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You don't need to lose any more weight?!?!?!??!!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I'm in the midst of an interesting phenomenon.

To set this up, I'll give the background that I am NOW finally about six or seven pounds heavier than I was back in 2000, when I was generally pleased about my appearance. Because of strength training that I've been doing, I'm mostly back in clothes from that era. I am however about 14 pounds away from my goal weight. To date I've lost 20 to 22 pounds, depending on what day you read the scale.

My goal weight would put me inside the healthy BMI scale, but towards the mid-high end. Getting to my Y2K weight puts me right at the high end of the BMI healthy. My goal weight is what I recall weighing my senior year in college during volleyball season--I did play intercollegiate volleyball in the late 1970s and I wasn't a lanky string bean type even then. (I should find and scan & post a picture. It would be amusing - we had horrifying uniforms.)

So, anyway, I'm eating lunch with church friends on Sunday and one of them tells me I look great. That's nice. I like that. She then goes on to eventually ask how much more weight I'm planning on losing. So I give the 14 pound answer. Well, apparently, that's too much weight! Go figure. Then I start to hear about unhealthy weight loss. So I assure them -- by then it's the whole table participating -- that my goals are reasonable. Apparently it's unreasonable to think I could get back to a college weight at least from their point of view. I go on to mention that I am six or seven pounds above my Y2K weight, and that seems to appease the group somewhat. I also mention that there's at least one dress from 2001 that I used to wear, but can no longer wear that I would like to get into. But for some reason apparently I'm supposed to stop whatever it is I'm doing. And do what? Go on maintenance?? - Gain?!?!

Some observations/ponderings -

1. I'm actually living a more reasoned and reasonable lifestyle -- regular exercise, good judgment in food selection, lots of water, attention to sleep. I feel better than I have in a long time and I'm happy with the way I feel and look.

2. Why didn't the same folks let me know that I was gaining too much weight when that has obviously been going on since I broke an arm in late 2000? Why are these folks--not all of them--comfortable telling me that I need to stop losing weight.

3. Is there something about taking charge and showing postive results that is intrinsically threatening?

So, I'm alternately amused and irritated by this incident. There's absolutely no possibility of me ever losing 'too much' weight. I simply like to eat too much. Which reminds me, I need to drink some milk and eat a piece of fruit to get my calcium and fiber goals for the day.

Anybody else reading this heard something like this from your friends?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yup, all the time. From complete strangers even, like I might become anorexic if they didn't warn me. I think it's just so out of the norm for people to exercise regularly and be conscientious about what they eat, that it catches people's attention. Your lifestyle is so different from theirs that they become concerned for you. I just smile and nod.
    2798 days ago
  • STIPER23
    I have heard this before, too. I haven't felt like it borders on being accused of trying to lose weight towards an unhealthy goal. I think talking about a healthy BMI range is better than saying what size you want to get down to. I think it is meant as a compliment, but it can be discouraging. Like your goal is frivolous or worthless? Obviously, it isn't. But sometimes I think that is how comments from friends can come across.
    2798 days ago
    I'm on the smaller side of my friends so when they realized that I was losing weight they were appalled. They said, "you're so skinny already. You don't need to lose anymore weight." I told them that I'm still 6 pounds from a healthy BMI weight(the highest end) and that I'm not doing this for looks, I'm doing it for my health. Once you spell it out that way, there's not much anyone can say.
    Good luck! There will always be others trying to slow you down but you have the attitude to keep on truckin' :)
    2798 days ago
    I think Mirandy is right, most people are trying to be nice...it's meant as a compliment, "Oh, you couldn't possibly have that much left to lose!" My response is, "Believe me, I know where it hides!"
    2829 days ago
  • PAG2809
    #3, I'm voting for #3! I've heard it from people here on SP, which is rather disappointing... but I have to remember that the people who've said that to me were all early in their weight loss journey. I have completely given up on ever reaching a "healthy" BMI. I looked at the fact that I wear smaller sizes than I've every worn as an adult (8/10 range), that I've walked a marathon and 2 halfs (so far), etc. and that according to my BMI I'm at the upper range of overweight (I'm not quite 5'2")... and it became clear that BMI is not meaningful for me. I am trying to drop another 15 lbs because I think I'm still carrying a bit too much body fat, but if I end up getting smaller and not losing weight, I'll take that.
    2829 days ago
  • X-RAY-T
    First of all, let me thank you for the warm welcome on my page.

    Secondly, I have never (in all my weight loss attempts) heard the "you are losing too much" speach, but am right now experiencing a similar phenomenon.

    When I tell people I am losing weight and how much I plan to lose hear the following comments. "That much!!! wow that's too much" and my all time favorite/most hated "You don't look like you have that much to loose, you carry it so well"

    I assume these people are well intentioned and mean this as a compliment, but it bothers me - first I wonder if they are trying to talk me out of losing weight, then my brain starts backtracking, hey maybe I dont need to lose weight. Then I get into old habits and am misserable all over again.

    I think you are doing wonderful, and have a great mind set and a healthy attitude !!!

    3463 days ago
    Ah, friends. We need them. We love them. And then they go getting all crazy on us! Kudos to you for acknowledging that their comments were a little bothersome. But even bigger kudos to you for taking a healthy outlet like a blog (vs. a big piece of cheesecake!) and getting it out of your system!

    Power to you and the rest of your journey. It might be 14 pounds. It might 13...or 17. You probably won't know until you get there.

    3525 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/26/2008 1:51:21 AM
    The same thing is happening to me. Most people (family in particular) are telling me the same thing...you look fine...your goal makes you too thin...you won't be able to eat anything...etc, etc.

    Crazy! I am slightly above my wedding weight, but in better shape (I should try on the wedding dress, maybe it'll fit). My goal doesn't even put me in the normal category for BMI.

    I haven't figured it out yet. Do they really prefer me heavy? Are they feeling threatened? Sometimes they actually convince me that I should stop and just maintain.

    I just had this conversation with someone on SparkPeople. She said, "Maybe I will be too thin...in which case I will gain a few to find my "right weight". But I have to reach the finish line in order for this to be the last time I run this race...I have to finish to make it over".

    Keep on going until you get to your weight. I'm still going...
    3917 days ago
    Yup, Mirandy, isn't it interesting that the butt is the first thing to grow and the last to shrink?? :-)

    3917 days ago
    Hinestly, I haven't heard that I have lost too much yet, b/c I have a long way to go! But, its the friends that are like, "Girl, you are just wasting away!" I know you're trying to be nice but if I was wasting away, I'm hoping my butt would be the first to go and trust me, I have a lot more WASTING to go before I'm gone!!! The weight I'm trying to get to is a weight I have never seen! I was b/w 135-140 and not healthy at all! I think you are doing great and you should stop when you feel like you've reached yoor goal! Good luck on your last 14 pounds!
    3917 days ago
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