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Light scale, heavy ego

Sunday, November 08, 2020

You know what? I've been a silly girl lately. I have been shooting for a weight that I haven't been since I was eighteen and I am 60 now. I keep hitting it and then flying back up on the scale all month, and it's aggravating me.


Well... not for "no" reason.
Because of my ego.

I really don't want my ego to have ANYTHING TO DO with my weight and my health and my happiness. I want my weight to be a fair and constant reflection of good choices, but I DON'T want it to be a number that I treat like a badge of honor, like a sticking-out-my-tongue at myself because I never imagined I could be anywhere near a weight I was when I was a teenager.

And I don't need to.

Do my clothes feel different if I weight two more pounds? Of course not. Are my measurements different if I am two pounds lighter? No they are not. It's only my ego that gets to make that smug and smirky face in the mirror at high school weight, as if the mirror cares at all.

I don't want to be a grown ass woman who only cares about a number on a scale. My efforts are a result of so much more and so much better than that. I needed to put myself in my place, today.

Yes, I can be 138 pounds. No... I cannot sustain it for more than a few days. And that is hurting my feelings! Which just goes back to the fact that it's my ego talking and not my good sense.

Glad I had this talk with myself, LOL.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Our bodies have their own plan. All we can do is make those healthy choices and set our bodies up for success.
    202 days ago
  • WILDKAT781
    missed this somehow...this is a fantastic blog! thank you!
    207 days ago
    What a breakthrough! And what insights for you - and for me, now that you've shared. Thank you for such a great blog.
    215 days ago
    Sue, this blog really made me smile. So vivid, as usual! It made me wonder whether I need to edit my weight goal, which at the moment is surely unrealistic.

    You're right--there's ego involved in all these numbers. I remember forty years ago, when I gained a lot of weight in the months leading up to my sister's wedding, and she had to ask me for my measurements, so I sent them to her, and she was really hesitant, hemming and hawing before she finally said to me that the seamstress making the bridesmaids' dresses had told her that I was a size fourteen. I was crushed! I didn't want to hear that number! Why did my sister have to tell me that, by the way? Seamstresses don't sew size labels into their finished products! (Sister rivalry and drama, I guess.) And isn't that silly, thinking that if the seamstress had just called me a 10 it would have made a big difference and spared me those hurt feelings. Big egos don't enjoy facing the truth!

    Love your blog, and I'm so glad we can now have a sense of humor about these things. It used to be so hugely important to take refuge in low numbers.
    216 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/15/2020 7:20:31 PM
    Full of wisdom, as usual, Sue. Thanks for sharing what you learn! Hugs to you!! emoticon emoticon
    221 days ago
    Great insight!
    221 days ago
    221 days ago
    Oh my gosh, I love this. Sue, only you could taunt you....LOL

    You have done so much inner work and are such a wise woman the number represents a version of you that is nowhere near your awesomeness now and you won't be tricked into those games. Queen.
    222 days ago
    emoticon I agree..sometimes it takes us "older" selves to realize things we thought we should be or feel when we were younger! But we have to keep telling ourselves that we are a whole lot smarter than we used to be & that's because we've learned so much from other people, but from ourselves (called experience) emoticon emoticon
    We also love ourselves more!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    222 days ago
    Great insights. As I age my metabolism changes and my body just can not maintain my weight I had when I was younger. I still have a ways to go to be what my doctor wants me to be but it is a slow process with my body responding as it wants. Nonscale victories are more important than my bathroom scales.
    222 days ago
    Best wishes to you!
    I think of my weight as a range, not a fixed number, and that gives me peace. I like that my fitbit app shows me my weekly average and I can see how that changes over time. Life is about so much more than our relationship with the scale. I'll continue to weigh and record my weight daily, but I don't panic over daily fluctuations.
    222 days ago
    I remember when I was younger getting down to a weight my ego was happy with. Physically I felt awful. Turns out my ideal weight was 10lbs more. Egos will lie to you. Really.
    223 days ago
    Good blog talking things out with yourself! My goal weight has changed over the years. I’d like to weigh less but it just has not been happily sustainable. I enjoyed Susan Pierce Thompson vlog available on YouTube - “Goal Body” rather than goal weight.
    Best wishes on your journey to contentment with the scale!

    223 days ago
    Such a great insight -- there's lowest achievable weight and there's lowest sustainable weight and then there's just plain having the body which results when we trust ourselves to eat and move optimally for health.
    223 days ago
  • _BABE_
    Any given number on the scale can look different at any particular era. You only have to look in the mirror now and see what is right for you.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    223 days ago
    I had to do the same thing. Face facts with the number my body wants to weigh. emoticon
    223 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15653250
    emoticon emoticon
    223 days ago
    I'll never reach my teenage weight, which was 98 pounds and I never directed until after I had children. Doctor are happy if I reach 130..
    223 days ago
    man i wish i could be close to 138 i used to weigh less than that even id settle for 150 be kinder to you Hugs
    223 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your insights and topped with wisdom!.... emoticon
    223 days ago
  • no profile photo CD23656714
    emoticon Well, it's always something! emoticon
    223 days ago
    Sounds like you know what is right. 138 sounds like a great weight but then so does 140 or even 145.

    I certainly do not want to weigh what I did in high school which was 86 pounds. LOL. I did not have an eating disorder. My parents were thin and highly active so I was too. Mom worked part time as a model. WE ate if DAD was hungry and he was like that till the day he died. My son never wanted to stay with him because he didn't want to starve. Dad complained that our son wanted to eat constantly. Yep, breakfast, dinner, and supper. Like his dad. No wonder I tend to forget to eat!
    223 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/8/2020 5:03:48 PM
    Much wisdom here.
    223 days ago
    Thank you for sharing
    223 days ago
    223 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Let me know the correct answer! For me, I'm afraid of the unknown and letting go of the ideal. Constant struggle, must be ego.
    223 days ago
    Thanks so much for sharing this. I have been struggling to be the same weight as I was as a teenager and your blog has me rethinking my ego too!
    223 days ago
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