session for weight class is today - so I will head over there. If there is no class, I will get some errands run while out and then either stop at gym to lift, or do a home session later.

Went through my books I have sitting around. Culled out about 10. On the diet and lifestyle books, I went through some and tore out some recipes I want to try. I kept a few books that I want to browse through again...however, I know I KNOW what to do, it's just a matter of doing it. my snacking is out of control. This last month has been crazy with me sitting at the computer way too much. I have a habit of 'rewarding' myself with a snack when I take a break - at least I think that's what I do - plus sipping coffee all morning doesn't help.

This summer - simplify. Cull out what I don't need. Well - that would be pretty much everything if I go with the true definition of 'need'... emoticon so - cull out what I don't use and what I know I won't ever use. Years ago I read a book along the lines of Get off Your Buts - not sure of exact title. But what resonated with me was that you need to review your goals and aspirations every once in a while. Things/life changes. And it's ok to change what you want out of life. What's important is that you acknowledge that you are letting go of some of your goals or objectives - mourn for a bit if you must - but then set aside the goal, with full knowledge of what you are doing and why. And then - go on, without looking back at that goal with sadness or longing. My older son and I, when he was 5 or so, talked about traveling to certain areas of the world. I know, without a doubt, that I will never go to those places. So - I gave that up. And I need to extend this to my life now - as part of the process of letting go of my younger son's hs years. Looking ahead to what I want out of the next few years...I need to make sure it's what I want and it serves me well.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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5/23/18 8:14 A

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I find it interesting how the brain processes at night. The last 2 nights' sleep have been filled with vague, rambling dreams in which various hs people have appeared. Some my son's friends, some their parents, some the administrators. Guess my brain is trying to work through 'the end' of these relationships and hopefully allow me to truly move on, forgive as necessary and forget. I stress the forgive is a necessity for me...there may actually be nothing to forgive...my perception and hurts and beliefs are what I need to get away from. I am reminded of when in college - there were many nights I went to sleep after studying...where the answer or way to proceed in a difficult (impossible, it seemed) study area came in a dream. I'd wake up and immediately be focused and have achieved a better degree of understanding. Wish that would happen now regarding my physical state...

I am up another couple pounds. And not sure why. The cardiologist removed me from 1 medication. I am being weened off 1, with plans to start the replacement at the beginning of June. SO - is that part of it? I have been decent with my meals. Feeling quite the blob at this point. A friend gave me a bunch of pictures from my son's wedding in November. I know 1 dress I will be throwing out!!! I was very unhappy with how I looked in most of the pictures. But - it is up to me. My choices, past and current, got me where I am - and either keep me here, or let me move forward.

Onward with optimism is where I want to go.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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5/22/18 9:40 A

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This morning, I finally forced myself to 'get out there'. Jerry (the granddog, who I will only have for another few weeks) and I started with a short walk and then jogged back. yes - we actually jogged all the way back. emoticon It was not that long, BUT, I did it. And it was not hard, I was not gasping for breath, I felt good. Then I switched out Jerry for my 2 shepherds and we did the cul-de-sac behind us, walking only. The choc lab came out and charged again. I was able to avoid getting bit this time. I may need to rethink walking 2 dogs together. It's hard to control 2 large dogs when they are being charged by a non-restrained dog. But - I am proud of myself that I avoided expressing my displeasure. It's hard not to get exasperated with a person who has a habit of letting their dog roam (we have strict leash laws) and then stands at the door, half-heartedly calling the dog back, instead of coming out to get them away from an escalating situation. Oh well. I know there is a strong possibility this will happen - it is up to me to be prepared.

Then, sat down to work, and immediately, issues with a supplier. WHY don't people do what they say they are going to do????

So - heading out to do some stuff. Today started well. It will be well. It will end well.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 5/22/2018 (09:41)
Deb
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5/21/18 4:45 P

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I blogged yesterday about What Now? I figured out I let my goals and objectives kind of ...disappear. There are a bunch of endings happening now, that I forgot to set some beginnings. I'm done with coaching. I'm done with meeting the Next Level workout people (as it's associated with coaching - plus, I never found my niche). I'm done with hs (YEA!!!!).

I still have my gym membership. The mountain is still near where I live... emoticon . I am signed up to continue the weight training class on Thursday, starting next week. The neighborhood pool is still in my neighborhood and has water in it, although it has been several years since I have taken advantage of it. The lake is still there.

In other words, I have no excuses for 'making do' with what I have. I just need to look at putting new spins on things. I think I am at the point in my life to acknowledge that I will NEVER 'get back to' exercise as I used to. BUT - there is nothing wrong with coming up with my new normal - which can still be a challenge to myself. And can still get me in better in shape than I am in now.

Time to get rid of some things and expectations. Time to figure out what it is I really want out of life. And time to get down to it.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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5/18/18 11:05 A

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Another week 'getting by'. Some light weights at home and dog walks have been all I have managed to do. At least it is something. Next week, I hope to get back to doing more.

Yesterday was hs grad breakfast. While not as bad as I had imagined it could be, it was still depressing. Found out some stuff (not surprising) talking to a couple parents I haven't seen in a while. Reinforces all the reasons I am glad hs is coming to a close. Makes me feel for my kid. I pray he is liberated after tomorrow's ceremony and tackles his future with optimism. I am glad he is off to college alone - a chance to get away from hs cliques. I was appalled at the end of the announcements yesterday that the hs principle read off a list of students needed for something - at the end, she stumbled and said "spell check didn't work - is there a student with last name XXX and last name YYY? we need them if there are students named that." REALLY??? 115 graduates and you don't know them? And 1 had been there since 2003 (and her dad is the athletic director) and the other at the school since 2006??? Small, private school - where supposedly every student is valued and loved...uhhhh, not feeling the love and inclusion. emoticon My heart aches for my child. But - talking with other parents, at least I know my son's experiences are not isolated. Doesn't make it better for him, but makes me feel less guilty in a way...24 more hours and I can forget about hs.

Getting house ready for grad party tomorrow afternoon. Dinner tomorrow night with close friends - hate doing it tomorrow but it's only day that works for friend from out of town.

Sunday - back on track to getting some harder exercise - as well as routine - back into my life.

Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 5/21/2018 (16:37)
Deb
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5/12/18 7:29 A

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I will put this week down as 'getting by'. Feeling anxious for son. He has 1 exam each Monday and Tuesday. He is doing a service project this morning. Then, hs breakfast, practice and graduation and he's done! Yea! He mentioned last night his tentative college room mate is a no-go. Not sure what's going on there, but I feel sad...although when I met the kid, I was pretty sure they were a mismatch. I had convinced myself my son being with someone so different MIGHT be a good thing as it would expose him to other things and people. Honestly, I'm glad he won't be rooming with him - but I am now anxious about who he will find or be assigned to a room with. My best room mate in college was a random selection thing, so I know it can work.

Work has several things blowing up - I'm trying to believe the best.

Today, I will get done what needs to get done. I will focus on having the best day I can.

Deb
Changing my life 1 step at a time.


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5/10/18 8:34 A

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Update for the week - time is getting away from me!
This week's plan:
Mtn walk/jog - not yet - Saturday??? today if gym doesn't happen?
Gym swim - not yet - tomorrow?
Gym weight machines - not yet - today?
Gym treadmill or track - not yet - today?
Gym yoga - not yet - today?
Home weights - yes, twice so far
Home elliptical - yes

I could say work got it the way, which it did - but I had plenty of opportunity to get to the gym. I SHOULD have gone Weds...but, I didn't for various reasons I allowed myself to believe.

Another family situation has me feeling blah. I don't like to admit that I am the one stirring things up...but I guess it is me. However! There are reasons to stir things up and that is what I am upset about. As I wrote about several years ago, I refuse to play the victim anymore to bullying behavior by my sisters. So, I am often seen as the instigator, because I call them on their actions - actually, I don't go out of my way to 'call them' on their behavior - I just acknowledge their actual behavior when they try to explain away their actions as something different. Oh well - life goes on...

Deb
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5/6/18 3:23 P

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Dock is back where it belongs. I decided to skip shopping - will do that tomorrow. I hate shopping on weekends...actually I hate shopping at all. So - I do it when there are less people around.

Still ruminating on my crazy sister and her behavior from Friday. I need to let it go. I know my mom was also involved which makes me feel even worse. Your family should love you, right? And play nice, right? let it go...let it go...

Graduation party was nice - took us 3 hours each way. Stayed an hour. Not a ton of people (possibly due to drive??). Now on to my son's graduation.

This week's plan:
Mtn walk/jog
Gym swim
Gym weight machines
Gym treadmill or track
Gym yoga
Home weights
Home elliptical
Not linking a day to anything, just a general check off list

Food planning still to do, but I have a basic idea in my head. Just need to write it down, comparing it to the schedule of activities this week.

Overall plan - reduce sugar and processed foods. Drink water. Eat more salads.


Edited by: CHIGGERCANE at: 5/6/2018 (15:23)
Deb
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5/4/18 7:52 P

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Thank you INACAR for visiting and your blessings. I pray for blessings over my son as he graduates.

Today, I had dinner with my sister (the crazy one... emoticon ) for her son's birthday. My sister and her husband are here from out of town. Her husband's parents were at dinner. I haven't seen them in several years. Halfway through dinner, my sister's FIL looks at me in surprise and says "That's who you are...you sure don't look like yourself anymore." I laughed and said "Yes - I've gotten old and fat." He shook his head and said "No - you're not old". emoticon He's 90...I'll give him a break. I laughed to break the awkwardness. Oh well. I think I remember him saying something similar the last time I saw him.

So - I am not feeling encouraged tonight. I am sore from yesterday's weight class. It was a tough one. I should write down what we did so I can do it at home. My head and eyes are hurting. I did not spend too much time on the computer today, so I'm not sure what's going on. I was downtown taking care of a rental house today. At least the HVAC people showed up today - the guy on Tuesday never showed. I cleaned windows while waiting for HVAC people. I don't think the windows had been cleaned since I lived in the place (35ish years ago!). Made me consider (mind, I said consider) cleaning my own windows...LOL. As I looked around at the place, I see SO MUCH that needs to be done. So much has already been done, but it never ends. I really want to get rid of the place. But - that won't happen for at least 1 more year. It's overwhelming what needs to be done. The tenant moving in is a friend of my oldest son. I hope it works out.

So - tomorrow is a graduation party for a friend's son. We will be gone most of the day. Sunday, we need to get up to fix the dock that tried to take off last weekend. I really need to get organized for my son's graduation party. Next week, I see the cardiologist again for the 6 month check up. I had intended to be at least 10 pounds thinner...oh well... emoticon


Deb
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