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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
10/11/18 10:04 A

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Not a good idea. The dialysis center runs on shifts. They have fixed times. It's either 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift.

I have more time to myself if I opt for the 1st shift. My boss sometimes has additional work for me, which I do on my afternoons off.

If the work is urgent, I complete it first before I take my nap. My boss is also thinking of starting an online business. If I help her she will give me a cut of the profits. But this is all in her plans.

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10/11/18 9:41 A



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If you move your dialysis appointment to the afternoon, you could work for a few hours at your part time job in the morning.

You had mentioned that your boss gives you work that you can do at home. Why not move your dialysis appointment to the afternoon one or two days a week ? If you did this, you'd have two more days to earn extra money.

Taking dialysis in the afternoon would give you more time to either work extra hours or run your errands without worrying about being fatigued during the day. When you're done with an afternoon session, you can go home and rest.

You've mentioned that you'd like to earn more money. Moving your dialysis session to the afternoon would allow you to do this.

EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
10/11/18 9:12 A

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I usually spent the first one or even 2 hours napping after I start dialysis. After I reach home (by cab), I will immediately need to take a nap for like 2 or 3 hours before I can function normally.

However, if I need to go to the mall for a movie or just to hang out, I will go but it will have to be a short one, because once I get home, I will need my nap.

If I were to get another part time job on my 3 afternoons a week that I'm usually free, my parents wouldn't be happy because they need me around to help them with tech stuff.

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10/1/18 12:52 P



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Elaine,

When you go to dialysis first thing in the morning, 6am, what do you do afterwards ? You've said you can be weak and need to rest. When you get home, how long do you need to rest before you feel strong enough to run errands ? How do you spend your time on dialysis days ?

I was thinking there could be a way for you to earn more money on your dialysis days !!


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 10/1/2018 (12:53)
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10/1/18 3:59 A



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"She agreed after a long time on the condition that I prime my machine and wash my dialyzer myself everytime. But I never imagined that she would insist I totally complete the process of washing my dialyzer!"

Elaine, you entered into a contract. That contract stated that you would prime your machine and wash your dialyzer yourself, EVERY time.

I don't see how you can complain when you agreed to this as a condition of going onto a morning session.

I always say that the unimportant stuff, you should let go. To my way of thinking, your complaint isn't justified given the background, so you should let it go. Save your energy for something that IS important.

Kris

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9/30/18 9:40 A

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Based on your response and background, this was your deal for a morning appointment. As you said, "She agreed after a long time on the condition that I prime my machine and wash my dialyzer myself everytime".

You made an agreement in exchange for a morning appt, you do the work. As you said.

As for waiting 15 longer minutes at the end of your appt, why not just consider that part of your appt time. Adjust your expectations to match what you need to do, 15 minutes really isn't that long.

What other people do or don't do really shouldn't be your focus. It may "feel" unfair, but that was a condition for you to get a morning appt.

Maybe rethink this as a way of helping out the team of nurses and techs that help you. Consider this part of "serving others" .

We all have to do things we don't like, don't want to do, have made agreements that later on we don't like, but we fulfill our obligations because we gave our word. This is just part of life.

I bet if you take time to think about it, many that can't do their cleaning really wish they could, because they would be CAPABLE. You are fortunate that you are capable to do it.

Maybe you just need to look at this situation from another point of view of being capable and well enough to do this.







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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/30/18 1:19 A

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I am not the only one if the 1st shift capable of washing my dialyzer, there are 2 young men capable of it too, but they are never asked to do it. Seems to me I am the only patient washing my own dialyzer in the reprocessor room.

It makes me feel singled out. I wouldn't feel this way if there are other patients washing their dialyzers along with me in my shift. But as far as I can tell, I am the only patient in the 1st shift for the 1,3,5 session doing this.

A bit of background, I was initially from the night shift, I kept bugging the head nurse, who is a friend of mine, if I can switch to the 1st shift, thereby giving me 3 afternoons a week free. She agreed after a long time on the condition that I prime my machine and wash my dialyzer myself everytime. But I never imagined that she would insist I totally complete the process of washing my dialyzer!

Usually, I will rinse my dialyzer, but the nursing aids will help me put my dialyzer in the reprocessor machine and keep it for me when done so I can go home earlier. Recently, they refused to do even this! I have to wait till the machine is done processing my dialyzer, take it out and keep it in my drawer myself, this takes like 10 to 15 minutes.

I've asked many times why I am the only patient forced to do this but they have never given me a straight answer.

The thing is, they are already washing 99% of the dialyzers, what's one more? That's why I feel like I'm being bullied!

In answer to the question : are the others v sick or elderly, yup. But there are a few young able bodied patients among us too, I'm not the only one. But I'm the only one forced to do work!

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9/29/18 9:05 P



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Maybe you just don't notice others who may be capable of cleaning their machine, doing it. I wouldn't imagine that you are the only one out of all of those who dialyze who would do it. Maybe the others who are capable automatically do it? Then there are a lot of other sessions that you don't attend. I would imagine a number of those do it themselves, too.

Maybe you have been dialyzing a lot longer than (most of) the others and the others haven't actually been taught yet how to do it. Maybe some of those around your age-group have memory issues which you may not be aware of.

Kris

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9/29/18 3:39 P



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EOWYN,

Perhaps you're the only morning dialysis patient asked to clean up because you may be healthier than the other patients. You have mentioned before that many of the other patients who come in for dialysis are elderly or in very poor health.

Even though you need dialysis, you are still in good overall health. Some of the other patients may just be too sick after a session to clean their equipment.

Are the other patients who come in at the same time very old or very sick ?






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9/29/18 1:38 P

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Isn't there a dialysis reuse tech there?

Did you ever ask? Maybe ask them " I notice in the only one doing this, is there a reason why you've asked me to do this?"

Now the key in asking, is in your tone of voice. Do not go in accusingly.

When they give you an answer, make sure to thank them for clarifying it to you. If you don't know, ask.



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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/29/18 3:29 A

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Only a couple of minutes!

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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,304
9/29/18 2:35 A

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How long does the taxi ride take to get from the clinic to your place?

James
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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/29/18 2:11 A

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Normally, I feel fine after dialysis. It's not unpleasant to wait there. I have friends there and I chat with the other ppl there. It's just that many times, my Mom will be more than an hour late!

Anyways, nowadays, I get home by cab. I don't really mind that coz my Dad will pay me back the cab fare and I don't have to waste time waiting anymore.

I can't leave after dialysis straightaway anyways because the nurses are now insisting I wash my dialyzer till complete. Which brings me to my next point : Why am I the only patient in the 1st shift forced to wash my dialyzer? I am not the only younger patient there so why just me? It isn't fair!

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9/26/18 10:43 P

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EOWYN24241,
are you feeling unwell after dialysis, does that make it unpleasant waiting there compared to being at home?

If you got home earlier what would you do there?

Me? I'm like dog going for a ride. I love to be out of he house, and I don't care much where it is. Being at home too much is boring for me.

James
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9/25/18 1:52 P

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Just a question, have you ever offered to pay for gas for your mom taking you?

Even if she doesn't accept, just leave some money in her purse to surprise her.

It is in thoughtfulness, that you might be able to heal the problem with your mom. She might appreciate the extra money and the thoughtfulness.



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9/25/18 1:47 P

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Maybe talk to the others that are there that early, see where they come from, maybe car pool and you pay for some of the gas.

That way your mom wouldn't have to get up so early too, and then you become a bit more independent, meet new people and develop friendships.

You can also ask the center if they may know of people to car pool with. Just have to ask.



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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/24/18 9:24 P

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The bus stops some distance away from the dialysis center. To walk from the busstop to the dialysis center in the dark and with 2 heavy bags is just not practical! And taking a cab so early in the morning is really expensive.

Currently, my Mom is sending me early in the morning and I go back on my own. That's the compromise. So my Mom can go abt her business and not rush to pick me up.

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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,304
9/24/18 8:52 P

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Elaine,
if you can't afford just the gas for the car ride, you certainly can't afford a car to use the gas in.

How long does it take to get to your dialysis treatment with public transportation?

James
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9/24/18 1:12 P



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Maybe you and your mother could come to a compromise.

What if you took a cab in the morning to your dialysis session. Then ask your mother pick you up when you're done. This way, she doesn't have to wake up at 5am to make sure you get there by 6am.

I'm sure your mother gets very tired too. And if she has decided not to take you to dialysis or pick you up, you'll have to respect her decision.

Since you do get very fatigued and can have panic attacks, you shouldn't be driving yourself. It's just not safe for you or anyone else. The best thing would be to take a cab or a ride sharing service like UBER.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 9/24/2018 (13:21)
MISSRUTH's Photo MISSRUTH Posts: 4,474
9/24/18 10:52 A

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Just sharing my personal experience here. I have 2 kids. Love them both dearly. They have different personalities, different approaches to things. I did not teach the older one to drive. He got much too anxious behind the wheel, with me in the car. Paid for driving lessons-- he did very well with the instructor and passed his test easily. Once he had his license and confidence in his ability to drive, he was fine with me in the car. (And no, I am not an overly critical type of person, he's just more high strung and prone to drama than my other son.) I did, indeed, teach my younger son to drive. He's a more laid-back type person, takes instruction well without taking everything so personally.

Could be that your mom is not playing favorites with your brother, but rather understands you better than you think.

Ruth in Cookeville, TN Central Time Zone


Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think - Christopher Robin to Pooh


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9/24/18 6:30 A



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Elaine, I guess if you have Anxiety Attacks AND get impatient, your Mother has very good reason to NOT teach you to drive. You would be a danger, not only to yourself on the road, but to others, too.

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/24/18 6:06 A

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I can learn to drive, but I can't afford the gas!

Also, I don't have a car to drive. My Mom is now training my younger brother to drive, I can't help feeling jealous!

My brother is always the favorite!

Also, sometimes, after dialysis, I may get anxiety attacks. I can't drive in that condition. My Mom told me she will never pick my up again, as I am so impatient and can't wait.

Just as well, she can be more than an hour late sometimes!

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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,304
9/24/18 12:37 A

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EOWYN24241,
do you drive? Do you think it would be possible to drive yourself to dialysis, or wouldn't you feel physically up to driving yourself back?

James
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9/23/18 8:32 P



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I'm glad that your Mum drove you to Dialysis this a.m.

I am going to suggest an exercise for you to practice. It is called "Holding your tongue"

Sometimes that is the best exercise of any you will find. I suspect it would be the best one for you, too. You can do it anywhere, any time, regardless of where you are and regardless of the weather conditions.

Kris

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/23/18 7:15 P

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My Mom drove me to dialysis this morning. Dunno if she will pick me up tho.

She is still not speaking to me. I might have to give her flowers or smthg......

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9/23/18 3:50 P



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EOWYN,

I was going to suggest UBER to save money on transportion to dialysis. but according to a recent article, they merged with a company called GRAB in Malaysia. Have you heard of Grab ? If they can save you money, why not download the APP and hire them to drive you.

You could also call a taxi company tonight and ask for a pick up at 530am or whenever you normally leave for dialysis in the morning. This way you'll get to dialysis if your mother is still upset and wont drive you.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 9/23/2018 (15:53)
ATHENA1966's Photo ATHENA1966 Posts: 4,089
9/23/18 1:15 P

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I would also reflect on what you said that resulted in your Mom making the decision not to give you transportation. She must be quite angry with you. I don't recall you ever posting this kind of response from your folks. Sometimes saying I'm sorry just isn't enough. Actions speak louder than words.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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9/23/18 9:23 A

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Maybe reach out to the dialysis center and see two things, one of you can change your appointment time. I know it's not ideal for you or the center, but it can't hurt to ask. Second, ask them if they have any references for a cab service or transportation, they have other patents that can drive. Maybe a friend, boss, neighbor, cousin, other family members, or your brother can help. If you don't ask, you don't know.

You need to have a back up transportation plan, your parents won't be around forever, start planning now.

Since you made the mistake, use this as an opportunity to develop a back up plan for transportation. This also will take the pressure off of your parents.

Recently, I didn't have a ride to the hospital, but over the past 3 years, I made sure I developed a relationship with a cab driver and now he picked me up for trips that I can not drive for (hospital, early airport travel sometimes as early as 2am). But I've spent time developing that relationship, using him for trips

Maybe give your parents a break and use other transportation so that you can find a service to help you. Reach out to local hospitals and see if they can give your some references or resources, it's time ei get a little more independent. There are always options, if you are willing to do the research and work to find them.





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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/23/18 6:09 A

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Bad news! I made a small mistake with serious & huge consequences!

After I made a resolution not to get upset if my Mom is late, I slipped and grumbled a little. I'll spare you the details but now my Mom is so mad that she won't give me a lift anywhere or pick me up.

It was just a small slip but my Mom is really punishing me this time. My Dad had to send me to dialysis on Friday and I couldn't go to church this weekend.

I tried apologizing several times to her on Friday but she threw stuff at me and even threathened to fling a huge pot of stew at me.

I am worried about how I will be able to get to dialysis tmrw. Ever since Friday, I have been staying out of her way, hoping she will cool down. We haven't spoken to each other since that day. Things are looking really bad.

I know my Mom is hyper sensitive. I should have just held my tongue. I know I shouldn't have grumbled but don't you think my Mom is overeacting. What happens if I die bcoz I can't get to dialysis?

My brother can throw all the tantrums he wants and gets away with everythg! I just express my frustraions and I get punished severely with sullen silences and being cut off.

If you ask me to take a cab, I can try but I dunno if I can get a cab so early in the morning. Now I am really angry at myself for giving in to my feelings. After I decided to be more patient but I just made a mistake resulting in dire consequnces.

I can't rely on my Dad all the time. He's had the flu this weekend too!

Edited by: EOWYN24241 at: 9/23/2018 (08:37)
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LADYSTARWIND's Photo LADYSTARWIND Posts: 5,419
9/21/18 1:44 A

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Eowyn…..Good for you!!
Taking time to smell the emoticon emoticon gives you a different view of Life, and decreasing self-imposed stress really IS good for you ! (You might even pick one of those roses to share with your mom...especially if she is having a bad day that makes her late sometimes.) All the best,
patti

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9/19/18 10:08 A

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EOWYN24241 (Elaine),

I'm on long term disability. When I have to wait for things it sometimes bothers me. Then I think, what would I do with that time if I didn't have to wait, how would I use that time? Would I work more to make money? No.

I have come to accept that on disability I actually have a lot more time than most have. Most people work 40 or so hours per week, and spend time getting to and from work. I don't do that. So if there are a few hours here and there that I have to wait, so what, how does that compare to the 50 or so hours a week that most folks need to devote to work and getting to work.

Plus I've decided to drink life in, to live in the moment, and at each moment there is a lot there. Glad you are taking life in.

James
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LININPARADISE7's Photo LININPARADISE7 Posts: 1,026
9/18/18 1:17 P

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I’m so happy for you! I live my life in peace, harmony and balance. Makes all the difference in the world.
You will see!

Live, Laugh, Love!!


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9/18/18 12:31 P



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"I've also decided to not let little things upset me. And to be more patient with the elderly; especially my parents!"

emoticon

There's a wonderful book called,"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". it's been around for years. The author, Richard Carlson has two wonderful quotes.


“There are two rules for living in harmony. #1) Don’t sweat the small stuff and #2) It’s all small stuff"

“You are what you practice most.”

Are you still working your part time job ? You had mentioned that your boss was going to give you more work and make you her administrative assistant. How's work ?


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9/18/18 9:28 A

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Congratulations on your new outlook on life.

You are the only one that can create your own happiness and peace.

Finding extra time to read a few pages on you tab is great use of "found" time, chatting to others allows you to bring joy to others, being patient with your parents is a great example of how you want to be treated when you are their age, and being joyful in all you do.

Again. this is a great start to finding self joy, self peace and self happiness.. keep up the self discovery.




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9/18/18 3:35 A



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If you practice what you have outlined, then you will find that your life is far more pleasant, and may even find that others may be more willing to help you when you 'need' (as opposed to 'expect') help. An angry person makes their own life so much more difficult than it need be.

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/18/18 2:59 A

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I've decided to change my outlook!

I used to get really mad when my Mom came to pick me up from the dialysis center late. I will be fuming the entire time waiting and for a few hours after!

Well, I decided, that only made me feel bad so nowadays, I've decided not the get upset at all! But to occupy my time by chatting with the other ppl waiting or going on my tab or mobile. After all, I have sufficient data, so just use it!

I've also decided to stop getting mad with waiters and waitresses messing up my orders. If it's edible or drinkable, I will just eat or drink it, but I will draw the line with sugar though, add sugar into my drink and I won't drink it, they will just have to take it back and change it!

I've also decided to not let little things upset me. And to be more patient with the elderly; especially my parents!

I guess that's a good start. I know I can do more but I will start with this!

Oh, and one more thing, I've decided not to kick a big fuss washing my dialyzer. I will still have to do it anyway, might as well do it cheerfully! My dialyzer is not so dirty now as it was a few months ago. Guess the dietary and fluid control is working. I know I can do better! I just have to be more conscious!

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ATHENA1966's Photo ATHENA1966 Posts: 4,089
9/12/18 7:49 P

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That is fantastic news. You can do this. emoticon

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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9/12/18 7:06 P



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That's good, Elaine. Keep up the good work.

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/12/18 6:53 P

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My dietary & fluid control is much better now. My dialyzer is not so dirty now. It has passed the 1st round consistently when cleaned in the reprosessor machine. And yesterday was the 11th round. We r supposed to use our dialyzers for 15 rounds. Things are looking good.

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ATHENA1966's Photo ATHENA1966 Posts: 4,089
9/12/18 5:34 P

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EOWYN24241,

I have already explained my thoughts. I really do wish you the best in your journey to be healthy. Negative accusations are not helpful. Regardless of the situation. How are you doing with your goals?

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
9/11/18 4:00 A

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ATHENA1966, why do you disagree? I am sure a lot of ppl would like to know.

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ATHENA1966's Photo ATHENA1966 Posts: 4,089
9/9/18 12:39 P

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I respect your opinion. I respectfully disagree with you.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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WHITE-GREEN's Photo WHITE-GREEN Posts: 3,109
9/9/18 8:02 A

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ATHENA1966, you wrote 'Those of you who have blasted folks in this thread may want to remember that you are essentially exhibiting the same behavior you criticize. Just because you are defending someone doesn't make it right. Just my humble opinion.'

Well, let's not call it the same. On the one hand we have ONE person getting judgments and criticism piled up on her, again and again, by a whole group of 'sparkmembers'.
On the other hand just a few people expressed their feelings of discomfort with this phenomenon. Yes, that is criticism. But not directed at one person.
So one difference is what the criticism was aimed at - a phenomenon, not an individual asking for help

Edited by: WHITE-GREEN at: 9/9/2018 (08:34)

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9/8/18 12:16 P

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That's good that she has not left. She really needs this place. I hope she is doing well.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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9/8/18 8:52 A



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I don't think the various forums decrease in activity is due to anything other than The Wall on the individual teams, and the Community Feed. That was when the decrease in forum activity started.

Kris

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9/8/18 8:49 A



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Elaine hasn't left. She is still making some posts on SP, responding to others.

Kris

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ATHENA1966's Photo ATHENA1966 Posts: 4,089
9/8/18 6:40 A

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I really needed to think about this before I posted. I too have watched with sadness Elaine's situation evolve here. I think there is a lot of judgment happening here. People are judging those who have made heartfelt attempts to help her through countless hours of reaching out to support her. Most of the folks who consistently respond to her care about her and want to see her health improved because we know that the impact her eating has to her health is unique due to her many medical diagnosis. That is a very real threat to her. That being said the relationship with her many posts became very dysfunctional as folks became frustrated with her. She left and came back. The dysfunctional behavior all around is evident. I think she has left again. My sincere hope is that she finds her way to a healthy balance as her life quite literally depends on it. Those of you who have blasted folks in this thread may want to remember that you are essentially exhibiting the same behavior you criticize. Just because you are defending someone doesn't make it right. Just my humble opinion.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh




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9/6/18 1:51 P

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I have been a member of spark people for 7 years, and I have watched this situation evolve.
I stopped posting on Spark People years ago, because I felt like they had lost their way. I won't get into that now. But, I did want to say that, when I do login, I an really saddened by what is going on here.

I agree that the negativity towards Eowyn has gotten out of hand. No, she doesn't listen and, yes, that has been going on for years. But, the ongoing, repeated, negativity really isn't supposed to be what spark people is about.

I understand the concept of tough love. I'm not sure that's what is going on here. Whatever anyone wants to call it, it is obviously not working. But, it is making this an rather unpleasant place to visit and it's probably discouraging others people from posting.

These forums used to be busy. They are barely used now and a lot of the use they get is by people being negative towards Eowyn. I hope that it will stop.

Eowyn is an adult and she is entitled to make her choices. I do think she has a number of friends here and that they have been trying to help, but I think friendship has somehow devolved into a situation where friends are basically trying to parent using tough love. I think it's kind of a dysfunctional situation.




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9/4/18 4:47 A

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JWOOLMAN, I have been on SP for at least as long as you have. And I know plenty about the OP.

(To all:)
I have also seen thread after thread of 'EOWYN-bashing' going on. I just don't believe in tough love, and a lot of the comments here have nothing to do with love, tough or not.

So what if someone doesn't change? Is that a condition for you to be civil to another?
No one here knows every detail about her situation. I don't believe anyone here has dealt with her specific circumstances. I assume no one who posted on this thread has, for example, dealt with the mental illness she got diagnosed with, AND lived in her country and grown up in her culture, AND lived with her parents, AND had kidney dysfunction. I doubt anyone here really understands what it's like to be in her shoes.
So how can anyone judge?

Like I said in my first post, the posts here complaining about the OP say a lot about those who made them, about THEIR inability to stay polite and kind if someone doesn't follow the advice offered.

If someone can't stand it that an OP is not taking their advice to heart why continue to respond to that person? Either repeat the suggestions in a KIND and patient way, or let it go and do something useful instead of complaining about how the person is not making the changes she was told to make.

Again, I thought that SP is supposed to be about SUPPORT not about criticism!!!

One last point. In all the years that EOWYN has posted here, I have not once seen her lash out at those being harsh to her. I have never seen her reproach anyone for the judgments piled on her. That, in my eyes, shows a grace that many others posting on this type of threads lack.

Edited by: WHITE-GREEN at: 9/4/2018 (05:44)

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9/3/18 10:51 P

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White-Green - do a search for the original poster. You’ll see that this is about tough love, not needlessly piling on somebody. There’s not much else people can do. She needs regular therapy from someone local, a sounding board who can help her cope with her feelings. Her medical situation is difficult and she has a lot of underlying resentment of it (and her need to live with her parents as a result). Nobody here has been able to make a dent in her self-defeating attitudes. She really does keep repeating the same issues with no apparent change - for years.

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9/3/18 8:55 A

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I thought that Sparkpeople was about supporting one another. I feel shocked by some of the comments posted on this thread.

The harsh judgments on this thread say nothing about the OP but a lot about those who made them.

Edited by: WHITE-GREEN at: 9/3/2018 (08:57)

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9/2/18 8:40 P

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EOWYN, holy cow. Do you have any idea how much time and energy your parents spent raising you, teaching you, guiding you? I'm sorry but this sounds incredibly self centered and selfish. I hate to say that, but I swear, I would give anything to have my mother back, anything! I now have grown children and I'm so lucky they have patience with me like I once had with them. Life isn't about just you! Sorry I sound harsh but holy cow!



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7/26/18 10:36 P

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ONEPUNCHHH,
I so understand you. In 2011 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She died 6 months later, and it wasn't a big shock for me.

About two years later my dad died. Not quite one day to the next, there were some signs, and he was in the hospital for observation as he'd had some dizzy spells. When I got the call from the hospital I thought they wanted me to come and get him. But he had died there suddenly. So as close to help as he could come and he died.

In his case there were indications in the months leading up to that, so again not quite the shock it could have been.

But in both cases I agree with you, cherish life, and appreciate those you have while you have them.

James
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7/26/18 11:14 A

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I wish MY parents were around for me to show them simple things or to just snap a picture for them; my dad died a few years ago and my disabled mother lives 12 hours away in another state. I don't know your whole situation however from the few posts of yours I've seen there's been quite a bit of hostility...

You should learn to appreciate people more, you never know when they'll be gone. It's my biggest regret with my father was not appreciating him more and then one day I was at work and I was called to the er (where I was currently working mind you) and he was on a bed just gone. You never know how long you'll have with someone so you should cherish these small things in spite of how annoying they CAN be because that's one more moment you have with that person...



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LININPARADISE7's Photo LININPARADISE7 Posts: 1,026
6/21/18 7:57 A

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Move out.

Live, Laugh, Love!!


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6/15/18 8:00 P



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@CELTICLASSINLA

"As for a therapist - not sure that regular visits are necessary."

From what I can make out from Elaine's past comments, she has never really had regular Therapy. They have been very sporadic.

"The point of therapy is to improve so you do not need to go."

Elaine hasn't really improved, hence her continual negative comments/complaints. *Regular* therapy might just improve her overall outlook and 'why me', 'poor me' attitude, which is common in grief, but people generally learn to work through that.

Kris

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6/15/18 10:45 A

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I'm another agreeing with Arch Elaine. I was so happy to see you back and sounding so positive a few months ago, but it didn't take very long for you to revert to old habits.

Most of us here have medical issues - or have had them. A good number have also dealt or are dealing with mental health issues: their own or a family members. This makes for stress eating.

What I do see this time, is that you have not talked about any activities or hobbies you enjoy - you go to dialysis, work, the mall and movies, and it seems as though you do most of these things alone. Do you have a best friend you can call up and "vent to" on occasion? Do you ever go to lunch or dinner with friends where the convesation is interesting and you can make food secondary. Do you read - if so how about a bookclub. You did needlepoint/embroidery - do any of the shops have groups who meet regularly? When you do something you enjoy with others you don't miss "not eating snacks" I know when I go to a movie alone I want popcorn - with butter of course, but if I go with someone I usually take a pass in case we want to get coffee later.

I know you have to limit fluids and shouldn't have salt - I have the opposite problem - I have to drink more and try to add salt to things because my body doesn't absorb it properly and that causes serious problems too. Still, you could order a small tea with someone and "just play with it." Enjoy their company instead?

As for a therapist - not sure that regular visits are necessary. The point of therapy is to improve so you do not need to go. Are there group sessions you could attend? Perhaps with people your own age who are also on dialysis - it does not have to be for the same reason - you share frustrations.

I'll stop here but really think about how you spend your free time - developing new interests that could help you meet new people might be your ticket to being happier - and therefore you wouldn't get so riled by other people's behavior.

Best
Sunny

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6/15/18 6:42 A

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I am with Arch on this one. We do wish you the best.

Also, if you haven't seen your therapist in a year, then you aren't getting the therapy you need. I encourage you to seek out a new therapist with whom you can meet regularly. Since you deal with mental health issues, regular therapy is as important as the regular dialysis treatments you get.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 6/15/2018 (07:44)
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EOWYN,

Everyone here wishes you the best. We all want you to thrive, not just survive.

All of your questions have been answered. You already know what you need to know. If a friend of yours were to ask you,"Is snacking bad ?" What would you tell them ?




Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 6/15/2018 (05:55)
EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
6/14/18 8:02 P

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Yup. I still see my therapist but she is on study leave and I haven't seen her in abt a year but I am still taking my meds.

I really have to learn to be more patient with ppl, esp my parents, who have always been supportive of me. If only they didn't favor my brother so much & treated us equally!

Like some of them have said, I should pay for my new phone because my parents can't keep paying for everythg and I do have my own money. My parents don't even charge me rent, so paying for my own luxuries is expected.

And Kelly, I did check out the CODA article but no, I don't think it applies to me & no, I am not blaming or gaslighting anyone. I am not using any tools or whatever. I am just very hurt and shocked. I really don't appreciate being misjudged & maligned like this.

I may have a poor memory but I will go thru all my old posts instead of troubling you all.

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6/14/18 7:29 P



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Elaine - we DO care which is why we sometimes make fairly harsh replies. We are people, too, and sometimes frustrations get the better of us. It really is 'same old, same old'.

I put this on another thread for you, and am putting it here too, for you to contemplate.


I have a question for you and hope that you reply to this.

Do you still see your Therapist, and if you do, how often? I really feel that seeing them more often and being totally open with them, would be beneficial for you to help you cope with what 'you' see as negatives around you.

Kris



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6/14/18 6:00 P

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Elaine, (EOWYN24241)
I care. I just don't understand how this cellphone came into the picture in the first place. Someone can't buy a phone, or a plan and then not know if they are going to give it as a gift, or have you pay for it.

Its like someone bringing you and expensive gift on your birthday and then saying it costs a lot, would you care to pay for it?

I'm confused.

James
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--MEOW--'s Photo --MEOW-- Posts: 4,928
6/14/18 2:20 P

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Nooo, Elaine, please keep posting. This place would be dead without you :). And people do care about you, that's why they get frustrated to see you don't seem to care much about your own health.

I don't come to the "Panic" message boards too often but I was shocked to see this too... you guys are acting like a bunch of bullies :-/
And yea, you do have a point, I've been here for a long time too and I used to reply to all of Elaine's posts and I know how frustrating it can be to feel like sometimes she just ignores you but... no one is forcing you to reply to her. So what if she's doing it just for the attention? maybe she does need the attention... it's your choice whether you give it to her or not... is that a good reason to publicly shame her?? This isn't fair, guys.

- Danny :)
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6/14/18 1:57 P

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PS - another tool that is frequently used is guilt and blaming (gaslighting).

No one here wishes you ill, Elaine. We wish you the very best on your journey. May you be blessed.

Remember to check out a CoDA meeting at some point.

locator.coda.org/index.cfm?page=intlMeetin
gs.cfm


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6/14/18 11:30 A

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It isn't true that I have never thanked anyone. I do appreciate all your advice and suggestions. I will reread all my previous posts.

I am just shocked at the way you are all badmouthing me! I won't post for any more help or advice. I was wrong to think you really cared! I will talk to friends who really care and stop posting to strangers on the internet who backstab ppl who are hurting.

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6/14/18 11:10 A

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IVYLASS, I think you're right. I was on spark several years ago under a different username and used to reply to her with advice. I come back only to find that she still posts the same things and never thanks anyone. I know she is coping with major health problems, but her behavior is still strange. I understand wanting to be helpful to someone, but there should be some kind of limit when someone acts like EOWYN.

Edited by: CECEBERN at: 6/14/2018 (11:15)
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6/14/18 12:28 A



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Elaine has mentioned in the recent past that she wanted a new phone, but her mother told her she would have to wait.

I think that this entitles her mother to ask for some payment, so it doesn't seem strange to me.

Kris

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 6/14/2018 (00:28)
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6/14/18 12:14 A

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Interesting.

EOWYN24241 wrote:
"My parents haven't decided yet if mine is a gift or I would have to pay for mine out of my disability pension."

I can't imagine buying something that expensive for someone, and then later saying I don't know if I'm giving this to you as a gift, or if I want to impose this on you and make you pay for it.

It doesn't make sense.

Edited by: -JAMES- at: 6/14/2018 (00:15)
James
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6/13/18 3:55 P

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I think she's here for the attention and is a pity addict. She never changes. On another board I may even call her a troll.

One stumble does not a failure make.

Everything in moderation.


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6/12/18 11:36 A

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I will admit to being a member for years who reads the messages posted by Elaine simply for the "train wreck" scenarios that she posts. Whether real or not, her situation never seemed to change over the years.

ARCH I have always admired your posts to new members and have been continually amazed at your patience with Elaine! You always have posted tips and steps she could take to improve her situation, both health-wise and with family life. You and KIWI took the time to say things so well and really projected that you cared. I have often wondered what the breaking point would be.

Thank you for the wonderful job you do moderating this forum. The things you say are things that I know, but definitely have needed reminders of over the years. I continue to look forward to reading your posts.

Keen to be lean in 2018!


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6/12/18 9:34 A

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Arch - I messaged you before about the kick in the pants I received when I read your response to Elaine a while back. That still stands. I'm still reminded that I must get a handle on this myself. I thank you for your work.

And to everyone else that has responded on this message and others. I am taking them to heart and attempting to apply it.



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6/12/18 9:30 A



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"Maybe, just maybe we are being catfished.
Is it really possible that someone can be like this
Just saying, because nothing changes..."

No, I do not believe we are being catfished. I've seen similar repetitive messages from other members who seem to be stuck in ruts that they can't escape from. It's not just EOWYN, I can add names.

KELLY is correct. In order for someone to make a change, they have to be ready to make that change. They have to hit rock bottom. My rock bottom was a few years ago. that's when I knew whatever I was doing wasn't working and I was ready for change.

EOWYN isn't ready and there is nothing any of us can do to make her want to do what's right.

As Harry Truman once said,"The buck stops here".


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 6/12/2018 (09:32)
MLAN613 Posts: 20,487
6/12/18 6:44 A

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Arch, I, too, hope that some of your wonderfully well thought out answers have helped those "lurkers". I certainly appreciate your sage and patient advice.

emoticon

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6/12/18 6:02 A



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"You always want something better. You are NOT going to get it (anything/anywhere) if you don't get off your backside and do things for yourself rather than expecting others to do it all for you."

KIWI, you hit the nail on the head. EOWYN does not want to do the work. KELLY_R is right. EOWYN has to hit rock bottom before she is ready to change.

CECEBERN, Thank you for chiming in. No, EOWYN has never thanked any of the members for their replies whenever she has posted a thread. Even when I have asked her direct questions, she's evaded the answer. I've asked her several times how old her younger brother is. She never answered. One day, I was reading through some of her older blogs. I found one that mentioned her brother's age at the time was 36. Based on the time she wrote the blog, I estimated he was 40 years old. EOWYN is a little older than him.

EOWYN is coping with many health and emotional issues. Which why everyone who's responded has tried to be kind and understanding.

After looking through her old posts, it seems that everyone is right. She is not reading the replies. She's asked the same question over and over and received excellent advice. She's been a member for over 12+ years and yet she asks,"is snacking bad ?" ... that was just frustrating to see.

For me, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. She hasn't been listening.

What's my hope ? I may not have been able to help EOWYN, but maybe I've been able to help lurkers or other members who have been listening and reading my replies to her.

CECEBERN Posts: 4
6/11/18 8:33 P

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CHICAGOHOPE, I agree...I have lurked for a while and EOWYN is either actually as mentally ill as she comes across on here or is making stuff up to get attention. Either way I think people should stop responding to her, because she has made it clear that she absolutely refuses to change if her life is indeed as she says, or she's getting an awful lot of attention.

Edited by: CECEBERN at: 6/12/2018 (00:15)
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6/11/18 8:31 P

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From what I've seen on these boards, I think people have helped EOWYN to the extent that she can be helped here and responding to her posts just enables her poor behavior. Has she ever even thanked you guys for all the time and effort you've put into reading and responding to her posts? I am stunned by her selfishness towards everyone on here and her family...and for that matter, her own health. From whining about her smartphone (I have an ancient flip phone, by the way, and can't afford any smartphone and my parents are dead so they can't buy one for me) to complaining about elderly women getting dialysis service before her to complaining about how her family gets frustrated with her (or heaven forbid, her parents ask for something from her every once in a while), she is a victim and loves being a victim.

Edited by: CECEBERN at: 6/11/2018 (20:45)
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6/11/18 8:27 P

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Maybe, just maybe we are being catfished.

Is it really possible that someone can be like this?

I went back to several of the "urgent" posts, and this feels to me like a catfish prank to draw on all of us.

Just saying, because nothing changes...



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Elaine - I nearly choked when I read your comment
"Only 32G memory & 3G RAM. My parents got a better model, with 64G memory & 4G RAM."

It really beggars belief that you could be soooo greedy/selfish. My phone and many others on here only have 16G memory.

You always want something better. You are NOT going to get it (anything/anywhere) if you don't get off your backside and do things for yourself rather than expecting others to do it all for you.

PLEASE ... grow up and be satisfied that you have a lot more than many MANY others, some of whom have NOTHING!!!!

Kris

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MLAN613 Posts: 20,487
6/11/18 6:48 A

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Elaine, I also agree with most of the suggestions regarding your phone. You really should offer to pay for it.

I also had to help my dad with his iPOD, back when they were the rage. He is a smart man; he is a medical doctor but just couldn't remember how to get the music from his computer to his iPOD. He called me and my youngest sister a few times on that. Granted, he had a PC, not an Apple, so the process wasn't quite as simple but still not impossible. We just rolled our eyes and helped him. This is the same man who figured out how to text me while in Israel to take care of something at their home while they were away.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 6/11/2018 (06:51)
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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6/11/18 6:46 A

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Thanks, Arch. I didn't know that. He helps financially so it would make sense that dear EOWYN should maybe be more willing to help with tasks.

Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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6/11/18 6:05 A



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MLAN,

I don't believe EOWYN's brother helps his parents other than financially. I think he gives them some money each month for expenses. However, like EOWYN, he receives gifts of money from his parents.

EOWYN's parents rely on her to help them when her brother isn't home. He works a full time retail job. she's home when she's not working her part time job.

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6/11/18 6:00 A



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EOWYN24241,

Only 32gig of storage. LOL... I'm sorry, I had to laugh. The cell phone that I bought last year has 16gig.

My personal opinion is that YOU should pay for your own phone. You have a part time job. You don't have to take from your disability pension. If you can't afford the whole price, pay on installment. Many phone companies in the US allow you to pay a little each month.

Why should they give you a gift ? What have you done to EARN it ? You need to stop thinking that your parents should give you things just because you're their daughter. Yes, it's great to receive gifts. But you're an adult, if you want something, you pay for it yourself. Don't expect your parents to pay for the phone.

You do need to take some responsibility when it comes to paying for your own bills. This is why people have a job. They make money so that they can make purchases.

How long did you have your last cell phone ? How old was it ?



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6/10/18 2:55 P

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Eowyn...stop....think... how old is your mother? I can honestly say that from my perspective...at almost age 67....the new technology baffles me sometimes!! MY SON---in Las Vegas---1000 miles away--- is constantly telling me how to use my new phone, so this is VERY COMMON!! He worked for a number of years as a phone-in Tech Advisor to a big cable company---you wouldn't believe the stories he can tell about people struggling to use "technology". Learn some patience dear Lady!!

One thing that will greatly impact her ability to use the phone is her eyesight. Those icons are **Really** Little**….she might not even be seeing them clearly. Have you ever thought to ask her?

You expect everyone in the world to be as competent as you are, and that is unfortunately NOT REALISTIC. Get outside of yourself and try to see the world as others do. Remember the phrase "Walk a Mile In their shoes"?? try it sometime.....

If you can turn this around, and patiently teach her, encourage her and share your knowledge with her...this could be an area where she comes to respect how much you know, how capable you are. The choice is yours....
patti

Edited by: LADYSTARWIND at: 6/10/2018 (14:59)
Patti
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6/10/18 12:02 P

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Cheap or expensive the bottom line is YOU HAVE A NEW PHONE.

Most of us have to go without or use what we have until we can afford it.

A gift or payment plan, either way you come out on top.

What else did you learn during self - reflection?



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6/10/18 10:52 A

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My phone was a cheaper model. Only 32G memory & 3G RAM. My parents got a better model, with 64G memory & 4G RAM. My parents haven't decided yet if mine is a gift or I would have to pay for mine out of my disability pension.

I really love my new phone! It's affordable and I love it's compact size! Well, I won't b greedy but be content that I have a cute new phone!

Used to be Eowyn2424


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6/10/18 9:56 A

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Did you read the post on your other "urgent" thread about how to stop feeling like the victim?

This is not about your parents, it's about YOU. You feeling like a victim of your circumstances.

If you read it, and really thought about the situation, you would see the same frustration you feel is how they possibly feel about you when you do not follow doctors orders or your diet plan.

The only difference is, one is technology the other is your life.

If you feel inconvenienced by then asking for your help, how about taking 5 minutes in a quiet room or before you go to sleep one night and think about how it will feel when your parents are no longer around? Think about, where you will live, who will pay your medical expenses, who will provide the food you eat, who will replace your technology when it breaks when they are gone, who will drive you to dialysis? Let's face the honest truth, your parents will not be there someday for you to complain about or be frustrated with, then what? Consider yourself fortunate that they are still here for them to ask you. I wish everyday my dad was here to frustrate me with his technology questions (and I'm 2,500 miles away from where my dad used to live, because of work).

Them asking you to help is a normal life cycle... why do you feel that you should not help them?

I really think that you would rather us, TEACH you basic life/ problem solving skills that you learn from your mistakes or self reflection.

WE all take time to TEACH you about eating, life skills, problem solving, social protocol, the list goes on.. and yet you demonstrate very little learning or change. Yet, we continue. Why can you ask for help and your parents can't? What if we stopped responding to you ? We keep responding in hopes that one day you will learn, and take our advise. We hold on to the future that someday you will have compassion, understanding, and empathy for others. That is why we TEACH YOU.

Maybe a nice change on these threads would be you defining a situation and then how YOU solved it, responded or demonstrated patience. Or maybe a post about some self reflection and leanings. This attitude of yours had been going on for sooooo long, have you learned anything from us?




Edited by: CHICAGOHOPE at: 6/10/2018 (10:18)

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6/10/18 9:30 A

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I wonder how much your brother helps your parents with tasks like this without throwing a fit? If he is more willing to help, that is maybe why they seem to "like" him better?

Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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6/10/18 7:29 A



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Elaine you are being VERY inconsiderate and totally lack patience, empathy and understanding. It is often a lot more difficult for older people to get their heads around this sort of thing. I had to be told and shown a number of times before it sunk into me, too, and there are still things my daughter or grandson have to do for me on my phone.

Be grateful that you don't have problems with technology and hope that if you reach your mothers age that your thought processes don't slow down, but don't hold your breath over that one because most do!!!

Kris

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6/10/18 7:27 A



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EOWYN,

This is what is known as a "first world problem".

You always see the negative side to a situation. Something we've always encouraged you to do is see the POSITIVE side.

You consider this a negative because you had to help your mother find the whatsapp. You had to help your parents set up their cell phones. You were frustrated because they didn't just understand what to do.

Let me tell you the positive things I see.

I see elderly parents who want to use modern technology. You'd be surprized how many older people just don't want to use a smart phone. A cousin of mine. He could care less about all those apps. He uses a flip phone because all he wants is a phone. So, something positive, your parents aren't afraid to use the new APPs.

Another positive, your family bought NEW cell phones !! New cell phones are not cheap. The top of the time Apple X with all the bells and whistles costs a minimum of $1,000 US. I doubt everyone got the Apple X. however, if you did buy new phones for each member (your parents, you and your brother), that's four new cell phones. That tells me your family has some money.

Remember how we talked about being more grateful ? Here's the perfect situation. You should be grateful your family has the money to buy everyone a new cell phone.

You're frustrated because you don't understand why they can't set this up for themselves. This is a teaching moment not just for them, but for YOU too. How would I have handled it ? I would have taken the time to teach them how to use the new phone. I wouldn't tell them,"figure it out for yourselves".

Let me tell you something about where I work. One of the tenets of the company is teaching. As employees, part of our mission is to teach. We teach clients how to use our product. We teach other employees how to help our clients. Teaching others is how we make the world a better place. When someone doesn't know how to use a piece of software and I do, I teach them how to use it. Even if it's something as simple as showing them how to use the search function.

There is an old saying,"those who can do, those who can't teach". ummm... NO.

the phrase is,"those who can do, those who can do more, teach".

Take the time to pass on your knowledge, by teaching others.

Does that make sense ?


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6/10/18 6:50 A

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I just don't know what to do when it comes to my parents! I'm at my wit's end! We just purchased new mobile phones. Then my headache starts. My Mom said Whatsapp was missing. I told her to download from Google PlayStore, she opened Google music. Then she finally found playstore. I told her to search for Whatsapp. She just stared at the screen and said there is no whatsapp!

I mean I said do a search, she doesn't even know that the magnifying glass icon is the search button! Sigh! I ended up downloading and setting up her whatsapp. I mean, why can't she understand the most basic of instructions. You won't get anywhere if you don't know how to search!

She keeps yelling for me for the simplest things! She even uses me as a spelling dictionary. Can't she use dictionary.com?!

Edited by: EOWYN24241 at: 6/10/2018 (07:14)
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6/8/18 2:50 A



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I wonder if your Mum was so insistent on the photo/email being taken straight away because there was a cut-off point for your Dad ordering the meds that day? If that was the case, maybe it was getting pretty close to that cut-off time.

Kris

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6/7/18 6:54 A

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Patti and Arch have given some great suggestions on how to manage working from home. I have worked from home and hope to again soon. My company stipulates that I have a room dedicated to work. Technically, I can't be disturbed by people or animals. I live alone but my dog should be kenneled during working hours.

My family also knows when I work and that I can't respond to phone calls when I work. If they need to ask or tell me something, they send me a text asking me to call when I can chat.



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6/6/18 12:34 P



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EOWYN,

I do have family members who work from home instead of having to into an office. What they did was create a "work" space in their home. It was an area where they would not be disturbed because they were at work. If you are given the opportunity to do more from home, you will also need to create a work space.

You'll have to let your parents know that during a certain time of the day, you will be at work and should not be disturbed unless there is an emergency. Your work space should be a room where you can close the door. if you work in your living or family room, you have to expect to be disturbed. You'll need to explain to your parents that there will be a period of time during the day that you need to do work so that you can get paid.

Also, you mentioned that you some times worked at your boss's home. Is that something your boss would let you do ? Would she let you work at her home so that you can work undisturbed ? If she has an office in her home, you may be able to do some work there.

Did you finish the report ? If so, then everything will be okay. If you are going to be working from home, you do need to setup some boundaries and guidelines with your parents.



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6/6/18 11:44 A

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Eowyn, after thinking about this...maybe you could approach your "work from home" days slightly differently.... My Brother in Law has worked from home office for many years now, and this is sort of what he and my sister do.

Plan to ask your Mom in the morning-- before you start work- if she knows of anything you need to plan to do for her before lunch. Also let her know you will be planning a 15 min break in about 2 more hours (hey, you NEED that!) and you WILL check in with her then. If anything comes up, negotiate timing if possible for your next break or lunch time; if its needed "right now" you can adjust your break/lunch somewhat to take care of it.

Remember that your Mom may not fully understand this concept of "working from home"... it wasn't part of her culture growing up!! She cannot actually see or understand the importance or need for what document you are working on---and it would take you far longer to explain it to her I'm fairly certain. emoticon

Another "out of box" possibility: do you have a library near you that you can work at?? Check in with any community college, coffee shop, etc, even your church (!) to see if you can spend several hours there.....

Hopefully you will come to a solution soon! all the best,
patti


Patti
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6/6/18 11:12 A

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After my mother died my dad expected me to do more things for him. Go shopping for him, visit every day, etc.

I was annoyed. He was 88, and still had his drivers license, and was really a good driver, I wasn't concerned about that. Then in a matter of about 2 months his health failed, and he was gone.

Should I have done more for him? I don't think so. But should I have been annoyed, ... on that point no, I really shouldn't have been annoyed.



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6/6/18 9:27 A



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Let me give you an example of when I need to work from home.

I had to work from home during the winter because the roads were too bad to travel. So, I got up early, fired up my laptop and started to do my normal day's work. However, the snow outside was pretty bad. When it snows, I help my family do the shoveling. Why ? Because I don't have a bad back like my brother has. I don't want him having a heart attack because of shoveling.

So, during my "lunch" hour. I went out and shoveled. When I was done helping shovel, I went back to work. Doing a work/shovel combo is something a lot of people in heavy snow areas do.

You know what ? My manager does it too. Most companies and managers understand that some times, you need to make time for family or household emergencies. As long as the work gets done, taking a break to help out is not
a problem.

As I said, if you start doing more work from home, you need to find the right balance or work/family. There will be times your parents want you do something and you should do it. Your boss will understand.


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EOWYN,

You have told me that you like to be at the dialysis center as early in the morning as possible so that you can be the first to receive treatment. I believe you said you get there at 6am.

You have also told me that you mother has to get up as early as 5am (along with you) so that she can drive you to dialysis. She's been doing this for many years for you. If your mother is willing to wake up at 5am to make sure YOU get to the dialysis center at 6am, then surely you can take 5 minutes to snap a cell phone photo of your uncle's prescription.

This was important to your mother and maybe she could have waited, but don't you get anxious when you want something done immediately ?

Yes, your work is going to be very important. But if you're working from home and not the office, there will be interruptions. You need to learn how to fit those in to your work day. If you are going to be working from home, you need to let your parents know that you should not be disturbed. However, you also need to be more flexible when it comes to working at home with your parents.

Your parents are elderly. They need more help. They have taken care of you for many years, now it's time to take care of some of their needs.

Remember, your mother gets up early to drive you to dialysis three days a week. She has been doing this for years. The least you can do is take 5 minutes away from work to help her do something.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 6/6/2018 (09:16)
MLAN613 Posts: 20,487
6/6/18 6:54 A

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Patti, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear father! May he rest in peace and I just know you have many wonderful memories with him. I am so glad you shared this; I was actually wondering where you were!

Elaine, did you let your mom know what was going on? Did you let her know you were in the middle of working important documents? If you were in the middle of one, perhaps you could have let her know you needed to finish the page you were on and would send her the photo as soon as you were done with that page. Snapping a photo and sending it via text takes less than a minute. If you finished the page you were on, getting back into the task would have been easy.

Another option would have been talking with your boss. Did you ask her if you could take a quick break to help your parents out? Let her know it's a medical issue without going into details as honestly, the details are none of her business. Or did you just come here and throw a tantrum?

Most employers will understand the need to take a quick break to do something simple like snap a photo to help someone; prescriptions are very important. I currently work in a call center position with strict schedule adherence guidelines and if I needed to do something like that, I could. I would just need to chat with my boss; she's a reasonable lady.

I have a personal example. About 15 years ago, I was working another call center job. My grandma had some medical issues and I was the closest grandchild who didn't have children. If she needed help, and my parents weren't available, I was on deck. I let my supervisor know ahead of time that Grandma may need help during work hours. It happened a couple of times and everything worked out fine.



Edited by: MLAN613 at: 6/6/2018 (07:25)
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


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LADYSTARWIND's Photo LADYSTARWIND Posts: 5,419
6/6/18 1:46 A

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Its frustrating yes, but really....did it make it impossible for you to finish your work in a timely manner?? Does your Boss not understand you have elder parents who depend on you??

Please Eowyn… its time to realize your parents also depend on you, just as you have depended on them throughout the years and during your difficult medical situation. Find the patience and love to joyfully take care of their needs. All too soon... they will be gone. Trust me on that one---my "healthy" 87 yr old dad Dad passed away this April after an extremely short acute illness. Life is fragile, live it with love and cherish the time you have with people who are important in your Life. Find your priorities....
patti

Patti
"The only thing we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf: Lord of the Rings


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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,446
6/6/18 12:34 A

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I was busy doing some documents when my Mom insisted I stop my work to take a photo of my Uncle's prescription to send to my Dad so he can buy his meds. She insisted I do it at once!

I told her I was busy but she couldn't even wait till I have finished my work!

So inconsiderate!

My boss wants the document by today!!! My work is important!!!

I am just sooo angry!!!!

Plus my phone had no battery but she still insisted, saying her phone can't snap photos anymore. Can't she wait till I've finished my work!? I hate it when my parents expect me to serve them hand and foot and at once!!!!

Used to be Eowyn2424


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