Listening to the Signs
Monday, September 28, 2020
Sometimes you have to keep your eyes and ears open, and allow the signs to come to you.
Yesterday I was out running errands and decided I'd go drive through McDonalds for lunch. I was hungry and thought what the heck, I'll get a cheeseburger and maybe a small order of fries. Not the healthiest thing in the world, and it was definitely a decision based upon stress, because it seems lately that all I feel is stress and sadness. I was almost done with my errands and I would have been home in 15 minutes or so anyway. The line was long, and while I sat in it waiting to place my order, an SP reminder popped onto my phone. I never allow push notifications, but for some reason a while back I decided to allow them from SP. The notification was about "how to get back on track when you have fallen off track." It was a couple-year old article from Coach Nicole that I likely have read before, but it really spoke to me about those baby steps I have always believed were the way to success. So I pulled out of the line, ran my last errand, and went home and ate something much healthier than a McDonald's cheeseburger.
So I made a decision that perhaps it was time to buy into the spark way again, to track calories and activity and weight here, instead of over on my WW app that I won't say hasn't served me well at times, but it certainly is not doing so right at this moment. I genuinely believe there is something about those zero point foods that have me eating more calories than is good for me, I always have believed that. I am not in any way trying to denigrate WW, I know many people who have done exceedingly well on it, and I myself had a successful few months just a year ago using it. However, those successful few months were fueled by the reality that I was scheduled to have hip replacement surgery last December and if I didn't lose the weight I did, I would not have been able to have it. So in that instance, I think it was less about the program and more about the motivation to put myself in a position to be pain free.
Funny thing, for the last 6 months I have been reminding myself daily that by being so overweight, I was making myself more vulnerable to a bad result should I get COVID than my age and slightly high blood pressure already make me. Unfortunately that has not been enough to curb my unhealthy eating and lifestyle, it has only served to make me feel more stressed and depressed.
So whether yesterday's notification was a "sign" or not, I'm taking it as one. I ate well for the rest of the day, and have some measure of feeling positive about having tracked my meals and snacks for today. It feels good to see the caloric breakdown, and to see some of the nutritional information also.
At the end of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, when Harry meets up with Dumbledore for one last time at the "train station" to discuss Harry's next move, he asks the professor, "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?" And Dumbledore told him, "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
It is all inside my head, and it is real. The choice is mine, just like it was Harry's. I think I'll decide to fight a little longer.