Speaking specifically to online dating.. a lot has changed even since I met my bf on OkCupid about five years ago, but even so, you can't get away with not having a photo on pretty much any site. It will be a RED FLAG for most people. I did a dating workshop around the time that I met my current boyfriend and she mentioned having a full-length photo of yourself, that is RECENT, looking your best (for women, maybe that's wearing a little bit of makeup but not overdoing it, wearing a cute outfit, etc.) and taking it in very good lighting -- preferably outside. Have someone else take it, no selfies. I think one of my biggest disappointments has been people who posted REALLY inaccurate pictures of themselves. I have a pretty wide range of what I find attractive, so for me, it's more about what it SAYS about you that you aren't willing to put up an accurate photo of yourself. And that goes either way -- I have met people who were MUCH more attractive than their photos, as well!
I was going to say my additional advice is "just be you," but really, that is essentially what I'm suggesting in the whole paragraph about photos above! Just be yourself, be honest and unashamed of who you are. And remember, dating is about what you think of the other person, too! Some people get so caught up in wondering if the other person likes them.. they don't pay attention to if THEY like the other person!
Well, despite all of the advice here to the contrary, I met my husband on POF 10 years ago while I was well in to the obese category. Neither of us included pictures or any identifying information, but did include accurate physical information on height and weight (he was, and is, more of an athletic build and about middle of "healthy" category). We were both in our 40s, had previous long-term relationships of 20 years, and not only knew our lifestyle priorities but were able to communicate them effectively on our profiles. Neither of us did much "profile surfing", but were both active in the POF forum for local politics (which is a subject we both have very strong opinions on). I contacted him based on his posts on that forum, we messaged a few times, talked on the phone a couple of times, met for dinner --- and have been together since.
While every relationship is a continuous learning curve, both of us had listed as priorities placing a high value on independence, spending as much time as possible being active in the wilderness, maintaining a close but small social group, and sharing passions for good food and good coffee and exploring / experimenting to find new ideas and experiences.
With that foundation, it was really easy for me to change dietary choices (he was totally on board with experimenting for new favourite foods and preparations --- and was as quick as I was to get in the habit of weighing servings and ingredients), and we both have enjoyed finding ways to be more active even when stuck in the city (we've discovered a number of parks and natural pathways that are close enough to home to get to even on a busy winter work night).
As we continue to age together and our bodies / metabolisms / life circumstances / health continue to change, the fact that our relationship is based on intellectual and emotional priorities and not on purely physical factors will keep making it easy for us to support each other and stay happy together. The strong sexual attraction that is a cornerstone for our strong relationship comes from the mind --- and since it was there when I was obese and is still there now that I'm not, there is no doubt in either of us that it will continue regardless of future changes that either of us go through.
So - all of that said, I can only recommend that you take some time to understand your own current priorities and be able to effectively communicate them. List some of your own passions, and then seek out opportunities to indulge them with a social group of some type. So - if you are in to hiking / exploring, then maybe check out a local singles hiking group. If you are in to indoor group things, then look in to pool or darts or bowling leagues --- or indoor soccer / floor hockey / basketball or whatever other mixed leagues (ideally ones where there is some opportunity to socialize). If you are passionate about your political or religious beliefs, then join your local organization and be active in supporting them. For any other thing that you love - take a class or teach a class or volunteer with it (as already suggested).
The main thing is to go in to any of these things with the idea of meeting people who share your passions and your priorities. There will be people whom you like, people whom you dislike, and people whom you find attractive or unattractive --- and often for no reason that you could articulate. Of those people, some will like you, some won't, some will find you attractive and others not, and you need to be able to accept that it is okay for both you and them to have your own opinions and that there doesn't really need to be a reason! You need to be comfortable enough with yourself to be able to get past any self-consciousness about your size, and focus so much on the activity at hand that your personality and joy in the activity get to shine --- THOSE are what will attract and engage people, as friends or as romantic partners.
Remember to seek out what meets your own personal priorities, and what brings you the most joy, and then share that! When you meet someone who shares in both the priorities and the joy, then you have a great basis for a relationship. Respect your ideas and abilities, respect your strengths, keep an open mind to learn new things and approaches, and have fun!
Sir Terry Pratchett:
"Science is not about building a body of known 'facts'. It is a method for asking awkward questions and subjecting them to a reality-check, thus avoiding the human tendency to believe whatever makes us feel good."
Arch, thanks for that link...I may have to check it out myself.
Another issue with apps like Tinder and POF are fake profiles with users posing as military, police, etc. These are your cat phish. The people behind the profile are real but they swipe photos off the Internet, set up fake accounts, act all lovey with the person who "liked" them and then try to get money out of them.
Thankfully, I have never been hoodwinked into giving money. I can usually spot a cat phish from a mile away way and have been known to mess with them.
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA
November Minutes: 2,056
Fitness Minutes: (311,923)
5/21/18 12:30 P
Steer clear of Plenty of Fish or Tinder. I've done POF. Like other dating websites, too many married men (women too) looking to cheat on their spouses. Plus, you don't really know for sure if the person you're talking to on Tinder really is that person. As MLAN noted, a lot of people put up fake profiles because they want to cheat. They'll even use someone else's picture in their profile.
If you do decide to meet someone for a date, meet in a very public place. You can not be too careful these days.
Fitness Minutes: (144,359)
5/21/18 12:05 P
along the lines of Archimedes' suggestion - does your area have an Events & Adventures group? It's gatherings of singles with common interests.
I don't know anyone who has gone this route, but if I was single and looking to meet other singles, I would be interested. No one-on-one meeting a stranger...just a group of people with a similar interest
If you're using an online dating site or APP, you're going to meet a lot of different people. Never take a rejection personally. There are guys who are going to say you're not their type. That's okay. You're going to meet guys who aren't your type.
And does size matter ? We may say it doesn't, but when dating it does. If you are plus size, don't say you're curvy or Rubenesque. Kate Upton is curvy. If you're plus size, be honest and say that. It might limit who you meet, but that will weed out the guys who are only interested in meeting someone thin. Some guys (and gals do this too) are only looking to hook up.
The fact is, dating can be a bit depressing. If you're looking to meet interesting people who share your interests, I would suggest joining a club like book club if you like to read. Do you enjoy bike riding ? Join a cycling club. Do you like to do volunteer work ? There are dating sites where single people meet each other while helping out others. There are also sites where you can meet people during white water rafting or some other outdoorsy type of activity.
You might even consider joining a gym. You'd be surprized how many people met their significant other at the gym.
I agree with Kris. A person should accept you for the amazing person you in spite of your size, no matter what it is.
Thus said, I would stay away from apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish (POF). As a single lady, I have used it and there are a lot of fake accounts there and many of the real people are looking for hook ups.
I would encourage you to get yourself out and meet people in real life through your church/place of worship, volunteering, and other events.
Meghan in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA
November Minutes: 2,056
Fitness Minutes: (42,557)
28,326 5/19/18 7:04 P