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What is all this crap and why do I have so much of it?

Sunday, October 04, 2020


I spent my day today slowly cleaning up the heaping mountains of randomness in my bedroom.... which basically led to me just dragging it into the living room, creating a bigger mess out there than I had in the bedroom.

However. I now have a relatively clean area in the bedroom in which to do exercises, so I guess that is a win! I also collected a bunch of paper junk mail and random scraps of packaging materials into a garbage bag, so that was helpful. I still have a long way to go. I'm too 'attached' to so many things that I have a hard time letting go of stuff. Like, dumb stuff. Like, why did I keep that box from that perfume that's almost gone? Sometimes, that's because the bottle doesn't have a label... but it's not like I couldn't write that down in one of the BAJILLION notebooks I own.

Sometimes, I wonder if my brain hasn't always just toed the line of the spectrum. My lines of thinking can be very different from everyone else's and when things interrupt that, I often get discombobulated to a point of freezing. Brain chemistry and wiring is highly interesting to me, and while I have spent my fair share of time in therapy, it's never been really discussed, except the one time I took intelligence tests for a grad student who was doing counseling sessions at GVSU, and my ability to do some of the tests really astounded her and she asked if I'd always been like that "compartmentalizing" ... or if I liked to stack things in containers so they'd fit just right. Basically, I can play Tetris with just about anything using my mind only, so there's only one physical attempt made. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'M JUST A WEIRDO.

The point of all of this is that I have way too much crap for someone of 37 years of age. And that's what it is. Crap. It's not like I've travelled the world and have worldly possessions. Heck, I have an entire closet I have hardly opened since I moved into this apartment FIVE years ago. But I can't part with any of it either.

UGH! I guess as part of the 5% Fall Challenge I've joined, I'm trying to get myself as a whole (mental, physical, emotional, environmental, social) together, and making changes that *I* need to make to be happy and allow the "real" me to come out. I've sort of gotten lost under all these layers of fat and clutter. I need to get rid of 5% of my crap as well as 5% of my weight.

Hope everyone has a great week!
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