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Remembering what I never had
Wednesday, July 23, 2014      1 comments

What was it? Was I not able? I was willing. Was I not good enough? Was I too screwed up? Or was it that I just partied too much, too violently? Was it my fault? I’m sorry. I would have done my best. I would have been my best. I would have done w... Read more
continuing on VS starting over
Wednesday, March 05, 2014      3 comments

I have been a member of sparkpeople for some time now and I feel like I have began, quit and started over way too many times. I will start do well for a while and then fizzle out and stop, get frustrated with myself and start over again and agai... Read more
today I went to build a bear!!!
Thursday, March 14, 2013      3 comments

March 14, 2013, March 13, 2009 I went into the hospital and found out that my unborn baby (13 weeks) did not have a heart beat. That day was hell in so many ways and I would not wish that on my worst enemy. So today is March 13th and I want... Read more
Questions, questions and more questions
Tuesday, June 07, 2011      2 comments

I was watching a video yesterday about a woman that once weighed over 400 lbs. She started going to online groups and message boards and proceeded to lose 300 lbs over a 3 year period. She has figured out that many people feel that if only they ... Read more
Saturday, May 21, 2011      1 comments

Today was supposed to be the Rapture. Now I can’t say that I even for one second thought it would really happen, but it did freak me out a bit that I had a dream last night that it happened. Guess what I was left here on earth…not a big surprise... Read more
I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing?
Monday, May 02, 2011      2 comments

I'm trying very hard to get my happy back. Trying to appreciate life and learn to be who I was before my miscarriage. I'm learning to feel again and to smile again. It's hard and some days I feel like I’m walking thru a fog like my thoughts and ... Read more
These tears..
Thursday, December 02, 2010      1 comments

These tears… These tears I cry for you For you that I never got to see For you that I never got to feel For you that I never got to hear These tears they don’t ever end They are always here just slightly below the surface Just belo... Read more
Saturday, September 11, 2010      1 comments

If… If you had been born you would be 1 year old Smiling, laughing, cooing, saying your first words that only I can understand Chasing the cats and the bunny around Going to playgroups and playgrounds Finger painting and playing in the... Read more
I will never give up
Wednesday, July 28, 2010      5 comments

I can’t give up on me! My life and who I am is all about not giving up on others. I am a mother to 5 and I need to always believe in my children and show them that I believe in them. They need me to be supportive especially when they are... Read more
I put on a bathing suit yesterday...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010      2 comments

It wasn't pretty and now I feel down. I just don't know how I got here. I was always the thin one. I never thought about my weight and never had to worry about what or how much I was eating. I was able to walk into a store grab a size small off ... Read more
I hate my scale, but I feel I need it...
Monday, July 26, 2010      1 comments

Today I just want to throw my scale out of my bedroom window and watch it sail through the air and crash into bits on the street, little bits of metal flying through the air, digital numbers flashing wondering what it did so wrong to deserve suc... Read more
Things I want....
Friday, July 23, 2010      3 comments

I want.... To wear a mini skirt and not have my thighs rub together To wear a bathing suit without a cover up To fit into my skinny jeans To never think of the underarm bulge again To never have to think of back fat To look as sexy a... Read more
I have a new plan and I am going to stick to it!
Thursday, July 22, 2010      2 comments

I feel like I keep starting over and over and over and yet not getting anywhere. I need to get this extra weight off! I need to tone my body! I need to be a goal model for my kids! I need to make a plan and stick to it. So here goes. I have be... Read more
I'm lost
Wednesday, July 14, 2010      2 comments

There are a million things that I need to do. I have things to clean, things to sort, things to burn, things to copy, things to feed, things to quit, things to admit, things to forget, things to get over, things to change, things to work on, thi... Read more

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