30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 37,981
I really need to start blogging more. Perhaps if I had written down some of the struggles I had in the beginning, they could inspire me and remind me that I can get past this.

Things have been tough since Matt has been out of work. (4 months already!), not just financially, but emotionally. It's hard for me never having a second to myself. Everytime I am home, he is also there.

I know that my resulting depression, has been such a catalyst to the weight that I have gained in that same amount of time. Why is my emotional response always to binge?

He called me at work last week, and I got mad about something (the reason has already been forgotten), and after getting off the phone with him, my first thought was of all the chocolate in the break room.

It was hard to resist the temptation, but I reminded myself even if I indulged, 5 minutes later, I would STILL be mad at my husband, but also at myself for screwing up.

No one has said anything to me about my weight gain, but what is more noticable, they have stopped saying anything about my weight loss.

Nor have they said anything about the fact that I continually wear the same 3 outfits. It is said that I have a whole closet full of clothes that I can't wear. The only reason that I have ANYTHING to wear is because I had a bag of clothes packed away to donate, that somehow never got donated, I was able to pull a few outfits out of there.

Meanwhile, I refuse to buy anything new. Not only can I not afford it, but spending the money would be like admitting that I am at this weight to stay. I just can't do that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Glad to see you back :o)
    4820 days ago
    I hear you. I too have almost reached that life time high for the second time.
    One year ago, I felt so awful. Go to the store and pick up a 50 lb. bag of dog food (or have someone put it in your cart) Then add a second one and try to push it around. Then you can imagine how awful this feels. I was so overjoyed when I started dropping the pounds last year. I promised myself that I would NEVER regain it. Now here I am. This time around, I'm JOURNALING/BLOGGING more so that I can document for myself all of the reasons that I do NOT want to weigh this much.
    4821 days ago
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