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jokes and look alike day

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

April 21 is look alike day. It a day where you pick someone you like and
dress up like them. You are to fix your hair like they do and talk like them all day long!
In the 1980s look alike day was created by feature television reporter, Jack Etzel. He was in downtown Pittsburgh looking for a light feature for the news. when someone cameup to him and told him he look like Humphrey Bogart. So he got the idea of asking people who they think he looks light.
The next day Etzel got in touch with the Chase Calendar of Events people and declare Look Alike Day so that they could depend on that same funny story for the next ten years.

I don't look like anyone famous but my BIL did . People always came up to him and said he looks like Richard Gere .What he did. This year my work
observe look alike day. Do you look anyone famous ?

joke
Here are some tips to remember, which should make cleaning your house easier--or at least more fun!

1. Don't vacuum too often— it weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. If disturbed, dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands," and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5, and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain away the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident. I haven't had the heart to clean it."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean, and I still don't get anywhere."
Hey, it's better than actually CLEANING

PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!

I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.)
I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because I want every creature to have a home of their own. I don't Spring Clean because . I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous
I don't pull weeds in the garden because .. I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!
I don't put things away because . My husband will never be able to find them again. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because . I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
I don't stress much on anything because ... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!
REMEMBER . . . .
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, I can hardly stand it!
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the stores owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
the 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited
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