Big Bertha Rises Again!
Friday, January 11, 2008
I feel like I was slapped down yesterday. I had been doing pretty well with this new diet and knew I was losing some weight. I had guessed when I put in my weight to begin with because I don't have any working scales. Yesterday, I went to the doctor for a routine visit and they weighed me. I was so excited to get weighed so I could see how much I had lost. What a shock! I had actually seriously missed my guess on my weight by about 20 lbs! I could not believe that those numbers were my numbers. Immediately, I felt like the fattest person on earth and I started bawling, right there in the doctor's office. I coudn't stop for anything. I tried, but the tears kept coming. I felt stupid and fat and so very discouraged. The doctor came in and we started talking about it.... how I have tried so many diets and lost lots of weight: 70lbs on this one, 50lbs on that one, etc. But, I always gain it back because I didn't change my habits... I just restricted myself from this food or that one and nobody can live like that forever. So, after much discussion, my doctor decided to try me on a diet pill to help suppress my appetite and give me more energy. HIs condition is that I have to join weight watchers and come in once a month with my weight watchers cards before he will renew the prescription. I figured, I have tried everything else, why not? So, here I go. I'm still going to do Spark but I guess I will be going to weight watchers meetings too. Please pray for me. I have hit the bottom of the barrel here.... again. I feel broken and huge.... It is like the mental picture I had of myself suddenly became that of one of those people who can't even get through the front door of their home. I feel like everyone who sees me is seeing FAT first and not seeing me at all. :-(