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Christmas Cookie Rules

Monday, December 21, 2020

A Christmas Repeat

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories
because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie
free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no
calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and
needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's
first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to
let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes
your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet
and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density
of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will
be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a
knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three
and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories
because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's
personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of
breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the
calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their
plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because
cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we only get them this time of
year!
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