All or nothing is hard, life is all about moderation. Don't be so hard on yourself - we are all humans, it took me a long time to find a system that worked for me. I am super happy now - but again it didn't happen overnight.
what I am trying to do is every time I am ready to eat I am consciously aware of the food being MINDFUL. When I know I am going to go out to eat I go on the computer to that specific restaurant look at the menu & select what I am going to have before I even get there . That really helps me So easy to go & not know what I want then end up choosing wrong food choices Judy
Fitness Minutes: (41,684)
27,433 6/22/18 9:10 P
Thank you all for taking the time out to give me some advice. I was feeling so frustrated with myself yesterday but I have done this before successfully and your comments reminded me that I do know what to do and I can do it. I know every choice is mine and should be for a greater purpose than that instant satisfaction food/drink can bring. Realism and moderation will win the day. On that note, today I had the wine with the football, but within my calorie limit for the day. The chocolate stayed in the fridge and hey, that might just be tomorrow's treat within my calorie limit, if I can spare it. I need to take each and every day as it comes and do the best I can. I actually love exercising, so why I ever make excuses about that I don't know! I just booked a class for tomorrow morning 😃
" I'm all or nothing with everything and I hate it!" Hate it? So what will you be doing to change?
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." ~ Randy Pausch
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." ~ Art Turock
"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good." ~ 7 Years in T
Fitness Minutes: (41,684)
27,433 6/22/18 6:22 A
Maybe you are just not ready to get into a healthy lifestyle?
Maybe if you change your "all or nothing" into I can do some you may find it works?
Maybe if you just take baby steps and only try to change one or to things at a time and allow your mind/body to get used to those changes before adding something else to the mix, you might find it is more doable.
It might be as simple as reducing that 1/2 bottle of wine for 1 or 2 SMALL glasses, and replacing the rest with water or tea. Or it might be cooking 2-3 day's worth of food at one time. I actually do this all the time now that I am on my own, but it is still an option for those with families. I just happened to really enjoy cooking which is why I didn't do it all the time before, but depending on what we were having, I would bulk cook and take out what I wanted that night for the family, and containerize the rest into portions, and freeze it. I worked 7 days per week for a full year, and sometimes worked 12 or more hours in the day, so I had those frozen meals for when I was too tired or short on time. The benefit was it also saved money re electricity, my time including with cleaning up, and taking advantage of specials!!!!
If you don't like the thought of exercise, why not put all your groceries away one at a time, and do the same with your laundry. I use this method, and it is great because it doesn't seem like work, but it also doesn't seem like exercise. To me that is a win/win :-)
You might just find that in time you have made a lot of positive changes and you are starting to see/feel the benefits!!!
Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Everything that you do, you do because over time you have determined that that choice is the best use of your resources at that time. If you eat cereal for breakfast, you eat cereal because for the time, money, and effort you consider it the best options. Trying to sub in eggs and vegetables all of a sudden won't work long term because you lack some combination of time (to cook the eggs to your liking, to shop for and maintain and adequate supply of fresh eggs and vegetables, to clean up after cooking, the opportunity cost of whatever else you could be doing instead of cooking), money (when accounting for spoilage), cooking skills, cooking hardware, or recipes (that you have the time and skill to cook). All of these things can be overcome, you just have to identify your issues and work around them.
"It's not a priority." Instead of excuses and other somesuch, use this kind of terminology. Playing around on Facebook is more of a priority than making a healthy dinner. Own the choices that you are making and let that sink in to determine if you would like to make other choices.
Football means eating chocolate? That's about like saying that owning a Ford means you have to have Chinese food. They have no link whatsoever. If you wanted to use Easter bunnies, Valentine or Halloween candy then I would grant you a strong association with chocolate. But football? No.
Personally I would say that you can work in some chocolate if you want it, but make sure that is what you want the most because that means that you likely can't have wine too. Most people have the calorie room to work in some of what they want the most, but they do not have enough room to have as much as they can eat of the five or six things that they want the most. If you are are female then the 1200 calories of your day will be taken up to meet your base nutrients needs. Everything between 1200 and the calories that it would take to maintain your weight is what you have to play with. So if it would take 2000 cals to maintain your weight, then you have 800 cals to play with. If you want to create a pound a week loss, 500 calories a day will go to that, which leaves you with 300 cals. Those 300 cals are what you have to spend on foods that aren't contributing nutritionally. If you are okay with a slower loss, say just over half a pound a week, that means 300 cals would go to your deficit and you have 500 calories to play with. Do the math yourself so that you know your numbers, decide what you want the most and work it in. Keep in mind that your math will change as you lose (excepting the 1200 cal nutrient minimum), so recalculate every ten pounds or so.
If you don't want to cook everyday, there are plenty of resources for monthly batch cooking, there are tons of recipes for batch cooking for freezing in individual portions, there are weekly meal prep options, grocery stores have a great selection of grab and go better options, there are better takeaway options (you can pick up from the same place, or just choose something not quite as junky, ie get a salad along with your pizza). You could seek out recipes that are fast and easy and you can do some heavier cooking to make other days easy. What I mean by that second part is if rice is a big time killer for a favorite meal, cook it the day before. Cook today's dinner and as you finish up cooking that, put a pot of rice on to get going while you are eating dinner and cleaning up, and tomorrow night's dinner just got easier. I try and cook ingredients rather than whole dishes (single here) so that I don't get stuck with eight portions of one thing to try and use up as I get quickly sick of it. So if I cook up mushrooms by themselves, I can add them to scrambled eggs or a sandwich or grits, I can use them to top pizza, I can add them to a lentil curry or pot pie and I'm not stuck with a lot of just one thing. Choose what you want, but acknowledge that this is your choice and there are other options out there that you are not choosing or seeking out.
As far as deserving things on the weekend, what does the weekend have to do with drinks or ice cream or pizza? Using the weekend isn't any different that saying Tuesday and Wednesday; it's just another set of days. There isn't anything inherently weekendy about drinks or ice cream or pizza, and again, you can have what you want the most but not everything, all the time. If you want pizza more often, seek out vegetable heavy options and they can fit in as something that contributes nutritionally. It's possible to get a serving of vegetables in the toppings. It's possible to start pairing your pizza with a vegetable soup or salad to have a complete meal. It's possible to use a pita/english muffin/bagel/bread product to make a quick and easy weeknight pizza, again giving it sides that make it more nutritionally balanced. You could also use a mushroom cap as the base or a cauliflower crust or any other number of options if you seek them out. Drinks are interesting things. Personally I think that if you plan on drinking then you should drink while you are losing so that you learn how to work it in. This results in a much slower loss because you will be taking your drink calories from your deficit calories. I drink, I drink regularly and I enjoy the taste of alcohol. That being said, look into why drinks are such a sticking point for you. If you are using alcohol as a coping mechanism/way to unwind or relax, then finding other methods of coping and relaxing is going to be a great help to you in the long term. If you are in a social group that always meets for drinks, that means that cutting back is often going to mean separating yourself from your group. You could always offer to be the designated driver, you could find mocktails to enjoy with the gang, you could branch out and look for other groups or activities to try and join in an effort to broaden your social circle to have more than just the good ole drinking buddies. Again, look to why it's a sticking point and figure out how you want to work around it from there.
All of what you are doing isn't making excuses, you are simply making other choices because you ultimately don't want to change what you are doing. You keep doing what you are currently doing and your results will keep trending the same way. If you want different results, you have to make some changes, but you don't have to go scorched earth on life as you know it, you can make small changes that add up over time and get you where you need to be.
Why? It looks to me like you've already answered that: you are doing "all or nothing" and you quite simply don't enjoy the "all healthy" enough to make that the default option instead of "nothing healthy".
Honestly, the whole "all healthy" approach right from the start was way too much like work for me to even consider when I started. I also know that I only keep routines and choices that make me happy (and THAT fools my twee little brain in to thinking that the "happier" choice is also the "easier" choice).
So - I chose to never drop my eating below the calorie range that would be needed to maintain at a healthy BMI (since I figured that I needed to learn how to maintain healthfully forever --- and that I already knew how to "diet" and then eventually re-gain). I also decided to plan my meals so that I included all of the essential nutrition every day, but left room for extras (such as a weekly takeaway, or an ice cream, or a glass of good wine) --- but understanding that I still needed to keep it within healthy limits.
I am also a "foodie", so I made it my hobby to learn how to cook healthy dishes that were incredibly delicious (to me, anyways, since they're made to suit my preferences) - so much so that I eventually reached the point where it is not a "treat" to have a takeaway or even go out to most restaurants and I eat homemade because it tastes soooo much better. I keep a stock in the freezer of cooked meats and soups and stews for convenience meals, and honestly end up grumbling and dissatisfied when I end up picking up takeaway on a rare occasion when I just plain can't get home.
I plan my meals to suit my own preferences, which means small meals 5 - 7 times per day, with a sweet breakfast (I most often do baked custards which give me 8-12g fibre, 20g protein, 10-15g fats along with a good chunk of my daily vitamins and minerals), a morning snack of wholegrain toast with almond butter and a fruit, a savoury lunch, an afternoon snack of fruit with peanut butter and plain Greek yoghurt, a savoury dinner that includes at least 3-5 servings of vegetables, and a dessert or late evening snack (fruit or chocolate or ice cream, usually). I always include at least 35-45g of fibre every day, which comes from 8-12 servings of vegetables and fruits, along with homemade wholegrain breads and muffins.
I'm past menopause, 5'9", lost just over 100 lbs and have maintained that loss for over 4 years (I maintain between 147-155 lbs, depending on season since I carry more weight for fall / winter foothills hiking). I eat between 1850-2200 calories most days, with more when I'm doing the big hikes.
So - I invite you to ditch that "all or nothing" nonsense, and do a sit-down with yourself to discover what your own personal favourites are, what your "flavour / texture schedule" is, and think about what sort of "base" menu that you would enjoy that would allow you the freedom to keep adding in more vegetables, more fruits, more healthy fats, and experiment with discovering new recipes that will become your favourites. Pay attention to what you really enjoy - and make that work, a step at a time, in a new overall healthier plan.
It really is about creating a sustainable healthy lifestyle, and there aren't many folks who can sustain something long term unless they really enjoy it. Take your time and learn what not-so-healthy things that you really enjoy but can limit (such as a few glasses of wine, or a good piece of chocolate), what not-so-healthy things that you can learn to make healthier so that you can have them more often (try different pizza options, try different types of takeaway --- or always have a homemade salad with your choice), and what really healthy stuff that you can make that you absolutely love.
Take it a step at a time, and pay attention to what makes you feel the best, what makes you happy, and what might leave you feeling not-so-good --- and you will create YOUR healthy lifestyle. It won't be the fastest weight-loss, but it WILL have that weight loss be easier to maintain...
Oh - and take your frustration out in a hard-core workout (since you might as well get some good sweat out of it). Remember - have fun!
Sir Terry Pratchett:
"Science is not about building a body of known 'facts'. It is a method for asking awkward questions and subjecting them to a reality-check, thus avoiding the human tendency to believe whatever makes us feel good."
I make so many excuses to myself! 'The football's on so I can eat chocolate and drink just over half a bottle of wine'. 'Why should I cook EVERY SINGLE day so we're having a takeaway'. 'It's the weekend so I deserve a drink/ice-cream/pizza....'. I'm all or nothing with everything and I hate it!