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GIPPER1961's Photo GIPPER1961 Posts: 773
12/12/17 12:56 P

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As someone who has gone through some of the same battles let me tell you it is never as bad as it seems when you are going bad and never as good as it seems when going well.

it truly can be a battle. AND when you are struggling it feels like you will never get past it. Take a breath. Narrow the focus. Take each day, or each minute individually. Just today, or just for the next hour i am not going to do things I know are harmful to me. After that do another hour or day.

Simple but certainly not easy. You also have to contemplate what makes you make bad choices. For some it is the desire for control, others the desire for comfort. Only you can answer what it is for you. It also may not just be one thing. Personally I make bad choices when I am tired but also when I feel overwhelmed or lonely. Everyone is different. Even if you don't find perfection because no one does, knowing can help you fight it when those circumstances come about.

it is not easy but it is worth it in the end

It is not the mistake that causes the serious damage. It is the mistake that you make of defending the first mistake that causes it, Einstein


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12/11/17 12:40 P



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RACHELLAUREENE,

Too many people believe that if they make a mistake, go off plan, eat something they shouldn't have that it's okay to give up and eat that banana split. they think I made a mistake, so the whole day is lost. Well, the whole day is NOT lost. But thinking that way is one of the hardest things a person can do.

it's all about that bargaining. Okay, I screwed up. I'll go back on my diet tomorrow or monday. What this person should be thinking is, I over indulged at lunch, but I will be eating plenty of fresh fruit and veggies at dinner. I ate the food. I will log the food and I will move on. No "I shouldn't have eaten that". I ate it. I OWN it.

This was hard for me, but once I did it, I started having a better relationship with food. Meaning, I learned to accept responsibility for what I ate.

Here's an analogy another member made about that "all or nothing mentality".

Let's say you get a flat tire. What do you do ? Do you say, darn it, I might as well flatten the other three ! ummm... no. What do you do when you have a flat ? You change it and move on. that's exactly how you should think when you eat a little too much of a food you think you shouldn't be eating. The day isn't ruined because you ate the food. you still have three good tires. Don't ruin them because one got a flat. You change the flat.

Eating is similar. your day isn't ruined if you ate a muffin at breakfast or maybe 2-3 pieces of pizza at lunch. That's how we learn to think more positively.

As the old song goes, accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.


-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,287
12/11/17 1:27 A

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RACHELLAUREENE,
the problem with all or nothing mentality is of course as soon as you've had something not in you plan, then you've failed.

So you feel bad about the failure, ...then what? So many folks think "I ate this, I blew it, so I might as well eat that, because I've already failed". It baffles me how one failure can justify another failure.

So it might be hard, but don't view it as failure. For myself it just means I ate something off plan, I accept it, I move on. But typically when I eat something off plan it is in small amounts, or less often. I'm a low carb guy, but sometimes I have a little ice-cream. Is ice-cream low carb? Heavens no. Do I have a big heaping bowl? No. Just a small scoop (or maybe two small scoops). Does that give me license to now follow it up with a banana split because I already blew it? No.

I just had a little ice-cream. Nothing more.

The second behaviour I find baffling for people who go off their diet plan is bargaining. I'll get back on plan after the weekend, or after so-and-so's birthday party, or after the vacation ....

I don't delay. I eat something that is not part of my plan, and it is not justification to get back on plan after the weekend (or a whole vacation) of being off plan? Again, no.



James
Alberta, Canada


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


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ALEXZI's Photo ALEXZI Posts: 52
12/10/17 8:52 P

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ARCHIMEDESII, Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful reply. I have definitely been guilty of that all or nothing thinking- labeling foods as BAD and staying away from them. When I was younger I would restrict quite a lot, then binge and hate myself for it.

Years later, obviously I still struggled with food, but when I lost all the weight I did do it fairly gradually. And I didn't deprive myself of any certain foods. Just lowered the portions like you recommend. I don't know where it all went wrong, it's like along the way I just stopped caring. I guess maybe I thought that because the weight was gone, I could ease up. I eased up way too much though.

Now, as I start to try again, I do see that old thinking coming up. Feeling like I shouldn't eat certain things. I keep trying to tell myself it's ok, but the things I've been eating lately really have not been ok... or I guess it's the portions. I am adding in more fruits and vegetables and healthy protein slowly, and I know that will help reduce my consumption of the less healthy choices.

I have made some simple, attainable goals and it does provide a nice feeling of accomplishment even it feels like the goal is silly and I should be doing more. I'm trying to get into this slowly this time, but not so slowly that I'm not making progress. At the very least, these goals help keep me mindful of the fact that I'm working to better myself and they remind me that I CAN actually do things that I set out to do.

And I know you're right about having to change your head before you can change your body. I did it the other way around and surprise, surprise, it didn't stick. I really want to do things differently this time. I'm looking forward to going to a therapist once I have insurance in January. For now, you all have been my lifeline. Thank you.



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12/10/17 4:14 P



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RACHELLAUREENE,

When you decide you need to lose weight, do you cut out all treats ? Do you say to yourself, I'm never going to eat X ever again ? One thing I've learned from my own years of yo yo dieting is that you don't have to deprive yourself in order to lose weight. And yet, that's exactly what people do. They feel they shouldn't eat chocolate or bread or pasta or pizza because those foods are fattening. They are BAD for you.

And maybe that's part of the problem. If you're labeling some foods as bad and some as good, that causes a conflict. You don't have to deprive yourself to be healthy or lose weight. When I decided I wanted to lose, I knew I could not give up bread or cheese or pizza. What I did know was that I was eating too much of these things. I suffered from portion distortion. I was eating too much of the wrong food and not enough of the right food.

What I did was to increase more of the healthy foods I needed to eat and decreased the amount of treats. I never deprived myself. I just learned to eat smaller portions of the foods I really wanted. I discovered that if I gave up a food I really loved, I was miserable eating all the other food.

One thing I suggest to new members when they are trying to learn how to eat better is to start with some simple changes first. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated and miserable. You start by setting some simple goals for the week. Example, if you're not eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. If you're not drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. If you're eating way too much chocolate, set a goal limiting the days you eat anything with chocolate to wed, friday and sunday. Once you've completed these goals, you do them again or you create new ones.

Setting simple goals is how we slowly ease ourselves into healthier eating habits. One thing I learned is this,"before you can change your body, you have to change your head". If you keep thinking diet, you'll never lose weight or be healthy. You have to find an eating plan that really is a balance of the foods you should be eating and the foods you want to eat.

I eat at least 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies each and every day now, but I also eat bread. I love good European style loaf. I just don't eat the entire loaf in a day. that's something I could do when I was morbidly obese. Today that loaf will last a few days. When it starts getting a little stale, the bread gets turned into croutons for my salad.

Also, I do agree with the others, if some of your disordered eating habits are related to stressful events from your past, a good therapist could help you work through those issues. Like I said, before a person can change their body, they have to change their head.


ALEXZI's Photo ALEXZI Posts: 52
12/10/17 2:00 P

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Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful replies. I'm sorry I'm only just now replying, I didn't have notifications on so I didn't realize anyone had replied.

-JAMES-, that's an interesting concept and you might be onto something. I used to enjoy, in a way, causing physical harm to myself. Thankfully I haven't done that in some years now, but the self-destructive tendencies are still there. Going for instant gratification rather than long term happiness. I've never really felt like I deserve to be happy and I'm not sure how to go about changing that.

SLIMMERKIWI, I feel like you're right, of course. I've needed to get to therapy for a long time now. Once money is more stable and I have insurance (first of the year) I will pursue that. Self-help and looking to a community for help is wonderful, but clearly not quite enough for me. And I did lose it surprisingly quickly, although I was still eating a lot of junk. Just less junk. I tried to take baby steps but always felt like I wasn't doing enough. I guess this time I'm taking it slower, and there have been a few wins so far.

WHITE-2, thank you for reaching out. I will check out your page and friend you as well, maybe we can help each other out. It's nice to know, at least, that you aren't alone.

SIMPLICITY-NOW, I appreciate all the sound advice you shared and will definitely look through your blogs for more. That's very kind of you to share what you've learned with others so we can benefit from it as well. And what you posted makes a lot of sense, those are good guidelines to follow.




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SIMPLICITY-NOW's Photo SIMPLICITY-NOW Posts: 130
12/10/17 12:11 P

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I'm copying here a post that I made last week on another thread on this forum:

These are a few of the strategies I was taught when I was in treatment for BED (binge eating):

* Focus on eating (no more and no less than) 3 meals and 3 snacks per day.
* Never try to cut a lot of calories; you may first try to learn to eat the amount of calories that keeps your current weight stable, before trying to lose weight. Cut only 200 calories at a time, eating as many calories as you can (while still losing weight), not as little. The big mistake binge eaters and all people with eating disorders make is to think that they should eat as little as possible. The truth is that they should eat ENOUGH and not deprive themselves.
* Never go below 1500 calories per day.
* Keep at least 2 to 3 hours of no eating between your meals and snacks.
* Write down what you ate but do not track calories. Make a food plan that has enough food and healthy food and get into a steady habit of following the plan rather than doing a lot of calorie counting. In the plan describe when you will eat (at what hour), what food you will eat, and how much of it.
See also my blogs for more about this topic.

It has helped me greatly to practice following these rules of thumb. Especially learning to not eat in between meals and snacks (while eating 3 meals and 3 snacks per day) was very helpful.

I also posted about what I learned during that BED treatment in my blog so others might get something out of it. Feel free to take a look at the blog entries I wrote (start with the olderst ones).





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WHITE-2's Photo WHITE-2 Posts: 392
12/10/17 12:07 P

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I think I understand that feeling of being trapped. I just went to your page and added you as a friend.emoticon emoticon

Edited by: WHITE-2 at: 12/10/2017 (12:12)

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12/10/17 4:24 A



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After reading some of your blogs, particularly the Brownie confessions one, I strongly suggest that you talk to your Dr and ask for a referral to a Therapist. I strongly feel that it is possibly related to your past and before you can properly move forward that aspect of your life needs to be dealt with.

I also note that you had previously lost a considerable amount of weight, so you know that you can do it. However, I wondered if when you did it previously if maybe you did it a little too quickly, making too many changes at once?

Baby steps are the best way to move forward, particularly re food, because it kinda tricks the mind into thinking that this is the way that it has always been. However, you also have that 'happy' feeling when baking, etc. so that is going to impact to a degree.

Good luck,
Kris



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-JAMES-'s Photo -JAMES- Posts: 12,287
12/9/17 9:50 P

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Let me ask a simple question. Do you want to be unhappy?

The world can be a strange place. There is a word in German, a single word Schadenfreude. Literally translated "damage joy". It means the joy of seeing damage come to some one else.

I may have totally missed the target, but does part of you enjoy inflicting damage on the other part?

Even if what I'm writing is off the mark, do know that I'll be back to bounce ideas off of. I want to help.

Edited by: -JAMES- at: 12/9/2017 (21:52)
James
Alberta, Canada


All time highest weight : 217 pounds

Starting weight : 195.0 pounds (June 7, 2012)
Final weight : 168.2 pounds (July 23, 2013)


 current weight: 178.5 
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186
170.5
155
ALEXZI's Photo ALEXZI Posts: 52
12/9/17 7:29 P

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For so long now, it's felt like there are two parts of myself locked in a constant struggle for dominance. The part of me that truly wants to be healthy has been silenced for a long time now, and it's just starting to find its quiet voice again. The destructive, childish part of me that loves to overindulge in everything has been in control for way too long.

How can I bring these two sides together and find a balance? I know it's unrealistic to imagine that I could just switch instantaneously and have that healthier outlook all the time. I wish. As it is now, I feel like it's all I can do to keep coming back here, even if it's a very different experience from the last time I was here.

I feel guilty for wallowing in all this self-pity and regret, but I can't seem to just snap out of it. I guess at the very least, I haven't disappeared. I'm still here, still trying, even if it's been a feeble attempt so far.

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Edited by: ALEXZI at: 12/9/2017 (19:30)

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