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What do you do when a Loved one did not tell you he had cancer? Yesterday, I learned of my relative

Sunday, May 23, 2021

There are a multitude of feelings, Shock, disbelief, memories, and thoughts of why? When you get the dreaded news.
Present: Yesterday, I received news by phone that my dad’s nephew died, my cousin, ( from my dad’s sister).
I tried to reach him, but he didn’t answer the phone or my Facebook meeesngers.. Since his wife died suddenly from a severe stroke last August, 2020.

I made many phone calls, left messages, no return call. Then starting in February 2021, I Facebook messengerd, my deceased cousin Debbi’s son and wife; I knew they had his phone number and that he was the one that my cousin called the minute he discovered his wife had passed at home. I messaged them numerous times, and they in turn would say that his phone messages were all filled up, no answer on phone.
My life in my own home is another story ( you may have read).
The cousin I am talking about reached out, or I called him about the care of my mother in 2015 after her fractured arm and shoulder. Periodically he would call us up to see how we were doing. Once my mom got serious UTI, and needed Rehab, he and his wife came to visit her three times, making the hour plus drive.
In 2018,he and his wife hosted a BBQ at their house to meet with cousins visiting from Tn., which I had not seen in 20 years since her mother ( my cousin died at age of 40 of lung cancer).
My cousin was trying to reunite us. During his working career, I had not seen much of him and the age difference of 9 years.
I could see that he had many friends active member of the Elks Club where he had moved and a car club. These people were at their 50 th Wedding Anniversary renewal of vows church ceremony and big party, like a wedding. My cousin was married during Vietnam 🇻🇳 time, a small ceremony, I was elementary school age and we were not invited in 1969. They came to visit our family in 1974 a few times when had first child, a daughter.

In summary, on families, relatives. So many times, years go by.
Reach out to family and friends.
I did this. He didn’t want me to feel sorry for him or to be a burden. That is sad. That I didn’t get to hear more stories of his life in the military, Vietnam, his career. The conversations at the 2018 BBQ, I will try to remember. He then said, “ family is first, I have learned that, ( and trying to make it up).

R.I.P. my dear cousin.
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