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  Week of 1/19/2012 - Featured Blog Post

Itís Not Just About Losing the Weight

I noticed a couple days ago when doing my squats on bathroom break, that I could see the hint of my collarbones in the mirror. Convinced it was a fluke, I blew it off. But again today looking in the mirror during my squats, I see them. Not very defined yet, but I can see the hint. I can feel them there, under a much smaller layer of padding than before.

Much more exciting to me, I noticed in my rear-view mirror that my chin looked more defined, less soft. I saw angles in my face that I haven't seen in years. Again, I was convinced it was a fluke. But after staring at the same angles every day this week I have to admit it - my face is getting thinner.


This is huge for me. Even though I've lost about 55 lbs, I still feel like I haven't gotten smaller. Even though I've gone from wearing size 24 pants to size 18, from 2XL tops to size L, I still see the 267 lb Mrs. BLT in the mirror.

But I'm starting to see the thinner me. I'm starting to match externally what I know, from decreasing clothing sizes, and increased fitness level, is happening. And it is pretty exciting.

I recall last year there was someone I hadn't met before and I was commenting to my hubby ... she is so beautiful, I wish I had a body like hers. He looked at me funny and commented about how she was actually around my size or a little larger than me. This was the biggest lesson in teaching me that I have no sense of how to accurately judge someone else's body compared to mine. I just seem to automatically view myself as bigger, even bigger than folks who are my size or larger. Which doesn't surprise me - I am so used to being the largest person in the room that I just assume I am bigger.

But it also helped me to start to see that I am an attractive woman. I think I'll be more attractive when I lose weight - that's not anti-fat or being mean to myself, that's just the truth. I think I will be more attractive because I'll be healthier, which translates to more energy, which brings more smiles. And smiles are beautiful. I will be more confident, having succeeded in my goals, and confidence is attractive.

I have been learning how much of this is in the brain and how it really isn't just about losing the weight and magically being a happier, confident person. Not that the loss isn't important, but I need to clean up inside myself as well as toning my outside.

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