I have been working feverishly to answer the emails that came in during my absence -- ever mindful of the place I was back in 2002 -- when I was bankrupt emotionally -- spiritually -- physically ... Broken. Nothing worked -- least of all my 48 year old body which had given up, too, after way too many years of abuse... I am saddened that some of the people who left frantic SP mail and comments totaling in the hundreds, literally, over the course of 10 days had already chosen to give up, once again, as I did so many times before them ... And, just like them, I stared being fat and sick and tired in the face yet again, and IT won... This is why I am impassioned on what I call "My Life's Calling... My Life's work" ... This is why I do what I do. I am wise enough and old enough to know that I cannot save anyone from themselves -- nor would I because we all gotta do the hard work -- we all gotta walk our own path and be responsible and accountable for each and every step we take --- that's a Universal Law and I know it works. We gotta learn in the process of our own value and worth on the planet --- As I always say, it's a process, not an event. I want those brave souls who have committed themselves to a program of good health to know that they are the **rare gems** in all of this -- they are the less than 5% who will "lose weight and be successful." Everything is reduced to a friggin' statistic -- but you know what??? There's no easy or polite way to tell someone they're digging themselves to their grave with a fork and a spoon ..... Just like I was... Sadly, mine was dug back then, too -- and all that was missing was my headstone .... And no one cared -- least of all me ... How terribly, horribly sad... Tonight I found out there is someone whose name is Tami who chose to be powerful enough to turn down muffins and choc milk (see No-excuses' blog below) and, in so doing, chose to take back her life. I have never read an email which touched my heart more ... No one has ever written about me like that before and I was sorta taken by surprise.... You just don't realize the impact of your words.... Oh yeah!! And then Dave, in an effort to cheer my lilting spirits, sits down and reads some SPark stuff to me -- one in particular from my Soul Mate, fellow life Traveler and Forever Friend, Maureen -- My Darling Moe (MoeDancing) -- and her powerfully written blog entry of 01/20/08 discussing the yellow brick road called "life" and the absolute need to take time for one's Self -- to learn, to grow -- to HEAL -- to wear red ruby slippers -- to sing and dance in the rain -- in an effort to find out what we're truly made of -- Yes, Darling Moe -- THIS is the "MOE TIME" of which I speak... And we ALL need it on this journey (no one is exempt!) or the odyssey is hollow and meaningless -- and life becomes mean, unforgiving and cruel ... How do I know this??? Because I have walked -- and continue to walk -- this journey of a thousand steps ... and more!!! In many ways, my journey has just begun (which is another reason I lack the arrogance to rescue another from themselves... ). My tears tonight were tears of joy -- for all the Moe's, Tami's, Andreas, Helens, Heidis, Jonis, Bonnies and Abbies -- and the many others who dare to share their dreams with me; who dare to share their life stories and who choose -- Yes, consciously choose, to come out and play -- refusing to be invisible and refusing to hide anymore; Consciously, willingly letting go of the guilt and shame that defined us far too long ... And, in so doing, Daring to play life in a big way -- as we dare to reclaim our lives --- Dare to live not one more damned day drowning in self- hated and self-pity -- while living in the prison of our own making .... Daring to live an authentic, Divinely-Inspired, Joy-filled life of our own creation -- with huge hopes and sweet dreams that come true and goals beyond our wildest imagination -- all paved gloriously with yellow brick roads as we sing and dance while holding hands -- wearing our ruby red slippers!!!!
Yes .... THIS My, Friends', is My life's Calling ... My Life's Work.....
God Bless YOU ALL for creating me to be who I am for YOU..... I am humbled ... I am honored ... I am blessed ......
The following are a blog dated 01/20/08 from Tami (No-Excuses) and comment from Abbie (01/21/08) ABBIEL02.
I closed last night at work again and brought home some muffins and donuts for breakfast for my kids. I was very hungry by the time I got home (about 1:30 this morning) and was so ready to sit down with one of those chocolate chip muffins and a huge glass of chocolate milk. In the back of my mind though I was like, "you're gonna regret it"! I kept telling that little voice to shut up. I figured I would check my e-mail first. I had one saying I had a new comment on my spark page. So I read it and it hit home to me so much! It really made me feel so good about myself. Guess what? I went to bed WITHOUT that muffin and milk!! It felt so good to pass it up because I know if I would of ate it I would have felt so guilty. It was all thanks to JOANNIEB and her kind words and encouragement. I now know I can do this and I'm not sure why today is so different from yesterday but I just feel so much better about this. It's amazing what some encouragement from the beautiful people on here can do!! Thank you JOANNIEB! You are such a special person!!!
.. and ABBIEL02's comment (Precious Abbie gave ME credit for HER hard work .. but that's how Spark folks are!!). Abbie -- it was ALL YOU! Congrats!!!
I am so sorry I never got the chance to thank you for such a sweet comment. It really means so much to me. I actually printed it out so I can see it everytime I go into the kitchen! Its silly but it really helps me make better choices! And to prove it, I lost 3lbs. last week! Thank you sooooo much for your support.