Message board topics
Reply Create A New Topic Subscribe to this Discussion
Community Leader community leader photo Community Leader
ANARIE is the moderator for this forum.
Author:
PFARRAR651's Photo PFARRAR651 SparkPoints: (2,954)
Fitness Minutes: (2,231)
Posts: 27
11/12/18 9:13 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
give respect.

MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,705
11/12/18 7:30 P

My SparkPage
Reply
Perhaps you could practice an attitude of gratitude. Yes it sounds cheesy.

Focus on what you 'do' have. Food, shelter and a car, etc.

Instead of the elusive things that you 'don't' have. Perfection. Which confidentially. No one has that, no matter what they choose to show the world on Instagram.



BARBWMS's Photo BARBWMS Posts: 1,731
11/8/18 10:34 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
So simple.. respect yourself and others. Sincerely.

Be a voice, not an echo!
Barb


 Pounds lost: 12.0 
0
10.25
20.5
30.75
41
MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,705
11/7/18 7:13 P

My SparkPage
Reply
So wishing evil on the people who used to torment you. How's that working for you?

I believe that what we put out in the world. Comes back to us tenfold. It's not healthy to hold a grudge

People who need to put others down to boost themselves. That says a lot about them



KEEPITUP4LIFE's Photo KEEPITUP4LIFE SparkPoints: (213,266)
Fitness Minutes: (79,368)
Posts: 9,926
11/6/18 11:40 P

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
to gain respect respect, show respect and ALWAYS be truthful

Susan from
Welland Ontario CANADA

I REACHED my GOAL!
I FOUGHT for it!
I WILL NOT give it up!
NOTHING will prevent me from maintaining my HEALTH!


215 Maintenance Weeks
0
55
110
165
220
MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,705
11/6/18 11:35 P

My SparkPage
Reply
I know plenty of people who are doing well for themselves. Without a college degree.

I think you still care to much about how others think.

Next time someone starts making fun of you. Just say, I don't have to put up with this! And walk off.

Oh and I call my hair Persephone because she is crazy



MANDIETERRIER1's Photo MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,705
11/6/18 11:15 P

My SparkPage
Reply
My favorite, favorite history teacher in the eleventh grade. Had a sign in his classroom.

Respect is earned! Confidence is learned!

I live in a condominium built in the 1970's. I have at least twenty pounds I need to lose. I get respect.

I show respect to others. People can rely on me. When I say I will do something. It gets done. I [don't] wear designer clothes, but I get compliments.



BANKER-CHUCK's Photo BANKER-CHUCK Posts: 7,263
11/6/18 8:46 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Show respect

Chuck

1/1/10 Start Wht 279 lbs
12/1/15 Goal 180

**Maintain** "OR" set new Goal! 170's maybe??


 current weight: 196.6 
280
255
230
205
180
SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 24,855
10/22/18 1:47 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Lighten up on the world. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Many things are not as they look. Stop comparing yourself to others. Happiness comes from within not from things or others!



 Pounds lost: 7.3 
0
8.75
17.5
26.25
35
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/22/18 1:44 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
"That opportunity doesn't exist for me. I lack a college education and can't afford one. I can't start my own business because that's hard. I even am bad at selling stuff on ebay and letgo."

I mentioned to you before how you could improve your current job situation.

You're a cleaner. Do you have a supervisor ? If you do a great job, you could become a supervisor of the cleaning staff. Does your supervisor have a manager or assistant manager ? You move up the ranks.

Example, what if you only worked as a cashier at McDonalds ? a cashier who works hard can become a lead/senior cashier. A senior cashier could become a supervisor or assistant manager depending on the size of the location. an assistant manager can become a manager. a manager can become a district manager.

This is how you move up the ranks in what you consider a lowly job.

I can not even begin to tell you how many lowly jobs I have done, worked hard and moved up the ranks. If you had the drive to work hard, taken on jobs no one else would do without asking, you too can move up the ranks.

At some point, your supervisor will want to move up or out into a different job. Wouldn't you want to be considered for the position ?

MOMMACAT57's Photo MOMMACAT57 Posts: 363
10/22/18 11:11 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Show others respect, listen to all sides, don't rush to judgement and make a concerted effort to understand.



SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/21/18 11:31 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I don't have a degree and nor do a lot of others who are successful. I have worked in lots of different types of jobs, some menial, and some office jobs. I have worked in shops as a sales assistant. A lot of places now don't necessarily want someone who can talk people into buying stuff that they don't need. There are lots of sales assistants who may help a person locate what they want, and take the money.

You are a cleaner. Have you thought about going out on your own, and perhaps getting a couple others to help, BUT you are their 'boss' and as such, charge out their time, including some for administration, which would be you as the administrator. In time you may be able to build up business and just do the organizing and not the cleaning too, if that is what you want.

Why don't you write down a list of things that you ARE good at AND that you like. You might find that you have a lot of transferable skills that you haven't thought about before.

I also think that you need to work on your own perception of yourself and how you see others. It kinda comes across as put-downs (yourself) and envy (of others)

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/21/18 9:57 P

Send Private Message
Reply
"You are a cleaner, and I am NOT demeaning cleaners .... I have done this myself. What I am going to suggest is that given your reasoning that you are mostly in jeans/tee shirts because you are a cleaner, (and can't afford both styles of clothes) why don't you look around for another job where you CAN dress up? "

That opportunity doesn't exist for me. I lack a college education and can't afford one. I can't start my own business because that's hard. I even am bad at selling stuff on ebay and letgo. But yeah, living in jeans and tee shirts and cleaning toilets doesn't make you feel attractive. And when well heeled office people pass on their way out you feel like they have everything, at least from where you sit.

"I really feel that part or the reason you are down on yourself is because you can't play 'pretty ladies' most of your time. I feel that because of this, it is possible that this is also part the reason why you think others don't respect you."

It would be nice if I could spend more time looking great. That's part of the reason I want a fit body so bad-looks beautiful no matter what you're doing.



SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/21/18 7:59 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
LACOYTA - we have been down this road in others posts re wanting to look/dress like a model.

You are a cleaner, and I am NOT demeaning cleaners .... I have done this myself. What I am going to suggest is that given your reasoning that you are mostly in jeans/tee shirts because you are a cleaner, (and can't afford both styles of clothes) why don't you look around for another job where you CAN dress up?

I really feel that part or the reason you are down on yourself is because you can't play 'pretty ladies' most of your time. I feel that because of this, it is possible that this is also part the reason why you think others don't respect you.



Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/21/18 3:47 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I know two directors who usually wear jeans to work. I've only ever seen my manager in dress pants and shirt, once. Most days, he wears jeans.

The only people who wear suits where I work are people there for a conference or an interview. That's the last time I wore a suit to work. LOL

Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 10/21/2018 (15:50)
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/21/18 10:16 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I love the look of a fit body so it's natural that I want that for myself. Even though I'm a cleaner and am usually in jeans and t shirts, I love fashion. So I definitely want to look a certain way in clothes.
I'm trying to learn to live on as little money as humanly possible so I'm not using as much of my income. Got to build my net worth. My life is kind of stressful so I really would enjoy a beautiful home to come back to at the end of the day.
Maybe I just need to forget everyone else, make a list of what I want to get done and do what can be done for free first.

SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/20/18 7:46 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Why should you 'expect' it of yourself, but not others? I would be inclined to turn it around and say that you don't expect it of others, so why should you expect it of yourself. With your mindset you are setting yourself up for thinking poorly of yourself, and if you think that way, maybe others pick up on it and think if you can't respect yourself, why should they.



Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/20/18 6:27 P

Send Private Message
Reply
"I know this is an unpopular opinion but... I don't think respect is earned... actually I think that what should be earned is disrespect. I mean, as a general rule we treat everyone with respect, right? You don't go around disrespecting people unless you're an a-hole... I mean, by default we must treat everyone with respect until they have demonstrated that they don't deserve it. I'm sure that's what we all normally do."

I agree.

"Would you respect someone who was in your same position? It seems to me like you wouldn't... You seem to think that a person's worth is defined by the amount of money they have and by how beautiful/fit they are."

Actually money, beauty and fitness is something I basically only expect out of myself. Those standards don't apply to others.






MLAN613 Posts: 20,332
10/20/18 4:39 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Danny, I agree with your opinion! Maybe that's because generally, I am not an a--hole, lol. I do treat almost everyone with respect. You have to earn my disrespect. Just ask my now ex-husband about that. LOL



Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


 November Minutes: 2,086
0
39.25
78.5
117.75
157
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/20/18 3:42 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Actually, if you don't have the money to go out, just be honest and say,"I can't afford it, right now". No explanation necessary.

There is an assumption that because the unemployment rate in the US is under 5% that everyone must be doing great. Not true. MLAN is a good example of many Americans who need to have a part time job just to be able to have a little extra spending money.

I will bet if you took an anonymous poll, you'd find many Spark members are one paycheck away from financial disaster. At one of the companies I worked for, at least three of my co-workers lived paycheck to paycheck.

Also, keep in mind that someone you think is wealthy because of all the money they have spent on clothing, their house, their car, etc... may be in debt up to their eyeballs. Many people spend a lot of money to create an ILLUSION. They want everyone to think they are wealthy, when the truth is, they are in debt like everyone else.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 10/20/2018 (15:43)
SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 24,855
10/20/18 12:58 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You don’t need to say you don’t have the money. Just say no, you don’t need a reason. People don’t like listening to constant complainers. Be happy with what you have. Money may make you more comfortable but it won’t make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy not anyone or anything else.



 Pounds lost: 7.3 
0
8.75
17.5
26.25
35
--MEOW--'s Photo --MEOW-- Posts: 4,914
10/20/18 12:41 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I know this is an unpopular opinion but... I don't think respect is earned... actually I think that what should be earned is disrespect. I mean, as a general rule we treat everyone with respect, right? You don't go around disrespecting people unless you're an a-hole... I mean, by default we must treat everyone with respect until they have demonstrated that they don't deserve it. I'm sure that's what we all normally do.

Would you respect someone who was in your same position? It seems to me like you wouldn't... You seem to think that a person's worth is defined by the amount of money they have and by how beautiful/fit they are. The way you talk about yourself... it sounds like you don't really respect yourself that much and maybe you're projecting that onto the people around you. You need to learn to love yourself... even in your bad hair days lol. Also, you need to stop secretly wishing everyone was obese and in debt lol... even if you don't say it out loud, people can still sense that kind of stuff... you know?

If people are constantly picking on you because of your weight or because of your house then you definitely need to surround yourself with better people. Seriously, that's not normal behavior.

Edited by: --MEOW-- at: 10/20/2018 (12:42)
- Danny :)
(CST)


 current weight: 88.0 
132
121
110
99
88
MLAN613 Posts: 20,332
10/20/18 6:57 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Having a big budget to afford anything and everything isn't reality. Most people in the US have sensible budgets which require them to say no to some things. Personally, I work three jobs. If I worked just my main job, I would exist, barely, from paycheck to paycheck. I work two part-time jobs so I can have a little extra to have some fun, and, more importantly, to build a savings for emergencies and flush out retirement.

And I think this helps people respect me. They know I struggle financially but they know I work hard. I don't ask for help. I don't live extravagantly; I drive a 2010 Kia Soul that I purchased used and I pay my bills on time.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 10/20/2018 (06:59)
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


 November Minutes: 2,086
0
39.25
78.5
117.75
157
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/20/18 2:56 A



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Lacoyta - you are assuming what people think of you. The thing is, if you are correct, then those people aren't worth knowing anyway. I have turned down many invites because I cannot afford to go, or to have the clothes I would need to go, etc. It doesn't make me a lessor person. It hasn't affected my relationships with other people. I live on a benefit and have done for a long time. People 'WHO CARE about you' definitely understand and don't judge!!

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/20/18 2:16 A

Send Private Message
Reply
"As for " I'm always trying to make the "perfect" budget, ...." They will mean diddly squat to others. How strict you are on yourself re your purchases doesn't necessarily garner respect from others. "
I just need to have lots of money on hand so I never have to say I can't afford something. People think you have it together if you never have to turn down an outing or activity (people have gotten mad at me before because I had to admit I was low on money)

"If adults are saying rude things about you, did you say something to them to cause them to say these things ?"

No I never start things, not even as a child. I think I'm just an easy mark because I'm sensitive, need to lose weight, am socially awkward and am not rich.

" You don't pick on someone because they have a cluttered house. You don't pick on someone because they are heavier now than they were 5 years ago. "

These people do



SKIMBRO's Photo SKIMBRO SparkPoints: (149,149)
Fitness Minutes: (22,564)
Posts: 4,946
10/19/18 7:22 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon



 Pounds lost: 3.0 
0
25.75
51.5
77.25
103
SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 24,855
10/19/18 4:40 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon



 Pounds lost: 7.3 
0
8.75
17.5
26.25
35
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/19/18 12:28 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
"Frankly people saying unkind things in my adult years is shocking being I'd assumed when I was younger, that adults didn't set out to hurt others' feelings.
Of course I'd like to live in a less cluttered house, who wouldn't?"

It's true that adults can make some pretty harsh comments about a person, even a loved one. example, "as an adult, I wonder what makes a child want to be that horrible. I hope they're all obese and in debt up to their eyeballs."

KIWI and others have brought up a very good point. How people treat us depends on how we treat them. If adults are saying rude things about you, did you say something to them to cause them to say these things ? You don't pick on someone because they have a cluttered house. You don't pick on someone because they are heavier now than they were 5 years ago.

As an observation, I've noticed is that if someone says something mean or unkind to a person, that person tends to reply in kind. If you've had ongoing issues with the people making comments, it's time to stop the madness.

If you want people to stop saying mean things to you, it means you can't say anything mean about them. No more gossip. No talking about people behind their back. that's how you learn to earn a person's respect.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 10/19/2018 (12:32)
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/19/18 4:00 A



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
" As an adult, I wonder what makes a child want to be that horrible. I hope they're all obese and in debt up to their eyeballs."

" I'm always trying to make the "perfect" budget, I read almost every day, I do more than my job at work and I refrain from slapping my sister silly- she's a trial. And contrary to popular belief I try to get get rid of things. Also I am very strict with myself about buying anything- don't want to bring clutter into the house."

You know, it is quite likely that others pick up on your thoughts "I hope they're all obese .....", and if they do, it won't bode well with how they think of you.

As for " I'm always trying to make the "perfect" budget, ...." They will mean diddly squat to others. How strict you are on yourself re your purchases doesn't necessarily garner respect from others. Whether a house is cluttered or not doesn't necessarily garner respect. Some of the most respected people I know have HUGELY untidy and cluttered houses. Remember, there is a big difference between that, and a dirty house!!

And I had to have a laugh at this one. I mean, probably most people with a sister, OR a brother, have experienced similar feelings at some time!
"and I refrain from slapping my sister silly- she's a trial."

I hope you don't treat her with disdain like some do. Just as you find her a trial at times, so too may she have those thoughts about you.

Kris




Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
SUNSHINE99999 Posts: 22,138
10/19/18 1:44 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
treat others nice is a good start.



 current weight: 150.0 
178
170.5
163
155.5
148
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/19/18 12:24 A

Send Private Message
Reply
My parents are like this, I respect them. And so is a family friend.

ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/18/18 1:01 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Who do you respect and why ?

"Myself. I am always working to better myself (even though I'm not successful at it), I exercise almost daily now, I'm always trying to make the "perfect" budget, I read almost every day, I do more than my job at work and I refrain from slapping my sister silly- she's a trial. And contrary to popular belief I try to get get rid of things. Also I am very strict with myself about buying anything- don't want to bring clutter into the house."

Using this list of traits you respect in yourself, do you see any of these traits in another person ?

You respect someone who is well read.
You respect someone who is active.
You respect someone who works hard at their job.
You respect someone who is fiscally conscientious, maybe thrifty.
You respect someone who keeps an organized house.
You respect someone who isn't a bully.

There is no other person in your life you respect ?

MELGRIFFIN0203's Photo MELGRIFFIN0203 SparkPoints: (3,011)
Fitness Minutes: (1,296)
Posts: 77
10/18/18 10:31 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I agree with those who say respect is something you have to earn. You earn it by being trustworthy and dependable. Demanding it can just make it worse.



 Pounds lost: 14.8 
0
31
62
93
124
CLMART3's Photo CLMART3 SparkPoints: (38,169)
Fitness Minutes: (32,391)
Posts: 1,536
10/18/18 10:28 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply

To earn respect, you have to give respect. Also, hold fast to your convictions.



 current weight: 179.0 
196
182
168
154
140
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/18/18 10:25 A

Send Private Message
Reply
"To earn respect, you need to look inward to see why you crave it so much. Focus on being the best "you" you can be. Don't focus on other people's opinions of you. If you learn to respect yourself, it will naturally follow that other people will respect you. People respect those who respect themselves."

I know why I want to be respect so badly. I was bullied as a child. Definitely unpopular. The other kids would make me cry. And the ones who didn't bully me didn't tell the bullies to stop. emoticon As an adult, I wonder what makes a child want to be that horrible. I hope they're all obese and in debt up to their eyeballs.
Frankly people saying unkind things in my adult years is shocking being I'd assumed when I was younger, that adults didn't set out to hurt others' feelings.
Of course I'd like to live in a less cluttered house, who wouldn't? So please don't say "this place is a mess." when you come over. Seriously next time that person does that, I'm telling them to leave. I even been made fun of about my conversation segways! So I try to watch it now and sometimes I just resort to not talking because worrying about segways is too much work.
I end up trying to use these critiques to "fix" myself because I know I'm socially awkward. It doesn't help that I am in my 30s and don't have the same interests other people my age do. Like I don't even know or care what they're watching on tv.

" Ask anyone who knows me, they'll all tell you I refuse to pay full price for anything. Okay, so you gained some weight. Welcome to the club. What about the people making those rude comments about your weight ? Do they look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt ? Are they picture perfect ? If not, why do you care what they think ? "

I just hate hearing it. I'm a stickler for manners and feel like it's boarish to be pointing out someone's weight. And I here's the funny part:even though I need to lose 10lbs to be at my old weight, pants I've had longer than five years fit quite well. This person isn't appearing on the cover of Muscle & Fitness anytime soon-I told them that.

"Let me ask you this,"Who is someone YOU respect ?" You don't have to name names. Just explain what it is about that person that makes you respect them. "

Myself. I am always working to better myself (even though I'm not successful at it), I exercise almost daily now, I'm always trying to make the "perfect" budget, I read almost every day, I do more than my job at work and I refrain from slapping my sister silly- she's a trial. And contrary to popular belief I try to get get rid of things. Also I am very strict with myself about buying anything- don't want to bring clutter into the house.




CSROBERTSON621's Photo CSROBERTSON621 Posts: 4,120
10/17/18 11:30 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I agree with ARCHIMEDESII (and Eleanor Roosevelt) on this one - don't allow what others might say to make YOU feel inferior. Mrs. Roosevelt is in fact a good example of someone who faced a LOT of criticism in her life (starting with her mother - a great beauty who was vocally disappointed with Eleanor's looks) - but she refused to let it hold her back.

Try to keep in mind that people who look down on others are insecure themselves -- they're putting others down to try to build themselves up. Confident people DON'T do this. They also don't get defensive at others' criticism. (Keep in mind, people who criticize to get a rise out of you LOVE it when you oblige them - don't give them the pleasure!) Feel free to stick up for yourself when someone tries to put you down - but you've nothing to apologize for or explain - so refuse to apologize or explain!

Nothing takes the wind out of the sails of negative people faster than someone who is unruffled by their criticism. So try just agreeing without getting upset: Yup, I gained a little weight. And since you've had success, you can add something like - but I've been on this great new plan lately and never felt better! (Nothing chases negative people away faster than positive attitude!) Or if someone comments on your bad hair day, try something like: Yup, my hair just wasn't cooperating this morning - darn humidity! But too much to do today to let that get in my way!

In short, you can't directly change how others behave -- but you CAN change how you react to it. (Which in turn changes how others see you.) Refuse to be ruffled by anyone's negativity - and I think you'll find less negativity directed at you.

Starting Weight: 268 lbs. (November 2010)
Quasi-Maintenance: 165 lbs. (June 2011)
Goal Weight: 150 lbs. (reached December 8, 2011)

Size 22W to Size 4

Currently maintaining within 5 lbs. (+ or -) of goal. I weigh daily, but also use a tape measure and the fit of my clothes to guage how well I'm doing.
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/17/18 9:01 A



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
"Things people have made fun of me for:using coupons, weighing more than I did five years ago, stuttering and I could go on and on but you don't do that to people you respect!"

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said,"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

There is nothing wrong with using coupons. I use them ALL the time. Ask anyone who knows me, they'll all tell you I refuse to pay full price for anything. Okay, so you gained some weight. Welcome to the club. What about the people making those rude comments about your weight ? Do they look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt ? Are they picture perfect ? If not, why do you care what they think ?

Let me ask you this,"Who is someone YOU respect ?" You don't have to name names. Just explain what it is about that person that makes you respect them.


ETHELMERZ's Photo ETHELMERZ Posts: 23,293
10/17/18 7:21 A

Send Private Message
Reply
Are you looking for admiration from loser “friends” ?

BECCAISDOINGIT's Photo BECCAISDOINGIT Posts: 3,765
10/17/18 6:53 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
To earn respect, you need to look inward to see why you crave it so much. Focus on being the best "you" you can be. Don't focus on other people's opinions of you. If you learn to respect yourself, it will naturally follow that other people will respect you. People respect those who respect themselves.

Fall Seven Times, Get Up Eight.


 Pounds lost: 65.0 
0
23
46
69
92
MLAN613 Posts: 20,332
10/17/18 6:46 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Respect is definitely something you earn and cannot purchase through alleged perfection (perfect house, perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect body, etc). It is not something you get from showing alleged perfection on social media (Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram). Those are just the highlight reels

I respect one of my closest friends and she is "just" a manager at a grocery store deli. Another guy has worked some amazing jobs and earned high salaries. However, he gave that up to work in Haiti after that massive earthquake and then in San Francisco as a manager at a free medical clinic in the Tenderloin district.

Another friend of mine earned respect in another way. A few years ago, she had some injuries that were affecting her running. She had signed up for a full Ironman Triathlon (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 run). She did the event that first time knowing she would have to pull herself after the first 2 events to avoid further injury. She was utterly devastated but I had so much respect for her doing that versus pushing through to potential harm.

What happened with her? A couple years later, she was healed, she was able to complete the entire event. She is an Ironman!!!! I was and am so proud of her.

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 10/17/2018 (07:40)
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA


 November Minutes: 2,086
0
39.25
78.5
117.75
157
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/17/18 5:54 A



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I just found this list:
www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/21
-ways-you-can-earn-the-respect-others.
html


Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (273,316)
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
Posts: 28,363
10/17/18 5:52 A



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
As the others have all pointed out, respect is earned. We should not expect it as of right.

Various ways you can EARN respect:
Be helpful to others

Not gossip about others behind their backs

Be appreciative of anything done for you or given to you

Don't be a person who makes comparisons between the have's and have not's. I know a lot of people who put down those who have ... it comes down to jealousy

Don't spend a lot of focus on yourself, as in having to look better.be better than others. It comes across as snooty.

Enjoy other people. Communicate with them. Laugh with them. If you don;t do that, then they can't get to know you enough to respect you.

Those are just a few things that might help you to think of others. I am NOT saying that you do the negative of those things, but rather just consider them.

Kris



Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


 current weight: 154.0 
211
196.75
182.5
168.25
154
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/17/18 12:30 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I think I'm true to myself.
I'm nice too. For example I know my conversation skills are lacking. So rather than bore people, I stay quiet.
Things people have made fun of me for:using coupons, weighing more than I did five years ago, stuttering and I could go on and on but you don't do that to people you respect!

Edited by: LACOYTA at: 10/17/2018 (01:27)
SKIMBRO's Photo SKIMBRO SparkPoints: (149,149)
Fitness Minutes: (22,564)
Posts: 4,946
10/16/18 9:00 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Mind your manners!



 Pounds lost: 3.0 
0
25.75
51.5
77.25
103
SUNSHINE99999 Posts: 22,138
10/16/18 8:45 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
treat others nice and don't let yourself be run over by bullies.



 current weight: 150.0 
178
170.5
163
155.5
148
JANIEWWJD's Photo JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (655,512)
Fitness Minutes: (375,047)
Posts: 18,935
10/16/18 7:39 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Respect is earned!!! To get respect, you have to give respect to others as well!!!

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


 current weight: 120.0 
145
137.5
130
122.5
115
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (207,385)
Fitness Minutes: (312,148)
Posts: 27,827
10/16/18 4:51 P



My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
I'm with SHOAPIE.

Respect is earned.

You can't put a dollar sign on respect. If you do, then it's not respect you crave, it's to be envied. And that has absolutely nothing to do with earning another person's respect or admiration.


CLMART3's Photo CLMART3 SparkPoints: (38,169)
Fitness Minutes: (32,391)
Posts: 1,536
10/16/18 2:50 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Be respectful



 current weight: 179.0 
196
182
168
154
140
LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 28,023
10/16/18 2:41 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Respect has nothing to do with perfect hair, fancy house, high income, or a college degree.
I think respect is earned, no matter who you are. You do not "get respect", as you say.

ETA: From your post, I don't think you know what respect is...

Edited by: LUANN_IN_PA at: 10/16/2018 (17:53)
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
CLO333's Photo CLO333 Posts: 17,235
10/16/18 12:37 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
By being true to yourself

SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 24,855
10/16/18 12:13 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
You don’t get it. It has to be earned. Do some honest soul searching. emoticon



 Pounds lost: 7.3 
0
8.75
17.5
26.25
35
LACOYTA Posts: 635
10/16/18 10:32 A

Send Private Message
Reply
I get no respect. I know I need to lose 20 lbs (i've already lost 13lbs this year) . And even though I have bad hair days regularly, don't live in a Pinterest home,earn less than six figures,don't have a college degree and never know the "right" things to talk about I should still get some respect. People just throw respect at everyone else. How can I get respect?

Page: 1 of (1)   1

Report Inappropriate Post

Other SparkPeople Cafe Topics:

Topics:
Last Post:
2/24/2018 4:39:23 PM
1/7/2018 10:45:58 PM
6/24/2018 9:16:13 PM

Thread URL: https://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/messageboard.asp?imboard=1&imparent=46968159

Review our Community Guidelines