CYNTHIUSS

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CYNTHIUSS's Blogs

Update: surgery and walks
Monday, July 06, 2009      2 comments

This morning I had surgery on my throat. I have to wait a few days for pathology. That's hard. I can't eat as a stress response because it hurts to eat - fluids only - that's no fun! I'm not supposed to exercise for 2 week! Not even bending ... Read more
No lying to myself, I walked-in mystery.
Friday, July 03, 2009      5 comments

Last night it was 10:30, I'd been playing tetris shadow on the wii. I was avoiding life. I'd spent most of the day (after a bad day on wall street) running errands and being poked and prodded by doctors. I was thinking about my last blog and my ... Read more
100 days of walking
Thursday, July 02, 2009      2 comments

Today is day 1 of 100 days of walking. I'm walking my way to health. I'm walking my way to adventures. I'm reclaiming my mobility. I'm reclaiming the choices that come with mobility. I'm gonna walk every day, somewhere, even if it's just thro... Read more
So, what's my next excuse...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009      2 comments

I injured myself, I had limited mobility, I reinjured myself, I had inflammation issues, I'm tired, I'm stressed, the moon is in yuck. It's easy to have excuses for not exercising. What's weird is that I love exercising. It makes me feel great.... Read more
Pain saps all motivation
Friday, June 26, 2009      3 comments

I'm struggling with pain. I have some sort of an inflammation issue. Had it for a long time. Some days are worse that others, sometimes the pain can last for days at a time. I'm in a round of pain. All old injuries hurt. Places I didn't ev... Read more
If I'm bigger than you can we socialize?
Thursday, June 25, 2009      2 comments

There are so many forms of discrimination. I try not to practice any. When I go into a room I check to see if I'm the biggest person in the room . I guess I'm practicing some. It's hard to admit I do this. If I'm the biggest one, my discomf... Read more
Dead Zone
Monday, June 22, 2009      1 comments

Just came back from a weekend at the beach. Hundreds of thousands of dead crabs lined the shore as far as the eye could see. There's a dead zone off the coast, it comes and goes, it came back. It was last here in 2006. I'm profoundly sad. T... Read more
The 200 pound wall
Monday, June 15, 2009      4 comments

I'm there, 200 pounds. I've been here a few times before. It's such a critical number. Am I over 200 pounds, or under? Such a big question. Close to 200 has been my comfort zone. I'm overweight enough to not attract too much at... Read more
The Glaciers changed me
Friday, June 12, 2009      3 comments

As I breathed the ancient air melting off the glaciers, I breathed in my future. It swirled through my body, my soul, through the time of my life - it reached as far back as time and as far forward as hope. I pledged myself to that ancient ... Read more
The Wheel Turns, full moon pulls me along
Tuesday, May 12, 2009      3 comments

Just survived a run of 8 foster children over past few weeks....All respite, a few at a time....intense, every one. The full moon seems to have fulfilled this cycle of my life, intense service. Service is still my calling, but the wheel turns.... Read more
Taking care of kids and/or self....
Tuesday, May 05, 2009      3 comments

So easy to lose care of self in caring for others really caring so much that getting through now as caringly as possible caring for the wounded helpless, needy makes my needs seems so trivial. but if i run out of fuel i don... Read more
Back on the wagon, finally, now to get moving
Wednesday, April 29, 2009      3 comments

I'm getting back into the swing of concious choices. It's reassuring in some ways. Limited choices are like setting boundries for kids. They seem calmer when they know where the line is. Being off the wagon was like erasing the line for a wh... Read more
Facing falling off the wagon
Saturday, April 18, 2009      2 comments

I've been gone a few weeks. I didn't pay careful attention to food, water, and exercise. I gained. I can't face getting on the scales yet. I will. Just not yet. I want to get back on track. I didn't get as unhealthy and self indulgent (u... Read more
flowers can substitute for food urges
Friday, April 03, 2009      3 comments

My last funk was really getting sick. Really sick. That first day I didn't realize it and tried some new approaches to feeling funky. I listened to music: ' Keep Holding on' by Avril Lavig .......was inspiring I decided to get out ... Read more
funky, rebellious, hopeless, tired
Tuesday, March 31, 2009      4 comments

I feel funky, heavy. It's a cold rain outside. I don't want to do anything. I'm trying to jumpstart myself. Coffee did nothing. Dumbells at least gave me something to focus on. I'm making myself drink water. I don't feel this way often, but... Read more

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