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KELLY_R's Photo KELLY_R Posts: 3,104
8/14/17 1:10 P

Ugh - this was me a couple years ago while shopping. I had some knee-length shorts on (that have had better days) and apparently they split on me at the pocket. I walked through the entire store like that and finally a woman caught me just as I was leaving to let me know.

Was I embarrassed? Absolutely. I wasn't mad at her, however. Grateful she said something because I had plans to go into another store after, so that saved me from traipsing around another store with everyone getting a peek at my bum.

I'm not heavy at all - was around 135 when this happened, but embarrassing all the same.

MARIA11X's Photo MARIA11X Posts: 546
8/13/17 11:58 A

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Thank you to everyone for your responses!

If this situation were to happen again in the future, I will say something--as gently and discretely as possible--by reading your responses, I think it would be better if she were told.

Archimedes, I agree with you about some people nowadays not having any common courtesy or respect for privacy. I hope no one took a picture of her from behind, that would be awful. I would never think to do such a thing, and I have a hard time imagining how someone would think that would be okay.

And yes, I remember too well what you mentioned about trying to figure out the menstrual cycle as teens. I remember a few times that situation happening to me with spotting and staining when I was younger, and how embarrassing it was. Thank goodness the feminine products have improved greatly since then.

I think that part of my struggle with whether or not I should have said anything is with the adjustments I find myself making with the environments I find myself in. I am in the military, and in that environment, I would not hesitate to say something to another military member if their collar is out of place, a hair is out of place, or anything else about their appearance is out of place. We (respectfully) correct each other often, and expect to be corrected. It is far better to say something and give the other military member a chance to remedy the error, than to have a superior member see the error and correct the person in a humiliating or embarrassing way.

However, in a civilian environment, it is a bit more "iffy" since most people don't expect to be "corrected" by someone they don't know. And in a military environment, it is appreciated (even if it appears that the person would seem upset at first) when someone corrects you, where in a lot of cases in other environments, I've seen people get offended and defensive.

And thank you, CelticLassinLA, I did smile about your story. Thank you for sharing it. I could imagine myself doing something similar, as I could have easily forgotten not having a sweater or blouse on underneath a jacket (lol)

Thanks again for the feedback!

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8/13/17 11:02 A

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I can only speak for me - I would want to know so I would have tapped her on the shoulder and let her know. I've only split my pants once - getting into a sports car on a first date and the noise the tearing made was deafening to me. I was mortified.

On the other hand the skirt in the panty hose has happened to me more than I like to remember and while it is an easier situation ....

Not totally on topic but something I hope will make you all smile a little this Sunday morning - in college I was taking a final exam wearing pants suit - with a dickey instead of a sweater because I hadn't done laundry for a couple of weeks due to finals. Anyway it was hot and I took off my jacket not remembering I was in a bra and a dickey, So I was sitting there in my bra and folks were snickering but no one was saying anything -exam right? The professor was a priest and was just beet red - ok. Front row center in my underwear and oblivious. Finally someone got the idea to open the window. The December air rushed in and I went to slide my jacket over my shoulders and well ... you can guess the rest of that story. But for the entire next semester everytime I wore that suit someone would yell - I hope you remembered to put something under that.

And now I really do hope you are all smiling - just think of how you might feel if it were you and no one told you.

8/12/17 11:45 P

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It is probably a wash. I am sure she noticed it when she arrived home, and probably wonders if anyone else noticed. Maybe not knowing is okay. Maybe she figures they split after she left the store with no one seeing it.

Don't fret about it.

"Start from where you are." ~ Elle, AnAuthor

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. "~ John Quincy Adams

If you focus on results, you won't see change. If you focus on change, you will see results.

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VERONICA678's Photo VERONICA678 Posts: 314
8/12/17 11:24 P

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I would have told her. I have had seams tear in clothing and sometimes you just don't know. I would prefer to be told so I could take some action.

I had to borrow a stapler at an art gallery once to staple a seam on the side of my dress so I wasn't exposed. emoticon

Worked well enough to get me home on public transportation and five blocks of walking.

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8/12/17 3:58 P

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No need to be embarrassed. I would have said something like this.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but you may not have noticed that there is a tear at the back of your pants". If she had a jacket, she could have thrown it around her waist. if she drove to the store, she could make a quick dash back to her car.

When I was a teen and still learning to cope with my menstrual cycle, I'd leak through my pants all the time. You don't see much of this anymore because pads are much more absorbent. But back then, plenty of women walked around with blood stained pants or skirts just because they couldn't make it to the bathroom in time to change their pad.

I would say that the woman was lucky that some idiot wasn't there to take a picture with their cell phone and posted it to instagram or FB.

That is what concerns me these days. No privacy or common courtesy.

SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (259,874)
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8/12/17 4:09 A

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I think that situations like this need to be taken case by case.

I would have likely whispered in her ear and told her that I didn't "want to embarrass her, but ...... "

BUT that would have been dependent on what I got from her interaction at the counter.


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MARIA11X's Photo MARIA11X Posts: 546
8/12/17 1:40 A

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I am not in a "panic," but I had an extremely awkward moment today in a store. A heavy-set woman was being helped at the customer service counter ahead of me, and because I was standing behind her, I noticed that her pants had split in the back. You could see a large, gaping hole on one side, showing her skin, and on the other side, near the pocket, it was torn as well, and showing her skin, but not as wide.

I didn't know if I should have said something to her about her pants (I didn't, as I was afraid of what her reaction would be). I was afraid to cause her further embarrassment or humiliation by having, me, a stranger, tell her that her pants were split open on both sides of the backside. But then I struggled with a bit of guilt that I may have caused her more humiliation by not telling her.

Nowadays, I have seen and heard of people physically fighting in public after getting offended by what someone (a stranger) says or does. Would she have appreciated someone telling her that her pants were split in the back? Or would she have screamed at me? Did she even know? (could she feel it?) Part of me wanted to tell her, and part of me was embarrassed for her, and part of me felt really bad for her.

Any advice on what I should do if this happens again? If this happened to me, I would rather be told, than to go about my whole day with my pants split in the back and having people see my skin like that. Would any of you want to be told, or not?

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