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Enough is Enough

Wednesday, March 03, 2021

One day down, 364 to go...for my goal of going one year binge free. The first day was challenging. I recognized feelings coming up that I usually eat under...feelings of stress and feelings of fatigue. But I recognized them for what they were and dealt with them. I grabbed a stress ball and did some squeezing during a stressful phone call at work. When I found myself tired in the evening, I didn't head to the kitchen for a snack, I just hunkered down and enjoyed some warm couch time. I do not need to keep revving my engine at's time to allow the shut down to take place.

I weighed in this morning. I weigh in every day...when I am on track. I avoid it when I am not. The numbers are down slightly. Mainly, I just really want to stop the numbers from going up any more. Sure, I'd love to see downward numbers but it's not my current goal. I am hopeful it will just be a natural result of ending the binge eating and eating in the 1200 calorie range.

I've been thinking a lot about whether this disorder (binge eating) can really become a part of my past...and whether I can avoid resuming it in the future. I realize I have had this issue for most of my life. I think it started around age 5. I know the neural pathways in the brain etch themselves as we learn different behaviors. This is obviously a very deep and wide pathway in my brain due to the amount of time and the number of times my behaviors have run this pathway. I see it as a 6-lane highway. 6-lane highways don't just go away if you don't use them. They are there. They are solid. And they have a lot of on ramps. So, just because I make it through a day or a long series of days, I still need to be aware where that highway takes me...up the scale. I still need to keep away from those on ramps...snacks. While it will not go away, I can co-exist with the highway and not use it. That is what I will need to do if I do not want to continue up the scale.

I feel very strong in my resolve this time around. Why? Before I began this run, I spent some time thinking about my problem and how I got here and where I was headed. I am in the mid-200's right now. This is not anywhere near where I want to be. And up ahead on the road is 300. I have zero desire to be there and it is a real possibility that I would end up there eventually if I do not get a good turn around on the route I am on. Used to be, the 240's were my high number...then the 250's were my high number. Now, recently, the 260's have become my high number. It has to stop or I will be in the 300's some day. That was motivation enough for me to turn around...finally...and get serious about making a change. That was enough to motivate me to give up snacks and stop binge eating. Now, I just have to hold on to my mind sets and stay the course.

Hope you all have a great day! Thanks for the encouragement! Keep up the good work! Spark on! emoticon emoticon
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  • JUSTJ2014
    Blown away by your analogy.
    67 days ago
    What an excellent analogy---of the freeway and the off ramps. emoticon Since you are aware--and are determined to take the route that will get you to your destiny without unnecessary delays--I am strongly thinking you will make it! Best wishes to you!
    73 days ago
    I don't know about you, but I have friends who will NOT drive on an expressway. Back roads are their favorite ways to get anywhere. It makes for an interesting trip, I'm sure. emoticon emoticon
    73 days ago
    That's a great analogy. Yup, the 6 lane highway isn't going away, but you don't have to use them! And you can learn to navigate them w/o taking detours.

    Good luck to you. Here for you.
    73 days ago
    I feel you! I also binge and am in the 260s. I remember my first "binge" when I was six years old. I was left home alone for the first time (that I remember anyway) and I ate a whole jar of molasses! Yuck! But that's the nature of the beast, isn't it? I recently discovered that if I try to eat at the lowest end of my calorie range, I almost immediately start binge behavior. So reluctantly, I will accept very slow weight loss and lots of plateaus by eating higher on the range to prevent a binge. I also noticed that my anti-anxiety meds (which I don't take every day) cause extreme sugar/carb cravings for a couple days after I take them. Anyway, I am learning my triggers like you are, and yes-- those highways are well-entrenched! Good luck to you :) We can do it!
    73 days ago
    Good Luck on Day 2 - you got this!
    73 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    73 days ago
    73 days ago
    emoticon One day at a time. You've got this!!
    73 days ago
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