Medication!

Good Evening all!

Well today was my appointment to see if I go forward with actual medication...
I have been off medication for 2 months as my numbers are not high enough ( meaning I was too honest and not lied enough)
Last month I was really hoping to move forward and start this but at my last appointment I was told that my numbers are still too low and need to be off medication again for another month...
I was livid! I was P***ed! how am I am going to get thru an outbreak or a flare up and not take any medication?
I plain out said to the doctor..." so I need to lie on the homework , in order to move forward , since being truthful and honest isn't working?"
they never answered me , they never said " oh , no that is not what we are saying" or nothing...NOTHING~ they just looked at me like to say " isn't it obvious?"

I left there with no intention of moving forward ...not if I need to lie to get there ....like really how is lying going to give honest feedback on a medication ?
I binged all weekend , I never ate so much before like that IN A LONG TIME!
Monday I had every intention of returning the homework phone and any other materials I had of theirs...

Than hubby (always being my rock) talked to me
he said " remember last summer? how bad your condition was? how dark you were? how we almost lost you?
of course I remember , last summer was the worst...I was so tired, worn out , seeing doctor after doctor after doctor, and no one knowing what this is or how to help me...the only hope I would have is if it got to bad I can go to the hospital for 1 (yes u read tht right) 1 steroid pill...until the hospital flagged me for all local hospitals for me not to go there for this condition again as "they feel" I am taking that one pill and selling it on the streets ..that is their exact words to me...
I was so defeated...
I was done...I was gonna leave this earth ...until hubby came home
so yes I do remember last summer


he convinced me to do what ever they want as in the summer when I suffer the most I will have medication....
So I did so...

Today was my check in day!
I got thru!
with a lie here, a lie there, here a lie, there a lie....All lies! got in!
makes u think
I HATE THIS!
I HATE I CAN ONLY GET IN THIS WAY!
but I have medication for one yr.. hopefully

Since I am officially in ,today's visit was all about the medication , their findings etc
every visit I get blood work done, ECG done, vitals, and urine
they took all these testing's and compared it to each and every test , blood work etc I have done since this started...
asked me again what happened during the time this started and went thru all that with me...and from blood work that had some changes etc and the time line when this started they strongly believe this started because of the flu shot...as I got that and 9 days later I made a call to the doctor complaining about itch and hives and went to see my doctor on day 11
something in the flu shot triggered one of the hormones in my body
and he said that this isn't the first time he has seen this
normally it takes up to 30 years for CPU to exit one's body but most are gone within a 10 yr range...depending what brought it on...mine is a hormone so I most likely will have this until I am completely done menopause..

Finally some answers and hopefully treatment!
I will take the year and hope it will work...

For now I will take what I can as I can never fully explain what this does to you...I tried in an earlier blog and that comes close but I tell ya ....

Anyways just a quick update on some of my spark family tht wanted an update

talk soon
Chow for now
Ange