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jokes and Christmas shopping

Sunday, December 13, 2020

When and where do you do your holiday shopping?
I usually do the bulk of my shopping on black Friday and a little bit on cyber Monday.

Who do you buy gifts for?
Well, most years I buy Christmas gifts for mom, my brother Mike and Kevin, I also buy for my sister Jeanne ,my BIL Danny, their kids and grandkids . Also we put the name in a hat to pick a person to buy a gift for
one person, Since our family is very large. I would had six brother and sister to buy for. i would had 14 nieces and nephews to buy for. Also
i would had 14 great nieces and nephews to buy for, I also buy lottery tickets for the adult. Also I help celebrate Christmas with Jeanne in laws and I buys lottery tickets for most of them. Also I buy gift for Jeanne SIL, and one of her nephew in laws. The rest of the adult get lottery tickets.

How has your holiday shopping changed over the years?
Well, I used to buy for everyone and now we pick names for most of the people.. Instead of gifts I buy lottery tickets for most of the adult.

Has it been affected by the pandemic this year?
Yes, my Sister's in law Christmas been cancel. Also we having a very small Christmas only 2 other people beside everyone who live in the duplex.
So we cancel out hat drawing. Also we only went to one store on black Friday. I am doing most of my shopping on amazon.

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Did you hear NASA wanted to study the effects of the moon on an aging individual, so they decided to resend Armstrong. Unfortunately, they canceled this because they were afraid the first words from the moon in 30 years would be: Houston? I have fallen, and I can't get up."

Did you hear about the great new restaurant on the moon? The food is excellent, but there's no atmosphere.

When Mr. went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:
Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?" An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"
Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?" A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."

"The question is not Which Came First, the Chicken or the Egg? The question is: To Be or Not To Be a dinner Recipe? The Chicken or the Egg?" ~ Yasha Harari

"Top Ten Chicken or Egg jokes"

10. AGNOSTICISM: What is this chicken and egg?

9. ALTRUISM: Want some chicken or egg?

8. BUDDHISM: Chickens and Eggs exist.

7. CAPITALISM: How much did the first chicken and the first egg cost?

6. CATHOLICISM: Chickens and Eggs exist and it is your fault. Confess and Repent!

5. COMMUNISM: The Chicken or the Egg? They all belong to the workers and the proletariat.

4. ISLAM: The chicken or the egg, which one will we wage a jihad against first?

3. JUDAISM: Why do we always eat chickens and eggs?

2. PROTESTANISM: You can not ask me which came first, the chicken or the egg, as I reject the very question.

... and the #1 Chicken or Egg joke is:

1. RASTAFARIANISM: There are chickens are eggs, by Jah. You don't smoke them. You eat them, mon!
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