SPIRIT_ANGEL

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IM SO UNHEALTHY AND LONGING FOR IT TOO!I want this to be me when I lose all the weight I desire!

Friday, November 16, 2007


Today I just relized something about myself,
I know I have all these illnesses and im sick of having to take meds for all of these sicknesses , I want to stop taking half the meds I am taking right now.
Its hard and I didnt say it is going to be easy but I need to do it for me to be happy and the girls and my husband to see me happy for once! I am not happy for me, I have alot of anger towards myself I need to learn more about myself and self esteem and self talk!
I am just so sick of being sick!
I am a diabetic , high blood pressure, I sleep with a machine,
I need to lose atleast 60 pounds to get my exrectomy done!
and if I lose weight who knows maybe I can get off of the machine and no pills , living healthy without meds,
first of all I need to go to bedddddd earrlllyyyyyyyyy
to conquer these things in my life!
I want to be happy for me and award myself just by getting off those meds, I want to go shopping and not worring if im going to fit that suit or not or look funny in it, or people looking at me for my weight and judging me, I want to feel great about myself and forget what others think I have a husband who loves me just need to love myself the same way! and if they cant love me FOR MY WEIGHT NOW like this today dont love me at all, I am a insecure person too. I am tired of dressing like I DONT CARE I WANT TO FEEL PROUD OF WHO I AM AND LOVE ME FOR ME AS WELL! you could say and I need out of this depression, and self defeat towards myself!
I need to pamper myself and make myself feel great just by doing little things for myself and feeling good about it as well! I never felt this for awhile so I need to do this for me soon but need my sleeppppppppppppppppppp
I need lots of positive talking
!
I can be 100 pounds and not be happy,
I have low self esteem badly and I dont even take care of myself I help others and an out going person I am a healer just need to heal myself as well too!
why is it so easy to help others but not ourselfs
that I connot understand at times!
but you see if I do these good things for myself I dont have to worry about complications in my life and not being sick!
I nee lots and lots and lots of motivation so I need to self talk to a healthier spirit in me! I need to stop sleeping so much to get out of this depression! no energy so I need to built back my energy as well
I want to just beable to jump out of bed excited for the day to go by feeling healthy!
that I never felt in a long long time, I want to see the sunrise and all those beautiful things and spend more time with the family instead of sleeping in way too long! my family miss me in the mornings and miss me period.
I just want to be normal thats all I ask for!
Is this possible! yes yes yes yes it is possible!

IF I WORK HARD FOR THIS I CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN AND
I CAN BE HEALTHY
NO PILLS TO TAKE
AND MY EXTRECTEMY DONE AT THE SAME TIME
AND I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY HEART FAILING WITH MY DIABETES!
I AM WAY, WAY TO YOUNG FOR THIS MY FAMILY NEEDS ME!
AS MUCH AS I NEED THEM AND MYSELF DOES THAT MAKE SENCE TO YOU? ONE DAY THE LORD WILL HEAR MY PRAYER!PLEASE GOD HEAR ME OUT LISTEN TO MY LITTLE VOICE WITHTIN ME PLEASE HEAL ME AND BE WHOLE AGAIN!
I want to thank all my spark friends and spark for all the motivation and support!
thank you so much!
JUST NEED TO TAKE OF ME FOR ME!
SPIRITANGEL
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JETTANALA
    Learning to fly
    When I am strong, I will learn to fly
    I will sing my song as I reach the sky
    I don’t mean with wings; no, not like a bird
    I mean with dreams and goals and things
    Oh, I will learn to fly and I hope to show
    That when all you do is try, up is the only way you can go

    4677 days ago
  • PIGLETSMALL
    Dear Spiritangel, it pains me to hear your sadness through your writing. The frustrations of life are shared by many. As a healer you must heal yourself and be as powerful as you can be. Then the light will flow from your fingertips tenfold. I pray for light to enter your spirit being and flood throughout your body so your own body can heal. Take one day at a time and strive to lose 1lb a week. Once the weight starts to come off you will be filled with renewed optimism and energy in abundance. You will feel alive and well and this will be reflected in your healing. God bless you and I hope you find inner peace. Visualise yourself in a healing pool of light and allow the angels to heal you. Whenever my daughter is ill, we say that Angel Rosemary has come to heal her. Visulisation is beautiful is allows the mind energy to expand and release itself from the body. Take care my love and feel an inner smile filling your soul!
    4695 days ago
  • HICAT2
    OH Pauline lots of us are in the same podition as you.
    I am also.
    Most of my income goes toward drugs and dr's visits. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    We can get through this together with GOD'S help.
    love donna
    4715 days ago
  • PURPOSEPOWER95
    Hi girl it is me again. I know that at times it seems impossible, but I believe all things are possible to those who believe. This road isn't easy. You are looking at one who knows this by hand. Take it one day at a time. Keep reaching for your goals. Don't give up no matter what. Make it happen. I know you are up for it. I am for ya!!!
    4718 days ago
  • PURPOSEPOWER95
    Spiritangle those of us who take medication understand. I say that I am sick of Puffing on my asthma spray but if I stop I die. I don't want to go right now. I too have high blood pressure and allergies and I am diabetic. I alway say that I have diabetes but it doesn't have me. It is hard to be on medications. But think of it this way if you didn't take them it may be worst on and in turn your family. We don' t live to ourselves other are involved and suffer with us too. Take it one day at a time and (Iknow it hard) but don't concrete on what you can't do instead concentrate on what you can go. That is you write beaufiful poems and prayers. Remember you are not along in this we all care. Try and be positive (If you can) there is always something we can grateful for. I can think of many things. I can truly say that my relationship with Christ gives me strength. Hey I just learned if we suffer for Christ we will receive a crown. Read James 1:12. Don't lose hope Christ is our hope and he cares about you and what you are going thur. He sees every tear and heart break. By his wounds we are healed that is my hope. This is what keeps me going. Take your weight loss one day at a time. I know sometimes it looks like it won't happen keep the faith. I am cherring you on.
    4726 days ago
  • BACKMOON
    Spiritangle, I know where you are coming from. I have a debilitating disease as well.I have almost died from it three times in the past 30 years. i was in a wheelchair for two years, couldn't sleep in a bed for over a year. i have aches and pains 24 hours a day and constantly take pain medication. I take 18 pills a day. I use to feel like you do, and I still do from time to time. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed and become depressed. once I even took a bottle of Darvon because I didn't want to deal with it anymore.(one of my very stupid moments)
    But you know what, today I'm alright. I accept my disease as part of my life and I believe I have it for a reason. I haven't lost all the weight I would like, and I seem to have been at a standstill for quite some time now. But God has a reason for everything and you just have to have faith that he knows what he is doing. One of things that has always helped me out and deal with my problems. I look around at all the people I know, see, especially in the hospitals. And I can always see someone who is worse off than me. I have a friend who has dealt with polio all his life. He is the same age as I and has a hard time getting around. But he thanks God everyday for his blessings. I always tell him, He is my inspiration. He is always smiling, always giving. always praising.
    I know you can do this too. God has given you a wonderful, caring heart, a beautiful family and a will strong enough to conquer your demons. And always remember God will never give you more than you can handle, or if you prefer.... If God brought you to it, He will get you through it..
    Now, go look in a mirror,... tell yourself, I CAN and WILL do this!! Go hug your family and tell them you love them and give them your best smile.

    God loves you and so do I. You have been a great inspiration for me on these pages and I will always try to be here for you.

    God Bless

    Rick
    4726 days ago
  • JUKEBOX2
    My meds really knocked me down but now I'm totall off of them because of my diet!
    4727 days ago
  • WILDCARD1
    Spiritangel, start talking to yourself a lot more positively!! You are doing great. Let your family know that you need lots of postive comments as well. Your family loves you as you are now, and will love you through this journey that you are taking. You can do this!!! We can do this!!!
    4727 days ago
  • FRAN3ORD
    You can do it angel. Personally I'm on 10 meds with only a chance of dropping one...but I made it to maintenance and so can you!!

    I wish you all the luck and prayers to reach what you want.
    4727 days ago
  • MSTIGGERFAN
    You can do this because I did. I now am having to take Cmybalta for joint pain and nerves but 1 is better than the 8 I was taking. I will always have to do my inhaler to help with breathing but I can deal with that. I wish you all the best for success in feeling better about yourself. Your a great person and true friend and that should make you feel good about yourself.
    Take care and if you every need me let me know.
    Cherly
    4728 days ago
  • KOOCH4
    HI ANGEL,
    ,I WISH YOU THE BEST.
    I GOT OFF ALL (8) MY MEDS AND I FEEL FREE NOW, IT IS GREAT...
    I KNOW YOU WILL GET THERE AND BE SO HAPPY.
    YOUR FAMILY WILL BE SO PROUD OF YOU AND PROBABLY ALREADY ARE .
    GOOD LUCK.
    CAROL
    ((((HUGS)))))
    4728 days ago
  • MUSTLOOSEIT
    Hello Spirtangel I wish you well in your weight loss journey. I know it can be hard at times but like you said our familys need us we have to fight for them. Stay strong and don't give up.
    4728 days ago
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