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BLUEROSE73's Blogs

Monday, May 03, 2010      4 comments

I just don't get it. When I blogged last night, John was not answering my calls or returning my texts. About 10 minutes later, he started returning my texts. He did call, and it was as if nothing happened. I told him I still needed to really... Read more
Monday, May 03, 2010      6 comments

It has been a long hard day. Today I got back to Calgary, and the sh*^ hit the fan again. I just lost it. I left. Called John. We ended up fighting. He said there was something I was hiding from him - there kinda was. When I asked him to ... Read more
Friday, April 30, 2010      5 comments

I've been back in Saskatchewan for a week now. Things have changed. I am getting some really mixed messages. In one breath, I am hearing that he never really wanted a relationship, and that he is not even going to try to consider that despite... Read more
Thursday, April 22, 2010      6 comments

I have another interview today. Here's hoping. If I actually get both jobs, I will be one happy camper. I am still looking for self employment as well - carpet cleaning and maid services. However, having steady paycheques coming in for a cha... Read more
Wednesday, April 21, 2010      2 comments

I sent John a message today. Laid it all out on the line. Let him know how I feel. Let him know what I want, and what I am willing to do. I have a bad feeling he will pretend he hasn't read it, hoping I won't bring it up again. I tol... Read more
Feeling kinda down today...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010      6 comments

I am feeling kinda down today. I really feel lonely. I miss John. I know. I need to focus on me and getting to work and taking care of myself and my kids. It doesn't change the fact I miss him. I miss having someone to cuddle up next... Read more
I really need to believe in myself again...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010      6 comments

I ended up running into a judge from the dance competition on Sunday. He asked me what was wrong this weekend. After a bit of a talk, he informed me why my scores were so low. He had never seen me so disconnected when I was dancing. Ap... Read more
Competition Day today
Sunday, April 18, 2010      3 comments

Well today was competition day. The dance felt great. However, I got my lowest marks ever. Not really sure why. We will check the video. That just added to my bad mood today. He couldn't make it for my competition. I finally knew for ... Read more
Thursday, April 15, 2010      4 comments

Well, there is still so much. I am so overwhelmed. If I stay in Calgary, I need to earn about $3000/mo to meet my basic bills. If I leave back to Saskatchewan, I could almost get by on $1000. Okay, more like $1500 and I could get by, includi... Read more
Wednesday, April 14, 2010      13 comments

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Tonight's thoughts.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010      6 comments

Well, I told Bruce I really need my space. I told him how I feel, and how confused I am. I also told him if someday we come back together, we need the space first to find out if we want to come back together. My other friend is having iss... Read more
Any suggestions?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010      9 comments

He still isn't really talking to me. Lots of small talk, but nothing important. I sent him a message today telling him how lonely I am, especially since he won't talk to me. I don't really know how to get through to him. I don't mean small ... Read more
Sorry, more ranting.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010      6 comments

Well, I have done a lot of thinking today. I have also spent some time with local girlfriends on the phone. I think I have some idea about how to move forward. No matter what happens with my friend, Bruce and I need to go through with thi... Read more
More confusion...
Monday, April 12, 2010      7 comments

Well, its a new day. My confusion is still growing. Bruce was trying to win me back again last night. I had to tell him that although I was sticking around for a while, that didn't mean I was going to stop talking to my other friend. He ... Read more
Just needing to blog for a bit...
Sunday, April 11, 2010      6 comments

I am so confused right now. I guess I should start off by stating that I have been off my strict tracking and running for the past few months - work, no internet, and when I did have internet, the connection was too slow to even track my ... Read more

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