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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/13/20 3:22 A



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Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?"

The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.

Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!

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JANIEWWJD's Photo JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (861,021)
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1/11/20 12:03 A

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too funny

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/10/20 7:54 P



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A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.


Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.


I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.


The big problem with "fast" food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just parks there--and lets the fat have time to get off and apply for citizenship.


Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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JUSTEATREALFOOD's Photo JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 3,185
1/9/20 7:14 A

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JERF - Just Eat Real Food

I'm not a doctor or dietitian. I'm just a real whole foods nutrition nerd.

I eat mostly vegetables, fats, meats, some fruit and dark chocolate. Unprocessed and preservative free food. And it's changed my life!

5'4"
Maintaining since 2012
42 years old
2 kids

Lowering my A1C and keeping my blood sugar levels steady eating LCHF.


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/9/20 12:59 A



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Funny School Excuse Notes

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

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Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
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168.75
154
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/9/20 12:57 A



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Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
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168.75
154
JUSTEATREALFOOD's Photo JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 3,185
1/8/20 7:21 A

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Lol, if only we could trade in!



I’ve got a joke.

———————

An elderly husband and wife go into their doctors office.

The husband is hard of hearing.

The doctor says, “I’m going to need a blood, urine, and stool sample.”

The husband says to his wife, “What did he say?”

The wife replies, “He said he needs your underwear.”

JERF - Just Eat Real Food

I'm not a doctor or dietitian. I'm just a real whole foods nutrition nerd.

I eat mostly vegetables, fats, meats, some fruit and dark chocolate. Unprocessed and preservative free food. And it's changed my life!

5'4"
Maintaining since 2012
42 years old
2 kids

Lowering my A1C and keeping my blood sugar levels steady eating LCHF.


 May Minutes: 1,935
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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/8/20 3:12 A



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Only women understand this! 😊 If my body was a car, I would be trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps, dents, scratches and my headlights are out of focus. My gearbox is seizing up and it takes me hours to reach maximum speed. I overheat for no reason and every time I sneeze, cough or laugh either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
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198.25
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168.75
154
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/3/20 10:03 P



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Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
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198.25
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168.75
154
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
Fitness Minutes: (45,394)
Posts: 32,180
1/3/20 10:02 P



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Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
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SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 18,273
1/3/20 9:52 P

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Sheryl, New Jersey EST, 5% Challenge-TEDDY BEARS


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SPARK_MERLE's Photo SPARK_MERLE Posts: 9,991
1/2/20 6:18 P

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~ Merle

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
Edward Everett Hale
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (336,191)
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1/2/20 5:53 P



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Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
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