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8/16/18 6:04 P

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We all need time to reflect, and accept, those difficult parts of Life that you are going through. My heart goes out for you... especially since I too went through a divorce some years ago, lost my mother to Alzheimers' a year after that, and this past April my stepdad passed rather suddenly. You will discover you have inner strength you weren't aware of!

I have recently discovered an audiobook which you might like....You can discover a few moments of peace and focus with it each day. Nothing will make your difficult year pass, nor prevent the future from happening, but there are ways to find a different perception of it.

Look for author: Jon Kabot-Zinn, MD. He is professor emeritus of medicine and the creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. and has a number of recordings out on Mindfulness and Meditation which he leads you through. They aren't "spiritual" in any religious sense...just focused on self . I'm currently working through the Mindfulness for Pain book, and it is applicable to so many other situations....such as your perception of sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Another book I want to get is "Full Catastrophe Living" also by Kabat-Zinn....
All the best....

(I happened to have signed up for the free 30 day Audible app through amazon on my android phone, or you can order it on CD. ( "Audible" is $15.00 a month after the 30 days, and I haven't decided yet if I will continue---although since I spend time crocheting, I just might....)

Edited by: LADYSTARWIND at: 8/16/2018 (19:02)
"The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf: Lord of the Rings

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BERCRYS's Photo BERCRYS SparkPoints: (12,335)
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8/16/18 6:35 A

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Thanks , everyone, for the great advice. It's good to be reminded that there are some things I can do even when I can't think of them myself.

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8/16/18 5:12 A

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BERCRYS - My condolences re your Father's death. Also re the shock of discovering your Mum's health situation. I can certainly understand that with that, and your recent divorce, it would knock anyone for a six emotionally.

I strongly suggest that because of that AND because of your own physical health issues, that you talk with your Dr and ask for a referral to a Therapist who deals with grief. It would also be beneficial if you join a support group, either on-line or in person. Your or your Mum's Dr should be able to give you information on them and dementia in general.

Grief isn't just re coming to terms with death. There is the grief of your failed marriage. The grief in relation to a chronic illness, and the grief in dealing with your Mum's possible long-term health issues.

I have worked considerably with people with dementia, as well as my late father-in-law having had Alzheimer's Disease, and my late stepfather was also afflicted by dementia. Altho' they are not nice conditions to have, you (and they) still can have a very good quality of life. I also said to family members that it is like there are two people, but they are the same person. One of those people is the person you knew and loved very much, and have good memories of. The second person is the NEW them. The ones that you can still form very good memories of/with. I always found it easier to slip into their reality when I was dealing with them. things may not make sense to us, but it doesn't make it bad, If you get what I mean. Ensure that you also have a very good support around you, so that you can have regular time off to do what YOU need/want to do, to relax, or go to appointments etc without worry.

Ensure that you and your Mum are getting good, quality/balanced nutrition. With a couple people II cared for in the Care Home I worked in, one was very hard to get to eat. Staff and her own daughter couldn't figure out how I did it. EASY!! Her memory was shot so I would say, "have just 10 spoonfuls and then you don't need to eat any more. She was happy with that. In would go the first spoon. Swallow. In would go the second spoon. Swallow. In would go the third spoon. Swallow. In would go the third spoon. Swallow. In would go the third spoon. Swallow. And this third spoon was repeated until she had eaten it all LOL! She was happy. She only had to eat three spoons. The other person didn't want to eat anything and often refused. However, she loved the colour pink. Soooo, I got red food colouring and added a little to her mashed potato. She ate it. I added it to her custard. She ate it. I would add it to her rice. She ate it. The same with her stewed apple. Those examples, however, do not happen to everyone with dementia, and not even to most.

Good luck, and take care!!!

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8/15/18 8:01 P

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I'm sorry that you are having a bad day.  But know that there is tomorrow and another opportunity for a better day.

Now with that said,  take small steps to make changes.   As to what was recommended,  maybe look into counseling for yourself.   Without taking care of yourself emotionally it is difficult to do anything else.   The counselor might be able to help with a plan for you and your mom too.  Just those 2 items are a lot, but it will make a difference.

Now for the health part, go for walks enjoy nature even if it's for 15 minutes.   Take deep breaths, and breath out stress.   As for food,  make a small change drink more water,  eat fruit,  stay away from fat food.   Pick one item each week and focus on making that good decision.

The goal is to take small steps each day.   Know that there will be bad and horrible days,  but there is another sunrise and opportunity for a good or better day.

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8/15/18 7:21 P

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"Today is just a regular bad day, I know, but I feel overwhelmed and it's not just that I don't know if I can stick to healthy routines at the moment, I'm trying to find reasons to do anything at all"

I give all new members and any who will listen to me one piece of advice and it's this,"Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality". If the only healthy thing you did for yourself was drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction.

There isn't a person out there who has not been in your shoes. We've all had to face adversity and bad days. Some days it can be tough to cope. I know the first time I was laid off, I was devastated. Like you, I totally lost my appetite. But you know what ? I got through my rough patch and so will you.

Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up overwhelmed and frustrated. Just start with some simple changes you can stick too. Example, if you aren't eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. if you're not drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. If you're not exercising, don't start with an hour a day, set a goal to take a 30 minute walk each day for one week. Once you've completed these goals, you do them again or created new ones.

Setting simple goals is how you slowly ease into a healthier set of habits.

Also, I DO recommend you take a regularly daily walk. When I was laid off and trying to find work, one thing I knew was that I had to get out of the house or I'd go nuts. there are only so many jobs you can apply to or resume tweaks you can do in a day before you get ready to bang your head against the walls. Every day, I took a walk, a long walk. I still had my gym membership, so I went to the gym.

A regular exercise routine helped me blow off steam and reduce stress.

You need to find ways to reduce stress too. It could be as simple as taking a daily walk. you could sit and sip a cup of tea. you could listen to your favorite music. You could sit and blog out your feelings. You can scream into a pillow. I also take boxing classes. I find hitting a heavy bag really helps me relax.

The point is that you may have to try different things before you find something that works for you. But you can't beat yourself up because you're facing some challenges. We've all had to face them too.

❝ Tough times never last, but tough people do.❞
― Robert H. Schuller

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 28,725
8/15/18 6:54 P

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" it's not like it's effortless."
It is not effortless for anyone... we all have to try our best, and we all have things going on.
Hang in there, and do the best you can. Therapy might help, especially grief counseling.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
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8/15/18 1:32 P

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This year has been really hard for me because my dad died after a terrible illness and just before he died my husband left me. I started out the year trying to get healthier but by the spring I didn't have the mental energy to keep it up. This summer, after I signed divorce papers, I didn't feel like eating so I thought it would be a great time to try and lose weight again. It's gone as well as I could have hoped really, as far as diet and exercise. But just this week I've learned that my mom, who I live with, may have the beginnings of dementia. If it's true, it's another devastion to add to the year. Besides that, when I went to the gym yesterday, I had an asthma attack because of the air quality outside. Besides that, I have an autoimmune disease and I have tendonitis in both arms because of it, as well as other health problems. Today is just a regular bad day, I know, but I feel overwhelmed and it's not just that I don't know if I can stick to healthy routines at the moment, I'm trying to find reasons to do anything at all. I do appreciate that I feel better when I'm Sparking. That's one positive, but it's not like it's effortless.

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