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5/23/18 12:23 P



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"Another incident that comes to mind is when she was frazzled one day muttering about remembering to buy eggs, bread and milk. I gently suggested she make a shopping list so she won't forget anything but she flew off the handle and said : "Don't tell me what to do!" "

EOWYN,

When I read that, I had to chuckle a little bit at the irony.

Do you realize you have said the exact same thing to Spark members who suggested that you should be writing down your food choices ? You told your friend that writing things down would help them to remember. That's exactly what we've been trying to tell you. And you pretty much reply,"don't tell me what to do".




Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 5/23/2018 (12:58)
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5/23/18 11:44 A

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@KELLY_R very wise words. I don’t think I can add anything to this thread other than why did your friends do this to you? Your church friend is ill and it probably had a lot to do with her accusations. Unless this becomes a pattern, she needs a friend, otherwise you might not need her in your close circle. Your nurse is doing her job and her professional integrity trumps your friendship (as it should), don’t dismiss the fact that she has a job to do.

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5/23/18 9:57 A



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Now with regards to your dialysis. While it is important to be informed about your care, remember you have been going to this dialysis center for many years. The nurses know your medical needs. Trust them to make the right decisions when it comes to your health.

because honestly, you do not make good decisions yourself. This is why the nurses get angry with you. Stop questioning their judgement. If they feel the iron would have dropped your blood pressure too low, respect their decision. They are trying to make sure you stay healthy.

I wish you had as much concern for your own health as they do about yours.

In short, please trust the nurses. They know what they are doing.


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5/23/18 9:53 A



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EOWYN,

Here's what I suggest that will help you deal with the church member who is accusing you of stealing.

First, do not gossip about any issues she may have with mental illness. Remember, you have your own issues too. If you start gossiping about her, people will start gossiping about you.

If you feel that you have been wrongly accused, then you go to your minister (pastor, priest, the person who leads your services). You ask the minister/pastor to act as a mediator. Ask them to set up a meeting between yourself and the woman who is accusing you. You will both need to tell your sides of the story. Your minister will make suggestions on how to proceed. They may be able to calm the woman down if she has been having problems.

Let your minister help you solve this issue. Trust that person.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 5/23/2018 (09:54)
KELLY_R's Photo KELLY_R Posts: 3,111
5/23/18 9:45 A

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This may be hard to swallow, EOWYN, but there are no victims, only volunteers.

I see you martyring yourself constantly in these threads. It's always someone else's fault. You are always the innocent victim.

Have you considered seeing a counselor at all to talk through these issues?

I used to think I was always an innocent victim myself, until I had a major life-changing event take place that brought me around to take responsibility for my own behaviors and attitudes. I also learned to stop worrying about other people's perceptions of me. Believe it or not, I'm not the center of everyone's universe, and neither are you.

Remember - when we're pointing our finger at someone, there's three fingers pointing back at us. The faults you see in others are most often the faults you carry yourself.

The bright side is you have every opportunity to work on those faults and change your life around, including how you perceive others and yourself. You've just got to be willing to do so. But it's hard to change if you find yourself enjoying and playing into the drama despite your logical self saying "I don't like drama!" (Actions speak louder than words.)

Whenever it is you are ready to change I encourage you to perhaps find a good support group - people with similar challenges who want to change. Perhaps start with CoDA (hopefully they have meetings where you are)

coda.org/

EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 851
5/23/18 8:00 A

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And since we're on the subject of friends, one of my neighbors used to be a good friend. However, she has a blind spot for her only child, a son. She spoils him rotten and he is really badly behaved.

One day he was violently swinging from the handles of his Dad's really expensive treadmill. He was about 7 or 8 at that time. No, I didn't yell at him or anything. It's not my business or place to discipline someone's else's child but I did tell her to be cautious as the treadmill was in danger of being damaged.

She accused me of 'finding fault' with her son. Now her son is an adolescent and has grown to be a very rude, nasty person due to his upbringing of no discipline.

However, because of this she hasn't spoken to me since that day.

Another incident that comes to mind is when she was frazzled one day muttering about remembering to buy eggs, bread and milk. I gently suggested she make a shopping list so she won't forget anything but she flew off the handle and said : "Don't tell me what to do!".

If she said "Hi" to me I would say "Hi" back. The unforgiveness is on her part, not mine.

Another neighbor cheated me of a huge sum of money. When I asked her to at least give me back my capital, she claimed we were 'never' friends and not to 'play the victim card with her'! But she was really friendly when she wanted to con me of my money!

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 851
5/23/18 7:49 A

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Archii, I would never go thru someone's bag or stuff without the person's permission. There is no way I would steal from anyone. Nothing happened. This friend was recently admitted to the psychiatric ward for a week and a half. She's schizophrenic. But she won't admit it's all in her head.

As for the witness, she/he is clearly lying to make me look bad. Even if I was curious I will never go thru someone's stuff without their permission or knowledge.

I was merely posing a question to the nurse. I don't know why she should get so upset over a simple, innocent question. I didn't even raise my voice or scold her. I think she's overreacting.

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ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (203,785)
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5/23/18 6:09 A



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EOWYN,

When did your church friend accuse you of stealing money from her purse ? Exactly what happened that day to make her say she saw you stealing. Were you anywhere near her bag ? Did you find her bag and try to return it to her ? Maybe you did look through her bag. You can be a little too curious some times.

Something happened to cause this person to accuse you of stealing. So what has been happening at church ? What's going on with your church friend ?

As far as your nurse friend, why do you contradict the opinions of the nurses ? if the nurse feels that the iron will cause your blood pressure to drop, why disagree with her ? Just because you felt okay does it mean you would have been okay. Even though you've been going to dialysis for years, you have to trust your nurses.

This is why they are angry with you. I'd be upset with you too. Listen to your nurses. if they say you shouldn't get iron there must be a very good reason they don't think you should have it.

Stop using this as excuse not to do the right things for your health. I believe the nurses. You don't listen to what they say. That's why they are angry with you.


EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 851
5/23/18 12:30 A

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I have 2 friends who are really hurting my feelings.

First, my friend from church. She accused me of stealing money from her purse. But I know I would never do something like that. She even said there was another 'witness' but she won't tell me who it is. I kept telling her that I didn't do it, that it's not in my character to do it as I am brought up to be an honest person. But she keeps insisting that I did it. But I know I didn't.

I'd really like to know who is that 'witness' who is casting unfair aspersions to my character and honesty!

Second, my good friend who is a nurse in the dialysis center. She refused to give me my iron infusion last Monday (which is more than a week ago) saying my bp was low and the infusion will further lower my bp. Well, I completed the 4 hours of dialysis without any incident so I just asked her wouldn't it have been better not to skip the infusion.

Well, she took great offence at that question and now she won't chat with me like she normally does. Only work related, she's had enough, she said. I'm confused because I wasn't scolding or anything, it was just a question! And she made it sound so final, like she will never talk to me again!

I'm really hurt at being falsely accused by the 1st friend. And being treated so coldly by the 2nd when I didn't even do anything to deserve it!

Edited by: EOWYN24241 at: 5/23/2018 (00:37)
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