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JANCARD's Photo JANCARD SparkPoints: (125,828)
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3/29/18 1:41 P

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Agree that it's pretty tacky. Sounds like the raffle isn't the biggest gamble going on there.


"Things do not change; we change."
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JUSTEATREALFOOD's Photo JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 2,787
3/28/18 12:56 P

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First marriage.

JERF - Just Eat Real Food

I'm a Non-Practicing Certified Personal Trainer.

I'm not a doctor or dietitian. I'm just a real whole foods nutrition nerd.

I eat mostly vegetables, fats, meats, some fruit and dark chocolate. Unprocessed and preservative free food. And it's changed my life!

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Lowering my A1C and keeping my blood sugar levels steady eating LCHF.


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3/28/18 12:31 P



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JUSTEATREALFOOD,

Is this the first or second marriage for this couple ?

When you consider that the divorce rate in the US is 50%, I'm really surprized that so many couple do splash out that kind of money.

Can you imagine a couple spending $50,000 on a wedding only to be divorced 3-5 years later ? They could be divorced and still in debt for their wedding.

wow


KKONOSKE Posts: 72
3/28/18 12:15 P

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This is so amazingly incomprehensible. A raffle? I was married in my mom and dad's living room with 25 people there. I agree! Spend the money on a house. I have been married for 32 years. A big wedding isn't what makes a marriage.

Kelly


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LACOYTA Posts: 635
3/28/18 10:54 A

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I ended up spending over a weeks' wages as a guest at my sister's wedding. Guests have to spend enough as it is:
Shower gift
wedding gift
outfits
hotel
Misc
So to hit them up with a raffle is RUDE!


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3/28/18 6:04 A



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URBANREDNEK,

That was really interesting. It also reminded me of something that was done here in the US, rent parties. According to WIKI, they started during the 1920s in Harlem.

The idea was you threw a party for a neighbor who wasn't able to make their rent. Friends/neighbors would provide food/drinks. the cover charge to come to the party was given to the person who couldn't afford to pay their rent for the month. it's how people helped each other out in times of need.

I can totally understand having a raffle to help a little league team buy new uniforms or equipment. I'd definitely help out a neighbor who needs to make rent by attending a rent party.

However, if you're offering a raffle because you want a lavish wedding, that's just vulgar. If you want a lavish wedding, that's fine if you can afford it. but if you can't afford it, don't expect your friends to pay for it if they are struggling too.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 3/28/2018 (12:28)
JANIEWWJD's Photo JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (664,495)
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3/27/18 11:16 P

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I have never heard of a wedding raffle.

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"


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JUSTEATREALFOOD's Photo JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 2,787
3/27/18 7:51 P

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Thanks for the history URBAN! Stag and Does are common here and I didn’t realize that they weren’t originally intended to make the couple money.

JERF - Just Eat Real Food

I'm a Non-Practicing Certified Personal Trainer.

I'm not a doctor or dietitian. I'm just a real whole foods nutrition nerd.

I eat mostly vegetables, fats, meats, some fruit and dark chocolate. Unprocessed and preservative free food. And it's changed my life!

5'4"
Maintaining since 2012
41 years old
2 kids

Lowering my A1C and keeping my blood sugar levels steady eating LCHF.


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URBANREDNEK Posts: 4,476
3/27/18 7:34 P

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It sounds to me like a new spin on what happened to an old Manitoba tradition: the "wedding social".

Back oh so many moons ago (the '70s and '80s), Manitoba legalized a method of fund-raising for sports teams or clubs or private individuals which basically entailed renting a hall, hiring a DJ, and getting a liquor license for an evening. Tickets were quite cheap, the drinks were small and cheap, the music was loud --- and there was always a spread of snacks towards midnight (kielbasa and cheese and crackers and pickles, usually, along with chips and pretzels) along with a raffle (arm's length of tickets for a buck!) for a few small prizes ("grand prize" often being a basket of booze). Basically, the ticket price covered the costs for the evening, and the raffle and drink prices were the "profit" on the evening. For many, it was cheaper than going to a club or bar, so doing the round of "socials" on the weekend was a standard means of socializing.

The idea became popular for couples planning on marrying, but who couldn't afford or didn't want the MASSIVE wedding that would be required for all of their friends and acquaintances and work associates to attend. The wedding party would organize the evening and get everything booked, and it essentially became a "pre-wedding reception" for anyone who could buy a ticket - and the bride and groom would usually come away with a few hundred dollars at the end (basically, a wedding "gift" from those who wouldn't be invited to the actual wedding). The main point, however, was always the party and the chance to celebrate with a much larger group than could be at the wedding, and the extra money was always just a "bonus".

By the mid '90s, the whole nature of the beast changed into a purely profit-making thing, and it started becoming common for wedding parties and the couple to do the rounds of local businesses and all of their networks for donations of items for a "silent auction" at the social - instead of the raffle for a few small prizes. It got crazy competitive, folks were buying big TVs and expensive electronics, and the profit for the couples started to be more in the $10,000 or more range. It got to the point where businesses started posting policies of NEVER donating to private individuals or causes, since they were getting multiple requests every week.

I have moved away from there since then, so don't know if this tradition is still going on (or if it is still a legal means of fund-raising), but I could see it morphing in to the raffle request that was sent out.

*sarcasm font on* Really, what could be better for all of those friends and acquaintances and associates of the bride and groom who aren't close enough to be invited to the wedding but would OBVIOUSLY want to give a generous gift, than to give them such a fun way to do so *end sarcasm font* We seem to have a portion of society that feels that it is up to society to pay for whatever these individuals want, and so things like go-fund-me and wedding raffles just fit right in for those types.

I have to admit that I'm kinda glad that I'm too old and crotchety to be included in this kind of thing anymore! emoticon

Sir Terry Pratchett:

"Science is not about building a body of known 'facts'. It is a method for asking awkward questions and subjecting them to a reality-check, thus avoiding the human tendency to believe whatever makes us feel good."


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3/27/18 6:58 P



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"Not sure. Can you say someone’s struggling when they are planning to spend $50,000 dollars on a wedding?"

If they aren't struggling now, they will be if they can't raise the money to cover a $50,000 price tag. Okay, if you have the money and want to spend it, that's one thing. But if you're expecting your guests to foot the bill, yeah, that's pretty crass and tacky.

If the raffle money was being given to charity of the couples choice, I'd buy a couple of raffle tickets to support their charity. I wouldn't buy any tickets just to help them defer the cost of a lavish wedding they really can't afford.

As others said, you plan a wedding within your means.


SHERYLDS's Photo SHERYLDS Posts: 17,770
3/27/18 5:58 P

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If that's how she's doing her party...cest la vie..It's their party.
You can accept or decline. No biggie.....not your circus?
Especially if it isn't a close friend.
It's an invitation, not a subpoena

I too don't understand big expensive weddings,
I rather have a small intimate gathering.

Sheryl, New Jersey EST, SUMMER 5% Challenge-KITCHEN CHAMPIONS


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 28,255
3/27/18 5:35 P

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Danny brings up a great point... that raffle is illegal in many states.
Maybe the wedding night will be spent in jail!

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
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"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
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JUSTEATREALFOOD's Photo JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 2,787
3/27/18 4:29 P

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ARCH ASKED - Is your friend well off ? Would you call your friend comfortable middle class or maybe struggling middle class ? Is the raffle "in lieu" of a wedding gift or is she expecting a wedding gift too ?

—————-

Not sure. Can you say someone’s struggling when they are planning to spend $50,000 dollars on a wedding?

My husband and I used all our money, ($10,000) as a down payment on a house in 1998 and had a tiny wedding. Priorities.

I received a save the date card in September the last time I saw her. I was planning to send some cash and a sorry we can’t attend when the invitation arrives as a gift. So this money would be in addition to that.



Edited by: JUSTEATREALFOOD at: 3/27/2018 (16:31)
JERF - Just Eat Real Food

I'm a Non-Practicing Certified Personal Trainer.

I'm not a doctor or dietitian. I'm just a real whole foods nutrition nerd.

I eat mostly vegetables, fats, meats, some fruit and dark chocolate. Unprocessed and preservative free food. And it's changed my life!

5'4"
Maintaining since 2012
41 years old
2 kids

Lowering my A1C and keeping my blood sugar levels steady eating LCHF.


 current weight: 131.0 
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--MEOW--'s Photo --MEOW-- Posts: 4,933
3/27/18 4:17 P

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Wow... I sure hope that's not a thing, that's rude and tacky...
And isn't that illegal, though?

- Danny :)
(CST)


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 28,255
3/27/18 4:14 P

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Totally ridiculous!
There should not be a raffle to defer costs... instead, they should plan a wedding/reception within their budget.

These are your GUESTS, not cash cows for your party.

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
ARCHIMEDESII's Photo ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (208,403)
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3/27/18 4:07 P



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JUSTEATREALFOOD,

Is your friend well off ? Would you call your friend comfortable middle class or maybe struggling middle class ? Is the raffle "in lieu" of a wedding gift or is she expecting a wedding gift too ?

From an old fashioned point of view, if two young people got married, the gifts of money would go towards establishing a new home/apartment. that's why couples registered at Macy's or some other department store. They had a list of the things they would need (Vitamix, Kitchen Aid, Waterford crystal - joking) and people coming to the wedding would purchase the items as gifts. If the gifts were already taken, then you'd write a check.

Today, people are waiting to get married. Many singles have their own apartments. They don't need the cash. Although I do understand that many established couples to ask for money to pay for their wedding or honeymoon.

What do I think of a couple having a wedding raffle ? I think it's a fun way to defer wedding costs. It's not like they set up a Go Fund Me page for their wedding. the assumption is, if you are getting married, you will receive money for a gift. in many cases, that money is used to either set up a new home or offset wedding costs.

personally, I am not the type of person to have a lavish wedding. I think the money would be better used as a down payment on a new home.

Right now, not knowing the financial background of the couple, I'd say the raffle is for fun.



SHOAPIE's Photo SHOAPIE Posts: 25,247
3/27/18 3:21 P

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Text back a big fat NO!



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BEBAUGH1 Posts: 1,503
3/27/18 3:16 P

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Wow! A wedding raffle? I have never heard of this before. Tacky! I have heard of people having big weddings even if they have lived together and have children. I wonder who is paying for it? I think anything goes these days.



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OBIESMOM2's Photo OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (281,298)
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3/27/18 2:47 P

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possible rant warning...

I have a niece who is a single mother of 3 children. She is going to marry the father of 2 of her children in April. This is a person living on WIC, barely making it from week to week...and she's planning a BIG wedding (est cost $30,000 or so).

WTH?!? She is in her 30s - way past old enough to know better.

I do NOT understand why she would even consider this.

I guess if she knew about the raffle wedding, she'd go that route.

The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
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JUSTEATREALFOOD's Photo JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 2,787
3/27/18 1:19 P

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This is a text from a former coworker of mine whom I haven’t worked with for 18 months and have been to 3 ‘games night’ type get togethers with another couple since. Last time was in September 2017. No contact since.

Text I received last night.
—————-

Wondering if you are interested in any tickets for our wedding? 1st prize is $1000, 2nd prize is a pair of baseball tickets. They are $10 for 1 or $25 for 3.

—————

While we were working together I tried to talk her out of a big wedding, mentioned how I don’t really like weddings. (Immediate family only at mine.) and suggested she pay off student loans and put a down payment on a house instead.

So the question is - Has anyone ever encountered a raffle like this before? What do you think about it?



Edited by: JUSTEATREALFOOD at: 3/27/2018 (16:53)
JERF - Just Eat Real Food

I'm a Non-Practicing Certified Personal Trainer.

I'm not a doctor or dietitian. I'm just a real whole foods nutrition nerd.

I eat mostly vegetables, fats, meats, some fruit and dark chocolate. Unprocessed and preservative free food. And it's changed my life!

5'4"
Maintaining since 2012
41 years old
2 kids

Lowering my A1C and keeping my blood sugar levels steady eating LCHF.


 current weight: 131.0 
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