Thursday, January 24, 2008

Yesterday at the office, I was brought smack up against the reality of what I am proposing to do. And it was only in a small way. So I know that this will be something that requires practice and patience, not just occasionally, but often.

The important thing will be to recognize the points of "shenpa" as opportunities, not as something to fight, be frustrated by or cave in to.

It seems much like a child learning to walk. She doesn't give up--I suspect because she doesn't even realize that doing so is an option. Something just pulls her to do this. I am in awe of that quality we come into life possessing--that we just keep moving toward what is in our own best interest. I want to tap into that kind of motivation again.

That will be the work of the rest of my life, of course. I know that daily meditation and reading and practicing the breathing, the loving kindness (including compassion for myself) are all ways that might help give me the support to do this.

May I find peace, may I find happiness, may I be free from suffering. May every living being have peace, be happy and be free from suffering.

Today has been an opportunity to practice for sure. After trying to wait out a sinus infection all week, I woke up so ill that I knew the time was right to go to the doctor.

Then to the pharmacy, with prescriptions in hand. Wait, wait...everywhere I went. I felt the usual impatience, then realized I could try to use breathing (for one thing) and looking upon it AS an opportunity to practice.

What has been more difficult, though, is that I've started to feel hungry in the past several hours. First time I've really been all week, since I didn't feel well. I had the thought that this is really more like life is, typically, for me.

It hit me hard--sort of recognizing the enormous challenge I have taken on. All my old habit-energy to grab something to eat, has been presenting itself over and over this afternoon.

I finally did some debate with myself (hopefully an internally honest one) and decided to get something to eat that was not on the food plan. (Just bread with a little butter). I have a sore throat and swallowing is difficult. And I haven't eaten half of the things I had put down to eat all day. But I didn't take the time to alter my food plan first, and I notice I kind of wolfed it down.

Patience. Enough. Practice.
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