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KEELYME Posts: 1,225
9/19/18 5:40 P

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If you did it successfully once, you'll do it again. Trust that.

I'm newly back myself. I basically stopped caring, for a variety of reasons. I started eating entire containers of cookies, chips, and binge watching Netflix. There's no mystery or feeling sorry for myself. Just work to do.



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9/18/18 7:16 P



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GABY - I hope that you health is now in a much better place. Welcome back.

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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GABY1948's Photo GABY1948 Posts: 138,300
9/18/18 11:38 A

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Glad to see this! I am back after a year of illness and 40 pounds and many operations!

Gaye / Michigan

"TRUST THE PROCESS!"

Living by Romans 6,7 & 8!





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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (272,909)
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9/17/18 9:25 P



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Martha - at least you came back. What happened to you is exactly why I have continued with SP and weighing all my food and entering it into the Nutrition Tracker .... years after I reached my goal. It ensures that I STAY there. Don't want to ever go back to where I came from!

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,167
9/17/18 9:36 A

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Its too bad that you can't "go on a diet" loose the weight, then "go off the diet" and maintain your new weight.

The word "diet" really means "way of eating, or what you typically eat", but its taken on a meaning that has something temporary to it.

I wish you all the best on you future journey, make it one you can make what you typically eat.

Edited by: -JAMES- at: 9/17/2018 (22:54)
James


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,267)
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9/16/18 3:15 P



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Welcome back, Martha !

You've got a great positive attitude that will help you lose the weight you regained.

One thing I learned from my own years of yo yo dieting, is that the habits you use to take the weight off, you will need to keep it off. Too many people think that they minute they become thin, they can eat whatever they want. That's a misconception. In order to take the weight off and keep it off, we need to keep all those healthy habits.

and well, if there is a day we eat a little too much, that doesn't make us a bad person or an unhealthy one. All is not lost. We just go right back to those healthier eating habits the next day.

emoticon


MARTHASC's Photo MARTHASC Posts: 92
9/16/18 1:06 P

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Welcome back. I too recently returned to SparkPeople. I Lost 40+ pounds and must of thought that was ---- Who knows what. I stopped journaling and stopped exercising. The weight came back.
I don't know why it took so long for me to come back to SparkPeople. I hope and pray that this time I will be smart enough to continue the program after I lose the weight.
I know that I can once again lose the 40+ lbs, and I know that you can lose your weight also emoticon .



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BEAR0011's Photo BEAR0011 Posts: 101
9/6/18 2:14 P

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I have been on and off Spark - joined Weight Watchers for awhile (useless for me), tried it on my own - finally came back again as this is the best program I can find. I do have a FitBit as well to help track and I love that. I am completely determined to lose it - I am at the highest I ever have been and I know it will take a while to get it back off. So easy to put on, so hard to remove!. Lots of dog walking, going to the gym, tracking my food, monitoring glucose as I managed to get Diabetes as well, and just more movement in general.

I am happy to be your "friend" on here and we can help motivate one another. I know I need it!

The bear, the deer, the great eagle - these are our brothers.


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THERESEEZ's Photo THERESEEZ Posts: 364
8/23/18 6:06 A

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First of all, welcome back! It's a great sign that you came back and want to change.
I think I have 5+ weight loss attempts in the past. Not sure, stopped counting. One of my mistakes was that I always used to look at old "before and after"-photos of myself, until I understood that it doesn't matter how I looked then. It's in the past and my past weight loss might as well not have happened at all. I have a new day today so yesterday isn't important.

I also finally understand now that HABITS are what needs to change, the weight coming off is just a bonus. I need to change my HABITS, and I need to change them for my HEALTH, not my appearance, or for someone else's approval, because I "should" or whatever. Only for me, because I want to, for my health.

The actual losing weight part is not the problem for many of us, we all know what to do. But the mind can really put lots of obstacles in the way. The only way around them is to work through the emotions and habits. Otherwise we just keep losing and gaining, losing and gaining.

What I've learned: I know not all of us gained weight because of emotional reasons and some lose and keep it off easily. But for those of us with many attempts in the past, we usually have some issues that are making this a lot harder. I get that now. I'm not the problem, I'm not "broken" or lack willpower. So I'm working on that. Habits and changing the way I think about myself and food. I'm pretty sure weight loss will follow (and last!) when I feel better emotionally, am kind to myself and learn healthier coping skills.

I read this article today, thought I'd share it here. It's about self talk and how to deal with "failures":
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti
cles.asp?id=497


I love what others have said also about small steps instead of a huge change. Adding in tiny good habits one at a time instead of thinking in terms of "forbidden foods" and changing everything at once is probably a good idea.
Good luck on your journey!

Edited by: THERESEEZ at: 8/23/2018 (06:08)
Therese
Sousse, Tunisia
Central european time zone
Biggest Loser Challenge team Invincible Indigos


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SDNIX60's Photo SDNIX60 Posts: 30
8/22/18 12:30 P

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In this same boat with a lot of you! I refuse to let it sink though!! There is a lot of helpful info in this thread - what works for some people, good advice and lots of encouragement. That's what it's all about - not the NUMBERS. Lost, gained, plateaued, been depressed, stressed - you name it. All the encouragement on this site helps.
We get so caught up in the number on the scale we sometimes attach it to our "worthiness". I am hoping being back on Spark will help me stay focused on good health, moderation and support!!

Every day is a new day and a new opportunity for improvement!


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LULU0809 Posts: 307
8/16/18 5:35 P

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Hi, I started back July 3. I've lost 9 lbs since then. SparkCoach is helping me a lot, I suggest you try it and see if it helps you too. One of the things I have to work on:

"Consistency, not perfection, is key to your success."





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JUNEAU2010's Photo JUNEAU2010 SparkPoints: (257,015)
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8/12/18 8:57 A

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Keep making those small changes. It takes time for the taste buds to appreciate something different. I am not a paragon of virtue or success here, but I can say that I recently dropped all dairy (I do miss butter on occasion and milk in my coffee) and some other things due to some health issues. Feeling better is a great win and, oddly, losing the weight is just a side benefit. Give yourself permission to take the time to do this, not just for you and hubby but also for your child. You can do this! If you need someone in your corner, this is the right place, too!

Go beyond success...
be significant.
- Dave Dravecky

There can be no great accomplishment without risk - Neil Armstrong


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DIAMONDTEAR's Photo DIAMONDTEAR SparkPoints: (3,159)
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7/15/18 11:45 P

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I feel you!

My highest number was 272. I was devastated. My husband and I went for nightly walks, sometimes if I was off all day from work, I'd go late at night with music and do some walking with random spits of running (around factories and apartment complexes). I watched what I ate. After a few months, I dropped to 245lbs. Amazing, right? Yea...but then I fell pregnant... 308lbs after everything was said and done. It's been a struggle getting back under 300lbs.. I managed down to 278. We ate mostly vegetables, fruit, and only white meat (chicken, turkey) for dinner.... I stopped this...it was 3 months that I lost that much...and we gave it up because we missed the foods we used to eat.... now I went back to 304lbs..

Start in baby steps. do your research on what's health, TAKE VITAMINS as you lose weight. As you lose, you might start getting weak, sick, lose some hair, because your body isn't getting what it was used to and it has to readjust and it can be scary...do vitamins, just to be safe.... exercise in spurts, gradually increase your time, but MAKE SURE YOU HAVE 2 DAYS to let your body rest, as least in the beginning. Find videos or apps or join a gym. We have Planet Fitness where, as a black-card member you can have a trainer help you set up a program when at the gym to meet targets/goals


I am ALL for messages, adds, in order to help encourage one another. I feel you many times over, this is round 5 for me.



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KGIBSON283's Photo KGIBSON283 Posts: 87
7/8/18 1:48 P

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Hi all,
Iris I just began SP yesterday and realized how much help there is here. I am just like you, have battled my weight my entire life, body image, eating disorder, the entire gamet. I have conquered my eating disorder and always working on my body image, I really like the post about loving yourself, it has been the hardest thing for me to do and I realized I needed some support from others that knew where I was coming from and I have found it here.
Lets do this together!!



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JAZZYGF's Photo JAZZYGF Posts: 3,453
7/8/18 9:42 A

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I am guilty I did the same thing
Today day 3 of a new start emoticon emoticon emoticon

I want to loose pounds no goal weight


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7/1/18 5:58 P

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Hi Isis.

Back in 2011, I was blessed to get that, "Ah-ha" moment that just really seemed to propel my weight loss. It was simple & instant: I unexpectedly saw an awful 8x10 photo of my giant pumpkin face & that was all it took.

But like you, I have regained some weight. Didn't regain it all, but I know this is not good & my trajectory must change. I tossed out my heavier clothes and doggone it, I can't fit into my skinny ones anymore. Arrgh! I still exercise and eat at least 7 servings of fruits & veggies a day, so at least I got that going on (those habits stuck, thank goodness).

But I became sloppy with additional consumption of unhealthy foods.

I began slipping into bad habits again - habits I swore I would never find myself doing as the weight loss was so easy before! But nevertheless, that's where I was.
From there, it's a quick jump to I-don't-care-I just-want-to-eat-this. My inner 2 yr old, I call it. Add some crazy work hours & tons of stress, and the 2 yr old is having daily tantrums.

I was looking for another "ah-ha" lightning-bolt moment, where the clouds part & the angels sing. Something to regain my mojo. Something quick, simple & profound.

While on my morning walk, I heard an R&B / gospel song where some lyrics were, "change my thinking." Something about God enables me to “change my thinking.” Well no duh – of course He can! He can do anything.

That stuck. It wasn't the same as my previous ah-ha moment, but this stuck mainly because I KNOW (as you do, too) that losing weight is more in the head than anywhere else. When the head isn't in it, the fork does what it wants and no amt of anything else will help. The head is KEY to making it not feel like you're slamming a square peg in a round hole. What was / is needed is a change of thinking.


Now, as the stress piles on and I am tempted, I just say to myself, "Change Your Thinking!" I say it audibly or in my head.
And for some reason, it's working! We all know or have read about people who achieved greatness by changing their thinking, which allowed them to carry on & do what needs to be done.

Try it! Just say, "Change Your Thinking!" and then boom! Say it and immediately do something else to break the mesmerism. No dwelling.
Don’t let a 2 yr old boss you around.


LININPARADISE7's Photo LININPARADISE7 Posts: 1,019
6/28/18 10:33 A

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Well, you've taken the first step by coming back.
You said you didn't step on the scale for a year, but you knew you had gained. Now that you are making better choices, I suggest stepping on the scale more regularly.
Each pound you lose is a step in the right direction to good health and well being.
And you know, you will get much support here.


Live, Laugh, Love!!


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EDWARDS1411's Photo EDWARDS1411 SparkPoints: (789,268)
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6/27/18 7:33 P

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Val

Moving More! Eating Less!
Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going!

JOYALESCO's Photo JOYALESCO Posts: 84
6/16/18 2:02 P

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Hi Isis & Welcome back!

I really don’t have any advice for you other than to say, I get it. In fact, if you looked at my SparkPage, you’ll see I decided to eventually label this my “X”th time back at SP. Not sure when I started, but have seen some posts from 2008. Know that I’m writing this after a bad night where I had an emotional food binge. (Seriously - Food Hangover this AM!) The difference this time, is that I’m back here this AM and moving on.

The one thing I know about SP is that it works and it is there waiting for me when I’m ready to come back. My progress is seriously slow, but that’s ok because, overall, minus some rough patches here and there, it’s generally moving in the right direction. This time around, I’m trying to focus more on the emotional end and identifying specific triggers. (I appreciate the previous post re sugar because no doubt it’s one of mine, and I’m going to try her approach!)

The only other difference I’m trying this time is that I signed up for SparkCoach. Not that I think it’s THE ANSWER, and after having been on it a few months am finding it a bit repetitive, but like the discipline and little reminder when I sit down with it along with my breakfast. Not to mention the lack of ads is a big bonus.

Will I continue to be successful this time? Who knows? However, I’m learning in the journey and appreciate the advice, camaraderie and support found here. I wish you all the best in your journey and would be happy to be there for support if you need it. Smiles!



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6/15/18 2:35 P

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I have had people ask me what kind of diet are you on. I tell them I'm not on a diet. I'm on a weight management program. "Diet" seems to trigger me to want to eat more and not healthy. Weight Management helps me to focus on eating healthier and moving more whether thru exercise or just being more active. I have learned to take one day at a time. Yesterday is gone and I can't do anything about it and tomorrow may not come. I take today as the only day that I can accomplish my goal. That's taking one day at a time. I might stumble and fall, but I shall pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep going. No one ever succeeds when they give up and quit. I am planning on keeping on keeping on. If I can do it anyone can. Trials and temptations come to make us stronger. Be Blessed this day.

Its wonderful to have the support from my husband. means a lot to me.


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LADYSTARWIND's Photo LADYSTARWIND Posts: 5,384
6/15/18 1:11 P

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It has always fascinated me that so many people think in terms of "1st try", "2nd time", 5th time.... "Start over"... It is self-defeating in that it keys into a mentality that you are doing something for a short period of time, and that at the END of "this time", Life will have changed. Forever. Oops, not so fast...as most of us eventually discover! I really don't know anyone who only has done "this" for 1 or 2 times, never to have to deal with eating/food/weight issues again.

I believe I finally found my road towards success...not there yet, still traveling...when a Registered Dietician got through to me that this healthy eating will have to be a WAY OF LIFE. Forever --if I want to be healthy. My body wasn't ever going to change the way it was processing foods due to pre-diabetes, so I needed to change the way I was eating to keep my body from going down that long road of diabetes. She helped me find changes I could live with.

Think of your Life's Journey as one continuous story. Yep there's been some chapters where things weren't so great...but there is still room for more chapters where you get this "healthy way of life" right...and keep yourself there. The story is happening whether you are eating right or not. The good news is that in this story, you get to decide the direction it will take.
emoticon
All the best, and welcome along on the Journey!
patti

Edited by: LADYSTARWIND at: 6/15/2018 (13:15)
Patti
"The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf: Lord of the Rings


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WHITE-2's Photo WHITE-2 Posts: 388
6/14/18 6:41 A

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The weight is not the problem and you should not focus on it. The problem is your eating behavior and your choices. Says Gillian Riley (among others).
It is not a matter of working on weight loss but on changes in your lifestyle.
To be CONSISTENT, to be able to say you met a goal (such as eating x servings of veggies) for 30 days (or 100, or 300 days) is so much more important than to be able to say you lost 10 or 20 or 50 etc. pounds.

I suggest you start by creating a sparkpage and a blog and to post daily or weekly about how you are doing with your goals. The support you get helps a lot and people will read and comment on your blogs if you read theirs, too.



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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (272,909)
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6/14/18 3:59 A



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I feel that you would likely benefit from an appointment with a Registered Dietitian. Talk with your Dr about this and ask for a referral. The Dietitian will be able to guide and support you.

You may also find that asking your Dr for a referral to a Therapist who specializes in eating issues and motivation will be very beneficial, too. There is something that is sabotaging you - perhaps something from the past, which you may not even realize is an issue - which is preventing you from reaching your goals. If you deal with those issues, you may just be very surprised at what you can achieve ... in a number of aspects of your life!!!!

In the meantime, I suggest that you weigh all of your food and enter it all into the nutrition tracker. Then you will be able to see where your calories are coming from which will enable you to make informed choices about which items to reduce.

Just take baby steps, tho'. Making sudden changes can often cause people to fall off the wagon. When they are slow, as in one or two changes, and allowing the mind/body to get used to those changes before adding something else to the mix, you are more likely to stick with it. The same applies to exercise. Just start off slowly and gradually build on intensity and duration as your body is able to be challenged more.

Good luck
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,167
6/13/18 12:06 P

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Welcome back!

I have to say that being on Spark People has been fantastic for myself. It isn't just reading other people's blogs or posts, it is especially about joining teams, and posting, and reading, and putting some of yourself out there to really be involved and invested.

- James

James


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


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KELLY_R's Photo KELLY_R Posts: 3,111
6/13/18 9:52 A

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Welcome back. :)

In addition to the suggestions given, I'd like to suggest a couple other things:

1. It wasn't until late, late, late, in my health journey after having lost and kept off the majority of my weight that I finally came to grips with the fact that a lot of my food problems are grounded in emotional issues. I constantly felt like most circumstances in my life were out of my control, but food was one thing I could control - or at least utilize to distract me from what was going on for me emotionally.

When I finally got emotionally balanced, there came this big shift where I started to actually love and respect myself and my body. There wasn't any more "ugh" thoughts going on when I looked in the mirror. Instead there was "OMG, I LOVE YOU!" thoughts going on instead. When those thoughts became consistent, my remaining weight melted off - I wasn't even tracking my food or being obsessive with physical activity. My appetite leveled out, I listened to my body and gave it what it needed and stopped when it had enough and got active when it craved activity.

I stayed at my lowest weight for quite a while. I gained about 15-20 pounds back when I went through a major upheaval in my life - laid off from a job I'd held for 9 years and moved across the country afterward. I fell back into old patterns.

But over time I've built up a new support group around me. I've got steady employment, and I've started loving myself again. My eating habits are back to healthy ones. However, I think there's one key element that's helped me on top of emotional balance... and that's:

2. ...cutting out sugar.

I only recently this year finally came to grips with the fact that I'm a sugar addict. I don't mean it in a joking way, either. Sugar is a very REAL problem for me.

I fought this idea for so long because I hated... HATED!! the idea of giving up my favorite treats like Starbucks Chai Tea Lattes, brownies, cookies, ice cream, etc. I wanted to be like all the "normal" people out there who can say "Oh, everything in moderation. It's okay to have a cookie now and then." Well my "now and then" would end up being two-day-long binges of sugary foods every week. No. It was not healthy.

At the beginning of this year I took the plunge and went sugar-free. I still allow fruit and dark chocolate (70% or higher), I make my own granola and banana bread with reduced or no sugar - but I say "no" to anything else, because anything else will trigger me.

Since I've dropped sugar from my world, things have improved for me greatly. I feel more emotionally balanced than before, my appetite is level and I don't find myself fighting random cravings all day. On top of that, I just pain eat a LOT less now for the simple fact that I'm not eating empty-calorie sugary snacks all the time.

So - that was long, I realize. But I hope maybe something I've shared will be helpful for you.

In regards to emotional health, I came to that through joining a 12-step program. It wasn't even for the reason of my weight, either. I joined Al-Anon because I was married to an alcoholic and the dysfunction and chaos going on in my life became unbearable. Al-Anon helped me come to grips with living with an alcoholic, but even more importantly it brought me to a place of emotional balance and self-respect and love.

MLAN613 Posts: 20,303
6/13/18 6:41 A

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Congrats on a successful first day back. It is definitely a one day at a time journey. You got this and we are here to help!

Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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CHICAGOHOPE's Photo CHICAGOHOPE SparkPoints: (25,491)
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6/12/18 10:24 P

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Congrats on the victory...day 1, a success.

Now for day 2, you can do it.

Just look at one day at a time (small victories)



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6/12/18 7:59 P

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Thanks ARCHIMEDESII emoticon

After getting that off my chest I was able to finally take a breath. I've been tracking all day today and even managed to evade the siren's call of the junk food still lingering around the house. My snack habits have been atrocious for months so I'm calling this a definite victory.

The only person truly holding you back is YOU.

You didn't gain it overnight, don't expect to lose it overnight either!


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6/12/18 12:06 P



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Hello, ISIS !

Welcome back to Spark People !

I give all new members one piece of advice and it's this,"Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality". if the only healthy thing you did for yourself today was drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction. Don't beat yourself up because you regained the weight. that is something that has happened to every single one of us.

We are all experts at gaining, losing and regaining the weight. That was the past. You can't change the past, but you CAN influence and change the future.

First, take a deep breathe. What to do ? Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. Start with some simple changes first. Example, if you're not eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. if you're not drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. If you haven't been exercising, don't start with an hour a day. Set a goal to take a 30 minute walk each day for one week. once you've completed these goals, you do them again or you set new ones.

Setting simple weekly goals will help you to SLOWLY ease back into a healthier set of habits.

Rome wasn't built in a day and neither were you. if it took you years to pack on the weight, it could take that long to take it off.

Be patient with yourself and your body ! Losing weight takes time. But if you start slowly, you really can make a difference.

ISIS_22 SparkPoints: (403)
Fitness Minutes: (397)
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6/12/18 11:54 A

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Other than an intro post I'm not sure I've ever posted here. I'm feeling like I should apologize in advance for using this post as a bit of an emotional dump, but it's called the panic button so I'm pushing the button.

There aren't many people in my life I can talk to about my weight challenges. My wonderful husband is always willing to listen, but he has never "been there" and fought the weight battle I'm fighting. My best friend has embarked on a writing career over the past couple years and we hardly talk anymore because her life is so busy. My other truly close friend can sympathize with my situation, being a little overweight himself, but has so much ongoing stress in his own life that I try to limit how much I vent in his direction due to not wanting to add to it.

I've made four major attempts at losing weight over the past decade, all with varying degrees of success. I joined LA Weight Loss around 10 years ago and managed to lose 30 pounds in around 6 months, then the location near me closed and I fell back into bad habits and gained it back along with some extra. Around 7 years ago I got on the scale, saw the biggest number I had seen yet, and broke down in tears. That very day I joined a gym and talked with my husband about some dietary changes I wanted to make. He supported me fully and over the course of about a year I lost 70 pounds. I was within spitting distance of finally dropping below 200 - two more months tops - and I stopped pushing, and the slow backslide started. When I joined Sparkpeople originally in 2013, I had regained around 50 pounds of that loss. I started tracking my food and lost 8 pounds, then switched over to using the Myfitnesspal app at my sister's suggestion. I lost another 13 pounds...and then stopped. I don't even know why. Finally, last autumn, my husband and I decided to make another dietary lifestyle change. I lost almost 20 pounds in two months and felt AMAZING...then the holidays came around and the occasional treat at Christmas turned into fully falling off the wagon by the end of January and I spent most of the last month in a nearly-constant junk food binge, eating anything and everything I wanted to.

Fast forward to yesterday. I decided to get on the scale again after almost a year, terrified of what I would find. I knew I'd gained weight. The swollen ankles came back a few months ago. My face looked rounder. My jeans have been tighter. The scale confirmed my fear. I am at a new all-time high. What was left of my self esteem renamed itself "Elvis" and left the building.

I know I need to make changes. I know I need to get control of this beast once and for all. All of my previous attempts at losing weight worked while I was doing them, but I stopped every single time, and for reasons I can't even recall now, which makes it sound rather silly. I know what works. I have a toolbox full of proven, successful, non-gimmicky tools that can be used for the long term, and yet it sits collecting dust while I instead choose to consume junk and make my situation worse.

The biggest challenge for me now is mental. I have a hard time seeing my battle of the bulge as anything other than a colossal failure, and since history tends to repeat itself...it's very hard to be enthusiastic about giving this a 5th try. It's not a matter of it being a small, naggy voice in the back of my mind anymore...this voice is built like a drill sergeant and is shouting right in my face over how I'm just going to fail again and be fat and ugly forever. I tracked my food yesterday for the first time in a long time, but tracking is something I've never been able to stick with long term, and which the drill sergeant has reminded me of.

I decided a long time ago that surgery isn't an option and that I was going to tackle this in a way that was sustainable so I could be healthy for the rest of my life, not just be "normal sized".

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this other than to say that I need help. I need to find some kind of motivation, something to trip the mental trigger that will make me go BOOYA and start kicking the negativity drill sergeant in the teeth. I'm just so apathetic to everything anymore I feel like I've lost the ability to motivate myself, and I don't know where else to turn.

The only person truly holding you back is YOU.

You didn't gain it overnight, don't expect to lose it overnight either!


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