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PEGGY-BEE's Photo PEGGY-BEE Posts: 13,326
7/7/18 1:32 P

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I am of the opinion that some members of your family are cruel. If those are your aunt's words, that would be it for me. She would not be a part of my life. I get up and leave the room when someone talks to me this way. And your brother too. Life is too short for such crap from people that claim to love you.

And you know you did not deliberately cause this to happen to you. I have Chronic Kidney Disease. It can be traced back to NSAIDs I took high doses of for 15 years for another condition, Endometriosis. So yeah, the CKD was caused by my decision to ingest these meds, which I had to do for my mental health due to pain. This is life. So it is just MEAN to imply it was your fault.

It's hard to release your attachment to family members, but it did wonders for me to excise their nastiness from my life. Even if you still have to live with them, you can ignore them, smile, don't engage in their conversation, walk away. With what you are dealing with, you should be getting support from them, not be made to feel less.

Marbea
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EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,458
7/7/18 3:25 A

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My brother also keeps rubbing salt into my wound by boasting about what a good time he had going on various vacations with my Mom and her siblings.

I don't know why he keeps feeling the need to compete with me, we are already middle aged adults but he keeps behaving like a child who says I'm better than you!

I am not being super sensitive : here are my aunt's exact words : if you had taken my advice, you wouldn't have to do dialysis now, you can follow us on tours. And they keep saying it constantly!

I am already feeling bad enough, constantly reminding me of this is not helping matters at all!

Also my aunt from Singapore is now here, she's my Mom's younger sister, they keep teaming up together to comment that I eat like a pig, when I am only taking small portions. I may be trying to slim down but I still need to eat! The way they are behaving is like telling me not to eat at all!

Edited by: EOWYN24241 at: 7/7/2018 (03:29)
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7/5/18 8:57 A

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The thing about family is that you can't live with them and you're not quite happy without them. I have found that I embrace them and don't let them get too me too much. Don't apologize for what you cannot do, cannot control and do not desire to do. Stress is a big factor in SLE and your health and wellness comes first. Do you and let them talk and complain; that is never going to change.



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LOTUS737's Photo LOTUS737 Posts: 5,346
7/5/18 8:50 A

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I have several family members with SLE- one was on dialysis for several years before getting a kidney transplant. It's exhausting and lonely and difficult. It's certainly not your fault. Something that may be helpful is to focus on your response. think about saying things like "You're right, I do wish I could join the family on the trip to abc, but I am not able to right now." or "I have to focus on my health" or "When you say abc, it feels like you're attacking me/not supporting me/blaming me- can you please do xyz instead?"

sometimes it's helpful to remember that people (even family) don't know what to say or how to be supportive when someone has a chronic illness. if they ask, tell them what would be helpful for you!

Healthy choices and actions have positive impacts, even if the scale doesn't move!


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MLAN613 Posts: 20,494
7/5/18 6:12 A

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Sounds like you're going through a rough patch with your family again. We've all experienced that. Hopefully, it clears up soon!

Edited by: MLAN613 at: 7/5/2018 (06:16)
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7/5/18 3:57 A



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I remember previous posts regarding this, particularly with your Aunt.

Something for you to consider:

Are you being super sensitive and interpreting comments differently to how they were intended? It is quite likely that your relatives aren't actually 'blaming' you at all, but rather bemoaning the fact the you can't go too as in a full family holiday.

Sometimes we tend to unjustifiably look for reasons/explanations .... in your case your poor health and feel that we are being punished because of it.

Hugs,
Kris



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7/5/18 1:21 A

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People who make you feel bad for being ill and for missing out on things are sadly toxic. I'm sorry you have to go through that. You know it's not your fault. Sadly, toxic people rarely listen when other people share their feelings. Maybe try tuning them out wben they start blaming.



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SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 17,767
7/4/18 11:25 P

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Are you sure they are blaming you
or are they just trying to say they really really wish you could come with them?


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7/4/18 9:24 P

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Don't allow anyone to make you feel that it is your fault. Make it clear to them, in a kind but assertive way, that you will not put up with their treatment anymore!!! God bless you, and please keep your head up!!!

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 28,242
7/4/18 9:01 P

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I would have distanced myself from such toxic people years ago.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
EOWYN24241's Photo EOWYN24241 Posts: 1,458
7/4/18 11:41 A

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you are constantly being blamed for something you had no control over by your parents and close relatives?

I certainly never asked for SLE and I have already done my best to delay having to do dialysis for as long as I could thru dietary control. But I only managed to delay having to do dialysis for only 7 years.

I may have posted about this before but I tried to find the thread but I couldn't!

My relatives keep on making me feel bad that I can't join them on overseas vacations because of having to do dialysis 3 times a week. I am already feeling bad enough but they keep making me feel worse!

It's not like I want this health issue! I certainly didn't want SLE! I will pray about this but I can't help feeling awful when it is beyond my control but I keep getting blamed for it.

Used to be Eowyn2424


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