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11/13/18 10:26 P

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I would be inclined to think that they DID consider you, and because you were obviously very tired, they let you sleep.

Rather than being resentful, be thankful because it would have
a) added to your fatigue
b) cost you money in some way or another
c) more than likely *caused* you to to eat unwise food/soup

Allow them to enjoy THEIR time together too. Be happy that THEY are able to.


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11/13/18 9:06 A

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There will be other days, other shopping opportunities.

Maybe they know you need your rest.

What is wrong with them going without you? Maybe they just wanted a day for themselves.

Here's something to ask to measure the importance... in 6mos will it matter that you did not go with them? In a year? Is it really that important?

There are other things more important, why not focus on the important things in life, (ie your heath).

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11/13/18 12:41 A

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Elaine (EOWYN24241),

Think about it. You have dialysis, you are so wiped out that you sleep from 5pm to 8pm. That is not a little nap, that is a deep sleep. Waking you up, to go shopping when you are physically wiped out, that doesn't seem reasonable.

If they go out and leave you behind it is because you are exhausted, and dragging you with, is bad for your health. They were being considerate.

Edited by: -JAMES- at: 11/14/2018 (08:37)
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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 28,207
11/12/18 3:34 P

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Sounds like your mom was very considerate, letting you sleep when you were wiped out after dialysis.
You should be thinking her for that.

And, seriously... mom can go shopping - or do anything else - without you tagging along. You are a grown adult, and you do not have to be included in all her activities.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
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11/12/18 3:32 P

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LADY does make a good point.

Perhaps your mother and aunt just wanted to spend some time with each other.

Also, isn't this the aunt you have a strained relationship with ? Isn't she the one who constantly criticizes you. I thought you two had a falling out and weren't speaking to each other.

It's probably not a bad thing to have missed going to the mall on two occasions. Think about it. One, you didn't spend any money on stuff you didn't need and two, you didn't eat any fast food.

If a person goes to the mall, there is temptation to grab a snack from the food court. And I do know how much your mother enjoys eating at KFC or Texas Chicken.

Not going to the mall was probably a small blessing.

11/12/18 1:17 P

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Deep breath.... To get rid of the regret and resentment you might try the following which I read about in a very good book. Twice a day, take about 5 minutes and WRITE DOWN your current thoughts and emotions you are having. Then take that paper and shred it!! Seriously. Its called expressive writing, and has been found to greatly relieve stress.

(Just an FYI: The book is Back In Control, by Dr David Hanscom...its about how to break the ties your brain makes between pain and other events/patterns. Its been documented by functional MRI that your brain will actually cross-wire and magnify pain expression by tying in other events and patterns. Great info---but not directly applicable to you I know. BUT the technique is worth a try!!)

I'm sure you already know that you should look at it all from the other side of the coin...
Your mom knows you usually are pretty wiped out after dialysis, and that you often nap, right? By allowing you to get that sleep without ringing up your phone, she was actually "taking care of you". The thought that you might feel excluded I'm sure didn't enter her mind....

And, while you obviously wish to visit with your Aunt...and love going to the mall, no doubt she and your mom have much shared history to privately revisit. Allow them that time---after all, you went to lunch with your friend, why wouldn't your Mom also like to do that? Simply let them know you would enjoy scheduling some shared time with both of them as well. And let this go....

Have a good week,

"The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf: Lord of the Rings

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,414
11/12/18 11:51 A

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Whenever something disagreeable happens, I tend to blame myself or others and I find it so difficult to let go!

I mean, the stuff has already happened and I can't reverse what has already happened but I am just filled with so much regret and resentment!

For instance, I took a nap around 5pm today. I was feeling tired after dialysis. I wanted to take a nap earlier but just couldn't sleep. I finally nodded off ard 5pm. I ended up sleeping till 8pm.

When I woke up, I discovered that my Mom and Aunt (who is visiting) have already gone to the mall without me. I am still feeling very upset that they left me out like this. This is the 2nd time they left me out this week. Yesterday, I went to lunch with my friend, when I came back, my Mom and Aunt went to 2 malls without me.

Why couldn't my Mom call my mobile? I always have it with me! I am just feeling so upset to be left out like this! My Mom didn't even consider me! She could have asked me! If I wasn't around, she could have called my mobile. Surely, that is not so difficult to do?

I don't know why I am so upset but I just am! Yesterday night they even went to the night market without me! They are treating me like I don't exist and it hurts! Surely it wouldn't hurt to ask if I wanted to come along!?

I am just soooo upset!

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