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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 11,808
9/12/18 12:11 P

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LINDAANNB1,
great.

Don't think of doing things for yourself (like taking time for a healthy breakfast) as being selfish because you could have used that time to help someone else. Think of it as time to sharpen your saw.

You need me time for all your meals, and a little "me time" to relax, even 30 minutes or an hour each day to perhaps do nothing at all, just sit in a chair, no TV, just let your mind unwind.

On the saw sharpening thing... there is a story about a lumberjack by Stephen Covay.
----------
The lumberjack was trying to cut down a tree with and was swearing and cursing as he laboured in vain.

“What’s the problem?” The man asked.

“My saw is blunt and won’t cut the tree properly.” The lumberjack responded.

“Why don’t you just sharpen it?”

“Because then I would have to stop sawing” Said the lumberjack.


James


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (205,302)
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9/12/18 9:32 A



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That's fantastic !

Taking small steps is how we can all ease into a healthier set of habits.

If you need a fizzy fix, try flavored seltzer waters or add a squeeze of lime/lemon to your water for flavor. something else you can do is fill a big container with water. Add slices of lemon or lime, blueberries, mint, etc. Leave it in the frig overnight and you've made your own infused flavored water.

I love going to the farmer's markets to buy whatever fresh veggies they have. last week, I bought a huge head of red kale. Salads aren't rabbit food. There are lots of different recipes for a yummy salad.

Little Debbies ? Those need to go. Get them out of the house so that you're not tempted to snack on them when you get stressed out. Buy some fresh fruit like peaches, nectarines, apples, pears, whatever is in season. Munch on a piece of fruit instead of a Little Debbie.

You'll feel a lot better inside and out if you can cut back on the sugary treats.

And as always, if you need to vent, don't turn to the Little Debbie or chips. Leave a post in the forums.

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Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 9/12/2018 (12:21)
LINDAANNB1's Photo LINDAANNB1 Posts: 521
9/12/18 6:38 A

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Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond to my post. I have read and reread each post and you are all right, I need to start taking better care of my self. I have been to the Dr. And I do need to smarten up before I am in the same boat as the ones I have been looking after. My mom is back in hospital again, pneumonia and fluid but she was doing a bit better yesterday. Time to start looking after me. I am making better choices this week. Breakfast from home instead of the coffee shop and switching pop up for ice water. Also taking advantage of the season and enjoying more fresh fruits/veggies that are available in my home town this week. These are all very doable things for me. I am not doing perfect, but it’s a start !



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LADYSTARWIND's Photo LADYSTARWIND SparkPoints: (85,989)
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9/11/18 2:10 A

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The stark reality is that if you Don't Turn Yourself around...YOU will be the one in the hospital one of these days!! Ask yourself if that is what it is going to take...??
(Hopefully the answer will be a definite: No Way!!)

Motivation has to come from within... and for many of us, the strongest form comes by way of a medical crisis. (For me, a pre-diabetes diagnosis started the cascade!).) If you have been caring for people who are dealing with their own medical frailty due to diseases associated with poor health and aging, you are certainly seeing a glimpse of what this could mean for you. I know you've been "around the block" enough to understand the association of obesity to many disease conditions---so the truth is, you are setting yourself up for it by NOT taking action. Now, while you can turn this around. And THAT is the Good News!! You CAN change the future....

As humans we can be exceedingly delusional and procrastinating. We ALL know the lines by rote: ah, I'm tired, just a bit of a goodie to perk me up.... Ah, tomorrow, after I shop, I will "start" my new way of eating... Oh, this new weight is just water weight because I did X,Y, Z, yesterday.... "Oh I'm too stressed tonight to fix a salad..." At some point we have to push those curtains aside...and confront Life for real. "You are what you eat" really does ring true. So in the very least, make the effort to choose foods which give you the nutritional value and decent sources of energy to deal with your stressful, hectic days. If you focus on choosing healthy food sources: you- are- making- progress! Calorie counting and refining the eating plan more can come in time if you (really) are too stressed to do it now.

My other suggestion would be to look into stress reduction. Check out the library for some of the audio books on mindfulness/meditation for quick 10-15 min breaks. Some are even geared to listen to while driving, or you could do them while waiting at the hospital. A little "me-time" has good benefits!!

All the best,
patti

Patti
"The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf: Lord of the Rings


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (266,655)
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9/10/18 2:10 A



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The first thing you need to do is to look after Number One .... that means YOU!

There is no such thing as 'can't find the time' to do this. It is more 'not motivated enough ....' The only person who can do this is you.

I can understand what you are saying about everything else going on in your life. I had that too. When my hubby was alive he was frequently in hospital ... for Crohn's Disease (many times); Heart Attacks (4x); Kidney stones (5x) various serious accidents (many of them) plus other health issues. I was also a caregiver for my (now late) Stepfather and mother. (both into their 90's) There were frequent hospitalizations for them too, and in fact it wasn't uncommon for Mum and S/Father to be in hospital at the same time, or my hubby and S/Father to be in at the same time. Hospital is an hour away. There are times I would have to go 1/2 hr north to my mother, then turn around and go 1hr south to my hubby and/or s/father. I had Power of Attorney for both parents so had to deal with all that THAT entailed. My hubby died on 14th December, so it was at Xmas which is a time for family ... not much fun when you are grieving someone so close to you.

I refused to l allow myself to use that as a reason to not take care of myself. In fact, it was MORE of a reason to take care of myself. I would take fruit and healthy nut bars to the hospital with me so I didn't have to buy food, and certainly not less healthy foods. I still do this when I go out. I bulk cook casseroles, soups, healthy pizza, etc. and single-serve containerize them. Even roast meats! I live by myself. I still cook a big leg of lamb, or roast of beef or pork, and when it is cold I slice it up into single-serve containers and add home-made gravy (made with veges pureed into the brownings) and freeze them too. That gets frozen. It really does help reduce any temptation to choose unwise foods/meals and helps with ensuring that you are doing the best that you can. It actually saves a considerable amount of money, too!!!

Yesterday I got a 20 minute walk in putting my laundry away one at a time. Today I got a 20 minute walking around my house while talking to my sister on the phone. On Thursday I will likely get 15 minute walk in getting my groceries from the car (light weight bags re weight restrictions due to skeletal issues) and then putting them away one at time. All brisk walking.

You CAN do this. I don't want to sound hard or cruel, but please, don't look for reasons to not improve your situation.

Good luck, and I hope that your stressors are soon a thing of the past.
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 11,808
9/9/18 6:52 P

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I agree with the other posts. I don't think I'll say anything new, just a slightly different way of saying the same thing.

While I realize that others may be insensitive, or just plain wrong, and spots in life are sometimes hard, realize that you yourself are very important as is your health.

You wrote:
--
I can't seem to focus on anything, so busy worrying about everone and everything else but me...
--

Simply take care of yourself first. It doesn't take much extra time, in the end when you are healthier you will have more energy to help others rather than burning out.

James


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


 current weight: 178.5 
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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (205,302)
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9/9/18 3:44 P



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Linda,

I agree with URBANREDNECK.

In order for you to be able to help your other family members, you need to be able to take care of yourself.

What happens to them if anything happens to you ? Heaven forbid, but what if you ended up in the hospital ? If you haven't been able to take care of yourself, this could be a reality.

Where are the rest of your family members ? Who else is able to help with your mother or your in laws ? Are there other people helping you ? If not, it's time to ask other people before you end up too sick to help anyone else.

You're taking on too much responsibility. As a result of the excess stress, you're turning to food for comfort.

When is the last time YOU went in for a full physical ? If you haven't been to the doctor in years, it's time to go. Yes, your doctor is going to tell you that you need to lose weight. However, there are some really important numbers you need to know. you need to know your blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc. If any of these are high, you're at risk for a number of medical problems.

So, if you don't want to end up in the hospital, you need to start taking care of yourself. That means setting aside time to take care of yourself.

Like I said, if you don't take care of yourself, you wont be there to help your family.


ATHENA1966's Photo ATHENA1966 Posts: 4,044
9/9/18 2:46 P

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Linda I am so sorry those people said horrible things. I don't know why people can be so mean. You have already received some great advice. I know it seems very difficult. I suggest you pick one doable habit to change. Right now you seem very defeated. Implementing one change can be very powerful and motivating. Eating a specified servings of vegis and fruit, drinking adequate water, walking for a amount of time that is safe. If you have not had a recent check up please do so and get the ok for any changes you make.

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“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh




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URBANREDNEK Posts: 2,889
9/9/18 10:51 A

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Sorry to hear about all that you have been going through. It is always hard going through the emotional wringer of dealing with illness and mortality in our families, along with the demands on time and activity.

I am going to remind you of the pre-flight safety instructions: put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. You need to take care of your own physical and mental and emotional needs first in order to be able to look after others!

So - since you already "know what you need to do", but continue to choose not to do it, it is pretty obvious that it is your thoughts and emotions that need to be addressed before anything else. One of the better, proven approaches is to use cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt) to change thought and behaviour patterns that are not helping you to maintain and improve your health.

A great first place to start with this would be The Beck Diet Solution book, and to join the Spark Team here: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individ
ual.asp?gid=10071
If you do a bit of reading on the team, you will find a lot of highly active and successful members, who have been able to make huge changes in their lifestyles and happily maintain them over many years.

Beyond that, it can be incredibly helpful to have the support of a professional therapist. I would suggest talking with your doctor about getting a referral to a local psychologist with training in CBT, as well as seeing if there is someone local who would be covered by any private insurance that you might have (it can take a while to get in to therapists covered by provincial health insurance).

You obviously care enough to keep coming back here and trying again, so try something a bit different this time and see how it goes. You CAN and you WILL be able to change the unhelpful and unhealthy thought processes, and you CAN and you WILL make the changes to your lifestyle to just keep getting healthier!

Sir Terry Pratchett:

"Science is not about building a body of known 'facts'. It is a method for asking awkward questions and subjecting them to a reality-check, thus avoiding the human tendency to believe whatever makes us feel good."


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 27,528
9/9/18 9:41 A

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"I just can't seem to find the time to look after me. "
There is no time to "find", as everyone gets the same 24 hours.
We all make the time to do the things that are important to us.
You have yet to decide that YOU are important enough.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
LINDAANNB1's Photo LINDAANNB1 Posts: 521
9/9/18 8:27 A

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This year has definitely been very trying so far. Don't get me wrong, I know it could always be worse, I am very thankful for what I do have but oh boy, this year has just been so hectic and crazy.
I can't seem to focus on anything, so busy worrying about everone and everything else but me... it started when my father in law took sick last December and died. Just before Christmas. My mom too sick on a January 4th this year and has been in and out of the hospital 9 times since then and has had a couple of close calls. Finally talked her into moving to a seniors assisted living home, she has been there one week and is having medical issues again. Hoping she doesn't. End up back in hospital again which is an hour away. My mother in law just had her old house torn down and a new to her mini home moved in which required some work so we all have been busy with that as well.
To top it off, a lady i know and havn't seen in awhile where mom is asked how I managed to get so big, I told her it was my love for food, she said I didn't know anyone could get that big from eating " . Then I visited mom another day and she was having lunch with others in the dining room. As I was leaving, I heard one of the residents say " boy is she big " then there was a local fundraiser going on and it was videoed and posted to Facebook, someone said they thought I was there which I wasn't. thought I was the big lady in the white shirt. Well you would think all that would be enough incentive to smarten up, never mind the obvious other reasons I have for losing weight. Aches, pains, mobility, looks self esteem etc....
I just can't seem to find the time to look after me. I know that is only an excuse but I am such an emotional all or nothing person and it doesn't take much to get me off track.
I know I havn't posted on here or been on here in awhile, I havn't been doing much of anything for me lately. Got to try to find a balance though, need to start looking out for me.



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