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HOLLYL7's Photo HOLLYL7 Posts: 1,988
8/10/17 9:45 A

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I really liked BIKE4HEALTH's comment: "I found that what existed was usually a result of what I resisted" Sometimes all we can do is change our reaction to the person, and not get caught up in all the negativity. Good luck to you!

Holly from Illinois


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LOOTJE69's Photo LOOTJE69 Posts: 35
8/9/17 2:15 P

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Amen MARYJOANNA Thank you very much 🙏🏽
COONSY What a coincidence I started reading that same book but unfortunately I didn't finish it because those situations in that book don't really apply to me anymore. The book is very insightful though and I plan to finish reading it in the future. I read "Toxic In-Laws" by that same author and that book was very helpful to me.

MARYJOANNA's Photo MARYJOANNA Posts: 7,312
8/9/17 5:40 A

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Tell her "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!"



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COONSY's Photo COONSY Posts: 1,158
8/7/17 2:46 P

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Bike has some great points - sometimes the negative person just needs to be heard, but we have to be careful to not them them project onto us.

My mother was (and is) a very negative, "victim" type of person. I found some of the books by Susan Forward to be extremely useful, in my case, "Emotional Blackmail" was HUGE for me in transforming my relationship with my mother.

I also found it was helpful to understand the difference in our personalities through the Myers-Briggs type indicator (MBTI). While this didn't change us as people, I was better able to understand WHY she was seeing things the way she did. It helped me interact with her in a more productive means. Even if I still would never see things the way she does, I at least have a better understanding of the why and how to present my response in a way that is less "confrontational."

AJ
Daly City, CA

Four wheels move the body, Two wheels move the soul.

Try not, do or do not. There is no try.


Never argue with an idiot - they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.


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LOOTJE69's Photo LOOTJE69 Posts: 35
8/7/17 12:46 P

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I thank you all very much for all your replies you've all been very helpful. Thank you especially to SLIMMERKIWI for that book recommendation - I've already put that title to my pending-books-to-read list.
I think this is the first time that I had such a comment thread on SparkPeople message boards and I must say it feels great to be able to reach out and have positive reactions. Normally I am very shy with these things but now I'm getting more confident to make more use of message boards.

Thank you very much! ;)


BIKE4HEALTH's Photo BIKE4HEALTH Posts: 7,272
8/7/17 9:12 A

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Realize her choices are hers. Not yours. Let her have her opinions and dont express differences with her. Just let her be as she is.

I had a similar situation and I ended up the last two years of our experience together with a simple "thanks for sharing" and not taking issues. I found that what existed was usually a result of what I resisted. Once I let it go and be what it was it was not an issue to me anymore.



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8/7/17 12:21 A



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I wonder what it is in her life that it is only Saturdays that she is negative?

There is a wonderful book, "Bounderies" by H. Cloud and J. Townsend. I suggest that you either buy it or borrow it from the library. It may help you in your situation.

Good luck,
Kris

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REBCCA's Photo REBCCA SparkPoints: (423,194)
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8/6/17 1:30 P



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Stay optimistic and positive while you find things that you can appreciate about how you are able to maintain your own peace.
Here are some tips:
www.purposefairy.com/10357/9-clever-ways-t
o-deal-with-negative-people/


www.life-with-confidence.com/how-to-deal-w
ith-negative-people.html



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SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE SparkPoints: (517,294)
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8/6/17 1:17 P

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Find something fun to do on Saturday. Just for and by yourself.



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NIRERIN Posts: 14,346
8/6/17 10:42 A

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What would you like help with? The only thing that you can control in this is your reaction to your mother. Well, unless you are willing and able to change your living situation.

-google first. ask questions later.

LOOTJE69's Photo LOOTJE69 Posts: 35
8/6/17 10:11 A

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Thank you very much NITEMAN3D and VERONICA678 you've been very helpful with your comments. At least it's only one day of the week that she becomes extremely negative (every saturday) and some saturdays I've learnt how to deal with it but some of them it's been very difficult like yesterday. The rest of the week she's quite alright. I do my best not to be judgmental, she has gone through some bad stuff in the past. Thank you very much.

VERONICA678's Photo VERONICA678 Posts: 314
8/6/17 7:59 A

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Create support networks online or in person for yourself. Spend time every day on this site or anywhere that you find support and motivation. Take time every day for yourself.

Your mother is who she is. Believe me, I understand living with negative family members. It can feel endlessly frustrating. I do recommend appreciating your mother's good qualities and maintaining the best relationship you can with her.

I wish you well.

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8/6/17 1:47 A

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Watch a motivational video every day and read up on the subject. Wear headphones and tell her you're listening to motivational podcasts.

emoticon


Dave A.- South Central PA, USA

"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Mark Twain


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,976
8/5/17 7:39 P

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The only things you can do is to learn to live with her or move out.
How old are you?
Are you living in her house, or is she in yours?

Edited by: LUANN_IN_PA at: 8/5/2017 (19:39)
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
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LOOTJE69's Photo LOOTJE69 Posts: 35
8/5/17 6:37 P

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I live with a very negative mother. Please help.

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