A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half i... Read more
On his first day at a new school, a headmaster was making rounds when he heard a terrible commotion from one of the classrooms. Marching in, he spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making most of the noise. So he seized the ... Read more
Today at the Psychiatric Hospital
A guy is passing a Mental Hospital surrounded by a wall and he hears the chanting inside, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! Curious to see what‚s going on he finds a small hole in the wall, so he bends and peeks inside. Someone inside pokes him hard... Read more
At the funeral...
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor... Read more
Types of Undergarments
A man walked into the ladies' department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquired the man. "There is more than ... Read more
Garden of Eden
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel.
As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?"
Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out... Read more
The Blonde and the Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on he... Read more
Lawn mowing job
One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas,Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did. A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his... Read more
Mystic and Logic
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time.
The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the pow... Read more
This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
The guy said, "Officer, I have conta... Read more
Excuse for Speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he ... Read more
Wife's Last Words
Tina was on her deathbed, with her husband Mike at her side. He held her cold hand as silent tears streamed down his face.
"Mike," she said weakly.
"Hush my darling," he interrupted, "don't talk, save your strength."
But she in... Read more
Preacher's Wish from God
A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.
While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
God replied, "One second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million ... Read more
Method of Eating Oreos
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:
1. The whole thing all at once.
2.... Read more
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Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down the aisle in the first-class section. "Would you care for chardonnay or burgundy?" he asked the hig... Read more