Monday, November 12, 2007
Hi, everyone. I haven't posted in about 2 months.
Looks like 9/16 was my last post.
Long story short (kind of), my dear friend and housemate Tom passed away about 5 weeks ago, after a lot of ups and downs with his health. He was only 54, and part of me is still waiting for him to come back to the house, even though I went to his wake and funeral. It seems unreal.
I think I've been deluding myself about how healthy I am. I see how Tom wanted to be healthier, but also was set in a lot of his ways. Like eating a lot of white bread, though he was diabetic. That's like downing table sugar, from what I understand now.
I neither knew how much bread he was eating nor would have understood the significance. I didn't learn that until after his death. However, I did see signs of other things - behaviors that might have meant, I think I have this under control (but don't really).
I think I am like that to some extent, in that I don't dot my Is and cross my Ts, when prevention really is so much less costly than revesing some health trend, when your body is calling it quits in one way or the other.
I mean, I really don't want to go to the doctor for something that seems minor. And I may feel a little bit curious or even slightly alarmed about my body being less responsive in one way or another (like my left foot hurting when I wake up, or being more winded when walking), but if I can find a way to work around it, I usually do. Instead of giving it the proper attention. There are lots of little things that I kind of work around, or ignore.
Which is ultimately how to end up shortening my life span.
I don't feel strong right now, and I don't feel particularly motivated, but I think I feel more realistic, and to some degree more committed than I was, to treating myself right. I also don't want to myself or anyone else suffering a horrible quality of life when it can be prevented.
I told the BF yesterday, I've felt that I would live a long life for a long time now, but the stark reality is, I won't if I don't seriously improve my level of fitness. Instead of living to 90 or even 75, I might die at 60. Or 45. Because although I try hard, I don't try hard enough, at least not consistently. In my case, that's what it's often about - consistency. Sticking with it. (Big sigh.)
So where does that leave me?
Guess I'm starting over again.