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LININPARADISE7's Photo LININPARADISE7 Posts: 1,016
5/9/18 2:35 P

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Elaine, about people not respecting personal space, I am with you. I absolutely hate when someone (especially a stranger) gets too close to me where you can actually feel your personal space shrinking. I firmly say, "Arm's length please, " and I extend my arm to show an acceptable distance.

I was a school teacher for many years before I retired, and I used this method with my 14 year old students who didn't understand personal space. It works with adults, too, and it's a non critical way of showing them. Perhaps you will help someone else when the "space invader" recognizes herself

You said you were already in a bad mood, well, I'm usually in a good mood, and nothing puts me into a bad mood than someone invading my space. Please don't feel bad for stating that you insist on your personal space. It's a healthy way to be, in my opinion.

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5/3/18 5:53 A



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Elaine,

You can be firm without being aggressive. Pushing her away is just as bad as this woman getting too close.

If a person gets too close, you can take a step back. If they continue to come to
close, then you put your hand up and say,"Could you please back up, you're a little too close to me".

There is no need for rudeness from either the person or you. And if the person is rude to you, that does not mean it's okay to be rude to them. This is how arguments get started.

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5/3/18 5:03 A



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Elaine, if you put it like that, that is being AGGRESSIVE, not assertive. All you need say is something like "I feel a lot more comfortable when people give me a bit more personal space."

Hugs xxx

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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
5/3/18 4:36 A

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OK, next time I will be more assertive and tell her firmly as soon as she ever does again to back away immediately!!!

I will not wait till after the fact!!!

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5/2/18 4:36 P

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I see this thread has drifted from the original post. I just wanted to comment on that.

Eowyn, I totally get you being irritated by this person. She was rude and demanding, and someone invading my personal space and touching me without invitation with wet dirty hands would send me over the edge, even if I wasn't in a bad mood to start with. But I am indeed intolerant of rudeness.

Just a suggestion, next time don't 'tell her off', which implies that you're entitled to scold her (you aren't). Just insist (perhaps loudly?) that she give you the space you're entitled to. You shouldn't have to put up with someone pushing at you.



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5/1/18 10:20 P

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Fully understand. I have fallen into that trap before. Being generous is a good quality to have but too often others take advantage of it. When I go out now, we either pay our own bill or divide it by the number of people. In the long run it is easier on your wallet and you'll feel like they are going with you because they enjoy your company and not just tagging along for a free meal.



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5/1/18 9:44 A

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I can tell you that I sometimes pay for other's meals when eating out. But if they even pay for themselves 1/3 of the time I'm OK with that.

You know what my reaction is in the long run if I pay too often. I stop going out to lunch with them, because they are expecting me to pay, and that's not fair to me. I really wanted to go out with them as I enjoy their company. But enough is enough.

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5/1/18 6:33 A



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I agree with your Father too. You could always make a nice refreshing picnic basket with some fruit included. I am sure that your boss would really appreciate that, and it would ensure that you are eating according to your needs.

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5/1/18 5:59 A



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EOWYN,

Your father is correct. Your boss is very generous to offer to pay for your breakfast or lunch. How many times has she offered ? Have you offered to treat her to breakfast or lunch ? I understand that she makes more money than you, but that does not mean she should always pay. Some times, YOU should buy her breakfast or lunch.

You don't have to do this every day, but once in a while it's a really nice gesture to offer to bring her something instead of expecting her to pay just because she has more money.

Why don't you save a little of your money and treat her to a nice morning breakfast, preferably not McDonalds or drive through. You can also offer to make breakfast or lunch. Make some healthy sandwiches, bring long some slice of fresh fruit for snacks.

How about that ? Why not offer to make or buy breakfast/lunch for your boss ? She's been very generous to you. Now it's time to show how grateful you are to her for everything she's done for you.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 5/1/2018 (06:07)
EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/30/18 8:36 P

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I wanted roti canai for bfast but decided against it. I had nasi lemak instead. With less rice and cockle sambal. I ended up paying for my bfast tho. My boss paid for my tea with ginger. I thanked her like I always do.My Dad told me I shld pay for myself sometimes & not take my boss for granted. I suppose he is right. It was a good bfast. I shld practice thankfulness in all things.

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4/30/18 12:51 P



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That's good to know. So you're working on cutting out cheese too ? That's a good health goal to set. How many days have you not had any cheese ? You may notice some improvements in your skin.

I noticed that when I gave up Diet Coke, my skin cleared up. I used to get adult acne (pimples). When I stopped drinking colas, my skin looked so much better. I will bet yours will too if you give up that highly processed cheese they serve on fast food pizza or McDonalds/BK burgers.

Learning to break an addiction wont be easy. That's why you do it one week at a time. You've made it two weeks, let's go for three !




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4/30/18 6:39 A

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cheese is loaded with phosphate, not potassium.

excess phosphate affects the heart and causes skin allergies in dialysis patients.

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4/30/18 6:10 A



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EOWYN,

You need to try to avoid eating pizza because you have said many times that cheese is one of those foods loaded with potassium. On top of that the cheese you're eating isn't good quality cheese. it's highly processed. That's why I wont eat pizza from a fast food chain. it's poor quality ingredients.

That's why I avoid eating fast food. I'm not putting that junk into my body anymore.

As James noted, there are better quality foods you could eat for snacks. How about some slices of water apple with a dusting of cinnamon ? I eat apples as a snack all the time. I love eating fresh fruit for snacks. Do you have mango in Malaysia ? Slices of mango or papaya would be a wonderful snack.


EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/29/18 7:34 P

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Mrng peeps!

I managed to buy 2 pairs of new skinny jeans on Saturday night! They were on sale too! This shop is notorious for their small sizes! I only managed to fit into them. I'll bet I wouldn't have been able to fit into them a few months ago!

I've noticed that my belly has shrunk a bit. But I still have a long way to go!

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4/29/18 5:37 P

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EOWYN24241,
excellent on 2 weeks with no fast food (Pizza is one of many fast food choices).

Not that all fast food is bad, but Pizza, its really like eating bread. I like the toppings (cheese, meat, veggies, a little tomato sauce), but not the crust.

As you know, I'm a type-2 diabetic and all carbs through my blood sugar for a loop, pizza crust included.

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4/29/18 4:14 P



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EOWYN,

You've made it two weeks with no fast food. I know it's hard, but the longer you can go, the better you'll start feeling.

Have you noticed any of your clothes starting to fit a little better ? Avoiding fast food means you avoid salt/sodium. So, you should feel less bloated.

How are you feeling ?


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 4/30/2018 (06:03)
MLAN613 Posts: 19,680
4/29/18 7:35 A

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Good for you for not eating that crappy fast food. And just because Domino's offers free delivery and you have been craving pizza doesn't mean you should eat it. Their pizza isn't very good anyways.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 4/29/2018 (07:38)
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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/29/18 2:59 A

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I have gone for 2 weeks without fast food! I've been craving pizza! But I've been controlling myself so as not to order dominos. Did you know they have free delivery here?! (only for dominos).

Every time my boss hits the drivethru, I've declined getting anything. Sigh!

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4/26/18 6:07 A



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EOWYN,

Perhaps the reason the nurses favor the older patients is because they need more help than you do. You're still fairly young and still healthy in spite of the dialysis. Some of those older patients are probably not in good health. You said you're expecting to set up your dialysis machine on your own. That's great ! It means you CAN take care of your own needs. And that's why you should be more patient with the older patients. They CAN'T take care of themselves. They need extra help.

Let's do this, why not focus on those challenges you've set to help you learn to make better decisions when it comes to your health.

Challenge - Go one week with NO trips to McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, Texas Chicken, Wendy's, etc... no fast food for seven days. How many days have you gone so far ?

Challenge - walk 5,000 steps each day for seven days. How are you doing on getting in your steps ?

Challenge - learn to SIP water and tea instead of gulping. How are you doing sipping your water and watching your fluid intake ?




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4/26/18 3:23 A



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You mention it is the other people giving *you* problems. Do you think that perhaps they could see it equally as you are giving *them* problems? Often in these cases it is a two-way street.

I understand what you are saying about the close proximity, especially when you are using scissors and preparing things for dialysis where everything needs to be sterile. I also understand that you have boundaries re space between you and another. However, THEY may not be accustomed to your distance required. I remember reading a few years ago that those brought up in a country area generally need more space around them from others, than those brought up in a city. If someone came in too close to a country 'bumpkin' then they tended to back away a little to create more space. It isn't a case of educated v. uneducated. It is a case of what they are used to.

I think that it is best that you try relaxation breathing when something gets on your wick, and tell yourself that this is just a short period of time and you will get through. Just remember - patience is a virtue!!!

Hugs,
Kris xxx



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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/26/18 2:45 A

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It's not really the nurses giving me problems in this particular case, though the nurses are siding with the older patients, I feel, which isn't fair.

The ppl giving me problems are the older patients who expect everyone to give way to them all the time just because of their age. I feel that respect is earned, not given just because you are a certain age. If you are old but act like a child, I won't respect you either.

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4/25/18 6:59 P

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As much as I understand these issues, how about posting the challenge you had (we all have daily challenges with people), and how you were able to over come the challenge and how you rose above the issue. Or maybe if you didn't at the time, maybe in retrospect how you would have handled the situation better.

You're been given much of the same advise before, what have you learned? I am sure in not alone in saying, that it would be great to see you learning from these experiences and learning better coping skills with other people.

By looking at this from an outside perspective you can and will learn how to treat people that don't always meet YOUR expectation. This is life, everyone does not meet our expectations.

You don't and didn't like when your parents, brother, family judged you or were rude to you, why are you doing that which you don't like to others?

Something to think about......



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4/25/18 11:21 A



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I'd say that you had a bad day today, so if you feel like you have some energy after your dialysis session, why not take a walk ?

How have you been doing on getting in your 5,000 steps ? Whenever my day isn't going well, I take a long walk. Walking helps me think more clearly. It helps me stay calm.

EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/25/18 11:10 A

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We cannot change machines. Morning shift patients are assigned a specific machine.

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4/25/18 10:47 A



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EOWYN,

You do seem awfully possessive of what you think of as your dialysis machine.

Yes, it may be a machine you use on a regular basis, but it's not your machine. What I would suggest trying is using one of the other machines the next time you're there. Don't just automatically go that machine just because it's one you use the most. Use a different machine.

You do get short tempered when you think people are trying to delay you. No, they aren't. What is the rush ? That's something I have never understood. When you are finished with dialysis, it's not like you're rushing to go to work. You're going home to take a nap and rest after the session. So, why the rush to have things your way ?

This is why the nurses think you're intolerant and demanding. It's because everything has to be your way. That is not your machine. You do not own it. Like all the other patients, you're there to receive treatment.

Many of us have said this before, try to learn to be more gracious. Be thankful of all the kindnesses the nurses and staff of the dialysis center have given you over the years.


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4/25/18 9:53 A

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This patient isn't elderly. She is middle aged. A little older than me but not much. Everytime I go for treatment I need to hurry to get the machine I am using ready while she and the other older patients don't have to. They just sit there and wait for the nurses to do everything. So there is really no need for her to rush! Unlike ppl like me, who has to do everything myself!

I could have not scolded her and spoken to her nicely but I was extremely irritated because her dirty hand came in contact with my elbow! It was sweaty & calmy! Ewwww! I was also irritated because she was basically mumbling gimme! gimme! gimme! like a child!

This isn't the 1st time she got on my nerves either! I was rushing to get my machine ready but she kept mumbling asking questions that were better suited to the nurses. Why didn't she ask them? The nurses here are nice, most of the time. Why bother me? I don't know everything. The nurses would know more!

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MLAN613 Posts: 19,680
4/25/18 6:47 A

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She isn't very educated and doesn't understand boundaries? That's very judgmental and rude. Next time,instead of assuming someone is basically too stupid to understand a request to take a step back,why don't you let them know you're almost done with the scissors and ask them to step back. If they don't step back, you can. You can't control other peoples' actions but you can control yours.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 4/25/2018 (06:49)
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4/25/18 5:58 A



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It is true that some people can get too close for comfort. If someone gets too close to me, I back up a pace or two. I create distance between me and the person.

Now, when the nurses said you were intolerant, was this patient elderly ? In past, you mentioned incidents you had involving older patients. You do seem to be very short tempered when it comes to the older patients at the facility. Was the person who wanted the scissors an older patient ? It's also true that some elderly people can get very cranky and will get into your space to get what they want.

Is this what happened ? Did an older patient think you were using the scissors for too long ?

My personal opinion is that because you were already in a bad mood, the situation with the scissors seemed bad. It wasn't really. It just sounds like you and the other patient were BOTH being pretty impatient.

And I do agree with your nurses, you can be very intolerant of the other patients.



Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 4/25/2018 (10:35)
EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/24/18 10:04 P

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I think I could have politely requested her to step back but whether she will do it is another question bcoz she isn't very educated and might not understand about boundaries.

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4/24/18 9:36 P

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One other observation, between these last few posts, is that you seem to be angry or frustrated with people and how they act either directly to you as this event or indirectly via the marketing calls.

Why is this happening?

Know that we all have bad days, but what can you do to change those bad days? These are choices YOU make. You choose to have the bad day, naff attitude, or be rude to others.

How can you change this?




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4/24/18 9:30 P

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So in looking at this event after the fact, what do you think you could have done better?

Maybe instead of your reaction that people (nurses) and maybe the person saw as intorrerant or rude, could you have said something different in this situation?

We learn form each experience, do you need to learn patience, better communication to ask for space?

What do you think? Why not look at this as of someone else asked this question, how would you tell them to handle this situation?



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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 898
4/24/18 8:06 P

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I was already in a bad mood this morning bcoz my dialyzer was changed prematurely which means my blood quality is bad. I was just using the scissors to cut open the foil packet of my new dialyzer when another patient stood really, really close to me demanding for the scissors!

I mean, couldn't she wait a few seconds? And why must she stand so close to me? It's an invasion of personal space! So much so that my elbow connected with her wet dirty hands! I mean, what is her problem?! Would it kill her to wait a few seconds?! And why must she crowd me like that? So, I told her off for being so impatient!

The nurses don't even understand. They said I was intolerant! But I just don't see the logic of that lady standing so close to me!!! She could have wait 4 seconds tops for me to finish with the scissors! Sooooo rude!!!

Edited by: EOWYN24241 at: 4/25/2018 (05:46)
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