Fretting or denial... is there a third choice?
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
I am kinda freaked out today. My neurologist called me... twice... this morning. And it was the doctor both times (she usually gives information to the nurses and has one of them call me). Turns out my EEG from a couple weeks ago had some abnormalities, so she ordered an extended EEG (48 hours) and an MRI with contrast to be done at their next available appointment... pending insurance approval. The EEG has already been approved (fast work), but the MRI is still pending. I have been scheduled for the EEG for October 19th at 8:15am. It’s an hour drive to get there, plus it will be rush hour, so I will have to be ready to go by 7am. It’s one thing to be up to walk the dog... it’s another to be ready and polished enough to go see the doctor! For a long while I was up by 5am, but these days I am having trouble getting up and out of bed by 7am. Oh well. I gotta do what I gotta do. I made the mistake of googling what an abnormal EEG meant... why do they always put the worst case scenario first?! Today was also my ultrasound. That was rather uncomfortable. I am having abdominal pain, so she’s just going to push hard on the painful spots to try and get a clear picture. Oof! At first I was fretting over everything and letting it freak me out (and to be honest it still is a little bit), and then I decided to practice denial... and I was trying to pretend none of this is happening. That doesn’t work too well with my obsessive brain, but I tried. There has to be a middle ground... somewhere between freaked out and fretting and total denial...? I have been venting where it’s safe space to do so, and listening (or reading) the advice that fellow travelers have shared with me, and it seems to be helping a little, but I am tending toward the fretting right now. It’s hard to turn off my brain when it’s in freak out mode. I am thinking some calm music and deep breathing are in order!
Oh, and tomorrow is the Cooper-dog’s dental surgery, and we have to drop him at the vet by 8:15am. I worry about my little dog going under anesthesia, as he is now a senior dog. More to fret about... even with all that on my plate it wasn’t a horrible day today (despite the stormy weather)... I have had worse, lol.
Wherever you are in the world I hope you have a marvelous day!!