Enough is Enough
Wednesday, March 03, 2021
One day down, 364 to go...for my goal of going one year binge free. The first day was challenging. I recognized feelings coming up that I usually eat under...feelings of stress and feelings of fatigue. But I recognized them for what they were and dealt with them. I grabbed a stress ball and did some squeezing during a stressful phone call at work. When I found myself tired in the evening, I didn't head to the kitchen for a snack, I just hunkered down and enjoyed some warm couch time. I do not need to keep revving my engine at night...it's time to allow the shut down to take place.
I weighed in this morning. I weigh in every day...when I am on track. I avoid it when I am not. The numbers are down slightly. Mainly, I just really want to stop the numbers from going up any more. Sure, I'd love to see downward numbers but it's not my current goal. I am hopeful it will just be a natural result of ending the binge eating and eating in the 1200 calorie range.
I've been thinking a lot about whether this disorder (binge eating) can really become a part of my past...and whether I can avoid resuming it in the future. I realize I have had this issue for most of my life. I think it started around age 5. I know the neural pathways in the brain etch themselves as we learn different behaviors. This is obviously a very deep and wide pathway in my brain due to the amount of time and the number of times my behaviors have run this pathway. I see it as a 6-lane highway. 6-lane highways don't just go away if you don't use them. They are there. They are solid. And they have a lot of on ramps. So, just because I make it through a day or a long series of days, I still need to be aware where that highway takes me...up the scale. I still need to keep away from those on ramps...snacks. While it will not go away, I can co-exist with the highway and not use it. That is what I will need to do if I do not want to continue up the scale.
I feel very strong in my resolve this time around. Why? Before I began this run, I spent some time thinking about my problem and how I got here and where I was headed. I am in the mid-200's right now. This is not anywhere near where I want to be. And up ahead on the road is 300. I have zero desire to be there and it is a real possibility that I would end up there eventually if I do not get a good turn around on the route I am on. Used to be, the 240's were my high number...then the 250's were my high number. Now, recently, the 260's have become my high number. It has to stop or I will be in the 300's some day. That was motivation enough for me to turn around...finally...and get serious about making a change. That was enough to motivate me to give up snacks and stop binge eating. Now, I just have to hold on to my mind sets and stay the course.
Hope you all have a great day! Thanks for the encouragement! Keep up the good work! Spark on!