Are my cats sabotaging my diet?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Blog Warning: The following blog contains graphic descriptions.

Blog Preface: My husband (James) and I work construction, moving from one project to the next—usually every 8-12 months. For ease with these frequent relocations, we’ve opted to live in a camper trailer. The trailer is large, in regards to comparing against your average camper; the trailer is small (especially the bathroom), in regards to comparing against your average house. We are accompanied by our 2 cats, Bobbie Sue and Ole—who sometimes make us feel as though we are guests in THEIR house. The spoiled felines have their own cat door, to be able to come and go, as they please.

Blog: Now, picture this...

6:00 a.m.--Alarm buzzes. I groggily awaken, while subconsciously pushing Bobbie Sue off my head and Ole off my feet. I eventually get up, without turning on the lights, groping my way to the bathroom--for some reason the bladder tends to fill up overnight. In the meantime, James gets up, dresses, and makes his way to the kitchen to start the coffee--he's speedy in the morning; I am lethargic...He turns on the light over the stove.

Okay, so here we are so far: James is up and dressed. I am sitting on the can, in an incoherent state of mind, rubbing my eyes. A soft glow of light from the stove is spilling over into the hallway. I have not had my mandatory pot of coffee. Oh yeah, and I have the bathroom door open--no need for privacy when it's just the 2 of us, right?...

So, there I am squatted on the toilet, taking care of my business, and from the bedroom comes this BIG mouse, moseying along, down the hallway, into the bathroom, between my bare feet, and heads behind the commode—remember, we live in a camper, so you can imagine how small our bathroom is...

Now, I’m not the wimpy, wussy, whiney sort of person, and in my "normal state of mind", I find mice acceptable--not necessarily in the house, but in an outdoor environment. (I actually had a couple of pet mice—Mickey and Minnie--in my younger days...until the farm cats ate them…) But now that I'm older and "wiser", I kind of loathe the idea of critters of such running amok in the house. A mouse in the house is just not right; I cannot, will not, find mice, nice! Mental note: my cats are lazy and overfed--must amend that situation!!

Back to the story...

So, as this blur of a mouse is making tracks through my unslippered, bare feet, I let out this deafening, ear-splitting, shrill, blood-curdling scream. I am not positive if I finished with the Charmin, before I found myself standing on the toilet, pajama bottoms around my ankles. A flash goes through my mind, where I feel as if I'm living an out of body experience, and I’m in some sort of cartoon or comedy sitcom--this can't be for real!! (Besides, those women are always standing on a kitchen chair or kitchen table—not balancing on a toilet rim!!)

Now, James is fiddling around in the kitchen, hears my scream, and hesitates whether to come to my rescue or to run outside and save himself--surely some stalker must have been hiding in the shower!! He collects up his strength and hollers, "What is it?!!" To which, I scream from the top of the john, "It's a mouse! There's a mouse in the house!! Quick, get the broom!!"

Well, without the aid of coffee, I'm now fully awake, and the cobwebs are cleared from the space between my ears, so I start to assess the situation: this mouse was moving none too quickly, so most likely one of the cats brought him in through the cat door, played with him until he was somewhat maimed, got bored, and let him go…(So there was a game of Cat & Mouse going on, while James and I slept soundly?!) This mouse was somewhat on the colossal side, my bathroom is somewhat small, to attack him with a broom may not be all that easy of a task, and it would most likely leave an unsightly mess, if we were met with "success.” Taking a commando charge of the situation, I barked out, “James, skip the broom! Grab the BBQ tongs!”

So, in one swift motion (well maybe a few unswift motions, actually), James is in the bathroom with the tongs. I perform a springboard leap off the toilet, over James and with a Bruce Lee “Hee-Yah!,” I land in the hallway—I think I had somehow gotten my bottoms pulled up at that point. I then proceeded to strategically block the bathroom door--leaving my "knight in shining armour" no outlet from the "attacker," because I'll be damned that I'll let that beady-eyed varmint (the mouse, not James) run free in my house!!

To sum things up, my hero snags the critter, drops it in the trash can, and lets him free outside. Although I find this somewhat unwise--as surely the cats will bring him back into the house as soon as we leave, I breathe a sigh of relief--which is the same thing I could have done, had I finished my business that I'd started on the toilet, in the first place...

Now that I’ve calmed down, many thoughts are going through my mind…The first question came from the inner brain--Since that incident really got my heart a pumping, could I count that towards cardio exercise?

More so, though, I’m thinking about why one of the cats would bring this mouse into the house. They are not hunters—Ole has no motivation and Bobbie Sue is skittish when the leaves rustle in the wind. I’ve had cats in the past, who would bring me presents such as mice and birds, but never had these 2 done such. So why now—what was different?

Hmmmm, different? Well, I’ve been watching my diet quite closely these past few weeks, cutting down on the serving sizes. Had I subconsciously put the cats on a diet, as well? Perhaps one of them resorted to hunting, as a means of survival? A quick glance to their food dish—oops--empty, other than a few kitty crunch berries scattered on the floor, gives credence to that theory. Hmmmm, different? Well, I’ve been exercising almost daily for the past few weeks, by cranking up the tunes and doing my rock-n-roll granny dancing. Ole has seemed perturbed at times, when I shook the house a tad bit, thus disturbing his catnap. Perhaps he brought the mouse in the house as a sign of rebelling against my new chosen way of life—I mean, I am upsetting his routine. Hmmmmm, different? Well, I’ve cut back what I’ve been eating, thus benefiting the cats, who now get the skin from my chicken and whatever leftover delicacy that I choose to leave on my plate. Bobbie Sue has seemed pleased with this arrangement. Perhaps she wanted to show me a little gratitude and brought the mouse in my house as a token of love and affection. Hmmmmm, different? Well I'm noticing small changes in my body--a little less fluff. Ole and Bobbie Sue have always enjoyed smooshing my soft spots. Perhaps they aren't liking the fact that my gut and boobs are changing and they brought the mouse in the house in an effort to throw me into a panic attack, which could lead to an emotional eating frenzy.

I suppose I’ll never really know why that mouse was in my house. I’ve made a mental note to give Bobbie Sue and Ole a little more attention, just in case this was their way of crying out for help.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    How in the world did I miss this one? I am going to have to go back and read every single one of your blogs because I don't have time in life to miss them!!!
    4193 days ago
  • SUSIEQ1947
    Hello friend, I Loved your story, and I laughed ut loud the whole time that I was reading it. You made my day and Ineed to thank you for sending me that note in spark mail. I was able to get to your spark page and read your wonderful blog. I loved it and I hope you send me more notes using spark mail. PLease visit my spark page and see my two varorite grandkids, A pair of twins and one is a boy and the other is a curly haired little girl named Molly.
    I am going on a trip to see my oldest daughter Amy who lives in Oklahoma , and I will see my two grandchildren that are girls, one is four and the other is six and in Kindergarten. Thanks for your note, from susieq1947

    4381 days ago
    This is great! I really made me laugh.

    As far s my opinion as an english major, I think it had great detail, and the story was hard to stop reading. I give it an A!!
    4386 days ago
    Love this post. Put a smile on my face. As an owner of two cats, I know how you feel! Thanks for sharing this. and thanks for the comment on my blog!

    4392 days ago
    That has to be the funniest thing I've read!

    I'm owned by Theo, a nine year old Russian Blue that I adopted last year after putting the last of my "original three" to sleep after 15+ years. I think he's actually lost more weight than I have. When I first got him, he weighed about 20 lbs. When I adopted him from the ASPCA, they put him in one of those little cardboard kitty carriers so I could take him home, and had to tape the sides of the box to keep it from bursting open at the seams. He's a good cat, but he definitely loves his food bowl!
    4392 days ago
    Eddiemae you are a great story teller. I know only too well what its like to have mice problems in your home. But I don't have any cats to help catch them or blame for bringing them in the house. We live in the country and when it starts getting cold outside the mice move in to the house. It took three weeks to find the hole they chewed in the sheet rock out in the garage, to get into the house and to catch the three mice that took up residence. I used sticky traps that have glue on them. I have them all over the house, in the kitchen cupboards, the closets, upstairs and down stairs. I couldn't sleep at night cause I could hear them in my cupboards chewing on stuff and caught one right next to my bed on nite. You never saw anyone jump out of bed so fast. The stress put me in the hospital with a panic attack. Got the hole patched up and things are quiet now, so I am better but still dodging sticky traps around the house. Boy is it hard to get one of those off of your shoe.
    4392 days ago
    You are a fantastic writer. Thanks for the colorful story. I think you are right about the cats.. they are begging for more attention.

    Thanks for the encouragement you have left on my spark page. I am sending you lots of good energy and encouragement. Joann
    4394 days ago
  • *MARY*
    Your right reading this did make me smile... Now I know my day will start better tomorrow!
    PS... ummm yea, if you get scared half to death in my book it counts as cardio.
    4394 days ago
  • INUYASHA45101
    I loved this it was so funny .
    Hugs ,
    4395 days ago
    lol very entertaining. you know its a life style change when your heart gets'a beating and your immediately think "alright cardio exercise" lol
    4395 days ago
    An absolutely delightful and funny story....still laughing. I think you earned your cardio points for the day. Thanks for sharing.

    4395 days ago
    What a way to start your morning! Who needs Folgers to wake you up when you have a situation like that! LOL I would have been so freaked out, but you managed to keep your sense of humor. I think you deserved double cardio points for being so brave and agile! It seems like you got a good mental work-out this morning from trying to figure out your kitties' state of mind. :-) Keep up your wonderful attitude, and thanks for sharing your hilarious story!
    4396 days ago
  • ~*LINDA*~
    you`d have even more fun with one more cat,,,,,, so just for you,, there`s another on its way!!!!!!!!! her names Ruby!!! ENJOY!!.
    4396 days ago
    Okay Debbie I had to stop reading and run to the bathroom! Girlfriend you are too funny! I am so happy that you are one of my Spark-Friends! I can always count on having a good laugh with you!

    4397 days ago
    hahahahahahahaha WOW now that's a story!!!! I'm just glad I finished my water before starting to read!
    4398 days ago
    ROTHLMAO!!!! Girl you are a hoot!!! Priceless, just priceless!!! From the picture to the last sentence. Thank you for alerting me. I wouldn't have missed this for the world! Check your SparkMail!

    4398 days ago
    OK, EddieMae, I just happened to be drinking water and had just taken a big swig when I came to the part about you leaping up on the toilet rim with your pajama bottoms around your ankles and I laughed out loud and spit my water all over my desk and computer screen!!!! What a hoot. You really do paint a picture with your stories, and I love a good read. Girl, you made my night. I can go to sleep now with a smile on my face. Keep blogging, that was a great story. And reminded me of the time that my husband got out the BBQ tongs to retrieve a snake from our cat's clutches. Went to hurl it in the creek because it was non-poisoness and it landed it the tree and whipped around the tree branch several times, thus becoming a "tree snake". Thanks for sharing. That was priceless!
    4398 days ago
  • no profile photo NCONTROL63
    Definite "Cardio" Moment! I am still laughing. You have a gift for story telling. Keep blessing us all.
    4398 days ago
    Whether the mouse was a gift or sweet revenge will depend on your state of mind...are you a pessimist or an optimist. My de-clawed cat brings me bird heads and mouse pieces to say thankyou for the hospitality...almost got fined because she went fishing in someone's pond...and caught some...she's amazing!
    Ever thought of writing? Something you can do where ever you travel...and you do have a nice/hilarious way of stringing ideas together...
    4398 days ago
    i think laughing counts as cardio too. thanks for the workout.

    when my husband and i first married we lived in an old small house located between two cornfields. by spring we could trap enough mice to make a fur coat. we would shake our coats before putting them on to make sure there weren't any mice in the pockets. we didn't have any cats. guess we should have.

    your are hilarious! keep us laughing.
    4398 days ago
    Ever read David Sedaris? You have the same storytelling skill - painting disarmingly detailed pictures with your witty narrative. I love his warm humor, and feel the same way about yours. Thanks for sharing!

    My cats have sabotaged me in in several ways throughout this journey. They sit on me constantly (a collective 32 lbs!) when I should be moving around. One of the them even bit into my latex exercise band while I was using it - causing an IMMEDIATE and DRAMATIC tear (and me to go shooting backwards!). I have to believe that they still love and want the best for us. . .

    4399 days ago
    That was just so freaking funny. I know how small those bathrooms are. Picturing you standing on one of those toilets screaming was just what I needed this morning to make me laugh out loud. HUbby thought I finally cracked up. I shared your story with him. You are the best Girl!!
    4399 days ago
    That was hilarious! I could picture every grizzly detail! And congratulations on capturing the mouse! Mice totally freak me out - I am terrified of them- I had an episode of my own this summer...it was crazy, too!
    Thanks for the belly laughs!!!

    ~ Karen
    4399 days ago
  • CACO***
    I'm laughing too hard to comment...you have a talent for those visuals! Hope there are no more mice...I'm still picturing you balancing on the toilet with jammie anklets...good chuckle before I go to bed, thanks! :0)
    4399 days ago
  • MELLY423
    You needed my little "rat terriers" that I adopted who were supposed to be "Chihuahua mix" according to the pound (they'll say anthing to get rid of them so they don't have to put them down, and who can blame them!?) who killed (so far) two chipmonks and brought them to the front door steps, only to surpass themselves yesterday by digging up and killing a pesk mole (Hooray for the little darlings, because I hate moles eating my bulbs~jonquil, daffodil, surpise lily, tulips, elephant ears, Easter lilies, day lilies, narcissis, etc., etc.). Of course, they got nasty, I had to work and my sweety hubby didn't, so guess who had the pleasure of bathing the little darlings--he!he! :)
    4399 days ago
    That was a funny story! Thanks for the good laugh!
    4399 days ago
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