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ANNE2468's Photo ANNE2468 SparkPoints: (1,120)
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4/12/19 9:00 P

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Since you have come here for help, all is not lost dear. Some don't agree, but I feel to some people food is a real addiction. Like all addictions you must have support and places like Over eaters Anonymous might work for you. You must seek professional help as soon as possible. Do you have family or close friends you can tell about this? Have you ever joined a group like Weight Watchers or TOPS (take off pounds successfully). These are sometimes enough support to change your attitude about yourself and life. You can't do this alone right now. I hope you will get the help you need.


If Not Now, When!


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LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (43,570)
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3/18/19 12:28 P

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ESTELYLDZ,

I've been here for years as well. Lost some; gained some; lost & gained again.
At least I'm consistent in my inconsistency (supposed to be funny there).

We are all so much more than our weight. Every one of us.

My fave movie of all time is It's a Wonderful Life. I'm sure you've heard of it. But just in case...it tells the tale of a Mr. George Bailey, and what he experienced when he "got his wish" of never being born.
The point being that one man's life touches so many. More than he will ever know.

Maybe you can rent that movie. Bring a box of Kleenex.

Time to get up, dust yourself off, and go about being a blessing. Focus on being a blessing to others w/ distract you from the negativity you are placing on yourself. You need every ounce of positivity you can get. Please stop being so hard & negative to yourself. What we say, we become.
Tell yourself you're going to have a good day & do something nice for someone or some thing.

Sometimes, we all just need to vent / get things off our chest. Hopefully you feel better now. We are here if you need a lift.

No need to run away. Tomorrow's another opportunity for good!

EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 4,945
3/13/19 9:17 A

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{{{ Hugs }}}

Everyone has value. You are not garbage.

Remember God loves you! And we care about you too!

Stop talking to yourself so negatively.

Pray about it and seek counselling.

Used to be Eowyn2424


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HOWBOUTTHISNAME's Photo HOWBOUTTHISNAME SparkPoints: (1,700)
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3/13/19 8:59 A

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I have a family member going through a very painful life experience, bought on in large part by his own bad life choices, who says things similar to this sometimes. It is very distressing to hear anyone say that they are "garbage" because they have made bad choices in the past that they are paying for now. For you, those bad choices apparently include food (I assume, since you are referring to weight loss) and for this other person it is other bad choices that has left him feeling worthless. But for anyone in the situation where you are "paying" for your bad life choices, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. What you did yesterday or the day before is over and done. What you do today, and tomorrow is all that matters now.

You can't necessarily reverse the consequences of your past actions right away. In the case of bad eating habits that have persisted for years, it may be a long road to recovery and good health. But you travel that road ONE STEP AT A TIME. Each day that you make good choices brings you a little closer to the healthy person you want to be. And only you can do it, nobody else can do it for you. Sometimes we look at how far we have to go and get discouraged because it seems like it is going to be a long time before we can celebrate a win. But why not celebrate a win every day? Do well today, and celebrate today because you are one tiny step closer to where you want to be. Rinse and repeat tomorrow. YOU CAN DO IT. You just have to recognize that you are worth the effort (you are!) and make the determination to take control of your life (you can!) each day, one day at a time.







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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (314,226)
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3/13/19 1:41 A



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ESTELYLDZ - I am very sorry to hear that you are hurting so much. Hopefully you have a Dr / Therapist. Please make an appointment as soon as possible to talk with them about how you are feeling.

However, if you are having any thoughts of self harm, or if things are just too overwhelming for you at the moment, please either ring a Help Line and/or go to your nearest Emergency Department and tell them you are in a mental health crisis.

We can support you and listen to you (and it is great that you were able to come here to silently scream), but that doesn't take the place of qualified, in-person help.

BIG hugs,
Kris xxx

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 3/13/2019 (01:42)
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 30,480
3/12/19 1:39 P

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ESTELYLDZ, please post so we know you are okay...

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
BETHS60's Photo BETHS60 Posts: 631
3/12/19 10:37 A

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I am so sorry you are feeling so down.

Please take care of yourself and know that there are people who care about you.

You are NOT garbage. You are a human being. That's a fact. You make mistakes. You have setbacks. You feel frustrated. That doesn't make you garbage. It just makes you human.

I am sending positive thoughts your way....

"There's treasure everywhere." Hobbes, in Calvin and Hobbes
ELEKTRA0412's Photo ELEKTRA0412 Posts: 4,357
3/11/19 8:13 P

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ESTELYLDZ,

I am so very sorry you are feeling so down and hopeless. Please know that you are not alone. I have no idea what you are going through. You are a worthwhile person. I know you don't me and I don't know you. You are not garbage. I have been in that dark place where you are. Please reach out to one of the resources or continue to reach out here. I promise you there are people who care.

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“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh




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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 13,942
3/11/19 4:38 P

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ESTELYLDZ,
I'm here to chat too, but I agree with the others, if you feel that down, you really should have some emergency numbers to call, as we aren't professionals in that area.

That said, does eating food comfort you, or replace something, or do you just get plain hungry? Starting to chat with us about things may help.

James
Alberta, Canada


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


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SPARK_MERLE's Photo SPARK_MERLE Posts: 9,207
3/11/19 1:53 P

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Hi ESTELYLDZ,

The things you are saying (like wishing you were never born) we take very seriously. If you are really having these thoughts, we recommend you call a crisis hotline. There are 1-800 numbers for this type of thing, so you don't need to have somewhere local to go or long distance on your phone. If you need me to find one, let me know and I would be happy to do that for you.

SparkPeople is a great place for support, but we are not equipped to deal with these kinds of issues. You would be better served by talking with a professional who specializes in these kinds of things.

Wishing all the best for you,

Spark_Merle


~ Merle

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
Edward Everett Hale
LOTUS737's Photo LOTUS737 Posts: 6,242
3/11/19 1:01 P

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It's easy to get stuck in a cycle of self blame and hatred, I think many of us have been there. I will share that it's much easier to do this once you accept where you are and what changes you want to make. Find your motivation- do you have health or fitness goals? Try not to focus only on the weight itself, but also how you feel, your energy, etc. Set up a reward system that's not food based, and start with small goals for yourself. It can be anything from drinking 6 cups of water a day to adding one serving of veggies to one meal 4/7 days a week. Whatever you want! Start small and once you accomplish that goal, you may find it helps keep you motivated to set another small goal and continue from there. Please try to focus on the things you love about yourself, not only the things you don't.

Healthy choices and actions have positive impacts, even if the scale doesn't move!


ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (221,790)
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3/11/19 12:44 P



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ESTELYLDZ,

It sounds like you're going through a rough patch. No matter how difficult things may seem, there is always hope.



WHITE-GREEN's Photo WHITE-GREEN Posts: 4,007
3/11/19 10:39 A

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I suggest you post this, and more about yourself, in your blog. Other members might be willing to support you.

Please don't call yourself hopeless and 'useless garbage'... You're a human being, so you are not garbage. You deserve to be kind to yourself.

Edited by: WHITE-GREEN at: 3/11/2019 (10:41)

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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 30,480
3/11/19 10:19 A

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Have you considered professional help?

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
ESTELYLDZ Posts: 5
3/11/19 9:51 A

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I've been here for years. I've actually lost a few pounds back then. But I lost control of everything and I'm gaining weight recently.
No matter how much I try, I can't stop it, it's useless.
I am so hopeless, so depressed and wish I was never born.
I'm not writing those things to discourage people here, or make them loose their motivation. I know there is only one person who can help me through this and it is myself, who happens to be a useless garbage.
I just wanted to get that off my chest. Those words are my silent scream. I need to scream and run; run away from everything from myself.



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